Teenager and Porn

[Nicambhar]

Uuuggghhh, I feel for you. My DS is 14 and has been busted looking at some pretty crude porn sites on our computer. I have had to confront him about it because it has done some damage to our computer.
His dad has bought him some books to read about what to expect during the teenage years, which he read.
I know that my DS is growing up and I have to accept it. I know that he ummm, well you know, pleasures himself - judging by the amount of tissues that he takes to bed with him, and I am cool with that, but I am not cool with porn.
I have explained to him that porn is not realistic, that the majority of girls are not like that and he would be sorely disappointed when a girl doesn't perform like the young ladies do in porn IYGWIM.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind him having a perv at an attractive girl, bikini clad pinup which I do think is perfectly normal.
Definately have a chat with him about it, good luck..

[MrsFabuloso]

I have no experienve with teenagers, but.....If you do confront him, did you have permission to look on his phone? If you didn't, then you shouldn't technically know about it, kwim? So if you do say something to him, make it a general comment/discussion, rather than 'I was looking on your phone and found this' then he will just get defensive and not trust you anymore. I know I would feel violated if my mum was checking out my stuff.
And I agree that it is something that should be spoken about openly, that porn isn't realistic, but that he is a teenager and will most likely not stop looking at porn of some sort...ever!!
Good luck.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I have no experienve with teenagers, but.....If you do confront him, did you have permission to look on his phone? If you didn't, then you shouldn't technically know about it, kwim? So if you do say something to him, make it a general comment/discussion, rather than 'I was looking on your phone and found this' then he will just get defensive and not trust you anymore. I know I would feel violated if my mum was checking out my stuff.
And I agree that it is something that should be spoken about openly, that porn isn't realistic, but that he is a teenager and will most likely not stop looking at porn of some sort...ever!!
Good luck.

That's an excellent point, my mum read my diary when i was about fourteen-fifteen and it shattered my trust in her, i believe it's why we had such a tough relationship before i moved out of home. Had i not known it wouldn't have made a difference. So maybe avoid telling him you saw it and/or know about it and see if you can get your DH to discuss with him.
However, i do agree that it will be an entirely normal part of him growing up and while you may not agree with it it's likely to happen for a long time. I do think a discussion about how the objectification of women in magazines is not cool and how the porn industry is not realistic and can be considered degrgrading would be healthy in him establishing a more appropriate view of women for when he does become sexually active/in a relationship.

Maybe remind him that seeing as you're footing the bill for his mobile he has to play by your rules until he has a job to pay for his own?

[dragonstorm]

1. knock on doors
2. DH + DS talk time
3. hes a boy
4. even your husband did it
5. we all do it
6. cant stop it
7. dont try
8. ask him if he wants to show you his porn(after a while)dont snoop
9.confiscate any porn found and send it to me. ROFLMAO

i have a son whos 11mths old i am dreading the day myself

dragonstorm

[Enchanted]

I agree with what Ashlea & Kellie said.. my Mum read my diary too and it also shattered my trust with her. I felt so betrayed by her for such a long time.

IMO I don't think you should raise with him what you saw on his phone but as others have suggested I would get your DH to have a chat with him about "things".

Godd luck with it... I don't envy you. I am sure that in about 12 years time I will be wanting your advice as to how to deal with it!!

[Schmickers]

I agree with Limeslice. At his age, seeking out sexual material - either out of curiosity, for pleasure, or both - is a really normal part of his sexual development. You can either repress it - and risk teaching him that sex is either dirty or wrong - or accept it, and teach him that sex is normal and healthy.

I hear what you are saying about porn, though, and it strikes me as someone who has seen a bit of it in my time, that there is "good" porn and "bad" porn, and maybe this would be a good time for your DH and DS to have a bit of a man-to-man about the difference. And also the fact that, as mentioned, pornographic pictures or movies are a fantasy, made up solely to provide sexual stimulation - and just like an action movie, while going out guns a-blazing and doing karate kicks looks really cool, we would never do it in real life. The same with porn. You might mention the problems in the porn idustry with the exploitation of women, drug use, and sexually transmitted diseases, if you really want to get into it. And certainly mention that some porn is degrading towards women when it shows them being submissive, or being abused, while other porn shows women who are equal partners in the sexual experience, and which type is the most acceptable.

[Kitt3n]

just leave him alone! no offence, but its just none of your business mum!!

if you approach him he will feel as though you have completely intruded on his privacy, and there is a huge chance he will never ever feel comfortable coming to you with anything ever again.

just leave him be, you have a healthy young man on your hands so be happy!