Actually, I think it's realistic. Any gathering of 16 year olds is going to end up with people drinking - that's today's society whether we like it or not. I think the parents are accepting that this will happen and enforcing a no sharing rule is a good idea.
Although, I probably wouldn't have put the BYO bit on the invitation. I probably would have simply put no sharing of alcoholic drinks and left it at that.
Well, presuming we're talking about alcohol some parents will 'allow' their kids to drink booze and others won't. The host parents seem to be saying kids can bring alcohol but they're not allowed to share it with other kids whose parents don't want them to drink.
So how is this going to work practically? Are the host parents going to monitor who came in with alcohol and who didn't? What if they see a kid sharing whose not meant to have alcohol? Who is held responsible if a kid gets drunk who promised their parents they wouldn't drink? Is it the hosts' 'fault', is it the kid who shared their alochol's fault or is it the kid who took the alcohol for breaking their promise?
Well not since the invitation makes it clear that they will. So that leaves parents with a choice - either my kid can drink and I facilitate that by sending them with booze OR I send them and tell them that even if a friend rocks up with booze they're still to say no because the hosts have said no sharing.
Indeed it is.. although i dont see a problem if you trust your child etc.. BUT i think it's stupid if your going to send your child and say no alcohol.. cause once again it will be done whether they like it or not.. if your not comfortable with sending your teenager cause of the alcohol, then dont just send them saying not to drink.. dont send them full stop.
Absolutely kirsty lee - I think there's a difference between trust and putting your kid in a situation where there is so much temptation that it's actually unfair on them. But it does depend on the kid too and how they feel - I'm sure SOME kids could be trusted to say no and I'm sure others would be honest enough to say "look mum, I don't want to let you down but I'd actually rather I could just say to my friends that you're the big bad mamma whose put her foot down and WON'T LET me go so I don't have to make those decisions."
DH does security (occasionally) for a company that specialises in parties, the kids have their ID checked that the door, the get funky fluro wrist bands to indicate that they are on the guest list, there are strict rules for the consumption of alcohol. This company recommends that all parties are registered with the police.
Now, I have no issues with under-18s drinking, but I do have issues with under-18s being drunk (anyone being drunk tbh), and this would appear to be an "it's OK to be drunk" type of invite.
If there are 5 kids going then the "no sharing" thing may be OK, but to put it on an invite like that... hmm. I don't know, it just seems to be an alcohol party with no other activity. What happened to a weak punch and a sleepover, or a murder mystery game? Or a few songs on the CD player and people dancing and playing swingball in the garden? Can't you tell I went to wild birthday parties at 16 LOL.
IMO it is our jobs to be a pain in the a** to our teenagers. We need to set the boundaries because hindsight is 20:20. We've all been there and done that and seen that not everyone gets through the teenage years unscathed.
I know one girl who isn't having a 16th because her mum doesn't allow her to drink and knows that no one will want to come because there is no alcohol. Her mum always rings the parents before she goes to the party and does the drop off and pick up. Lucky they have good communication and the daughter has seen what her friends look like when they've had too much.
We've made it clear to our teenagers what we expect but no matter what state they find themselves in, no matter what time of night they can ring and we will come and get them. My dad's rule was you can drink but don't get drunk which, of course I did and then didn't feel I could ring him to get me coz I would get in trouble (teenage brain remember)
I was talking to friends that had only 3 people turn up to there daughters 16th because there was no drinking. They were totally happy with that, and I would be too. Which is why dd can go out to a resturant (top idea fionas!) with a few friends for her 16th. I would rather they do something more age appropriate than fall about watching friends throw up all night. Like learing to function in an adult evironment, by learning manners and social skills.
Why does drinking seem to be the only "rite of passage" into adulthoood??????
BYO and if you don't bring you don't drink (no sharing).
Not that i agree with a 16th and drinking thing but atleast if you send your child to the party then you know that they will not be drinking as there is not sharing. (well hopefully). Not that i would let my daughter or son go. It does sound a little responsible of parents. I just can't believe how young children drink these days i was 18 and i am not that old to think that times change sooooo quickly these days.
This is my opinion and it was not put here to offend anyone else's opinion.
Thanks Nikki
I have a problem with parents condoning underage drinking, combined with condoning the fact that one needs to drink (translate "get ****ed" - because a 16 yr girl lacks awareness of impact, sorry) to be able to "have a good time".
YES - these things go on. YES - that is what a lot of the kids are doing now. But what message are we sending out to kids to merely be throwing up our hands and saying weakly, "oh well, it is going to happen anyway".
My husband is an ER doctor and has seen SEVERAL DRUNKEN teens coming in to his department - often accompanied by moronic parents who say, "We don't understand. It was only ONE bottle of rum we supplied!" He has seen teenage girls, inebriated, and found NAKED in parks - again, with bewildered and naive parents who have been shocked at the prospect of perhaps being treated for possible STDs due to sexual interference in such a state.
Where does one draw the line? Do we, as parents, allow drug taking in our homes next? The old "Better under MY roof" excuse??
At least by putting it on the invite, they have made parents aware that there will be alcohol there - I would feel misled if there was always going to be alcohol there but I had not been informed about it.
I dont agree with it (underage drinking) by the way, and I come from a family where we were allowed to drink (a little) at family occasions, and and family friends' houses/parties since mid high school, so I guess 15 or so for me.
I neber got really hammered but I can remember som of the things I did and comtemplated doing well enought to not want my kids drinking underage IYKWIM.
In fact I think the legal drinking age in Australia should be raised..
Coming into this late but wanted to say I absolutely agree with you Lulu. I haven't made a secret of the fact that my DD has had her demons with drugs, and from all we're been through, I know alcohol was very much the gateway addiction for her.
I had parents who not only allowed us to drink underaged, but used to always say they'd rather we drank at home where they could keep an eye on us than outside where they wouldn't know what we were doing. Our home eventually became the place where all our teen friends came to get drunk. Since then, all my siblings have had our demons wih alcohol, as it was very much a part of our lives for so long and therefore 'normalised'.
I do not allow my kids to drink at home, but my older kids regularly went to friends' homes where those parents decided to usurp my parenting role by supplying them with alcohol. I don't think it's up to someone else's parents to set bounderies for my kids. It was also with this group of friends that my DD was introduced to marijuana, portrayed to her as an 'edgier, cooler' way to get high, and pretty soon it was all about looking for that bigger, better high, and down the slippery slope she went. Don't get me wrong, she holds much of the responsibility for her addiction, as do I, but I'm frustrated by the 'normalcy' with which alcohol consumption is viewed by many teens and their parents.
Now I know that not every child gets addicted, not every child will have problems with alcohol in later life, but there is definitely a frustration as a parent when you're undermined by other parents who insist this is 'just something kids do'. Speak to any parent of a drug or alcohol addicted child, and the idea of saying 'it's just what they do' sounds like a poor excuse for allowing something that by law, you're not supposed to allow.
Reality or not, making drinks available to kids, or even saying it's okay for you to drink here, normalises something that should not be normal at that age. If you believe it's the best thing for your family, then go for it, but please don't assume that it's the best thing for my child, and do not circumvent the boundaries I've put in place in the process.
Lulu I had my DD's 16th as a pool party (before the drugs), and 16 people turned up of the 16 I invited. I think any kid who doesn't turn up because you're not condoning alcohol is a kid you don't want around anyway. And as for this invite, if it was me, I'd speak to the parents and if they're allowing alcohol, I'd probably be having a long discussion with DD about why she can't go.
Last edited by sushee; February 20th, 2008 at 10:03 AM.
: adding
Who wrote the invitation? Was it the parent or the 16 year old? If it was the parent Mabe"no sharing" means they will leave the decision of who will be drinking up to the other parents. If it was the 16 year old, I think "no sharing" means I will get my hands on as much alcohol as I can for myself so I'm not sharing as I want to get blind drunk. Why are parents condoning illegal activity anyway? I know that 16 year olds drink, I'm sure I did, but not with the approval of my parents. Whats next, do the kids start pulling out their crack pipes and smoking and Mum and Dad say it's ok because everyone else does it and we like to see what our children are doing. I may be a bit harsh but where are the morals and values here?
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