Reply With Quotewow that is so young
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me either its very scary what they know now. At 12 i thought boys bits were gross.lol
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wow that is so young
Platinum Member. Love a friend xxx
I work at a boy's school and can safely say that they are in no way mentally mature enough for sex at 12! Still definatley boys.
BellyBelly Member
Echidna.
When you are a teenager you make SO many mistakes, and no matter what your parents tell you, you dont listen! I guess this is just how we learn about the world, cant wrap our kids in cotton wool, just educate them, be there for them, be approachable & in the end hope for the best.
If I could take back many of the mistakes I made as a teenager....lol
It's so great that she could confide in you hun! You should be so proud of the relationship you have together, it's something so many teenagers lack.
As someone who was repeatedly raped and abused from the age of 5 i will be DELIGHTED if my DD loses her virginity at 15, willingly, in a situation she feels she wants to be in. Regrets are how we learn, and i certainly have my regrets about some of the situations i was in as a teen! But there is a huge difference between a daft mistake sensibly executed (she was sober and used protection!) and being the victim of a sexual crime.
Anyway, qudos to you hun, it's so great she WANTED to and COULD confide!
Bx
BellyBelly Member
OMG my DD1 is turning 14 and this is my biggest nightmare. We have a great open relationship but I still want her to wait. She is more open minded than some kids I find today (she had gay and bi friends) but I don't want her to be so open minded.
I was 16 and did it with a long time friend who was 20 and had some experience (truth be told he was a hornbag lol) and he knew it was my 1st time. We are still friends today. I hope she chooses someone who will respect her.
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That's fantastic that she told you.
Girls at my school were starting to have sex at 12 (and this was over 20 years ago) and I'd say a lot would have lost their virginity by 16. I waited till I was 19 but don't think I made a great choice of a first-time partner even at that comparatively late/mature age. The girl in our group who lost her virginity the earliest was with the guy for years. I'm not saying that underage sex is a good idea, just that being older doesn't necessarily mean you will make better decisions or have no regrets.
I think when you have fairly meaningless sex with someone you don't really care about, then you do wonder what the big deal is about sex. It's only when you do love someone that you do appreciate the difference.
BellyBelly Member
Hoobley, I'm so sorry to hear what you had to go through as a child! I can understand exactly what you mean about being happy your DD lost her virginity willingly.
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At least you can rest assured that she has someone she knows she's able to confide in. God, my mother made my life miserable when I was around that age, she was pretty 'sheltered' and when I approached her at 15 asking to go on the Pill because my boyfriend and I had been together well over six months, she hit the roof, told me my legs would stay shut until I had a wedding ring on my finger, and that was that.
So, I had to resort to going behind her back, using only condoms, and it was just by the grace of God that I didn't end up a teenage mum (it was his first time too and his mum's a nurse so we were both 'clean' iykwim). Mum eventually busted us, of course (well, we were doing it my bedroom right next to hers, thank God dad was away for the weekend or it wouldn't have stopped with a lecture on being 'too young'), but to this day I swear up and down I will be more open-minded and accepting of DD and give her the opportunity to confide in me when she feels she's ready. I don't regret the way I lost my virginity, or to whom I lost it (we haven't spoken in over five years but he was my first love and I don't have any regrets about losing it to him), so I think it mainly depends on how mature the individual is, how armed they are with knowledge about options, consequences and the rest, and how much of a support network they feel they have.
I agree that girls these days are growing up waaaayyy too fast (I'm terrified of DD turning out like those girls you see on TV who hand out bjs like it's nothing more than a casual pash at a party), but providing the child in question is being responsible and has some maturity about the situation, then just let her know she has your support and that you're there if she needs to talk, to ask questions, etc.
I also agree that going behind her mum's back isn't a wise course of action, if the mum finds out then she could well see you as 'encouraging' her daughter's behaviour and that will definitely put a strain on the relationship, same as if you go 'dobbing' then you'll be a traitor and lose her trust. A hard situation, but not one you can really do much about other than be there for her, try to give her as much knowledge and information as possible and allow her to be a 15-year-old who messes up on occasion.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
I think it's great that she has confided in you! 15 may seem young but it doesn't suprise me at all. I went to a girls school and there was so much pressure to lose your virginity and "pick up" at parties every weekend
However I was terrified of losing it! My first time was with my DP when I was 17 and we had been together in a serious relationship for about 3 months (we had "liked" each other for much longer) and I'm so happy I waited! I have to admit, I was very anxious and worried he would be getting impatient with me
Anyway! If I have girls, I would hope that they find me approachable enough to discuss these things with and confide in me like your SIL has. I would be very proud too
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Thanks guys
I'm feeling heaps better about it. Just was hoping it was a boyfriend rather than a hook up, but anyway. As I told her, I still love her, she's just my baby, thats all.
I'll survive....& so wil she, lol!
Registered User
oh skye - so glad she confided in you.. 15 is young, and yes girls and boys are getting younger and younger when they have sex.
like the little boy in uk who's a father at 13 cos he had sex at 12!
media has a part in it i think.. imo it makes casual sex fun and easy and you dont have to be commited. if you watch the old movies, the man adjusted the tie and that meant they had had sex!! lol. and the actors were all in their 30s and 40s, like Gregory Peck, Rock Hudson, Marilyn Monroe, etc.
I just hope my little Poopy grows up respecting girls and treating them special and not wanting to do it with just any one. I hope he waits too. not just girls, but i think boys should wait too.
i dont want him to be sleeping w a million girls, and worse getting someone pg..
We'll teach him right and wrong, and hope he learns and respects what we teach him.
I'd be devastated if i knew my little darling was treating girls like objects.
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I just hope that it was special to her...It really makes no difference if she waited or not for someone she was in a relationship with for me. And 15 seems quite normal these days unfortunately.
I have had some very special sexual experiences with 'random hook ups' in my late teens, and they are still very special to me...I may have never seen them again, one I did and it didnt work, but the experience itself was worth it.
I am glad she could talk to you about it, and hope she does talk to her mum too. Perhaps you could buy her some condoms, at least then you know she has them, and wont not buy them out of embarrassment or think that the boy will have them. then she will KNOW he actually puts one on if she gives it to him
Is she your hubbys sis? Does he know? (just being curious lol)
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Yes its DH's sister.
Lol, no, I haven't told him & I don't plan on telling him.
We weren't together when she told me. So I think she told me so noone else in the family knew yet iykwim.
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Gawd I made DF wait almost 12 months before we DTD ><;; I was 17 and he had just turned 18 and we both lost it to each other. Poor boy!I think it's great that she has confided in you! 15 may seem young but it doesn't suprise me at all. I went to a girls school and there was so much pressure to lose your virginity and "pick up" at parties every weekend
However I was terrified of losing it! My first time was with my DP when I was 17 and we had been together in a serious relationship for about 3 months (we had "liked" each other for much longer
Anyway! If I have girls, I would hope that they find me approachable enough to discuss these things with and confide in me like your SIL has. I would be very proud too
I must admit alot of my friends now asked me if I feel like I've missed out being with one person and if I ever wish I'd "played the field" a little more and I honestly feel that I haven't missed out on a thing.
It's great she can confide in you, I think. Gosh I do feel like I'm starting to get a little old reading all this! I can't even think back to what I knew when I was 12 but I'm pretty sure boys had cooty's still XD
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totally agree with this...
i went to a girls high school and think that made it worse cause we didnt get to talk to boys all week so when it came to weekend parties we all went boy crazy, i think i was the last in my group to loose mine aswell, a few weeks before 16.
i was always pretty open with my folks, mum especially but no wayyyyy would i have told her i lost my v plates then! she got drunk about a yr later and bugged me about it and i lied and said id just recently lost them....lucky she didnt remember in the morning (or has never said anything about it since)...but im pg now so she must know ive done it HAHA
i would feel very special if someone her age confided that in me, and like another member said, at her age she should be able to go organise contraception by herself thru GP or family planning centre....whats the worst that will happen if her mum finds out shes on the pill/got condoms in her bag? YES your daughters having sex but at least she is being safe!!!
theyre gonna do it anyway so might aswell be safe!!
possibly have a sit down with her (the daughter not the mum) and let her know that now shes done it, she doesnt have to KEEP doing it...sounds silly but i never realised this and thought well ive done it, boys love it, ill just keep going, when if id thought about it or talked about it with someones whos 'been there done that', i couldve thought to myself, yes ive done it, but its under my control and I choose with who, if and when it happens again.
GL
OMG when i read the thread title i thought it was going to be about a 15year old having fallen pregnant ... then when i read that it wasn't i felt so relieved and the actual topic of concern didn't strangely seem to worry me as it would have usually
... Reason being my childhood friend fell pregnant at 14 and had her baby just after her 15th birthday ... her life up until she was about nearly 40 was filled of a lot of regret and resentment & a fair share of envy of those of us that went on to have careers, overseas travelling, lots of youthful fun, etc ... it took her that long to get past all those negative feelings and get on to enjoy her life.
GOTHMUM your Mum reminds me of mine ... when my Mum found out about my friend mentioned above she told me (also i was 14/15) that if i was to ever fall pregnant in her words i quote "You are going to strap that baby to your back and still go to school" ... may i say that was the best contraception for me as she scared me that much i waited a bit longer before having sex
I guess the one message that i think you have already done is tell your partners 15 year old sister that each time she has sex she is to use to protection because that 'one time' she doesn't her life will change forever for that 'one moment' of sexual pleasure/desire
Good on you for listening and caring about her so greatly ... she is extremely lucky to have you in her life
My 14 yr old SD is sexually active with her much older boyfriend. It's not something that I condone or support and hubby is worried about becoming a grandfather in his 30's. There isn't alot that you can do though as teens think they know everything and if anyone says anything then they fly off the handle. My hubby rang SD's school to voice our concerns and they arranged a sex education class for her yr level & and information session for all the female students on where to get contraception from & what was appropriate for their age group. I also went out and got alot of brochures & magazines aimed at teens looking at contraception for the first time and first love relationships. It's quite confronting to thinking that these teens are sexually active when i was still at home making up mix tapes for my friends at 14 and didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 and married. My SD now has subscriptions to Dolly & Girlfriend because they have alot of good advice and articles on things she's not comfortable talking to us about & I want to make sure she is getting the information.
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