My Teen Daughter Is In Boarding School And It's Great... (I'm almost ashamed to say).

[jaspen]

Bath that is great that DD is returning to her old self and enjoying the experiences of the new school and in turn bringing you some ease and less worry. And you are so right there many things in life that we say - "oh no I'll never...." but when we actually grow and learn and experience life our ideas become open to change.

[Glamourcide]

Sweetie, I'm so, so, so glad to hear that it's all working out for you and DD It was a very tough, very heartbreaking decision to make and I know I probably didn't help... but as I said, all kids and situations are different and I'm pleased you stuck to your guns. You know your daughter best and I'm really happy for both of you that it's going well
You're a top mum!! DD will no doubt be very thankful to have had you during these difficult years when peer pressure and the rest can really take its toll on a kid... I hope she really grows to love her new school, forms lifelong friendships and uses what she's learned from this whole episode to her advantage later on!
xo

[Loula]

Great positive result xx

[PlonkeeMumma]

I'm glad it's working out so well for you and her. Under the circumstances it sounds like a great pro-active solution rather than getting no-where just trying to reason with a teenager as i know they're determined not to listen to adults when they know best (I was awful).

My hubby went to boarding school and although he had a few issues he looks back at it as a great experience having made lifelong friends and wouldn't be where he is today without having gone.

J x

[fionas]

I didn't see your previous thread Bath (been slack at updating my Platinum and it was probably in that section) but good for you for trusting your instincts on this one. You were doing it with the best motivation, which wasn't to punish her but was to keep her safe AND to help her reach her potential. I'm sure you talked to her about it heaps and she understands that.

We basically had to threaten to kick DSD out before she 'got' it in terms of what was OK and what was not OK. Not my preferred parenting style, not something I did lightly but the circumstances warranted it IMO. So I totally understand that you were willing to try something that you never thought you would. No point being dogmatic for the sake of it. Like we always say, every situation is different.

So pleased for you and for DD that everything is working out. Sometimes it's just too hard for them to avoid temptation(s) themselves because of peer pressure or whatever, so we have to make it easier for them.

[Traveller]

It sounds to me like your DD is at boarding school because it was the best thing for her, and not because you couldn't be bothered to deal with her. The motivation behind the placement matters a lot in how she is likely to deal with it, I suspect. Well done on a tough decision made with love.

T
xx

[willow5]

LOL funny how sure we are of what kind of parent we think we're going to be...until we are one
I had an uncle who went to boarding school and loved it! So much that his 13yr old son has started at the same school this year and was very excited to do so.
You've done what you feel is best for your DD and it seems to have worked, Well done I would think it was a very hard decision to make, but it's proved to be the right one

My 13yr old brother has been refusing to go to school on and off for the past 12months and my dad's now looking into boarding school, although my brother is dead against it and they don't know how they'll get him there if he refuses to go

[Toomanytoomany]

Bathsheba we had similar issues with dd#2 and if I could have afforded to send her off to boarding school, I would have, in a heart beat. As it was, we had to just tough it out at home.

I'm glad your dd is settling in well. Do you worry about her escaping on little night adventures where she is?

[Bathsheba]

Thankyou for being so understanding everyone! I knew i could trust you! i was agonising over whether to share this development with you because i do feel negative judgement from some extended family members (on DH's side who were close enough to help us if they really wanted to but didn't)... this doesn't include my extended family, especially my sister and BIL who have really taken DD under their wing as if she was their own DD... my family agree that this is a good school (they live in the area) and believe she is in a good place too. My sister is giving me almost daily feedback and various school staff members have also given us some very positive feedback regarding DD's positive body language and attitudes. She has already made friends it seems

Zaidie: so true! i told myself "why have children if you hand them over to others to care for" but at the end of the day if you trust the carers and it's bringing out the best in your child then sometimes it is the better option. She is still my daughter... through and through... she is as stubborn and determined but compassionate and forgiving and this is serving her well for the first time in over a year. I really do feel that the ex boyfriend was exploiting those attributes and turning her powers to evil rather than good he even rang us to see if he could play the same game with us; saying that he was a different person to the one that held up the service station with a weapon 2 years ago... all very well but why then are you selling drugs to 15yo girls??? Same mindset: total disregard to the law!

Anyhow, i know that this may not necessarily mean the end of all problems... teenagers are programmed to push boundaries... the staff know this and share my belief that you need to give them safe boundaries to push! It is not a stifling school... DD has already said that her teachers are so much more relaxed than the ones at her old school here in the city. I certainly got a good vibe from the senior staff... down to earth, friendly, but no nonsense when it comes to mucking up just for the sake of it. Looking back some of DDs teachers down here were a bit too softly softly "let's be friends" but all of a sudden getting strung out when the girls weren't respecting them. I think DD was a bit confused at times.

Another point that is spot on LZ is that DD is certianly meeting lots of girls outside her usual experience! Many, for example, come from remote farming stations... they have never really befriended a girl from the Big Smoke before. Apparently they thought it was hysterical that DD didn't know what a "plough" was! But DD said they weren't mean about it I think DD and i are both looking forward to the day that she gets invited out to one of these stations and experiences a very different walk of life.

[beetle]

A couple of my girlfriends went to boarding school and absolutely loved it. I think it can be especially good at around year 9, when girls are at their naughtiest. Teaches them maturity. I was desperate to go when I was a teenager - there was this school in NSW where you could keep your horse there and I pestered my parents for years to send me. But they didn't. (And they didn't buy me a horse either!)

Has your DD made some good friends yet?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hmmm, my mum was down on boarding schools: her little sister sent my cousin to one. So I grew up believing in "what's the point of having children to give them to others to look after."

Yeah well, can't be a SAHM so got used to that idea pretty quickly.

And, looking at it, boarding school was the best thing for my cousin. He's a great chap now. I wish I'd been to boarding school as a teen. Or my sister had. Or we both had gone to different ones. Far better going to boarding school for a bit than ending up disliking your mother!

I want DS to go to a boarding school, but one nearby so he comes home at night. Because of the way you meet so many people with so many backgrounds - who will be returning to those cultures so don't feel as if they have to lose them. Because of the opportunity to stay over if he needs to, for whatever reason (hmmm, that thought is putting me off more children!).

Sometimes people need to get away from everything. When you need to do that before you're an adult, boarding school can be the best thing that happens to you. I hope that's the case for your DD.