Murrycod-it's awful when we go over those types of memories and do the what if's it hurts and is painful and i am here for you to help get through this time
DH has converted Abbi's montage to a different format using a trial program i will email it to you the only thing is it has a blue copyright symbol in the left hand corner we can't remove and Abbi's poem is not as clear to read but it is pretty close to what it normally looks like so you will get the idea of how it looks for now until we find a way to change it without paying for the program.
TTCALC-Of course i don't mind if you have office 2007 version the montage should open no problem PM me your email address and i will sent it to you and i am praying you get to see those magical two lines very soon.
Crafty-My sister get mid cycle migrines to and the doc's are sending her off for some test's they did mention hormone changes could be causeing it but they aren't sure is that normal for you or a recent thing.
AFM- i am soooooo excited my CBFM has shown a peak reading which means i will ov in the next 36 hrs and sure enough i looked at the test lines and the LH line is dark and the estrogen line is light just as the book say's it is suppose to do so DH better come home with some energy tonight then he is off tomorrow and thursday so i will let him rest after thursday.
murraycod - I reckon the anniversary of finding out your were pg is one of the big hurdles, actually, so don't beat yourself up. It's on my list of the Big Three - EDD, then BFP day, then mc day. It's OK to be sad for all of them.
crafty - congrats on your nephew. I'm sure it's a lot of mixed emotions for you, but I bet you're an awesome auntie. Some people treat me really gingerly around babies (even though I'm a childcare worker FFS!) but I think they seem a little bit more miraculous now.
Stupidly hot again today. I am sitting here naked and procrastinating because I can't face getting dressed or the ride to work. Which is particularly dumb because the longer I wait, the hotter it gets!
Ohh - I forgot to mention, I'm starting yoga tonight. The instructor said it was great to find your breath again (espch after what I've been through). Every bit helps eh!
FERRALS...Oh sweetie im in tears!!! What a wonderful thing you all did for Abbi and keeping her memory alive!!
She was a beautiful little girl! and do know she is watching you all and keeping you safe Bless you heart your one strong lady!! and i admire you!!
Thanks for sharing that with me...
Alice awww thanks sweetie.. I always get asked Do you have kids and i say yeah and i explain they arent really My own but i consider them all my children im adding a photo now of all 5 They are air i breath everyday and i cherish them no matter what !! there MY Life
thanks for the luck on baby 6
I just feel its my time to be a "real" mother i deserve that much
Snugglebean.. i would love to have the heat right now..lol
AFM... Sitting her watching the snow.We are getting 4-8 inches of snow tonite and allready snowing.. I WANT summer here 35 more days they say but with all this snow coming in it might be longer.. once it starts melting were going to have floods.. they said just our town had alone 22 inches and now another 4 -8 inches coming in.. GO AWAY SNOW!! for all
hi ladies, it seems we are all at a low again in here.Time for us all to get our wishes and try and get back to some form of normality i think.....easier said than done i know.
Today is what would have been "peanuts" due date and i never imagined i would feel as heartbroken as i do.Does it get any easier after "due date" cause im a total basket case today.cant stop crying and thinking of what we would have been doing now.I lost it at my dd this morning as she got sooky when i took her to her grade (grade 1)..i think she sensed that i wasnt myself and i feel so bloody horrible as i would never be like that to my children.....its all just so unfair.
Ferrals can't wait to see Abbis montage! If I can't get this one to work, I will go next door and borrow their computer, I don't have much installed on mine XX
Sounds to me as if you are going to have a buisy evening when DH gets home!!!!
Atleast with the CBFM, you won't end up getting a UTI like the other month!!! Flying blind!!!!!
Alice, the DHEA must be just making things feel worse than they already are you poor darling XXX Enjoy the time off work, no added stress atleast X Take care XX
Sarahrach I think I 'o' around day 20ish too, I used to have 28day cycles but since MC last year they are waaaay longer and never the same. I only know when I 'o' when I stim!
FS gave me clomid to take next month when I am preparing for the FET, so atleast I can have a 28day cycle, not a forty something!!
Matthew'sMm, I know you were previously on clomid, with me taking clomid, if my blasty doesn't thaw, do I still have a chance to fall PG naturally that month??
I hope you are well and have had a nice start to the week X
I guess you are waiting for this cycle to be over too.....
Snugglybean, am holding my breath for tomorrow! Thanks for the support darling X
I think TTCALC needs to be sharing some of that snow around and stop being greedy keeping it all for herself!!!! Im sick of the hot too!!
But then again, when it gets cold for winter, I will wish it back
Crafty, for the last 2 days I have had migranes all day, I woke up thismorning so eager to feel better, but whamo, still there. Mabey I'm getting too much sleep. Dunno. But I hope you start to feel better soon XX
Mabey it is the Vitex, did you start taking it again?
TTCALC, thanks hun XXX
Mummyof4 if you are lurking, I hope you are doing ok sweety XX Thinking of how you are XX
Sunbeam, I know you'd be doing it tough today, my love to you XXX
Me, just poking around. Back to dreaded work tomorrow yuk! Made the chocolate of all chocolate cakes last night, am going to a friends house to drink iced coffee, eat cake and whinge about pregnant people....no offence to anyone that has been here though XX
More just the local 'fluffies' that get around town
My GF needs donor eggs she went through menopause at 20yrs of age, has had 4 unsuccessfull attempts at IVF, and I'm going over to keep her strong for the next one. And to eat chocolate!
Think the treadmill will get a workout tonight!
Hi ladies - I can't respond to all the posts, but know my heart is with you.
Ferals - your tribute to Abbi in your montage is as beautiful as she is. Precious sweet Abbi, I wanted to reach out and just give her all my love, but she already has all of yours.
Sunbeam - oh blossom, I am so so sorry. Go gently, my thoughts and love are with you. I know not much really helps to ease the pain, but in time when you have the strength to return to us, we will be here, ready to give our love and support. Thinking of you.
Sammy P - about your question as to whether it gets easier with time? I am not sure grieving gets easier, its more than we learn about our grief and we know a bit better what to expect from it. I think as time passes our grief changes and becomes less of an obbssession, so as time passes we let other things and life in, so that the grief takes up less space in our lives, but is no less important? A friend of mine ( who is 40 this year), her mum had a m/c between having my friend and her brother. At my friends baby shower, her mum broke down and grieved for the baby she m/c some 40 years ago. A friend of mine whose baby son was still born at 39 weeks, still can hardly talk about him, even to me, and grieves deeply, three years on.
I am approaching a year of "first anniversaries" this year. A lot like you I spent a lot of the past year or so pregnant, and I am really not sure how I am going to manage. 23 Feb, 28 July, 30 August for my angel babies - Amelia 21 weeks gest, Nicholas 14 weeks gest and Sophie 19 weeks gest. Nicholas and Sophie are twins.
People can't comprehend multiple losses or grieving for multiple angel babies. I suppose until I had to, neither could I. But I think about it, that its more that I have more opportunities for love in my life and each precious little one, represents so much love, beauty and grace.
I hope you made it ok through your day. It's ok, I say, to feel so many feelings on important days. Just go with the flow and don't beat yourself up, just accept your feelings. Hope you manage the next date in a way that gives you some peace.
Thanks ladies and again i apologise for the quality on the converted file just not the same.
Crafty-I know it's pretty cool hey i have not had to worry about guessing it gives you a high reading when you are becomming fertile so you know DTD then helps but once you get the peak reading you know to go for it as the LH and E2 reading is no mistake i had a peak reading yesterday and this morning and yes last night i actually did lay there with a pillow under my butt never done that before but though why not lol not very romantic DH layed there and cuddled me for a bit then went down stairs to watch tv i lasted about 10 minutes and followed him it all stayed where it is suppose to anyway we will BD tonight and tomorrow then im in the tww yippeeee!!!!!
Jahzara-sorry you feel that this month did not work but i suppose us women know our bodies except the time i could have sworn i wasnt pregnant but tested anyway and got a BFP and shocked the s##t out of myself we didnt even try that month as i had to go into hospital for surgery so anything is possible.
Finally I am back, almost recovered with little bit of weakness, but its all good, DH took a good care of me and fed me well all these days and I just have to go for one final check-up to Doc's and i am off from all those antibiotics.
Its been really long time since i have posted or read any post...Missed my routine, day to day life and ofcourse BDing as well (heheeee)
SAMMYP - Big hugs to you Darl, my thoughts and prayers are with you in such a tought time, Sending you lots of "BabyDust" on your way hun. I dont know why these Doc/ OBs take an action and do all the relevant tests or referral so that proper care and directions are there in next pregnancy, well pregnancy is a pregnancy (short or long) and
loss is a loss..it really hurts you bad when they do things half heartedely ( just like my doc who commented rudly that i am too desperate to fall prego quickly - shame on them). just STAY POSITIVE AND everything will turn around in your
favour. Hugs to you.
SUNBEAM - Sorry to hear about your loss as well, but good that there was no ectopic surgery and HCG levels are dropping. Good that you are positive and not giving up. how are you feeling now?good to hear that your flatmate is looking after you and decided to spend sometime with you, you really need a support during this time.
ANITA -How are you doing and hows things going on? alot of snow over there, how are you coping in such a coldwinter? and when are you testing? and you have to tell me how to add that ticker on the profile - i too want one of those tickers under my signature... and busy in BDing.
T-HOPES - how are you and hows chinese acupunture going on? any update?
MURRAYCOD - how are you? spoiling yourself with cakes and chocolates...yummmmmmmy...mouth watering... i too want some, but can't as i have to stick to juice, soup and porriadge and vegies... i know i always believe in that
00000000000000.1% chance every month. Just follow the heart, listen to it, do your work, and results will show.I always think that God has chosen me to sit in his test, when i am fully prepared and ready, he will grant me my wish and pass me in the test. I know its easy to say, but very difficult everyday to getup and atleast once in a
day think about that day when i was pregnancy with my angel and why it happend to me...and searching for some answers and blame yourself and feel low, but you have to move on and see ahead and search for that "ray of light". DH says i have become more philosiphical in past 2 weeks, but everyday i think about only one thing and he won't
understand.
MuRRAYCOD, FERRALS & CRAFTYMUMMY - I liked your Avatars...congrats for 2010 Raked..i too want one of those...FERRALS when are you getting yours...i am waiting to see your's as well
CRAFTYMUMMY - I liked your AVATAR, congrats for 2010 RAK Recipient. May be midcycle headache / migrane is a indication of ovulation or hormonal shift in the body.
Cratymummy - you quotation is well said and true that friendship begins because even without words we understand how someone feels.
FERRALS - I too want to see ABBIES memories which you have preserved with you. I will PM you my email Id, Hope you will share it with me as well. Sorry that i was away and requesting you late, but if you are not able to upload it why dont you ZIP (Compress) the file and load it here, it compresses the file size and takes less space, or you
can share it via dropload website. I also viewed you surge sticks, they are pretty clear, better than the manual one.. hey which kit are you using to check or monitor ur LH surge, i have once used digital OPK, but i never showed me any LH surge, waste of $50.00
if you dont get any results...which one are you using and do you get heaps of sticks with it?? let me know, if you dont mind.
TRYING FOR NO.3 - sorry that you found this website and you are here. trust me girls here are very nice, understanding, and above allsupportive. Hope your journey here is short and you get your BFP soon.
SNUGGLYBEAN - How are you? how was your holidays and all the best for testing? Goodluck, goodluck and lots of good luck and babydust to you.
AND TO EVERYONE ELSE - NEW MEMBERS AND OTHER FRIENDS = HOW ARE YOU ALL? Hope everything is all right with all of you.
and i apologize for spelling mistakes and this long post. I will post again.. feeling little tired now
Thank you all so much for your words of support, I really don't know how i'd get through this without this place and all of you, you are all wonderful.
I had a lovely girls day yesterday with my lovely housemate/friend, she is wonderfully caring. I have had such hugely mixed emotions. Because there was never a gestational sac or anything to see on the scan I feel like I don't know what I've lost, was there ever really a baby there? I know I'm sad because I was pregnant and now I'm not but I have no pain, no bleeding it's almost like it never happened and that just leaves me feeling empty. I know I will never believe in a pregnancy again until I've seen the heart beat. I am also trying hard to think of something else to focus on for the next 2 months because it will be that long till we can do the next IUI but I've kind of forgotten what I ever did with my time before all my energy was taken up making babies. Bit lost at the moment.
Ferrals- I am keen to look at Abbi's tribute but think i should wait until I'm feeling a bit stronger. So glad you are finally in the TTW wishing you soooo much luck babe. you deserve the best BFP
OH my gosh I just noticed I've been RAK'ed thank you so so much that has really put a smile on my face you have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you, thank you thank, you
Ric-I brought a clear blue fertility monitor from the UK it was $150 you also buy a pack of 20 test sticks to use in it the way it works is on day 1 of your cycle you set the machine then every day around the same time you turn it on until on about day 6 it asks you to do a test same as an opk then you put it in the machine and it reads the two hormones E2 and LH i posted a pic of the lines to show how the LH gets darker and the E2 gets lighter as you approach ovulation and the machine will give you a reading of low high or peak so you know the best time to BD to conceive so far it has been great no guess work as the OPK's can give you a false reading if you miss the window of LH surge or like me the OPK's were positive for 10 days so i wasnt sure if i BD at the right time.
Under my signature is a link to photo bucket i loaded Abbi's montage there it is not as good as the slide show or as clear but pretty close if you have office 2007 i can email it to you which is much nicer to watch we tried everything else to change the slide show format but nothing worked.
Sunbeam-sounds like your house mate is a godsend at the moment congratz on being RAK'ed its a great feeling hey!
Sunbeam - I'm so sorry. Yours was one of the first pg I read about in this thread. I'm glad you have the support of your flat mate - it's a tough time to get through. Like you, my first response was quite calm and I wanted to try again as soon as I could but by the second day I just fell apart. So disappointed for you. Take care and be kind to yourself x
SammyP - I'm so sorry you have gone through this so many times. It must be terribly heartbreaking for you and no wonder you are scared to try again. Lots of love to you and I hope we can give you some comfort and support here you need.
TFN3 - I'm sorry to read about your loss too - so much sadness - it's just not fair. Take care x
Jahzara - I hope it is just too early - be rotten to get your AF on your weekend away.
Minimatron - Melissa!! Wonderful wonderful news for you - I'm so excited to read it!!! Looking forward to your update. I'm five weeks this Fri since my mc and still no AF. It would have to be a spectacular miracle for me to be pg but I do get these episodes of magical thinking from time to time! I bled for about two weeks after the mc and it got heavier after about five days so I must be due soon. xx
TTCaLC - oh my goodness, when I read about your household it made me cry! So loving of you and your DH to have all those little ones to care for and sounds like it is super busy but fun. I'd love to have a house full of little ones - my DH is from a family of 11 and I just love it when everyone gets together. I hope you can make it 6 soon!
KitFarie - fingers crossed that you are pg!
SarahRach - i had a blighted ovum too. Horrible expression, isn't it?
MurryCod - No what you mean about the age thing, egg quality, and waiting...I think I stimmed my leftie out to the max too - so sore since the mc and I have a belly that looks like I should be pg. Sorry to read about how you've been feeling - I hope this little March blastie is the one. Hang in there x
Snugglybean - wow that would be fantastic if you are pg! Fingers crossed for you too xx
Ferrals - I haven't read your story but you sound like a very strong woman indeed. I'd love to see you little Abbie - I'll email you my address.
AFM - still waiting for AF, hating taking the DHEA and being so irritable, tired as all buggery and finishing up work. Think I'll give myself a bit of a break after that to try to regroup and get my energy and enthusiasm back. Most days I just want to crawl under a rock and let it all wash over me.
Craftmummy - I do believe at our age it is probably about catching the right egg but I am baffled as to why I can fall pregnant so easily (usually within 2 cycles) if my egg quality is that poor. And my body seems happy to host a pregnancy as it continues merrily along even after the baby stops growing.
Ferrals - I thought about other testing but it's likely (if things still work) that I will get pregnant again before the testing is complete so I think I am just going to concentrate on being as healthy as I can and hoping for the best. I am not sure if that is naive but that's the way I think I can handle best. I will send you PM as I would love to see your presentation of Abbi.
MurrayCod - I don't think it's bad to have a low patch and focus back to when things were good. It's only a problem if you can't shake that off after a few days. I am quite a melancholy person and sometimes I like to wallow in these old memories. The trick is to just dip your toe in and not get fully immersed (figuratively speaking of course, don't get into the river!).
Sunbeam - I'm thinking of you today.
AFM - I am getting so desperate over my weight. I was 65kg when I first fell pregnant last year and now I'm 74kg. I started gym last month, 3-4 days a week which I've faithfully attended for a month now. I've seriously modified my diet and yet I can't seem to shift anything. Maybe this is another age thing. My body seems to just say, forget it, this is where you are and this is where you stay.
From my chart it says Today is My OD also 
you deserve the best BFP
Bookmarks