About the princess - she is pushing so hard and Im soooo tired.
So she has a school formal coming up very very soon. She has also been awful and poisonous as usual lately. She expects me to buy her dress, shoes etc, I have told her she is expected to contribute in some way, mainly because she is so LAZY.
Don't get me wrong OF COURSE I want to do these things, Ive been looking forward to it since she was born but I can't bring myself to do so under the circumstances. I don't want to give in.
She still hasn't had any pocket money (going on 3 years now) because she is unable to simply unload the dishwasher each morning and feed the cat. She sits there and watches me running around like a headless chook and refuses to help, or snarls when I ask her to. She keeps threatening to leave school/home if she doesn't get her way ( I simply shrug and tell her its her choice, Im over being threatened), I don't know who she is anymore.
I was talking to her dad last night and he is very disappointed as when she is at his house, she doesn't even need to be asked to do the dishes. At home she screams bloody murder about 'having to touch other peoples dirty dishes' - hence she UNloads the dishwasher here.
For the last few weeks I have told her she can earn some extra bucks for doing extra jobs - she never even asked what she could do, just went back to her room to read even though she had 2 days off school (melb cup). I have given her ample opportunity to earn some $$$, or even get POCKET MONEY and she hasn't bothered one IOTA.
So why should I cart her around the shops on a spree for things she simply DOES NOT DESERVE? Yep I know teenagers are horrible but that does not mean I have to be spoken to like a piece of crap. I'm so willing to forgive the usual teenageness, but not the rudeness and hurtful thing shes says to me.
Her sense of entitlement shocks me to the core. Please give me some backup and tell me I am doing the right thing by standing fast...or if you think Im going over the top let me know
Ahhh Lulu you're a fabbo mum and I too would be reticent about rewarding bad behaviour so absolutely agree that she should put in towards her formal.
BUT principles aside, if she hasn't earnt any pocket money for three years then she's obviously not bothered and I don't think you're going to see a change overnight.
The only thing I can think of is that you reiterate your views on her cash contributon but give her the chance to say how she would like to earn that pocket money and give her some input into saying what jobs she's willing to do so that she doesn't feel that she's "losing" by starting to unload the dishwasher/feed the cats. If she won't meet you halfway, I think I'd just say sorry love, you're not going then. But you've probably already tried that!
Babe, I think you are awesome. I can't imagine what it must be like... I don't think it is OTT, but I'm not experienced in these things (obviously!) so am not good authority. Just wanted to say that I totally get where you're coming from and agree that you should stand your ground.
Don't hate me Miss B but you live like a queen ma'am!
Have you thought of signing her up for volunteer work? If she can't appreciate how good she has it maybe she should be giving up her time to help others.
I think you're in a rock and a hard place. Maybe get back to the basics, praise her for teeny tiny things and see if that helps.
Without sounding like a 90 yr old man if only we could let them live a day in our lives at the same time hey?
LuLu - is there any reason she doesnt have a part time job? (completely understand if you want her to focus on her studies instead, but does she?)
I worked part time and had to fund my own formal - dress, shoes, hair, car, ticket..... I didnt expect my mum to fund any of it, I liked doing it on my own....... It was just mum and I, there was no money from her for things like that....
Maybe you could encourage her to get a job and offer to put in 50/50 of whatever she spends on her dress etc if you want to contribute?
ETA - just to note - when i was 16 I was a BIATCH too.... . Stand your ground, you are one of the coolest mums I have ever heard of, she just needs to get over this phase
Last edited by Kitt3n; November 22nd, 2008 at 06:46 AM.
OMG Lulu, I just had a vision of the future of what it will be like with my eldest DD - she already has that total lack of emotion when it comes to cutting things out in the hope of making her actually DO something to help and she's only 6! Anyway I digress.
Maybe you could go to spotlight and get a really nasty pattern for a dress - leg 'o mutton sleeves and all and threaten to sew one yourself (and I know you don't sew so the result should be good ) and tell her it that or nothing because you don't think she would appreciate a truly amazing dress - because by the sound of it she does deserve diddly squat for her formal.
Seriously though, if she is fine at her fathers place then shes obviously doing what she does at your place just to push you as far as she can so you snap and then YOU"RE the cow kwim? Is this something you can get her father in on at all? make her do more over at his place or something? (which I know doesn't help you out at all )
She has had 2 days trial at Whats New. If they don't offer her the job they are messing her around. She does well, doesn't need to be told twice (oh the IRONY) and enjoyed it.
FFS!
I just got off the phone to her. I asked what she was planning to do about her formal dress - "I'll just call S". GGRRRAHHHH.
S is her biological father, she has just met him over the last 2 months. His biggest mistake was telling her that he owes her a hell of a lot for not being there for her and to call him if she needs anything.
SO I CALLED HIM JUST THEN. Explained everything and he is totally on my side. He is expecting her call. He even found a pair of Docs that she covets but is now going to drop them off here so I can give them to her at my discretion.
She tells me that I suck because I won't let her move out. I told her I couldn't stop her but that we went over this with the councellor. She has nowhere to go and no means of supporting herself. Its a moot point. She is 16, lazy, spoilt and like 800 of the 16yr olds I dealt with working with Centrelink that come in claiming they can't live at home cos their parents expect the SAME as I do .
WHY isn't is 8PM so I can have a scotch??????????????????
Yep, see she has her poppy (read ATM) who spoilt her rotten. I wrote her a list of 3 WHOLE things to do Melb Cup weekend so she could buy herself a new swimsuit. What does she do? Calls poppy who says heres $40 and goes back to her room to read. Even though I told her how much help it would be for me, and that I would have more TIME to go shopping with her.
Poppy has been told. Poppy now understands. Nan and her dad will not give her money either, but I don't think she will believe that. She thinks we will all cave in, and we won't and now she is going to work it out in the worst way......I don't want her to miss out. I think the formal (and all the shiny things that go with it) was a good way to reward her for her good marks this year.
Cai - I have a feeling we will be volunteering at a soup kitchen on Xmas day.....
Each time I see her do a little thing, I do praise her (but that ain't $$$ is it!!!), but she manages to get in before I can really do something and says something horrible to someone. I have the most stunning black doona cover set (with chinese symbols everywhere, looks so cool) in my cupboard for her. Im dying to put it on for her......Ive even told her its there waiting for her.
I asked her last week to imagine how things would be if she wasn't so ROTTEN to everyone.
Lulu, what about taking her shopping, finding the dress and putting it on layby? That way she'll actually be getting excited about "the" dress and you can refer to it and it's not just an "idea" IYKWIM?
Maybe then it will hold more weight with her when you tell her "ok, put these clothes away, thats $5 off your dress"!
I definatly don't think you should let her have it without working for it. I would be excited about doing all that for DD's but not after all the attitude you've been getting - and I think it's important she knows that. You would be willing to be more reasonable (not that I think you're not) if SHE would be more reasonable.
Also, is her Dad going to help out with paying for it all? I bet it gets a bit exxy.
Good luck hun, I bet you can't wait till she gets to an age where she becomes nice again!
If I was there i'd be standing behind you, nodding my little head off in support.
When I was that age - I had been working for about a year (started at 14 and 9 months) because my mum was on the single mum pension and was paying off a mortgage - so if I didn't work - I didn't get anything AT ALL.
Is there a chance that she could go get a casual job? I mean, I was pretty lazy around the house (probably figured that mum was there to clean and stuff, and if she didn't do it my sister would) so I don't remember doing much to help keep stuff clean - but I was always good at my jobs (servo attendant, check out chick, kitchenhand)
I haven't helped you at all I know - but I'd be standing my ground
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. Stand your ground, you are one of the coolest mums I have ever heard of, she just needs to get over this phase
) and tell her it that or nothing because you don't think she would appreciate a truly amazing dress - because by the sound of it she does deserve diddly squat for her formal.
)
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At least she won't be able to pull the wool over his eyes!
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