Oh babe I feel for you. I was very smug about my very antismoking DD until she started smoking at 17!
I told her that I'd take it up again which she is horrified about but it hasn't stopped her sadly.
I have no answers except that it SHOULD be very hard for him to get smokes as he is under 16 and shops can cop hefty fines for selling them to minors.
I smoked but havent for 10 years now and I know that nothing anybody said to me would've stopped me, all you can do is make it hard for him to get them.
Its no reflection on you as a mother so please dont feel like it is.
I asked DS where he was getting the smokes from, he said he's friend was stealing them from his mum so I have rang her to let her know what was going on. Believe me DH had a good talk to him about the dangers of smoking, which he already knows and also told him that he was concerned that smoking cigarettes can lead to smoking drugs. I will have another talk to him tomorrow and ask about whether there is anything bothering him at school, I just really think he is mixing with the wrong boys. I have told him how dissapointed I am in him and he can see that I am upset even DS11 asked me what is wrong. I actually wish I could feel angry because I really can't talk to him at the moment. Thank you all for your advice I really appreciate it, this is all so new to me, it's like going from no problems to all of a sudden having a troubled teen.
Like mrsmac said - this has no reflection whatsoever on your parenting. He is being a typical teen. He isn't a bad kid, he is just experimenting and doing what his friends are doing - so yes, call it peer pressure, and as hard as it is to take as a mother, it is so normal unfortunately I am not long out of high school and I can say that by year 10/11 so many students had started smoking/tried it, and most of them just did it socially to "fit in" and would not actually do it at home or alone, or even buy their own cigarettes. Some of them remain smokers and get addicted (that is the main worry), but others continue doing it socially only, or stop altogether.
I hope for your DS's sake, it is just a phase and he quits it soon. Don't beat yourself up over it - he is still a good kid, and a normal one! I'm sorry you're going through this though. I bet so many parents don't have a clue their children actually smoke behind their backs. Sad but true.
Maybe tell him that he stinks and girls won't like him or that he will get so unfit and puffed out all the time and won't be able to play sports
There is a show that might help you understand you DS a little better - its called "Whatever! The science of teens" - you can buy it from the ABC Shop (or if you have the time and speed, its on YT).
No-one and nothing can prepare children for the truth of Peer Pressure... Its not an external pressure that is the problem, but an internal extreme need to be accepted. Very interesting.. Some of the things teens would rather go without over their mobile phones is stunning.
Inertia, thank you I just watched those clips on YouTube, I couldn't even contemplate DS doing any of those things, it's just a scary world for teens I think.
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I am not long out of high school and I can say that by year 10/11 so many students had started smoking/tried it, and most of them just did it socially to "fit in" and would not actually do it at home or alone, or even buy their own cigarettes. Some of them remain smokers and get addicted (that is the main worry), but others continue doing it socially only, or stop altogether.
xox
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