Jen, Flowerchild, Melissa, Mannie ♥THANK YOU ♥
I just wanted AF to come.. about being preggo.. I just don't know... hubby gets paid tomorrow so maybe I might test one last time.. if I get nothing I will call to make an appointment for next week or whenever they can fit me in. I'm just waiting for hubby to get the Health Insurance cards so I can call the doctor. Their website say they take the HI hubby has so that's really good news. It is a Fertility Center. I just can't wait!! Maybe they can give me Provera to start my period. And if.. (I doubt it) if I'm pregnant ( I really really doubt it) I can get meds???
Thank you all for comforting me.. I have been so freaking down for the past few days!! GGRR
On a happier note.. I still have a chance to have a 2009 baby.. if I TTC on Jan I will have a Sept. baby...Feb- Oct baby.. and so on.. so I have till April ( my Due date) to see if this dream will come true.
I love you girls. Thank you so much for your comforting words!!!! I wish youknew how much it means to me!!
Milla: Send that B***c my way! 1I need AF!!! Good luck to you momma.
I posted this in my blog today ( It is long) Just thought I would share. Its basically what happened to me (sorry if it's repetitive), were I am right now.. and what my plans are.)
It is very detailed on what I went through, maybe many can relate.
Sorry if it's long you don't have to read it if yo don't want to.. I just wanted to share. (It's copied pasted from my blog)
I just wanted to let it our here...
please bear with me......
Well as many of you know I suffered my 3rd miscarriage on Sept. 11th this year.. it has been super painful, .. I still today cried about it. I'm healing though. Slow but steady. Ok
now.. today has been like 56 days since my D&C (on Sept. 12th)
For those who don't know what it's like.. it was AWFUL!!!...... this is the very first time I talk about my D&C anywhere... ( tears are rolling already)
So that day Sept 11th in the morning (as you can see in one of my albums) I was so excited to get that ultrasound...As I waited for hubby to come pick me up I was bored and snapped a few pics in my webcam before I went. Well like at 8AM I went in to the ultrasound place in Bergenline NJ.
well the tech wouldn't be in till after 9:30.. so I had to wait.. I was the first one and the only one there.. 10AM came and the tech wasn't there yet.. a few pregnant women were in the waiting area with me and all of them chit chatting about their pregnancies and all that.
Well I was called at around 10:30 I think in.. well.. all excited.. the doc did a tummy u/s... her face was blank.. I was like.. "oookkkeeeeyyyy..can I see the screen???".. well she saw my anxiety and she said "you need to drink water your bladder is empty".. ( I was like WTH??.. I felt like peeing...but she said it was empty so I stepped out to drink like 5 cups of water (she said to drink a lot)
Well as I was doing that... She took in another girl.
Well like 15 min passed and the girl came out.. well She called me in.. now she did an vag, u/s and was just poking me with that thing.. ok she asked me how many weeks are you now??.. I said well I should be 11w1d. She stayed quiet (the screen towards her the whole time) then I sensed something was wrong.. she was so silent.. then she put the Doppler and it was just static (so different from the Doppler from my 7 week scan..that beautiful heartbeat)
Well I started sobbing.. I knew.. I'm NOT stupid. it was just static..annoying freaking static.. I asked her is the baby alive??.. And the nurse said.. "I'm sorry hun.. you have a non-viable fetus).. that's it.. I felt this rush come from my toes to my head.. a cold gush.. I felt weak.. I felt just lightheaded.. she was done..As I stood up I peeked at the screen and I saw my baby!!! I saw the silhouette of a tiny body.. my baby had long legs and was just so peaceful.. no movement.
so I headed to the bathroom to put on my pants... I managed to put on my pants.. the moment I stepped out of that room.. my knees went weak.. (OMG I'm crying..sorry)
My knees went weak and I just dropped to the ground in front of everyone and just sobbed. I tried to stand up but I don't know what took hold of my knees I couldn't stand up!!! So someone was holding my shoulder.. I don't know who.. I just cried.
Well The time came to call myhusband and my mother in D.R. and I told them my baby had died.
Well I went to the ER with papers to see if I could ave had the D&C ( For those who don't know what it is it's a small surgical procedure to remove the dead baby and surrounding tissue)
Well in the ER after waiting from 11AM to like freaking 5PM.. They finally saw my misery and said.. " Come in tomorrow at 7AM all our operating rooms are full.. all of them.. we can't see you tonight"
Well so I went home.
That night was horrible. I just looked at my belly and just cried and cried. Well the next day came and I was in the hospital at around 6:30 AM.. Franklin took off to leave Erick with a friend of mine for the day.
Well the waiting game again... The doctor was ready but still there was no operating rooms available.. so they told me to wait till around 11AM they were going to squeeze me in for the procedure.
Well yes.. from 6:10 AM to like 12:PM They finally took me in.
I was in the Pre-Op room in these horrible hospital gowns and in a wheelchair just waiting to be called in.
Well the time came.. i signed some papers and I was on the operating table.
Before the anesthesiologist came in I glanced at my belly.. put the hand I had no IV in on my belly and just said " Baby Good bye.. Mommy loves you.. ".. I just cried,.. Well the anesthesia was put on my IV.. and I remember staring at the huge lamp above me and everything went black.
Well I dunno how long it lasted.. many say it doesn't take more than 10-15 minutes)
Well I slowly saw a light.. then the room was like out of focus and it slowly became clear and real. It was done.
I felt this sudden emptiness as I realized what had happened. I felt blood.. I felt bad. I felt .. I knew.. I knew.. it was gone. My baby wads no longer part of me.
It is the worst thing a mother could experience.
I just have no words for it.
Well as you all have seen time has passed.. I have healed.. I still cry now and then but it's only normal I guess.
Well My worries started when AF still wasn't here.. 40 something days after this procedure.. nothing. My cycles had not returned to normal. A few days ago I started spotting and I swore AF was here.
Well it was just that.. light spotting. for like 3 days.. now it;s gone. And I had no AF.
I do have GREAT news... My husbands Health Insurance covers Fertility treatments and IVF 100%.. I feel like it is God's way of saying "Ruth I heard your prayers.. here is this..."
Even though I won't be trying to have a child just yet.. I'm very confident now that the doctors will know what to target and give me the right meds to get pregnant and stay pregnant. a Perinatologist will be seeing me after pregnancy is achieved to monitor me as a high risk patient. I am scared about getting pregnant again.. most women are after losing prev. a pregnancy. But I have faith in God it will happen for me. I'm still on time to have a 2009 baby.....if I try to conceive on Jan or Feb.. I might be having a Sept or Oct baby. So I might still have a chance. But Rigth now I need to focus on other things before I even think baby.
I'm seeing a doctor maybe in the 3rd week of this month.. not to TTC.... just yet (I have TTC on hold)
I at least want Provera or something so I can get my cycle back. Then in 2009.... maybe Jan or Feb.. don't know yet... I will see the doc. for the real deal.. I have faith in him. I know that this time around.... I will receive the right meds I need to sustain a pregnancy. a viable one.
So I'm here just being quiet.. if you see I don't respond to your messages...
I do try.. but most of the time I just don't want to talk about me..
I'm trying to do whatever to keep my mind off things.
Thank you for reading this blog.. I just felt the need to update on me.. since I haven't for a while. I just haven't felt like talking about me lately.
Thank you once more for taking your time to read this. This is all I have to say for now.. I will update more when I see this doctor. Hoping I get AF naturally but heck.. I know my body all too well.. in 2007 I only had 2 periods. So it looks like my PCOS is back in to gear!
So far there are 4 things to target once I TTC again..
1. My Insulin Resistance ( it messes up your reproductive hormones making it super difficult to be fertile Due to super high levels of insulin and sugar)
Solution: Prescription of Glucophage (Metformin) untill I'm 20 weeks pregant.
2. Annovulation ( inability to ovulate)
Solution: Ovulation inducing drugs.. either Clomid (pill) or Profasi( a shot) among other possible drugs like Ovidrel, Follistim ( A friend of mine had those for an IUI) among others.
3. High Blood pressure ( It was the main reason why I had my son at 34 weeks premature)
Solution: Baby Aspirin or a prescription drug by a cardiologist.
4. Vital hormones after pregnancy is achieved. ( Progesterone)
Solution : Progesterone suppositories or shot
once those 4 things are targeted... my baby dreams will come true. ♥
Hi I've just join and need advice. I had a miscarriage at 5 and a half weeks in August. We decided to try again after one full cycle and nothing. After thinking about it, we thought we would just put it off till next year, but take no precautions. This last weekend I was late, so I tested and got a faint line. I believed I was pregnant, I had all the symptoms tiredness for over a week and felt like vomitting every two mins. Then I woke up this morning and well I guess you can all imagine my disappointment. I thought it surely couldn't happen to me again. Was I pregnant? did I miss again? Should I see my GP? Is there anything I'm doing wrong? My husband is supportive but has no idea.
Ruthie- thanks for sharing that. I broke down at my terrible scan without a heartbeat too...and found the D &C awfull...I cried then on the table beforehand... sending big hugs to you xx
Dutchy- you arent doing anything wrong sweetie...you might have had a miscarriage again...it happens...life isnt fair, but it's not you doing anything wrong.. and men feel these things differently to women, that's common also.
Sorry, this will be a quick post as I am going out to dinner tonight.
Well, AF arrived - completely uninvited and certainly not welcome. Not sure whether to be angry or just plain devastated.
Since it has been a year since the m/c we are going to the Dr tomorrow to be referred to a fertility specialist for some tests. Have no idea what to expect but at least we will feel like we are being proactive instead of sitting around waiting!
Dutchy - you are doing nothing wrong. If I have learnt one thing in the past 12 months is that our bodies can be so deceiving. I seem to get pg symptoms almost every month and then AF arrives. I wish I could give you the answers but unfortunately I haven't found any on my journey as yet. Best of luck on your TTC journey.
Hope everyone is doing ok,
for 2009 babies for all of us. I think this thread is due for some good news!
hey Ruthie - so sad your story, surely the doc could've been more empathetic, but these clinical people are sometimes so cold, its really rare to find a warm OB or Gyno. Most of the nurses are pretty good. I suppose they see this all the time so are complacent about it rather than help us to absorb it and try and be supportive while letting us know the unimaginable has happened.
Im hoping for a 2009 baby too Ruthie!!! I think there are plenty of us around here praying for the same thing
Melissa - I agree with you its still my baby regardless if its a chemical pregnancy it sounds so horrible when they call it that...goodluck ttcing
Dutchy - same thing happened to me, I had a positive pregnancy test a couple of days after AF was due, so pregnant right, had the symptomst he vomiting the tender breasts, the nausea, tiredness etc. Had blood tests done and hcg was 26 (bad it was way too low) AF arrived like 7 days late and my pregnancy was no more...its what doctors call a 'chemical pregnancy' so it was a second m/c, baby didn't stick again....so could be what happened to you too. Goodluck with ttcing and hoping you get a stick bub soon too....
got to go airport now and drop off a rep from sydney...also not feeling too good, think Im coming down with the flu yuk!!
HI to all the lovely ladies and sending you lots of babydust....
Ladies,
just a quick hello from me and also a most unwelcome hello from AF who arrived today as well. Grrr. I was feeling really quite hopeful this cycle and now I have to go home and tell DH who was hassling me to POAS this morning that it is not to be this month.
Hugs to Milla and Mel, hang in there.
Mannie, I'm so sorry. You are being very brave and as Ruthie says I think there must be some 2009 babies just waiting for us!
Ruthie, such a sad story! You are VERY brave and I'm so glad that all the insurance thing is going to work out for you- the US medical system scares me!!
To everyone else, lots of hugs and
Oh well back to BD (not that that is a bad thing )
Indy
Thanks for all your support and thoughts - it is helping.
The doc is sending me to a specialist, who he said probably won't see me until I have had 3 misses, but here's hoping that doesn't happen. Husband doesn't understand at all, but he does try hard, yummy chocolates came my way this afternoon.
I have to face work tomorrow, the last time I was off sick was my last mc and I got fifty million questions about whether I was pregnant or not, hopefully this time it won't happen again.
This is a flying visit, just to let you know i had my 16 week midwife app this morning. All ok.
She had a listen to little bub, all is ok. it's like a massive weight has been lifted. she said i prob wont start feeling bub till 18/20 weeks as it's my first, so thats my next milestone.
Fifi : Congrats on hearing your bubba!! I'm so happy everything is going great with you hun!
Duchy: I'm sorry AF knocked on your door.. send that biotch my way!! Wishing you the best of luck on this cycle momma!! ♥
Indy, Mannie, Mel, Possums: Thank you ladies. This is my motto right now.. Since 2008 is almost over.. my motto is " Leaving behind the painful past and looking forward to a a happy future".. By that future I mean 2009. every year everyone starts fresh.. I did when 2008 kicked in.. and 2008 gave me my dream.. and took it away. Now we know the reason.. now we know how to get help.. and I'm sure. not only for me.. but for you ladies too...
" May 2009 bring us all our dreams.. our so very wanted and deserved babies. "
I'm POASing this weekend.. for the last time.. "just in case" .. new symptoms have kicked in.. I have nausea in the AM and last night I felt really lightheaded.. just like I did with my angel bubba.. I wish it were in my head.. but since I'm not TTC.. I'm not even stressing.. so all these things have come on their own???
So just in freaking case... ( I'm have just grown weary of all the testing and all that mumbo jumbo.. really....)
Stupid AF got lost again.. She was so close to my door. GGGRRRRRRRRR(growl)
Jen Jen, Mollycat, Plc, Angel, Larz, Milla, Flowerchild, Issy, Toccarra, Vanaithi, Chappas, WTH, Megsmum, Smi, Krystielove, Rach, Hannah, Tutmae, Dellydoo, Tam, Joey, Pstar, Tina, AJC, Katiegirl, Leyza, Babymiracles
And all the other girlies I missed here (sorry) ......
I'm still here Ruthie - just lurking mostly to see where everyone is and posting if I have anything useful to say. Big hugs to you sweetheart - ur really such a strong chickie!!
Fifi - great to hear that hb isn't it? May you go from strength to strength my dear.
Welcome Duchy - so sorry for your loss - it's just such a terrible thing that can happen and one never thinks it will happen to them. I'm happy you found the girls here and I hope they are as great a support to you as they were to me when I was TTC and still are!!
Melissa - how are you going hun?
Possums, Mel, Mannie, Milla & Indy - hugs to you all girls in support.
Hello and hugs and babydust to my TTC friends - wishing you Christmas BFPs wrapped up in pink and blue tinsel.
To my UTD friends - lots of belly rubs to you all - grow babies grow!!!
Ruthie - I'm still here, just in a really funny mood, spending lots of time lurking, not much posting.
Been really busy with the kids. It's funny how the dynamics of the group have changed with the baby. Not to mention all the extra work....LOL Today's pretty quiet, I only have 3 kids in, (although two of them are pretty noisy/busy). I think we'll go visiting and use up some of that energy.
Fifi - that's beautiful news about your bub. You must have been so excited to hear that heartbeat.
Just wanted to let you all know that I'm alive and thinking of you all! I'm sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately.... just been super busy! Have to work at the school tonight, so will have to work on persies later. Just didn't want you all to think I forgot about you or wasn't thinking of you all! for everyone!!
jen - sounds like you are run off your feet. Don't work too hard - although hopefully that will speed up the TWW for you
Ruthie - hang in there sweetie and go and have a blood test soon ok
fificlaire - glad everything is ok - wishing you a smooth sailing pregnancy from here
Indy and Mel and milla- damn that AF witch - so sorry to hear that she arrived. for a 2009 baby for all of us!
Mannie have been thinking of you and hope you are doing okay
Dutchy I am so sorry for your losses. Never feel that a m/c is your fault. It is so easy to blame ourselves but there is really nothing any of us could have done to prevent what we have gone through.
To all the other beautiful women on this thread
HEY - I have noticed that there are quite a few of us on this thread that are 37! So big cheer for 37 and wishing us all a baby before we turn 39!
AFM: Still waiting for FET. Had first blood test on tuesday and they said nothing much is happening yet and definately not ovulating. So next blood test is tomorrow - fingers crossed will start to see signs of ovulating. Once I ovulate I think they will put in frostie five days later. for success. At my age stats show 20% success rate with FET - not great but just hope I am one of the lucky 1 in 5. Will keep you posted. Hey - I know some of you have had a FET - are you advised to avoid trying naturally once they know you ovulate. I was thinking might be good to try naturally as well to increase chance of success? Would love your thoughts.
Baby miracles, Jen, Mollycat, Plc: I'm glad you are all ok overall. I feel like being quiet myself. I asked hubby to bring me an HPT today and he forgot. so I asked him not to forget tomorrow and hopefully I can POAS on Fri.
I sure will post something then. For now I think I will join in the lurking till I have something new to say.
Love you so much girlies .. I just wanted to thank you and all my girlies here SO VERY MUCH for the love and support I have gotten since day 1.
I don't know where I would have been right now without your love, compassion, and support. ♥ THANK YOU ♥
I will be busy this weekend.. my husband has come down with the terrible flu Fall/winter always brings and my son looks like is picking it up too.. and I know for sure I will catch it too... ( blah)
So I see this weekend will be full of chicken soup, lemon tea, over the counter flu remedies and so on.
So in case you all wonder where I have been.. I will be lurking too.... just being quiet. I will let you all know if I POAS on Fri if it was BFP or BFN.. AF still not here. it was a 3 day super light spotting thing and gone. So I'm not counting that as AF. Maybe it was implantation bleeding?.. dunno... let's see.
I will let you all know.
We had our NT Scan today. It was fantastic! We loved seeing the baby again. It's amazing how much you can already see! The baby's little fingers were just too cute!
Anyway, the important news is that the NT Scan and blood test have determined that the baby's risk of Downs Syndrome is 1 in 7000, and it's risk of Trisomy13 is 1 in 99,000. So we are very happy with that. We were also lucky enough to get a dvd of the scan and a couple of pictures, so I have put the pictures in the gallery.
Always thinking of you all and wishing you all the best! Huge hugs all around!!!
Milla--Sorry to hear about AF, she's such a witch! *hugs* Great news that the TCM is helping to regulate your cycle, though!
Mannie--Thanks for thinking of me! I'm so sorry for what you've been going through, hon! You're such a trooper for hanging in there and being supportive when you're feeling so down yourself--you're amazing!
Mellisa--Yay for earlier O!
Ruthie--Thanks for sharing your blog with us Good luck with POAS on Friday--thinking of you!
Dutchy-- So sorry to hear of your m/c in Aug. I pray you find comfort and support here amongst us. I think it would probably be a good idea to see your dr, especially if you think there's any chance you may have m/c again. It could also just be your body trying to get itself back to normal, sometimes it just takes time. Please remember that you didn't do anything wrong--nothing you could've done would have prevented what happened--and it's so easy to blame ourselves when we don't have the answers! Give yourself the time and space you need to heal--there's no time frame when it comes to grief, you just have to roll with it, and one day soon you'll realize that it's getting easier to face each day.
Possums--Hey, hon, thinking of you! Big *hugs*
Mel & Indy--So sorry to hear about AF's most unwelcome visit! *hugs* Hope the FS can give you the answers you're looking for!
fifi--Congrats on a great 16 week appt!
plc-- A walking frame! No such luck--pretty soon I'll have to throw out the wheelchair and replace it with a gurney! Not that I'm complaining! lol....
mollycat--Sorry to see that biotch made it past my force field again! Big *hugs* for you...
babymiracles--Good luck with your BT and hopeful impending O!! Saying lots of prayers for you, and keeping my fingers crossed!
AJC--6 weeks left? OMG... where has the time gone? I remember when you got your BFP--seems like just yesterday! So happy for you, hon! *hugs*
smi--How's your week going, cycle buddy? It's almost done--tomorrow's Friday! Woot woot!
Krystie--Thanks for sharing the new pics of little Chyan! So happy your scan went well! Miss you much! Hey, do you have MSN so you can meet us for Friday chat? Big hugs and *kiss*
Hey Gurlies..I too am guilty of lurking and not posting...
I check in on all of you daily...so even if you don't see me I have more than likely seen you *wink*
I had a terrible sore throat on Tuesday...that was it...no cold no ill feeling just a horrible sore throat it was just a tad sore yesterday and today nothing...thank goodness it didn't turn into a full blown cold or something! I just hate feeling ill (unless it would be morning sickness...at this point I think I'd LOVE it!)
♥THANK YOU ♥
to see if this dream will come true.
Did I early miss again?
for 2009 babies for all of us. I think this thread is due for some good news!
I was feeling really quite hopeful this cycle and now I have to go home and tell DH who was hassling me to POAS this morning that it is not to be this month.
)
Wishing you the best of luck on this cycle momma!! ♥
I am so sorry for your losses. Never feel that a m/c is your fault. It is so easy to blame ourselves but there is really nothing any of us could have done to prevent what we have gone through. 
So big cheer for 37 and wishing us all a baby before we turn 39!
so I asked him not to forget tomorrow and hopefully I can POAS on Fri.
and 
No such luck--pretty soon I'll have to throw out the wheelchair and replace it with a gurney! Not that I'm complaining! lol.... 
...few more days will tell...
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