Is this normal 15 yearold behaviour? tmi

[Nazela]

I dont know if im allowed to post this but - mum was fixing his pants and told him to stand straight so she could measure the length - then he asked if she wanted to see how big he was (dwn there), is that why she wants to look at him....

Mum told him not to ever refer to himself next to any female family member, or anyone else - that its rude, disrespectful.
She just didnt know what to say or do at that point - she didnt want to yell at him coz thats what his parents ahve always done to them. Nor does she want to take it lightly.

My hubby is loved by the kids, when i tell him of this (except the measuring thing) he freaks and goes on about how bad my family is that how bad it is that we (his aunt, grandma, mother) knows these kind of details and that he discusses this with us.

I would love him to speak to the kids - he cant be the father figure BUT could be the man figure - but he just goes on and on about my family.

[mrsmac]

I am loathe to suggest this but is there a chance he has been sexually abused? Sometimes children who have been abused show overtly sexual behaviours. I know he is older and would know more things but I just keep thinking about it when you talk about his behaviours. Can he see a psychologist who specialises in teen problems?

[Rouge]

Don't worry MrsMac the same thing had crossed my mind...

[Nazela]

How would we know? I dont think his parents have abused him. But he started oddly after the break up when he started hanging around his dad. But wouldnt he be old enough to tell us something?

We have told my sister to send him to a psychologist - but she thinks his just being "selfish" that she is showing him all her love and affection that he needs and its just him tricking the family coz he wants more. I told her that maybe the "love and affection" shes given him isnt as enough as it would be to his brothers maybe, that each kids different and needs more/less.

After the break up he has

- been arrested but not charged for trying to steal a bike
-skipped school
-suspeneded from school
-he was caught by security trying to sell or assist in selling a stolen watch at westfields
-The sexual interest
-saying violent things like - to his brother he grabs the bread knife and says how would it feel if i did this or that . When we say anything he says im only joking
-He stole a kitchen knife (or his friend did) and they walk around slashing fences and walls in the street
-He steals money from his mother (we know his done this once but the other times mum and i are sussed that my sister is lying - )


I was abused by my neighbour when i was 8/9 - but i did tell my other sister about it (i didnt know what he was doing and asked her if this action was ok) - if he is or was abused wwouldnt he say something?

He comes to mums place, just so she can play with his hair while he falls asleep on the couch - he has never ever received any love or affection by his parents.

Sorry im just full - and its quite long.

[Ozziehoffy]

I am loathe to suggest this but is there a chance he has been sexually abused?

You know, as soon as I read what he said to your mother I thought exactly the same thing immediately! I hope this isn't the case. I really think that he needs someone to speak to, someone he can trust and can be trusted. Poor boy, it's hard enough being a teenager as it is these days.

[paradise lost]

It sounds like sexual abuse to me too. There is a huge cultural and inherent taboo against sexuality towards family members after puberty and the fact that he thinks it's appropriate to offer his GRAN a looksee is a BIG warning sign to me. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this hun, you sound so worried and fed up with it.

[Trish]

I have to tend to agree too. Either that or this boy clearly knows no boundaries regarding his body and sexuality.

There is no way in hell my older boys would do anything like that. They are so quick to cover up if the unthinkable happens like a towel falling.

[Nazela]

It is hard, ive tried hiinting sexual abuse to my family, but no one is picking up any signs - I even said that i read an article which said that a kid with his behaviour usually means his been sexually abused. But mum says well that wont happen in our family (my ex BIL is my mums nephew pfft)

I know i cant confront the kid, im going to talk to hubby and say everything upfront. If he believes it too he knows how to explain things like this better than me.

Their family is a mess, his older brother is supposedly studying, just started smoking a pack aday, is obese (weighs 140kgs), isnt working, has diabetes, choloestrol and even back pain found only in women, and ontop when i ask why he doesnt do something with his life his answer is -

i have always been the perfect son, i was the one who was used as a punching bag so mum wont get hurt, iwas the one hiding in cupboards, i was the one babysitting my 2/3 year old brothers while mum dad are bashing each other then having to pick up the pieces, now im the one dad is rejecting and doesnt want -I give up i dont have anything to do or live for, its now my time to be a boy.

That just breaks my heart, but yet you know if he doesnt pick him self up its going to be too late.

[Trish]

Oh my, that is very, very sad. Does your nephew ? ever come to stay over, is he close to your DH ? Is there a chance you can spend extra time with him, build a safe relationship with him and perhaps give him to chance to talk out any of his issues ??

Maybe it's time to get in touch with some professional help, sounds like the whole family should be seeking some to me.

[*charmalea*]

i agree , i dont know many teenage boys who would be comfortabole getting their pants adjusted jic they got too close to it, kwim ?? it seems what he said to your mum is way left field and rings alarm bells , your sister needs help and so does the boy , i know from exp who kids change when going through a divorce , its not just the parents , its the kids too.

my cousin was so sweet until divorce happened , she became very promiscuisous and angry and even hit her mum a few times , she now has no life because she looks after her 11mth baby (she is 19) and feels so guilty about what she did to her mum ...

all of that could have been avoided if communication and help were at hand during the divorce ..

can you nephew come stay with you for a while and i feel you need to tell some one and try to get your dh to help , its hard but hang in there