teenager girl chat

[Ozziehoffy]

Just wanted to say... teenage boys can be just as trying! Hoobley I do the same with Joshua and his clothes... if they're not in the washing, they don't get washed...as for his room, I only ask he makes his bed. He's not too bad with that.

I noticed a few who have kiddies living with dad/mum... Joshua lives with his dad (his choice mostly) but I tell you they butt heads like nothing else and I'm at my wits end with it sometimes when Joshua calls me because he hates living there but doesn't want to live here cos his mates are there.... *sighs* it's not a fun part of being a parent that's for sure... although I must say that I'm so grateful that just in the past few months Joshua seems to trust me enough to come and talk to me about things more now. It's taken many, many hard years of letting him know that he can come and talk to me about anything at all. My number one rule is I will do my best not to get angry about it... and for the most part I don't. What's the point? The point is he now is telling me stuff - even stuff he knows I won't like... he will say, you probably won't like this mum but... and the other day I asked him - is it something I will like or something I will think you're silly for doing and he said you'll probably think I was silly. I've told him that I might not always like how dad does things either he's still his dad and he needs to show respect to him. He knows that he can talk to me to get it off his chest but that I can't necessarily fix what his issue or problem is but that it's better to get it out than to keep it all bottled up. Slowly but surely I think that the calm approach with teens seems to work... well it does mostly...lol. Don't get me wrong though there are days when I could do a Homer Simpson and just strangle him but then the next day he will be the nicest kid you know.

[Bathsheba]

My cousins (both girls) attended boarding school during their teen years. They lived on a farm and because they were both heavily involved with sport (couldn't do it otherwise) their parents allowed them to board at the school, a girls' school. This arrangement seemed to work really well. They would return home for the weekends and school holidays. Honestly, they have the best relationships with their parents.... always have had. Lots of affection, even in public. My aunt and uncle are quite strict, no nonsense kind of people too. Last time I spoke to them they highly recommended the boarding school option... I always thought that was a "cop out" solution until recently! I think the fact that the school would be enforcing all the routines that I find hard to be consistent with: supervised home work sessions, dinners eaten at the table without ipod head phones and involving polite discussion, keeping living quarters tidy and organised. Because I have the large gap between my children I often find that I am "caught up" with dealing with the boys routines and can't focus on my DD as much as she needs, especially of an early evening. I can barely help her with her homework... the boys make noise and want to be involved... fortunately DH does that after the boys have gone to bed and when i need to fall in a heap somewhere!

Our biggest problem is that we have no extended family that are available or active in the raising of our kids. They are nearly all in the country. If only I could send my DD off to stay with them occasionally!

I grew up in a blended family. My parents separated when i was 12. My stepfather was pretty violent too. It got so bad that when he threatened to send me to boarding school I eventually agreed!!! But obviously he decided that he had better things to spend his money on So life went on with me at the local highschool... getting pretty bad grades because I was so distracted by an awful homelife.

I really think that if we had my cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents around to reinforce everything that I was telling DD that it would be better. DH tries to be her bestfriend instead of a parent half the time. I'm left to be the "bad cop" in the "good cop, bad cop" scenario he kinda constructs. The worst thing is that he disagrees with me infront of her about consequences for her poor behaviour Oh and he demonstrates very poor frustration control... I know where she gets her Drama Queen genes from! His Irish temper!

DD tries to be the boys' mother as well. She barks orders at them. Tries to tell me what to do and how to do it. Whips them up into a frenzy while I am trying to cook dinner every night then wonders why, when she has had enough of them and wants to watch TV, wonders why they are all hyper and wanting to jump all over her! This is an almost nightly event. I've taken to separating them all at about 6pm otherwise the house is like a zoo (they end up fighting).

She won't keep her room clean either but she will happily tidy the boys' rooms so i'm as relaxed about that as I can be. She keeps her bathroom in a total state of filth though. Hair everywhere. I can't stop her from cutting her own hair. Y'know I thought I was going to be fine with the whole teenager thing. I thought I was a pretty open-minded person with a fairly alternative aesthetic... but I never expected my DD to have such an opposite aesthetic. She is such an attractive girl but the look these days is just so plain ugly! But I guess that's their role: to define themselves as totally different to "us". Rest assured that whatever clothes and hairstyle that you dislike the most will be the one chosen by your teen DD. If you are a Goth they will probably prefer a neat and conservative style worn with a twin set! If you are a hippy mumma your DD will emerge in a suit and hair in a tight bun!

I have friends that make me feel like I must be doing something wrong: maybe it's ME who has become boring? They are friends with either no children or very young children. Well they are lucky I'm not the kind of person who will tell them: "I told you so!!!" if and when they have a teen to raise!!!

[Lulu]

Quick girls!! Dye your hair black and go waaay over the top on the eye makeup.
Wear band tshirts, even if you dont know who they are. Use words like, angst, misunderstood and phrases such as " you will never understand me", and the classic "its MY life"

That should guarantee us a daughter that dresses in twinsets and pearls....

BTW - on the room issue. DD got cr@apped off when I asked her to do the weekly clean/vacuum of her room, stomped in there and right onto a needle she left on the floor (at least she does her own hems I suppose), it snapped off in her foot and she is now up at he hospital waiting to have it removed......

[~Jo~]

Oh Lulu what a lesson to learn! Hope shes ok.

We have a blended family with my two older dds from a previous relationship though i feel blessed to say our dramas are fairly minimal right now. Last year we did have a lot of boundary pushing with Jess, but alot of that was fairly age appropriate and a mix of interesting friends with limited parental involvement.

I have found that its so important to have the lines of communication open so that you can hear about anything and everything you possibly can about what is going on in their lives. Fortunately i have chatterboxes who seem intent on telling me every last detail..whether it be an 'omg mum you should have seen what this girl did today....' or 'mum this guy asked me out blah blah blah...'.

Because we had the blended family despite the fact that I seperated while pregnant with Emily and Darren has been involved since Emmy was 18 months and Jess was 3 I was and have always been the diciplinarian. Thats not a cop out for Darren who always backs me up, but I just felt that it was in all of our interests to establish that right from the very start.

Thanks for everyone for sharing your stories..it certainly helps knowing that we all are in no way alone...teenagers are interesting and fun but they can also be very tiring!

Jo

[shazza]

i just wanted to say bathsheba freinds shouldnt make you feel like that
you are a good mum im sure and you are doing what you can so dont let anybody make you feel like that

[Bathsheba]

Aww ta Jesabell it's so funny watching friends become parents a decade or so after you started and seeing how much they end up contradicting themselves. Our closest friends (a couple) knew us waaaay back when we had our DD. I was 25 when i had her just before Christmas 1994. These friends invited us to their New Year's Eve party a week after I gave birth. They were childless as were all the people who attended the party. When we were first invited I gave a non-committal reply to the invitation... saying that we weren't getting much sleep and were still adjusting to parenthood (I had never heard of a babymoon at that stage). Anyhow they told us that just because we had a baby wasn't an excuse to go all boring "COME OVER!!!" they demanded. So we did. As we arrived our DD was sleeping in her capsule. Our hosts told us to "just put her in the spare room with the coats, she'll be fine"... so we did... and I proceeded to check her every 10 minutes... never relaxing enough to actually enjoy the party... we left soon after midnight knowing that a good nights' sleep isn't garanteed for us, unlike the rest of the part goers... and neither of us were drinking of course, you can't do that and be in charge of a newborn! Fast forward 11 years. This couple have their first baby. We drop in and see them at their place and only stay about 15 minutes because they are obviously exhausted, this is about 2 weeks after the birth. 3 months later we invite them over and they say "oh no... it's just too hard to go out with the baby and we're just sooo tired". Hmmmmmm! Needless to say they have forgotten how they accused us of being boring... we're not reminding them... but it's fascinating to see them doing all the things they had contempt for prior to having children!

[Ozziehoffy]

Hmmmmmm! Needless to say they have forgotten how they accused us of being boring... we're not reminding them... but it's fascinating to see them doing all the things they had contempt for prior to having children!

Lol... I would remind them... hahaha the evil side in me!

As for your DD's "look"... Joshua wanted to cut his hair a certain way and his dad wouldn't let him ... well a few weeks later he went out behind his dad's back and got his ear pierced instead! I always wondered why he wouldn't let him get his hair cut though cos it wasn't something strange that he wanted...he wanted a similar type of thing to Kyle Sandilands actually.... go figure huh.

Lulu, I hope they get the needle out of your DD's toe.. I saw your other post... lol @ kharma though huh.