Teenager and Porn

[diannescruffy]

Hi, my soon to be 13DS has a mobile phone which we bought for him. I was looking at his msgs because he said he didn't get a msg I sent him earlier on. To my horror I found a msg he sent "send me a porn pic" and the reply was "I don't have any pics but I've got a dvd". He went to a sleepover on the weekend so I presume he watched this dvd. I'm not sure how to approach him and what to say. DH just thinks it's hormones and he'll get over it.
Can anyone give me any advice on what to do?
Thanks,
Dianne

[Ellibam]

i think at this age it really is hormonally driven!
i cant give you any advide except maybe have a chat with him(or even better get your dh to!)

[LimeSlice]

I dont think you should do anything!
He is a teenage boy, and he is going to watch porn. And I think that is perfectly healthy. Boys need an outlet, and he is at the age now where these issues are going to start becoming apparent for both you and him. The best you can do is maybe get his dad to have a chat with him, about the boundaries of sex, sexual encounters with women, and of course, condoms if he is (or becomes) actually sexual active.
Menatime, start knocking before you go into his bedroom and keep in mind that he is becoming a young man
Good luck!

[kristy J]

I dont think you should do anything!
He is a teenage boy, and he is going to watch porn. And I think that is perfectly healthy. Boys need an outlet, and he is at the age now where these issues are going to start becoming apparent for both you and him. The best you can do is maybe get his dad to have a chat with him, about the boundaries of sex, sexual encounters with women, and of course, condoms if he is (or becomes) actually sexual active.
Menatime, start knocking before you go into his bedroom and keep in mind that he is becoming a young man
Good luck!

I agree I don't have a teen but i don't think its such a big deal. its just fanticy and im sure in real life he is just as as insecure and nieve as the rest of us were at that age.
he is just becoming a man.

[Nicambhar]

Uuuggghhh, I feel for you. My DS is 14 and has been busted looking at some pretty crude porn sites on our computer. I have had to confront him about it because it has done some damage to our computer.
His dad has bought him some books to read about what to expect during the teenage years, which he read.
I know that my DS is growing up and I have to accept it. I know that he ummm, well you know, pleasures himself - judging by the amount of tissues that he takes to bed with him, and I am cool with that, but I am not cool with porn.
I have explained to him that porn is not realistic, that the majority of girls are not like that and he would be sorely disappointed when a girl doesn't perform like the young ladies do in porn IYGWIM.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind him having a perv at an attractive girl, bikini clad pinup which I do think is perfectly normal.
Definately have a chat with him about it, good luck..

[MrsFabuloso]

I have no experienve with teenagers, but.....If you do confront him, did you have permission to look on his phone? If you didn't, then you shouldn't technically know about it, kwim? So if you do say something to him, make it a general comment/discussion, rather than 'I was looking on your phone and found this' then he will just get defensive and not trust you anymore. I know I would feel violated if my mum was checking out my stuff.
And I agree that it is something that should be spoken about openly, that porn isn't realistic, but that he is a teenager and will most likely not stop looking at porn of some sort...ever!!
Good luck.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I have no experienve with teenagers, but.....If you do confront him, did you have permission to look on his phone? If you didn't, then you shouldn't technically know about it, kwim? So if you do say something to him, make it a general comment/discussion, rather than 'I was looking on your phone and found this' then he will just get defensive and not trust you anymore. I know I would feel violated if my mum was checking out my stuff.
And I agree that it is something that should be spoken about openly, that porn isn't realistic, but that he is a teenager and will most likely not stop looking at porn of some sort...ever!!
Good luck.

That's an excellent point, my mum read my diary when i was about fourteen-fifteen and it shattered my trust in her, i believe it's why we had such a tough relationship before i moved out of home. Had i not known it wouldn't have made a difference. So maybe avoid telling him you saw it and/or know about it and see if you can get your DH to discuss with him.
However, i do agree that it will be an entirely normal part of him growing up and while you may not agree with it it's likely to happen for a long time. I do think a discussion about how the objectification of women in magazines is not cool and how the porn industry is not realistic and can be considered degrgrading would be healthy in him establishing a more appropriate view of women for when he does become sexually active/in a relationship.

Maybe remind him that seeing as you're footing the bill for his mobile he has to play by your rules until he has a job to pay for his own?

[dragonstorm]

1. knock on doors
2. DH + DS talk time
3. hes a boy
4. even your husband did it
5. we all do it
6. cant stop it
7. dont try
8. ask him if he wants to show you his porn(after a while)dont snoop
9.confiscate any porn found and send it to me. ROFLMAO

i have a son whos 11mths old i am dreading the day myself

dragonstorm