WDYT of this invitation??

[Lulu]

Speaking of scary parenting and drug/alcohol issues....

DD just dropped this invite on my desk.

Hay you are invited to xxxx sweet 16th etc etc 8.30pm to 1am
Dress up as you you want to be blah, blah, blah and in bold BYO and if you don't bring you don't drink (no sharing). WTF?

So obviously it means alcohol, which bothers me but why can't you share? What is the deal there?

Anyway, I will ring the parents of this child and I'm sure they will give me enough info to keep DD at home.

My issue - why is alcohol the main focus of the night? What kind of parent promote drinking at a SIXTEENTH?

This is Dumb.

NB - I DON'T beleive teens should drink alcohol before they are 18, I have my views, they have been discussed on here before. I'm more shocked that a childs parents woudl allow this.

[Muppity]

Unfortunately it is just the way it is. Lots of 16year olds drink and lots of parents let them.

I suppose in one way the parents were trying to be supportive of different parenting styles and saying OK if you allow your child to drink that is OK and if you don't want them to that is OK as well.

Its a really hard one and quite often drinks will be spiked (a friend had an incident recently where her 16year old sister took a bottle of "lemonade" to a party and it was discovered later that it was mainly vodka)

My advice is, if you really aren't comfortable with it don't let your DD go but this may be a slightly better environment to let her party because at least the parents involved are being open about it rather than hiding their head in the sand.

Another possibility is that you could volunteer to go along and assist as that way you would be better able to monitor your daughter and the behaviour of the other kids that are there.

[jaspen]

my issue is the same as yours lulu - what the **** is with the promotion of, let alone allowance for alcohol at a 16th. I understand that some 16yr olds will drink and that some parents allow it but advertising a party in this way doesn't sit comfortably with me

the whole not sharing thing usually has to do with the fact that often there are people in the group that never bring but always want to be "part of the fun" so to speak or that is what I would assume on reading it - and people are sick of the "free loaders"

but as i said the fact that it is there in the first place indicates they plan on drinking and probably not in small quantities and this is my concern and not something i'd be comfortable with either

ETA - It didn't even cross my mind that the parents were trying to control the situation (even if naively) with the no sharing comment - I've obviously known too many "freeloaders" in the past LOL

[Rouge]

Dumb

They probably say no sharing so that if kids don't BYO then they obviously aren't allowed to drink, trying to be wise IMO but its still stupid because as if kids aren't going to share. Its like trying to put out a fire with gasoline then wondering why there's an explosion... I'll leave it there or I could get offensive LOL!

Have you got an older sister/cousin/friend that could chaperone?

[*Nessa*]

well considering its actually illegal to suplly alcohol to a minor even if it is on your own property i would seriuosly consider after having a chat witht he parents (ifs thats what you are planning on)

then taking the invite down to the loacl police station, they are becooming more and more fed up with what children are allowed to do lately so they may take notice and if they are aware it could inculde a visit beofre or during the party to the parents.

[Lulu]

DD is 16 this year, I said she could have a party but now I'm shuddering.

I threw her the worlds BEST 14th party which was copied endlessley through the year, but that was then. Now what?? lol how do you throw a 16th? I was in hospital getting my tonsils out and I can't even remember any of the 16ths I went to - because I'm OLD, not because I was drunk at them....

[Muppity]

LOL Lulu! I must be getting old too because I was trying to remember 16th's as well!

I know for sure that we would not have even considered drinking at a 16th

[jaspen]

i can't remember too many either..

i don't think we had "sweet" sixteens too often - certainly not among my friends - it was more girls nights in, sleepovers, or dinner ..... none of which involved alcohol

[Rach75]

BYO and if you don't bring you don't drink (no sharing). WTF?

while I dont like the idea of kids drinking before 18 either, maybe a beer with dad when they are 16 after a hard days work etc........

anyway I read this to mean if you dont bring your own drinks ou dont drink therefore lets say tom and jack, Toms parents give him drinks but Jacks dont the invite says tom can drink but because Jack didn't bring any he isn't allowed to have any, hence keeping the kids who aren't allowed to drink free from alcohol IYKWIM!!!

[fionas]

I think it's nuts and impractical regardless of views on under-age drinking. How on earth are the host parents going to keep track of who brought what and whose parents allow them to drink and whose don't? This puts too much responsibility on the kids NOT to share. Great party where half are allowed to drink and half aren't! Just won't work.

My SD who is no angel decided for her 14th that she wanted to go to a coolish indian restaurant with no parents allowed. They were allowed to take their own CDs and there was a bit of a dance area and we knew the place didn't serve alcohol and presumably wouldn't a whole lot of drunk teenagers on hand. Plus they promised to not allow anyone in who wasn't invited. And she told us that she was making everyone pay the $15 three-course banquet so we didn't need to worry about paying anything!

I was quite surprised at her lowkey choice given that a lot of her friends parents spent quite a few hundred dollars hiring out reception places. So we let her do her own thing and her dad picked her up at 11pm and there were no dramas.

TBH I think the whole party thing is overdone. Kids don't need to have a party every year and I think they feel the pressure too of having to think of something ever more wonderful than their friends.

[ajm mum]

Hello
I faced this delemia on the weekend just gone my 16 year old dd an invite to a supervised alcohol friendly 16th birthday!!! I ended up saying yes to the invite but with 3 rules I drop off i pick up and NO DRINKING we also told her we trust her and if this trust was broken things would change. She went her friends drank got sick and she came home told me how dumb they were and how drinking just causes fights (this is how party ended with police) This time it worked out ok but im dreding the next invite. I think if we drop off and pick up they cant get away with drinking without permission as we could tell. so if they follow a few limits and definatly NO SLEEPOVERS and give us reason to trust them then i think this is a good introduction to partys with alcohol.

[briggsy's girl]

ok, you might all hate me here - but i think the parents are being pretty responsible by doing what they're doing. i guess they're looking at NOT being there to supply or allow others to supply alcohol to another child and trying to maintain a degree of control of the situation. the hope would be that, if the kid turns up with alcohol, then the parents know about it. i know that won't ALWAYS be the case - but i'll be upfront and say i've had younger friends (15-18) come to my place and drink - when the parents have said it's ok - if the parents haven't told me directly - there is no way in hell alcohol will pass them lips!!

i was the youngest in my group of friends by about 12 months, so when i was 16 they were all turning 17. my parents allowed me to drink with them, on the proviso i only drank what they supplied - it took me ages to drink a bottle of grog cos there was no "thrill" with sneaking around. my friends, who's parents allowed them a small amount of alcohol, didn't binge drink - the ones that were forbidden were the ones that lied about where they were going, and would get older friends to buy for them - they were the ones that wrote themselves off completely - half the time i'd just stop drinking at all and go home cos they were making idiots of themselves....

i'm not saying that a birthday party invite should be worded the way it is - and lulu i completely understand your concerns and why you're contemplating not letting DD go - i'm just thinking that it is good that the parents are taking a degree of responsibility for what is happening in their home....

[Lulu]

If that's what the no-sharing rule means I get it now, although I totally disagree with allowing alcohol at a 16th. It's a girl by the way, so it bothers me even more (am I sexist lol??).

I will ring the parents - only one of DD's other friends are going, so I might even talk to his mum too, it's more than likely I'll be doing the pick up/drop off anyway.

Hhmm, still thinking. I mean you have to give them a chance to earn trust....
She better stop being so snotty though, I feel like I have no idea who she is when she gets like that.

[kirsty_lee]

Im probably another one who's going to be shot for her views LOL but oh well here goes... although no one wants their children to drink until they are mature age (if 18 year olds these days are even mature anyway) but seeing as im still young i've seen the current generation and also i know from my generation teenagers REBEL... the more you dont allow something the more curious they get and the more they want to do it especially behind your back. Lots of mothers *think* they know their teenagers and their teenagers make their parents believe that they never do anything their not allowed to. Been down this road with my sister.. she swore black and blue she didnt drink at parties only water.. stupidly my parents believed her.. turns out she was doing acid. Some parents can be really neive. I know from personal experience when your told not to do something your going to do it as a teenager. I've seen it with my own eyes, i was allowed to drink from the age of 14 i would go to parties and cause i wasnt needing to rebel against anything i would quite happily sit and drink a few drinks and enjoy my night and then there were the ones who's parents explicity said NO to drinking who would majorly wipe themselves out be vomitting in the corner, making an arse out of themselves and losing their virginity. And this is at parties even with parent supervision. Either way, you can't wrap your child in cotton wool, they WILL drink with or without your permission, i just think if the trust is there they can do it responsibly and like i said there's alot of 18 year olds who are more immature than 16 year olds. This post isnt meant to offend anyone or start a fight.. just a pov from a younger gneration who knows what teenagers get up to in our era...

[DoubleK]

i agree with Briggst's girl...

from the teenagers perspective, when i was 15/16 i used to have a drink with my parents on the weekends (sometimes with my best friend over, we would have a great time with them!) and when all the 16th birthdays came around, they always bought me 4 cans to take (i never finished all four) i was happy, they were happy. i never got drunk and did stupid things, the main reason being.. i didnt want to make a fool of myself in front of mum and dad! i never wanted them to get a phone call saying 'Rach needs to be picked up.... blah blah'
i've always been really close with them(and still am), maybe thats why, i hope i have the same relationship with Krystal when she's older..

but then again, being the parent is different than being the teenager!!

[Amie]

I'm just wondering.... do the parents even know that this is what the invite says? It's possible that the invite was entirely the work (and therefore wording) of the soon-to-be 16yo girl!

[fionas]

Don't worry - us oldies also got up to mischief so it's not a recent thing. I was in pubs at 13 - not a lot to do in our town! But I'd only ever have two drinks and thought it was ridiculous when my peers would write themselves off at parties. I don't think it's about age, it's about why people are doing it. I was actually a very responsible drinker pre-18 because I was around friends and didn't need to prove myself. Then when I went to uni with a whole bunch of new people, different story and although it was now legal, I drank STUPIDLY because I was shy and booze was a way to control my nervousness.

[Schmickers]

Actually, I think it's realistic. Any gathering of 16 year olds is going to end up with people drinking - that's today's society whether we like it or not. I think the parents are accepting that this will happen and enforcing a no sharing rule is a good idea.

Although, I probably wouldn't have put the BYO bit on the invitation. I probably would have simply put no sharing of alcoholic drinks and left it at that.