Satya - I really feel for you. And I have to say, it really irkes me that someone like you, who is obviously so loving and would make such a wonderful Mum, is having trouble ttc. It's not fair, it really isn't. I often wonder what the "big plan" is for us all. I lost my first husband (in an aviation accident) when our kids were 2 and 4 years old. It was the worst time of my life, but somehow I got through it. Being a single parent (not by my own choice) was incredibly challenging whilst grieving. Anyway, that was 5 years ago. 2 years ago I met my wonderful new husband, and my life took a completely new and wonderful turn again. We knew we wanted a baby, so got to work and fell pregnant without too much effort. And to have our gorgeous baby born and die 18 hours later was so utterly devastating - he was my joy after so much pain .... sorry for the vent ....... but I just can't help but wonder "what the hell was all that about", "what is the plan"????????? What is the lesson here for me???
Haven't come up with many great answers, but I'm working on it. But I do know for sure that the best way to honour my dear loved ones who are not with me physically, is to live well, and to keep trying.
And thats all any of us can do - to keep trying, to not give in, to not get bitter about things that we cannot control (easier said than done at times).
Anyway, I'm just wanting to tell you - to hang in there. Great you are going to get some help. I do believe you will have a baby, but sometimes the best prizes are so hard fought for, that'll make them even more special.
Hugs to you all.
Lee xoxo
(p.s. 10 dpo for me............. this truly is taking forever!! - my BBs have been sore, a bit of creamy cm, and still don't feel moody like AF is on her way - but this could all be in my head too!!) Last month AF arrived on CD27 (today) - but I usually have a longer cycle, more like 30 days. I had such a heavy AF last cycle, the first "proper" one after having my little boy in early March. So, hopefully, that kind of cleared the way for a good O, and now a wedding time BFP??? Don't think I can test until another 4 days, by which time AF will just be late............... patience............aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh!
Sorry, a selfish post from me today. I tested last night and got a clear BFP (and I had just peed two hours earlier, so wasn't expecting such a dark line). So I have had the BT this morning and am now in the agonising wait for results. I am not even slightly happy or excited; just scared out of my mind. I wish I could be happy, but with my past experince, my brain is telling me that it will only end in heartbreak, and I don't know how much more I can take. I will let you all know what they say when they phone me this afternoon. Part of me is thinking they will say I am not pg at all, or else the levels aren't good enough to sustain it. I shouldn't be worried really. If it doesn't work out, then we just try again, but I am just need a break right now or I think I am going to go nuts.
Las good luck with the transfer. Remember it's only 1 glass of pineapple juice a day up until you think implantation would have occurred.
Lee I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you to lose your 1st husband like that with two little kids. Life must have been tough for some time afterwards I should imagine. Life can really throw some challenges at you can't it? As much as life can give you a very bumpy road to travel, I have learnt you never know what is around the corner for you.... my life has been full of bumps and curves. Some surprises in life are not so good, and others are great, I certainly did not expect to be pregnant in March this year, but it did happen and I know it can happen again. I try to keep thinking that having a younger partner must have to boost our odds somewhat, but that could just be wishful thinking.
Bun Congrats on the BFP. I know you are not excited about it but I am very excited for you. I'm thinking it's third time lucky for you. The results will come back really positive and things will go well for you this time. A lady I work with is about to become a grandmother for the first time. Her daughter in law had two miscarriages in a row followed by a successful pregnancy - without any medical intervention at all so it is possible. Please try to keep positive as all the worry will do you no good.
Big Hugs Satya
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