I obviously don't have teenagers but I think the action-consequence lesson is one they have to relearn. You don't have to stay angry to stick to your guns. Just have the rules stated clearly so there's no misunderstanding and stick to them. If she wanted to have a sleep, she should have done her chores before she had a nap.

The whiteboard is a great idea. Include the chore and when it needs to be done by. Ie, potatoes peeled by 6pm. It doesn't really matter if they get their chores done hours early or just before you get home, so long as they're done. I also think they need to be taught a minimum standard. Ie, tidy your room does not mean chuck your clothes in the wardrobe. It's not ok to throw a load of washing on then leave in the washing machine so long they start to smell.

None of this needs to be done in anger. Strong boundaries are good for kids, especially when they act up. If you're calm and collected about it even when enforcing the rules, then not only are you modeling good emotional management, you remove the "personal" from things. It's not you being a meany (even if you feel that way inside), it's them copping the consequences of their actions. If your DD wants to sulk about it, that's her choice but she can sulk on her own time and in her own room. Meanwhile, here's a list of things to get done to support this household and a time to have them done by.

Remember, the teenage brain is going through another development stage, like toddlers. They actually lose capacity for empathy and compassion. They really do only see themselves at times. I know I used to be the centre of the universe and felt hard done by