Hi everyone,
Havent been on, well i read but not reply lol coz i find it hard to keep up with you all.. hehe
Ive been ok. It has now been 3 months since i lost my son. I am finding it very hard and do alot of crying. I listen to his 2 songs all the time.
ATM - Im on CD31. AF came on the 16/3 and than the 12/4. So 27 day cycle. I should have got my AF on sunday 9th but i havent. I did a PG test today at the hospital and it came up negative Would af be that late? Its 3 days atm.
I have been watching my O and i O on the 18th day. Thats the day that i got a positive test.
Had a disappointing appointmnet today. Had to go to the hospital for my last check up. I was told last time that they would to a internal unltrasound but i got a different doctor today and it wasnt done. I left called my DH and he told me to go back so i did. I saw another doctor and she did the normal ultrasound. I normally praise them but today im disapointed. I was expecting to be checked properly and to know all is ok and thought they would tell me im pregnant too coz they would be able to see.
I hope your all doing well. I missed your advice.
I see people riding there bikes to from penrith to the mountains. Dont know how they do it!!
Miss K - sorry you are doing it tough at the moment, but if listening to your precious angel's song and crying helps you through, then do it. I did, and still do that. Not that I am an expert in this, but it might be too early just now even via internal ultra sound to detect a pregnancy and the best way might be blood tests or a very sensitive HPT. Do you know what the sensitivity of the test was? Even then it might be still too early. I got a few BFN's before the happy news. I have everything crossed for you!!
Good for you for going back! I am so proud of you! It takes a lot of courage. I am proud of your DH too for giving you the encouragement to go back.
I rekcon this is the fastest moving thread I am in!
well Murraycod I know you probs won't be on the net while away in Adelaide but incase you have one of those fancy phones with internet access then I wish you well in your egg pick and hope its not too painful for you but they do say "No Pain, No Gain " so I hope its just a little crampy IYKWIM !!! Be thinking of you and my FX for you this month,
Dory yay for giving knitting a go its really very easy just needs practice and you'll be clik claking in no time ! If you need any advice ask away but there are plenty of sites out there to give you tips ! so glad you did your signature I just had a peep at it looks great ! on the way home now girl over half way !
Matthews mum hope AF don't mess about too much so you can get on with your next transfer !
Porsche one more week to go for you I am right behind you waiting for our BFPs !
MissK sorry your having a hard time but our bodies do take time to play the game again unfortunately we just have to wait for them to be ready even though it may take longer than we would like ! Try to think positive your body will soon get another BFP !
Bons you chicken just like me I hate seeing one line I figure no testing is better than 1 line too ! ( do let us know if you cave in though and test ! )
T-hopes Hi missed you in here glad you had a good trip and I see you not too far behind me again !
Alice crochet its beautiful I do some myself but mostly knitting and sewing quilts and kids clothes I have to do some thing to keep me sane in this mad house of mine I craft between 8pm and 11pm most nights and a few mins here and there in the day if my kids allow me to ! I find if I make things for them they let me get on with it !
I guess june is not that far away now for your ivf and I think its great your giving up your job and studying some more I have thought of going to Taffe or something too for my sewing as I did O'levels in needlework and love it may take a look at the courses give me something else to think about instead of TTC !
Everyone else hope your well and keeping busy and not stressing too much all those in the TWW with me its gonna be a long long few weeks I can feel it !
Dory - I know Ive really been MIA lately! Since we got back from our beautiful, relaxing holiday its been go go go!! We had such a lovely break but of course it didnt last long... on the way from home the airport last Saturday DH got a call from one of his mates to announce their preg! I sobbed uncontrollably all the way home! Could not believe it, couldnt even walk in my front door with out another UTD announcement! Still cant... and fear its just one of many to come in the months ahead! So yeah it stung pretty bad and have been laying low because of it i think, really took away the little wind i had left in my sails Thanks for asking after me love.... i hope you are travelling ok xx
possum - oh bother, sorry AF arrived for you love hugs to you xx
crafty - yep - we are close in cycles again!! Think i may o in the next 2 days! Looks like it will be early for once!! fingers crossed! Have u o'ed yet??
missK - sorry things arent good for you atm, thinking of you and sending strength your way xx
ciara - Hi gorgeous! I remember we used to chat a bit a few months back xx
bons/porsche - Good luck!!!
Reet! - Im so glad you found your dog! I was so so sad when i read your post, i was crying! I know how much my 2 dogs mean to me and i would have been a mess!!! So relieved!!
Alice - hi lovely, how are things with you??
Ferrals - understand what you mean by needing a break, thinking of you xx
I have missed so many of you I know... im 10 days behind so please forgive me if i have missed something important xx
AFM - Just waiting to O... bought some Pre-Seed this month... so much better than using the eggs! hehehe!!! Not as messy! Trying not to obsess on it all this month... trying to lose weight instead! I wanna lose 5kg!! I can't control whether or not i fall pregnant but i can control losing weight! And I am going to!!!
thanks everyone for your support, I am crawling back out of the hole I fell in, almost there!
Luckily I had an appt with my counsellor today so could offload to her and get some strategies in place, I also told my mum what was happening and she is very supportive. Poor mum, having to look after her 37 yo daughter having a breakdown!
Craftymummy- good luck with your TWW, hope you have lots of crafts to keep you busy over the long weeks ahead!
MissK-I hope you are pregnant, the u/s would be too early at this stage so don't panic, theres still a chance!
Dory- nice to see you, hope you're feeling nice and happy after your ultrasound x
TTCALC- did you go to bingo??
Porsche-thank you, thank you x I really hope your symptoms are a pregnancy, it sounds really promising!!
Bons-I'm going to be strict with you-DO NOT test yet hold out as long as you can, wait for those two lines xx
Possummagic- Hey- good idea, I can eternally be 37, oh how I wish it was true- hehe! I won't tell anyone if you won't I have spent the day looking after myself and it has made a difference, furbabies helping all they can too-meow. Trashy TV is my drug too.
Alice-thank you so much, seeing your post helped. Your plan to leave work sounds a good one, I have consciously dropped my work to 3 shifts a week, its much easier to manage, I hope you find more time to crochet! I can knit-scarves only LOL-I wish I was better, also crocheting sounds good too, I will get stuck into knitting again soon now its cold.
Iona- sounds promising to me!
Matthewsmum-are you feeling better? Did AF come?
Thinking of miss murraycod and her eggs, hope it has gone fabulously!
Kit, Gem, Reet, THopes, ciara, forshelby- hi lovelies
Just waiting for AF now, no chance of being preg so wish she would move it and get her "bloody" presence over and done with. Not taking clomid next month as side effects too much, esp this extreme PMT whichhas knocked me for six, so its ala naturale til IVF
T-Hopes- just overlapped your post- that is terrible, you can't even get home without hearing about another preg, I would have definately have reacted the same way xx
hey saffy - yeah was crappy to come home too! And I have to see her this weekend! She isnt a good friend of mine but her husband is a very good friend of mine! Sorry to hear that Clomid gave you a hard time, and that you feel AF is near! But so wonderful that you have very supportive mum that is there to catch you when you fall... i too am blessed with one of those, they are very special xx
Any word from the POAS-ers???? Wishing you lots of luck and
Murraycod - how did it all go! ! !
crafty - can you beleive its 2ww time again!!! Where does the time go!!! Scary!
Kit - good luck with your bloods to today! keep us updated! xx
AFM - DH and I see our new FS next Wednesday which im really excited about and DH has his sperm test next friday! Got faintish 2nd line on OPK today and o pains so lots of b'dancing at our joint!!
Well I am officially cycling again!!! Day 1 today and I have just popped my first HRT Progynova. Scan day is set for my birthday 26th of May at 3pm. As my appointment is in Rockhampton ans I live in Gladstone, it's an hour trip up the highway, We will be making day of it ~ shopping, lunching and a uterine lining scan
Best of luck to all that are b'dancing, 2wwing, POASing, or just waiting. Sorry I really can't keep up with you all, but will try when my brain lets me.
T- Hopes - that just broke my heart.... wishing I could just ive you a big hug. In some ways, I think you should avoid her, but again in others I don't think you should. Why I am such a contradiction? I don't want you to put yourself in a place that will do you harm. If you don't think you can cope with seeing her than, please don't feel forced into it. One of the things I have learnt is that in my grieving, I need to put myself and my healing first and at times that will mean possibily alienating people. But at the same time, if you are feeling ok, I don't want you to cloister yourself away. Only you are going to be the judge of what you think you can manage. Honestly, promise me that if you don't think you can cope, then don't do it.
I remember in October last year, just 6 weeks after Sophie died I got an invitation to my nephew's partners baby shower, which would be about 8 weeks after Sophie. It absolutely crushed me, initially, to receive the invite, and I spent a lot of time crying. Crying for their good fortune and crying for my losses. Initially I pondered how cruel it was to be sent an invitation but then I was happy to have been included and that they were giving me the choice of whether to go or not, rather than making it for me, by not inviting me. In time I realised that I wanted to share this event with my nephew and decided I would go. I expected it to be hard, and it was. From packing the car with some of the baby stuff we had been given that I would loan to them, to actually driving there on my own ( it was about an hour away), to being in a crowd of strangers ( I knew his partner, and my nephew), to the usual tests for those of us who have lost. In the end personally I was glad I went, it helped me realise I was stronger than I thought. And it was the first and last time I saw my nephew's partner pregnant. (they annoucned their pregnancy not long after Amelia died, so most of my year was spent cloistered away from the world at large) she had an emergency ceasaran on the Tuesday following the baby shower and their little girl was born 5 weeks prem. So after conquering the baby shower, I felt ready to visit the hospital. That was hard and scary too, but I got to see my nephew just as proud as could be, and he was showing me around the special care nursery and absolutely doting on his girls. I was sad, so very sad of course, but just had such a sense of wonderment, when did that little boy who was my nephew was, turn into a man? I was so proud of him, and in the end, really happy to have shared those moments. But I was ready to. I also had a back up/escape plan worked out if I wasn't as ready as I thought.
Anyway, then I read your post about losts of bd'ing and it made my laugh. So I went from crying to laughing in such a short space of time. Even in your darker times, you still have the ability to make me laugh. That is a true gift.
Hope all goes well at the new FS... will dildo cam make a cameo appearance?
Murray - hope that collection went swimmingly....does that mean you can celebrate now with a glass of champers?
GEM - hoping you get a nice THICK lining as an extra special birthday pressie! It's not such a bad drive between Gladstone and Rocky. A day of shopping and lunching sounds perfect.
Saffy - hopes AF comes nice and quick. Bugger about clomid and the nasty side effects. I hate PMS when I don't feel like myself.
Last edited by dory; May 13th, 2010 at 11:03 AM.
: Addition
Morning all from a wet WA at long last we got some rain ! the garden is so releaved and we may get a green lawn soon !
T-hopes so sorry you had that call on your way home bit of a downer after such a lovely time away but hey that could be you very soon anouncing your own special news ! and if not then you at least get to see a new FS and get a plan in action on the way so its all good still if you can look at it differently after your initial despair ! I felt the same when my son announced their BFP but I had to be happy for them and pray they never get to feel this heartache !
Dory such a lovely post as usual your previous experiences have a way of making you think in a different way and I too will now think of my son and be pleased he is a man now with his own little person to take care of soon (mid oct is the due date ) I have a message from Ferrals she says to tell you she is fine she is in the TWW with me and has a new FS apt booked for the 28th so she will test the day before just to make sure, she is in the older women long term thread as I am too feels more comfortable at times when you have been on this road for 9mnths and remember just how many ladies have come and gone in that time !
Saffy so sorry clomid didn't suit you I remember being on it years ago and it didn't suit me either all those hot sweats and feeling so iritable and snappy ! Hope AF turns up soon and you can go natural into your BFP !
Well 11 days left for me just started to knit some baby clothes will either be for my new grandchild or myself if I get a BFP ! either way will keep me busy over the next 11 days or so !
This time last year I got my last AF before my BFP and life was so much more relaxed but since then much heartache has come and gone but without this forum and you ladies well I think my last 9mnths would have been just unbareable so thanks ladies for keeping me sane !
Murraycod how you doing did you get a dozen or a bakers dozen in your egg basket ? can't wait to hear your updates !
oh Dory - I hope you know and those around you know and appreciate what a true angel you are! Your words are magnificent! Thank you for that post - you are a gift to all of us!
Apologies in advance for those I've missed... it's hard to keep up!!
Murraycod - I really feel for you. You must be very strong to put up with pain like that, and I'm hoping this is your month!
Alice - Great news! It's a tough decision you've made, but it sounds like it's right for you. Congrats on going to uni. What are you studying?
Gem - I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you find this place as theraputic as I do. It's really helped me through some of the worst days of my life. And that was without even posting. I would just read, and feel better knowing I was not alone. Don't feel bad about wanting to try again so soon, it was all I wanted to do when I mc, and we weren't even trying. We'd only been together 8 months. But it felt so right. I say do what is right for you. Be brave! I also hope your trip to Rocky goes well, and I can't wait to hear how your scan goes. Fingers crossed for an extra chunky lining. LOL
Dory - You wouldn't believe the strange looks I get when I confess that not only I can knit, but I enjoy it! Nobody knits these days, at least nobody I know anyway. Keep it up. I say if it keeps you sane, go for it.
Kit - Yes, it definitely seemed like a good cleanout. LOL.... more than I've seen for a long time. And it seemed to go on forever. Now that I count, it was only 3 days. And good luck with your appointment today. I'll be waiting by the keyboard for good news!
Thopes - It must have been so hard for you to hear that news. I can't say I've reacted any differently to other people's pg announcements during my grief. Don't beat yourself up about it if you can't handle seeing her. Just do what you feel is right, and don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings. If she gets upset about your avoidance, maybe you should explain it to her. No person in their right mind would be angry at you for protecting yourself from further upset. Be gentle with yourself.
AFM, AF is officially OVER! Hooray. Can't wait until cd12ish when I know the bd'ing really counts! For now, I told DH it's good practise. Come to think of it, I'd better go and break the good news to him that I'm no longer 'broken'. (That's what we call it when I have af... lol). He'll be thrilled, I'm sure. I hear the shower running. Might go and sneak in. Bwahahaha.....
T-hopes - sorry you got that call not fair on the end of your nice break away and you are completely right about our Dory - she is a gift to us, I agree
Dory - you are one strong, amazing woman and we are lucky to have you here with us
Crafty - get knitting! You'll need quite a few things for your new bub that is on it's way! Glad you got some rain finally - we've gone a while without some in the mountains too but we get our fair share over the year so can't complain.
MurryCod - thinking of you all day today and hoping your egg collection went OK (did you have a general?) and that they are all great quality eggs ready to grow into beautiful healthy embies for you to transfer.
MatthewsMum - hows the flu? Hope you're feeling better.
Gem - yes, shopping a grand idea when you are having these lovely tests. Glad to hear you excited and hope all goes smoothly for you.
Saffy - Sorry about the break down and clomid sounds bloody awful - hope you get lucky this month all on your own. Glad the counseling helped and if your Mum is anything like mine I'm sure she would do anything to see you happy and with your baby - we're lucky to have them aren't we? I'd be lost without my mum, she's a rock for me.
MissK - very brave to go back in - we are so vulnerable and it takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself in a situation like that, I'm just sorry you couldn't get the scan you wanted. Would be lovely to hear of a BFP for you - fingers crossed.
Porsche - any more news on the cramps front? That's a bit tantelising...!!
Bons - hello getting close to test time! Let us know how you go! I'm a big chicken - have NEVER done one...can't bear the heartache of one line and never have the courage to face it...who knows, maybe you ladies will turn me
Possum - agghhh did you say white chocolate agggrrhhhhh stop torturing me!!!
Hi everyone sorry to have missed you and hope you are all going OK and catch up with you soon.
AFM well, was all geared up to resign (DH agrees) and...my boss is off sick with a hangover! So tomorrow I will hopefully have the conversation that I've been stewing over all week. I'm going to try to get them to agree to me working from home since all of it is online but if that fails, I'm out of there! Diet is going OK (getting used to it I guess - carry a little esky with me everywhere, such a dag) and temperature has started to go up, which is good. I soo want to start IVF in June - can't handle all this waiting!
Helloo All,
Just pop-in to say BIG BIG HELLO to everyone !!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry, i suddendly went away, just wanted to unwind, relax and wanted to do things apart from TTC, no charting, no OPK,no 2WW, no stress...just fun time with other wonderful things i could do.
Thank you everyone for asking about me, and thinking of me, I was tickled pink to read all of your messages, I love you all XX
What a day!!
I'm not going to do persies tonight as much as I would love too, but I am exhausted and still dopped up, so I will sit down tomorrow and catch up with everybody XX
WE GOT '27 'EGGS !!!!! OMG!!!!!
I can't beleive it, it's still sinking in, 27, thats totally unbeleivable, no wonder I was so uncomfortable. DH is treaing me like a princess, I think he realises now I was not just whinging all week for the hell of it.
More news girls, brace yourselves. Do you remember the Uterus Biopsy i requested....well my FS got the result back yesterday.
It came back POSITIVE with NKcells (natural killer cells). I can't beleive it. After all of this time TTC and this is what has been stoping anything surviving down there.
My FS said to me today, that when I requested for all of this tesing over the past month, he thaught I'd have more of a chance of winning lotto, than having NKcells in my uterus, he is in total shock too.
At the beginning of the month when I started all of the meds for this IVF cycle, he decided to treat me for NKcells before we got the results back (being treated for it, without having the NKcells doesn't hurt anything anyway) just to shut me up, so I am over the moon to know, that I am totally in with a chance this time.
Yes god help you all, I have my hopes up this time, more than I ever thaught I could.
Will find out tomorrow how many of the 27 eggs fertilised and survived the night, and ET will be monday.
I will catch up with everyone tomorrow I promise, I just have so much going through my mind ATM, I needed to type it out.
Well im back from my camping trip. I wld love to say that it was a huge success.. but it wasnt
AF hung around the whole time, i was continuously doing opk's and they were always just coming up with a faint positive line. I dont know if it is AF or something else.. U really shldnt get AF after taking clomid. I did read in the clomid leaflet that a side effect is spotting or heavy menstrual bleeding.. But i just dont get it! How can u conceive whilst bleeding??! i dont think its really possible.. i just dont think sperm wld like swimming in blood! I dont understand why this is happening, when i took clomid the first time everything went to plan. I got home this afternoon and just felt like crying and crying.. i am so so annoyed and frustrated that my body is doing this. The only hope i have now is that this by some chance is AF and i will O when dh gets back next friday.. i dont like my chances but i guess it cld be possible. Maybe my body has ignored all the progesterone and clomid pills i have taken and done its own thing. We got 2 good bd's in.. last nite and this morning, AF disappeared for a brief few hrs, but then i bled all day today so i dont think there is any chance of a success story here! I dont even know where i am in this cycle anymore.
And to put an even bigger dampener on my trip away was that my gorgeous little pup got hold of a pork chop bone from one of dh's workmates dinner plates.. and swallowed it down whole! Pretty sure it is stuck in her throat cos she has been doing little coughs and gagging every so often. I took her straight to the vet this arvo.. and she is booked in for xrays tomoro, they will sedate her and see whats going on. My poor little baby & my poor wallet!! its going to cost $350 minimum.. shes worth every cent tho. All up my little pointless trip away cost $250 on fuel plus vet bill.
Its just SO frustrating cos all these little things are showing me I shldnt have gone away.. i shld have just let things happen without forcing them..
I think like saffy, the clomid is making me very emotional.. i think i cld spend all day everyday crying if i let myself.
I was looking forward to coming back and seeing how u were all doing tho. Im so proud of u murraycod! such wonderful news! I am going to do my persies tomoro.. not in a very good mindframe at the moment. Hugs to you all xxxxx
I am finding it very hard and do alot of crying. I listen to his 2 songs all the time.
Thanks for asking after me love.... i hope you are travelling ok xx
hugs to you xx
I have spent the day looking after myself and it has made a difference, furbabies helping all they can too-meow. Trashy TV is my drug too.
sorry to have missed you and hope you are all going OK and catch up with you soon.
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