Teenagers roaming the street at night - who's responsible?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I am definitely with you Dianne. I do think if you have let your teenager stay the night at anothers house those parents are responsible for their whereabouts.

But it is also hard to put blame on parents though, you can't help it if your teenager lies about what they are doing, who theyre with and so on. They could say theyre going to....Sally's house but they really go to...Johnnys house and he has parents who don't care what he does so they get drunk.. or go out causing trouble.

I really do think it comes down to every persons parenting style, some parents really dont care what their child is doing while others really press honesty and trust into their kids. Which is what i will be doing with mine, i can't say to my kids they can't drink at 15 when i did BUT i will have it under my supervision and limited.

Now i can say that now not having teenagers.... but as a teenager my mum was strict but when it came to me drinking and going to parties she said she didnt mind as she TRUSTED me. And hearing that made me think of her if i was offered drugs i of course said no, or when they wanted to rip down street signs and other crazy things i took no part as i knew my mum trusted me to be good.

But this is a tricky subject and everyone will have different opinions..

[Fleur]

you can't help it if your teenager lies about what they are doing, who theyre with and so on. They could say theyre going to....Sally's house but they really go to...Johnnys house and he has parents who don't care what he does so they get drunk.. or go out causing trouble.

Yep, this is exactly what DD did last year...said she was staying at a friends house...the friend told her parents she was staying here...and they roamed the streets all night. These days, we check with the parents first. But it's really hard to know exactly what they are doing every minute of the day & night.

And yes, i did it too when I was a teenager. But I think as parents / adults we need to set boundaries. So I don't tell her what I did

ETA - just thinking about this - the other thing that happens, is different parents have different ideas on what's ok. So it's good to get to know the other parents & what their ideas are, especially if there's sleepovers. I get specific now - "so, they will NOT be going out"

[Visitor6]

Why is there a need to sleep over? If the concept of trust cannot be understood or devloped in the parent child relationship then why give the opportunity?

The parent is responsible just as much as the surrogate for the night ut for different reasons.

So often at work we see young girls heading out with Country Road bags with the clothes they left in-in the bag and the outfit no one knew about on! Many a party that mum and dad didn't even know about and now some lagered kids (boys and girls) unonscious on the lawn of someone else's place. In the well to do areas I've worked in, even while mum an dad aren't even in the country!

It's so hard to corral them in with a different perpective of what constitue discipline against a healthy parent child relationship.

[misty]

gotta agree with RhiChiChi on this one. Although I would vary it with taking into consideration the age of the teenager. A 13yr or 14yr old, there is definite responsibility. When you are talking about 17 and 18yr olds however, the lines start to blur abit.

The problem is that no matter what age your kid is, it is impossible to know whether the parents 'parent' and supervise in a way you would feel is appropriate anyway. I do not like some of my 'in laws' looking after my kids, because their idea of supervision does not hold up to my standard. And these are young children, I would be extremely hestitant to trust them with a teenager for the same reason (only little kids, might run off or hurt themselves, whilst teenagers can be ALOT more creative and get up to all sorts of things - at least I did when I was a teenager).

[Cupcake]

IMO you cant always blame the care giver. I was my teenage sisters guardian for 6 months last year, it got to the point where i couldnt trust her therefore she wasnt allowed to sleep over at friends houses, i got into a sleep pattern where my body would wake me every hour and id have to check she was still in the house because she would just leave when she felt like it...i did everything i could just short of tying her to her bed at night and she still disobeyed me & my partner...its not always so simple.

[Nelle]

I guess it depends on their age. If you're talking young teens, then the parents. I think as they get older, the whole idea of parenting is to encourage independence and responsibility. So I guess - say at 16 my child would be (supposed to be) taking responsibility for themselves. And if they didn't, then the consequence would be that the parents would regain that control over them for a time.

This is all in theory of course. I agree that sometimes even with the best parenting kids will have their 'moments' and phases, and in the end each individual (even my 2 and 3 year olds at some casual level) have to deal with consequences and learn about responsibility the hard way.

So how can it be stopped? Well if they're your kids I guess you have to find something that compels/convinces them that staying home or inside is the better option. If they're other kids...unless you have a curfew law there's not much you can do.

[Inanna]

Being the parent of a very difficult teen I can say it's dang impossible. Any parent who says they know where their kid is 24/7 is not being real IMO! One of my DD's friends is a JW & her parents are very very vigilant & gorgeous people. By chance I saw her popping into a boys house (I happen to know the boys Dad and this boy is 18!) in a very passionate clinch... I phoned the Mum and told her as I pulled over up the street (cos I would expect anyone to do the same for me). She said: "no way she is at abc's house... 15 mins later she was at the door dragging her now no longer a virgin daughter (at 14 away)... Mortified at what was happening...

It's tough. They sneak out in the night etc etc. All we can do as parents is instill good values, be good role models, be responsible for our actions and emotions & live with virtue... The rest we cannot control...

[fionas]

Ahhhh, there's so many variables. We used to live 50 metres away from a strip of cafes/bars/shops. Very safe walk home. We used to allow DSD to sit in a cafe late at night - so home by 11pm. Fine to take her friend too if she was having a sleepover. Not too much of a problem if she wanted to take the tram up the hill a few stops then get it home. Still only 50 metres along a brightly lit road from the tram stop to walk home. Does that constitute 'roaming the streets' - I dunno. How could we know she was in a cafe rather than a bar? Trust, lack of obvious signs of alcohol consumption.

Would I let a teenager stay out until the same times where we are now in the country? Nope. We are about a half hour walk from town. Very dark and spooky. No public transport. And I doubt whether there are any cafes that are open late anyway. So that means I would only be comfortable with a teenager actually AT someone's house, not wandering around because there ain't nothing good going to come out of wandering around here late at night.

Might seem ironic that I'd feel better about a teenager staying out late at night in a city rather than the country!

And totally agree that you just can't police them all the time. Some of you will have seen my threads about DSD and know that those bright sunny days of trusting her have long since disappeared. If they want to disappear in the middle of the night to head back to a party that their father has driven them home from at midnight, they can, will and do.