Hi Dinky,

I'm very sorry for your recent loss. I'm not an expert but as it's only been four weeks, it sounds like all of you are still in the early stages of grief.

The one thing I have learned over the years while working through my own feelings about loss and grief is that it has no timetable ... so often it's just one day at a time and in the early stages, even less than that. Often once the funeral is over, people go back to their lives which is natural but the grieving family is still there and the pain is no less raw. I think in fact sometimes it can be worse.

I haven't yet had to guide a child through loss and grief so cannot offer you any advice but all I can say is that talking about it and keeping it all out in the open is the best thing to do. Keep trying to talk to Shannen ... she probably doesn't know how to deal with things and isn't sure whether she would hurt you by talking about your Dad. My grandmother died in a car accident when I was Shannen's age so I remember clearly how I felt and not knowing how to help my mother.

I recently went to a seminar on loss and grief. Later I asked the person leading the seminar a question that I'd been thinking about for years. Does coping mean picking up the pieces and keeping going regardless or does coping mean appearing to have it all together and falling apart at home? He said that people have very different coping strategies. He also said there will always be times when the loss is remembered and felt very badly and that this is perfectly all right, no matter whether it's been six weeks or six years.

As I said, I'm sorry I cannot be of much help but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your family at this time and that it is so normal to be feeling the way you are now. He was obviously a special person who was very much a part of your life and it's okay to feel the way you do.

Love,

Mel