Hello to all you lovely ladies in here,

I've been doing a lot of reading of threads on this site, and it's been really helpful to me to read about others experiences, of those that have walked a similar path to mine.

About me - my son, Luc, was born on 7 March 2007. A full term baby, posterior induced birth. Healthy pregnancy, no major problems. My third baby. When he was born, the midwife commented that his breathing was "a bit laboured" and the ob said they would organise a paediatric check of him. He was born at 9pm at night. 18 hours later, the next afternoon, I awoke from a nap to find him dead in his hospital cot. Can't begin to explain the nightmare that unfolded then.........

There's much more detail - but to cut it short, I'm terribly upset to think that his death may have been preventable if he'd been given a thorough examination (he never got checked). I had to keep reminding staff about this before he died, just seems like the inadequacies of the hospital system came to the forefront - although he was born in a very good private hospital, seems this made no difference.

All my research on SIDS says that it's diagnosed from 1 month old. So, we don't fall into that category - and the fact that he was a bit blue after birth and the concerns raised by medical staff (albeit not outwardly major problems at birth) seem to indicate that Luc had some problems, but not major enough to raise "alarm bells" - so he does not fall into a SIDS category. No medical staff have even offered me a guess as to why our son died - they can't explain it - it seems all was well to them.

So, here I am, 6 weeks later. We have to deal with Coroners etc. and I'm glad that his death will be the subject of an inquiry - as I'm hoping it will turn up some answers. Can any of you shed any wisdom from your own experiences?

My immediate reaction was "I want to be pregnant straight away". Obviously that's not possible - and I know it was just a coping mechanism. We had a funeral for our baby. It was terribly sad. We got to spend some time with him, and brought him home for an afternoon. An autopsy failed to find anything wrong with him. He was a very wanted and planned baby. We are all heartbroken, as I know you will all understand. I treasure that I got to see him born alive, and cuddle him - I know this is so much more than most of you ladies had. At least I had that and I have many photos of him. Yet, it was just so unexpected and sudden, no warning. I barely got to know him before he left us. I don't want his life to be meaningless, I want to extract as much good as I can.

Most days are ok, but many are not. I have much pain and sadness, and yet I know I just have to keep going forward, no choice really.

I just had my first AF after birth - 6 weeks later to the day. So, that is one good thing. I will definately be TTC again. I don't want to wait for anything or waste any time. I really want a baby, and I hope the next pregnancy and baby will have such a better outcome.

Thanks for reading.

Lee