First boyfriend.....advice!?

[willow5]

Don't be afraid to just bombard her with advice, as long as you say it in a sisterly way, not a judgmental/patronising way, it may sink in just a tiny bit more.

Definitely agree with that, not being patronising and judgemental! You want her on the friend/sister level or she won't listen at all.

[beckoes]

thanks for the advice ladies, i spoke to her again lastnight to 'get the gossip' she was excited to tell me about him, also told me that mum has made it clear that if she started dating this guy then she would get all over protective and stop her from seeing him as much, so i really think my mum has shot herself in the foot. my sis says she doesnt want to tell her becasue she cant be bothered with all the hastle it will casue and she doesnt want mum to stop her seeing him.

I have talked a little about sex with her, she has a few really good books aimed at teens explaining all about sex and my mum was always quite open about it all, but i remember what its like as a kid....although i wasnt doing the stuff she is doing at 14 till i was 16/17. but maybe i should just talk about it a bit more. i think she does listen to me a bit, but i want to give her the right advice. Turtleschell: i might steel some of those pointers!! thanks

Maybe im just being too cynical but i know at some point im going to have her on the phone sooner or later crying! asking why i didnt warn about this happening! i know its all part of growing up, but it still upsets me!!!!

[turtleschell]

You could even tell her about your own past mistakes (or invent some stories) like "oh this one guy convinced me to do this and this with him and he just made me feel like I was really immature if I didn't, so I just ended up doing it, then he dumped me the next day for this girl in the grade above him. I felt so stupid and embarrassed about the whole thing, and then all his friends started calling me a ****."
That's a bit dramatic, but you get what I mean. If you talk about these real experiences it will just sink in more.

[~clover~]

I think just tell her to be prepared, JIC. You can't stop her doing what she wants, even if you are there with her iykwim.

My 17 year old SIL tells me alot. She's pretty open with her mum, but anything she doesn't tell her, she tells me. Like when she lost her virginity at 15 to a one nighter!!!!! I was stunned, but I had to remind myself that she was not me, I couldn't control her & that at least she was telling me!
I've made it clear that she can tell me anything she wants, but if I'm ever worried about her, I'll tell her mum.
Obviously I can't tell DH any of this... lol.

Just let her know you are there if it all falls apart.

[beckoes]

turtleschell, i have done that, i think it works to a degree, but i think all she hears is that i used to do the things she wants to do and im ok, rather than the 'learn from my mistakes' view i was trying to give.

Clover, you are 100% right, i cant tell her what to do or stop her doing what she is going to do. just hoping to help her avoid anything to terrible! and she will always be my baby sister...what am i going to be like when its DD going out with boys......aghrrr