I am sorry for your loss and the hard time you are having .
DH and I have been through many rough patches since embarking on our TTC journey, IVF, miscarriages etc... it's been really hard on us. ONly last night we had a big talk about how we can improve things between us and reconnect more...even if its just being extra nice and polite for a while, making an extra effort to be caring, remember why we fell in love, making time to do things together etc. Maybe those things would help you too? And men and women are so different in the way we communicate!
Our sex life hasnt been great either, but that isn't even a primary focus just yet, although we do want to improve that also.I hope things improve for you
Men don't always appreciate the guilt that women carry from a MC. It's not our fault, but we still feel responsible. I know that I felt less-than a woman after my two. DH really didn't understand that I felt like I had let us down on so many levels, even though rationally I tell myself it was nothing I did.
Because of this shame & guilt I was feeling, I also shut myself off physically & emotionally from DH. He's so patient, but I could tell he was getting bugged by it. I was so quick to snap, and really struggled to say anything nice at all. Then I realised that if I want him to be attentive to me, I have to be attentive to him. Sexually speaking, we didn't have to have actual sex for stuff to get sorted out, IYKWIM. I also made sure when he was telling me about his day that my mind wouldn't wander. I had to give him the respect & attention I wanted.
And something that didn't really occur to me until a few weeks ago was that even though he never seemed to show it, I know that DH was grieving too. But blokes think about things differently, and he recovered from that really quickly & looked ahead. He never 'got' why I was sad for so long because he'd already moved on.
We don't always need to 'get' each other, but we should try (both sides) to respect & love each other, and make the effort that goes with that.
heart_healings, my heart breaks for you. So much pain comes about as a result of a miscarriage and, as has been stated, it has a very different impact on the men in our lives. I agree that it is very important to sit down with your fiance and try to talk to him about how he is feeling about the loss. He may feel guilty, if you had sex after falling pregnant he might blame himself for the loss for example. (My DH is reluctant to have sex now that I'm pg because he's worried about hurting the baby)
It may be that your fiance needs to attend counselling with you in order to open up. Your counsellor will be able to help you both a lot more if you are both there seeking help to change and understand what is happening. WIth marriage on the cards, this is perhaps even more important.
I wish you both all the best and hope that you're able to work through things and find the happiness you had together before losing your precious baby. Your love and support for each other is what is most important now.
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