my partners letters to our baby girl

[bekyj2]

this is something i really need to vent and i though that this is the right forum to add thhis to, sorry if its long.

latly me and my partner have been going through a time where its up and down good and bad it all depends on the day and we have being breaking up and getting back together alot latly and the more he keeps doing the more it hurts one of the times we broke up he actually left me packed his bag and everything i didnt no if he was going to come back which he didnt for a couple of days, but he rocked up to my work one night and handed me a envelope and in it had 2 letters one me and one to our daughter who i miscarried to in September last year,
The letter said this,
Dear Hydie,
to the sweetest baby angel i love you and really miss you. i didn?t really understand why you had to g but now that i i sit back and realize things about my life i was ready but i was too scared about wat people would say.
mummy and daddy are going through a hard time but dont think for one second that we dont love you,
i still think of what could have been your lil footsteps through the house your giggles, laughter and crying, your beautiful eyes with your 10 fingers and 10 toes, showing you off to the world and watching you grow up. You will have a brother or sister someday soon and they will be as beautiful as you,
love from daddy,
after reading that i balled my eyes out rang him and with a long talk we got back together, things were going good again and i was happy but that wouldnt last long because there was another fight, and this time it was just a little worse he said it was deffently over we are never getting back together and my stuff was out the front and i just couldnt beleive it if something goes rong in his life has a bad day im the one that cops it, by this time i just wanted it to be over cause i knew if we got back together give it sometime it would happen again.
my bestfriend had driven me down to his house where he was there with my stuff and asked me to come inside and talk,
i did cause i just wanted to hear wat he had to say and he sadi these things to me.
that he loves me and he is truly sorry for all the heart ache he has caused me, he is sorry for making me lose our daughter hydie, and he will do anything to get e abck and prove to me that he loves me, after i had packed my stuff into the car and he had finished talking he handed me a photo album and told me to got through it and take care of something that is in the back,
i went through the album on the drive home with my bestfreind and he had put it together him self it was of our relationship from the very start to just the recent things and then i looked in the back and there was another letter to our baby girl.
It said this.
To Dearest Hydie,
To my baby girl, mummy and daddy are going through a tough time but no worry baby we will work it out, just want you to know that daddy loves you and really really misses you. I really wish I could hold you in my arms everyday that I come home from work but at the end of the day I love you and miss you and never will stop, love from daddy xoxo, and the thing that he told me not to lose was his grandfathers ring,
He came over the next day and we had a chat longer than the other chat we had in the previous break up, we got back together and in bed that night he said he wants to try for a baby again I was shocked but happy at the same time and i agreed to try for a bub.
Now all I can wonder is wat if we actually do end up having a baby and he walks out break up with me all because someone has ****ed him off or he has just had a bad day, wat am I ment to do????
sorry i no its long but i just had to vent.
___________________________________________
me-18 partner-19
Tyson and Kate march 06
Hydie september 07

[Muppity]

Hi Beky

Firstly, I am so sorry that you are going through this at the moment. It must be terribly hard for you.

Have you and your partner got any form of counselling? I think that it is clear that he is having real trouble dealing with the loss of your precious Hydie and also dealing with your relationship at this time. It isn't fair on either of you that you keep breaking up and getting back together and moving about so much.

And I personally think that it isn't a particularly good time for you to be thinking about TTCing.

I think that it would be much better if you got your relationship sorted out and were then able to start TTCing and bring a baby into a stable loving relationship rather than one where mummy and daddy were fighting all the time and you were on tenderhooks as if anything went wrong you didn't have anywhere to go.

I wish you the very best of luck - and remember - BB is always here to offer support for you.

[bekyj2]

dear muppity,
one condition of us getting back together is he has to go and see someone about his temper and addititude towards me on his bad days, if he is ****ty he is not aloud to call me, and for my self i have said i would also go to conculling to the los of hydie and then we wll have one together.
i guess now its just a waiting game and see where we go for here.
thank you for your support,
_______________________________________________
me -18 partner-19
Tyson and Kate mar 06
Hydie sept 07

[Aimz]

I think Muppity said it all hun. Big hugs to you

Its sounds as though you and your partner deeply care for one another but the relationship definitely needs some work so you can communicate effectivly to avoid outbursts and fights. A stable, loving and respectful relationship is the best foundation for a family - and one that will be healthy for your babies.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I wish you the best of luck.

[Amie]

Hi Beky,

I'm so sorry you have gone through the losses of your angel babies.

I think the thing to consider is to ask yourself "Do i want to bring a child into this relationship, right now?". Not the r'ship you could imagine it being, not the r'ship it sometimes is on good days, but exactly as it is now.

When someone goes from one extreme emotion ("it's over") to another ("let's get back together and have a baby") in such a short period of time, it's easy to be relieved and excited when it goes from negative to positive. But unfortunately it also means it could fairly easily go back in the other direction.

I second Muppity's suggestion of counselling. I'd actually make it a condition of getting back together and definitely a condition of TTC. I know it's painful but stop for a moment and go back to the feelings you were having when you broke up. Not just the thoughts, but the feelings themselves. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be going through all of that again with the added pressure of being pregnant.

Hopefully you both can work things out so that you're in a place where you are happy and, most importantly, confident in your relationship.

xo

[KimmyF]

I dont have anything to add other than what the other ladies have said, i just wanted to say I feel for you having to go through this and i hope it works out for you really soon. xxx

[Macca79]

Have you thought about seeking some counseling for your self? It sounds as though you might still be grieving for your loss. Sometimes talking to someone who is just there to listen can really help. Maybe even see someone together as a couple. You have both been through much and by the sounds of it you want to make a go of it but fighting gets in the way. I wish both of you the best and hope you can work things out.

[Kitt3n]

hun, may I ask why he thinks he made you lose the baby?

[kitten76]

Hi beky,
so sorry for your loss.
Having newborn while beautiful and miraculous can be stressful especially when you've had no sleep. Think very carefully before TTC. I know the pain and emptiness of losing a baby and you sometimes feel incomplete or that something is missing but a new baby wont change those feelings. Your partner seems open to counselling and is willing to get help, that's a really good sign. When you're relationship is back on track you will know the time is right. keep communicating with each other. Keeping feelings bottled up will only result in a big blow up and argument.
Good Luck to you both

[bekyj2]

he blames himself because he thought he put me under stress which wasnt thecase i was under stress at school, stress with my mum just everything he wasnt his fault and i have told him that countless times. to never blame himself i have also had a disgussion with him and he said that he will start concilling in the new year no he said ther is no point having it now wen there is only a couple of weeks left, of the yr but he has promised me he will go, and then we will do couples.
just wondering has anyone actauly done couples conciling and does it actually work?
i love my boyfreind more than anything and i really want this relationship to work, just neeed to no that its going to work and not tear us apart.

thank you all for your replys and support.
________________________________________
me -18 partner-19
Tyson and Kate mar 06
Hydie sep 07