please help me understand my dd

[Heaven]

I really, really feel that lots of parents start trying to be their childs buddy at this time and it's not the way to go.

Very very important point!!!!!!!!!!!!

[~Jo~]

Oh wow I know soooo many parents like this....mums especially...drives me batty

Jo

[shazza]

i know i thought if i try to be a freind to her i could help her but silly me im guessing im trying everthing at the moment .actually yesterday she was like clarissa again she was in the backyard playing soccer with her sisters it was so great i miss that

[Mrs Jak]

Hi jes,

I have a younger sister, who from about 13 got the 'attitude' big time and I found it hard to be around her. She's just turned 16 and she's human again! Well she has been great for ages now but I guess what I'm saying is that it's pretty normal. Hormones have a lot to answer for!

[shazza]

dont tell me i have to put up with tis 3 more yrs
i dont think i can make it that long

[mrsmac]

I found my DD only started to get bad this year at 15, maybe that means next year she'll be beautiful again??? Actually this week has been quite good and she has been really lovely to her sister for 2 days now LOL

[Lulu]

2 days isn't bad hey! Although sometimes it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop....

Sometimes if we had a rough few days I would get out the photo album and look through them with DD. I tell her all the funny things she used to do and say, point out how much her sister and brother look like her etc. It can be a nice trip down memory lane and a nice ice breaker to a decent conversation. ICE being the operative word here!

xoxoxoxo

[shazza]

actually clarissa has been hanging around a few different people than she usually does and what a difference it makes she is actually being nice YAY its nice to have her back again it might not last so im going to make the most of it

[tiggerandpooh]

oh thank god i found this thread!! I have been pulling my hair out - that is what is left that hasn't turned friggin grey! DD turns 12 in less then a month, and the last few months have oscillated between hell and "oh there she is that beautiful girl of mine". She sat on the bed last night in tears saying " i dont' know what is wrong with me"...poor little thing. I remember oh so well the agony of adolescence...it was a nightmare.... its hard being on the other side of it, watching it, and being powerless to stop it. I agree with the whole boundaries thing. I think the hardest thing I am having trouble with is having to change "gears" in my parenting.... things that used to work, just dont cut it anymore. Think I will look out for those books mentioned. Did you find then helpful jesabel? I think that the nightmare with DD's father hasn't helped thing either... oh I wish a manual would fall out of the sky and give me all the answers

[Haydies]

Sometimes she would seem really angry and rude, but unable to express it (she also started high school that year). We arranged for her to stick a different coloured post it note to her bedroom door to let me know if she was either - angry and didn't want to talk to anyone, upset and wanted to talk, or just wanted privacy. This was so she didn't run her mouth off and get herself into more trouble.

I did something similar to this with a 13 year old that was part of the family I nanny'd (I was there for the younger ones). I think it was clip art that had them, but basically they were large smiley faces, except one was angry, one was crying, one was sulking etc. I enlarged them to fit one face per A4 piece of paper, printed them out and laminated them. She would stick which ever face best described how she was feeling on the outside of the door. This gave me a little insight into her moods.

We also had the rule that door completely shut meant stay away completely, door closed but not clicked shut meant she wanted to talk about it. Door completely open was free to enter and everything was fine.

This allowed her to have her space when she needed it without anyone bugging her - the other siblings learnt what the faces meant, and even her parents adopted it. It also saved people from getting snapped at.

If she was having a particular bad day, I'd find a spot for just me and her, a packet of chocolate biscuits and tell her I was there to listen. The biscuits worked as a bribe to get her started, and a distraction to keep my mouth shut - most times you'll find they just need to let off some steam and vent - they don't want you to try to fix anything. Usually once she got started, she'd get a good vent off and feel heaps better.

[shazza]

its been a roller coaster since ive last wrote on this thread but lately we been using a option where if shes open and honest with her we will let her do some things cause we found the grounded sending her to room just didnt work all it did was make her to be an angry little girl i thought she was just probably had enough shes dealing with highschool and then to come home and fight everyday it was becoming a nightmare for everyone .somedays its crazy and i know its going to get worse but all i can do is try to be there for her which sometimes she looks at me and looks like she hates me . its not easy but its a roller coaster everyday
im going to try to choc biccies great idea

[tiggerandpooh]

On thursday night I actually went out to avoid doing or saying anything to Laura that I couldnt take back. She is up and down and all over the place. bloody hormones. On Friday morning, she is in my arms sobbing saying "why am I like this? I hate it!" several people have suggested evening primrose oil...think I might give it a go. and maybe some rescue remedy.

[shazza]

maybe i should give that a go as well never heard of giving it to girls before but it cant hurt

[tiggerandpooh]

nothing ventured nothing gained .ihave to go to a naturopath for some help with endo treatment so i'm going to take her with me.will let you know how it goes.

[shazza]

i went to the health shop yesterday and im trying my girls on efalex i didnt its got alot of things in it i thought i give that a go

[Lulu]

I found a remedy called Adol-essence! See if you can find that, it should be sold with the other Bach Flower Essences, but this is an Australian Bush one.

Vey cool.

This should pass ladies, Belle is 15, and although it is still up and down - the hormonal thing is waaaay over. .


JB, how long has this been going on now?
Ast - how old is your little gem?

[tiggerandpooh]

Lulu - my princess is 12 in a couple of weeks.
Jes - I got that book "princess B!tchface syndrome" and so far waht I have read has been brilliant. highly recommend it.
feeling yuk today, as I had surgery yesterday...and god love her (my princess) she is being an angel...wonder how long that will last???

[shazza]

lulu its been like since term one i think it started about the second week of highschool and all yr it just got worse .oh i will have to get that book
whats wrong vicki are u ok?
clarissa got two more days of school left then shes home for six weeks im not looking forward to that isnt that horrible i can just see it though its going to be up and down im guessing .she can be so nice and then its like she wants nothing to do with me i hope next yr it gets so much better