Teenagers roaming the street at night - who's responsible?

[RhiChiChi]

With the recent events happening to us lately just wondering what your thoughts are about this? For me if DS has a friend sleeping over I feel responsible for them. They are definately not allowed to roam the streets but if they were to sneak out late when we are sleeping I would be none the wiser. How can it be stopped? Would love to know what others think.

Regards,
Dianne

Definately agree, the parents and /or responsible adult. I don't get how you don't know where your kids are (unless they sneak out) or don't care!!

[onthefly]

We get this in our neighbourhood - they don't do anything really, just make a lot of noise. I guess they're bored.
I have to admit that I used to do the same thing as a teenager - we'd roam around talking (and probably making lots of noise and being obnoxious). It was a small town and there wasn't anything else to do.
Teenagers go out - I'm not sure what you can do except maybe try to raise your kids to be considerate and responsible.
I don't think my parents were negligent or uncaring, but they didn't know where I was a lot of the time when I went out. Must be stressful - I so look forward to having teenagers. not.

[Trillian]

I don't know what the answer is to this one. I mean you can try your best to make sure you know where they are at all times and if they are out then don't carry on like a pork chop and be a nuisance, but teens don't always use their brain unfortunately and sometimes they can be out without your knowledge. I know when we were teens we would hang out up the street, but same as Marcellus, small town with nothing to do so you just hung out down the street talking. We never caused trouble though, we just didn't have anywhere else to hang out.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I am definitely with you Dianne. I do think if you have let your teenager stay the night at anothers house those parents are responsible for their whereabouts.

But it is also hard to put blame on parents though, you can't help it if your teenager lies about what they are doing, who theyre with and so on. They could say theyre going to....Sally's house but they really go to...Johnnys house and he has parents who don't care what he does so they get drunk.. or go out causing trouble.

I really do think it comes down to every persons parenting style, some parents really dont care what their child is doing while others really press honesty and trust into their kids. Which is what i will be doing with mine, i can't say to my kids they can't drink at 15 when i did BUT i will have it under my supervision and limited.

Now i can say that now not having teenagers.... but as a teenager my mum was strict but when it came to me drinking and going to parties she said she didnt mind as she TRUSTED me. And hearing that made me think of her if i was offered drugs i of course said no, or when they wanted to rip down street signs and other crazy things i took no part as i knew my mum trusted me to be good.

But this is a tricky subject and everyone will have different opinions..

[Fleur]

you can't help it if your teenager lies about what they are doing, who theyre with and so on. They could say theyre going to....Sally's house but they really go to...Johnnys house and he has parents who don't care what he does so they get drunk.. or go out causing trouble.

Yep, this is exactly what DD did last year...said she was staying at a friends house...the friend told her parents she was staying here...and they roamed the streets all night. These days, we check with the parents first. But it's really hard to know exactly what they are doing every minute of the day & night.

And yes, i did it too when I was a teenager. But I think as parents / adults we need to set boundaries. So I don't tell her what I did

ETA - just thinking about this - the other thing that happens, is different parents have different ideas on what's ok. So it's good to get to know the other parents & what their ideas are, especially if there's sleepovers. I get specific now - "so, they will NOT be going out"

[Visitor6]

Why is there a need to sleep over? If the concept of trust cannot be understood or devloped in the parent child relationship then why give the opportunity?

The parent is responsible just as much as the surrogate for the night ut for different reasons.

So often at work we see young girls heading out with Country Road bags with the clothes they left in-in the bag and the outfit no one knew about on! Many a party that mum and dad didn't even know about and now some lagered kids (boys and girls) unonscious on the lawn of someone else's place. In the well to do areas I've worked in, even while mum an dad aren't even in the country!

It's so hard to corral them in with a different perpective of what constitue discipline against a healthy parent child relationship.

[misty]

gotta agree with RhiChiChi on this one. Although I would vary it with taking into consideration the age of the teenager. A 13yr or 14yr old, there is definite responsibility. When you are talking about 17 and 18yr olds however, the lines start to blur abit.

The problem is that no matter what age your kid is, it is impossible to know whether the parents 'parent' and supervise in a way you would feel is appropriate anyway. I do not like some of my 'in laws' looking after my kids, because their idea of supervision does not hold up to my standard. And these are young children, I would be extremely hestitant to trust them with a teenager for the same reason (only little kids, might run off or hurt themselves, whilst teenagers can be ALOT more creative and get up to all sorts of things - at least I did when I was a teenager).

[Cupcake]

IMO you cant always blame the care giver. I was my teenage sisters guardian for 6 months last year, it got to the point where i couldnt trust her therefore she wasnt allowed to sleep over at friends houses, i got into a sleep pattern where my body would wake me every hour and id have to check she was still in the house because she would just leave when she felt like it...i did everything i could just short of tying her to her bed at night and she still disobeyed me & my partner...its not always so simple.

[Nelle]

I guess it depends on their age. If you're talking young teens, then the parents. I think as they get older, the whole idea of parenting is to encourage independence and responsibility. So I guess - say at 16 my child would be (supposed to be) taking responsibility for themselves. And if they didn't, then the consequence would be that the parents would regain that control over them for a time.

This is all in theory of course. I agree that sometimes even with the best parenting kids will have their 'moments' and phases, and in the end each individual (even my 2 and 3 year olds at some casual level) have to deal with consequences and learn about responsibility the hard way.

So how can it be stopped? Well if they're your kids I guess you have to find something that compels/convinces them that staying home or inside is the better option. If they're other kids...unless you have a curfew law there's not much you can do.