Jen, Flowerchild, Melissa, Mannie ♥THANK YOU ♥
I just wanted AF to come.. about being preggo.. I just don't know... hubby gets paid tomorrow so maybe I might test one last time.. if I get nothing I will call to make an appointment for next week or whenever they can fit me in. I'm just waiting for hubby to get the Health Insurance cards so I can call the doctor. Their website say they take the HI hubby has so that's really good news. It is a Fertility Center. I just can't wait!! Maybe they can give me Provera to start my period. And if.. (I doubt it) if I'm pregnant ( I really really doubt it) I can get meds???

Thank you all for comforting me.. I have been so freaking down for the past few days!! GGRR

On a happier note.. I still have a chance to have a 2009 baby.. if I TTC on Jan I will have a Sept. baby...Feb- Oct baby.. and so on.. so I have till April ( my Due date) to see if this dream will come true.

I love you girls. Thank you so much for your comforting words!!!! I wish youknew how much it means to me!!


Milla: Send that B***c my way! 1I need AF!!! Good luck to you momma.


I posted this in my blog today ( It is long) Just thought I would share. Its basically what happened to me (sorry if it's repetitive), were I am right now.. and what my plans are.)
It is very detailed on what I went through, maybe many can relate.

Sorry if it's long you don't have to read it if yo don't want to.. I just wanted to share. (It's copied pasted from my blog)


I just wanted to let it our here...
please bear with me......

Well as many of you know I suffered my 3rd miscarriage on Sept. 11th this year.. it has been super painful, .. I still today cried about it. I'm healing though. Slow but steady. Ok
now.. today has been like 56 days since my D&C (on Sept. 12th)
For those who don't know what it's like.. it was AWFUL!!!...... this is the very first time I talk about my D&C anywhere... ( tears are rolling already)
So that day Sept 11th in the morning (as you can see in one of my albums) I was so excited to get that ultrasound...As I waited for hubby to come pick me up I was bored and snapped a few pics in my webcam before I went. Well like at 8AM I went in to the ultrasound place in Bergenline NJ.
well the tech wouldn't be in till after 9:30.. so I had to wait.. I was the first one and the only one there.. 10AM came and the tech wasn't there yet.. a few pregnant women were in the waiting area with me and all of them chit chatting about their pregnancies and all that.
Well I was called at around 10:30 I think in.. well.. all excited.. the doc did a tummy u/s... her face was blank.. I was like.. "oookkkeeeeyyyy..can I see the screen???".. well she saw my anxiety and she said "you need to drink water your bladder is empty".. ( I was like WTH??.. I felt like peeing...but she said it was empty so I stepped out to drink like 5 cups of water (she said to drink a lot)
Well as I was doing that... She took in another girl.
Well like 15 min passed and the girl came out.. well She called me in.. now she did an vag, u/s and was just poking me with that thing.. ok she asked me how many weeks are you now??.. I said well I should be 11w1d. She stayed quiet (the screen towards her the whole time) then I sensed something was wrong.. she was so silent.. then she put the Doppler and it was just static (so different from the Doppler from my 7 week scan..that beautiful heartbeat)
Well I started sobbing.. I knew.. I'm NOT stupid. it was just static..annoying freaking static.. I asked her is the baby alive??.. And the nurse said.. "I'm sorry hun.. you have a non-viable fetus).. that's it.. I felt this rush come from my toes to my head.. a cold gush.. I felt weak.. I felt just lightheaded.. she was done..As I stood up I peeked at the screen and I saw my baby!!! I saw the silhouette of a tiny body.. my baby had long legs and was just so peaceful.. no movement.
so I headed to the bathroom to put on my pants... I managed to put on my pants.. the moment I stepped out of that room.. my knees went weak.. (OMG I'm crying..sorry)
My knees went weak and I just dropped to the ground in front of everyone and just sobbed. I tried to stand up but I don't know what took hold of my knees I couldn't stand up!!! So someone was holding my shoulder.. I don't know who.. I just cried.
Well The time came to call myhusband and my mother in D.R. and I told them my baby had died.
Well I went to the ER with papers to see if I could ave had the D&C ( For those who don't know what it is it's a small surgical procedure to remove the dead baby and surrounding tissue)
Well in the ER after waiting from 11AM to like freaking 5PM.. They finally saw my misery and said.. " Come in tomorrow at 7AM all our operating rooms are full.. all of them.. we can't see you tonight"
Well so I went home.
That night was horrible. I just looked at my belly and just cried and cried. Well the next day came and I was in the hospital at around 6:30 AM.. Franklin took off to leave Erick with a friend of mine for the day.
Well the waiting game again... The doctor was ready but still there was no operating rooms available.. so they told me to wait till around 11AM they were going to squeeze me in for the procedure.
Well yes.. from 6:10 AM to like 12:PM They finally took me in.
I was in the Pre-Op room in these horrible hospital gowns and in a wheelchair just waiting to be called in.
Well the time came.. i signed some papers and I was on the operating table.
Before the anesthesiologist came in I glanced at my belly.. put the hand I had no IV in on my belly and just said " Baby Good bye.. Mommy loves you.. ".. I just cried,.. Well the anesthesia was put on my IV.. and I remember staring at the huge lamp above me and everything went black.
Well I dunno how long it lasted.. many say it doesn't take more than 10-15 minutes)
Well I slowly saw a light.. then the room was like out of focus and it slowly became clear and real. It was done.
I felt this sudden emptiness as I realized what had happened. I felt blood.. I felt bad. I felt .. I knew.. I knew.. it was gone. My baby wads no longer part of me.
It is the worst thing a mother could experience.
I just have no words for it.

Well as you all have seen time has passed.. I have healed.. I still cry now and then but it's only normal I guess.

Well My worries started when AF still wasn't here.. 40 something days after this procedure.. nothing. My cycles had not returned to normal. A few days ago I started spotting and I swore AF was here.
Well it was just that.. light spotting. for like 3 days.. now it;s gone. And I had no AF.
I do have GREAT news... My husbands Health Insurance covers Fertility treatments and IVF 100%.. I feel like it is God's way of saying "Ruth I heard your prayers.. here is this..."

Even though I won't be trying to have a child just yet.. I'm very confident now that the doctors will know what to target and give me the right meds to get pregnant and stay pregnant. a Perinatologist will be seeing me after pregnancy is achieved to monitor me as a high risk patient. I am scared about getting pregnant again.. most women are after losing prev. a pregnancy. But I have faith in God it will happen for me. I'm still on time to have a 2009 baby.....if I try to conceive on Jan or Feb.. I might be having a Sept or Oct baby. So I might still have a chance. But Rigth now I need to focus on other things before I even think baby.
I'm seeing a doctor maybe in the 3rd week of this month.. not to TTC.... just yet (I have TTC on hold)
I at least want Provera or something so I can get my cycle back. Then in 2009.... maybe Jan or Feb.. don't know yet... I will see the doc. for the real deal.. I have faith in him. I know that this time around.... I will receive the right meds I need to sustain a pregnancy. a viable one.
So I'm here just being quiet.. if you see I don't respond to your messages...
I do try.. but most of the time I just don't want to talk about me..
I'm trying to do whatever to keep my mind off things.
Thank you for reading this blog.. I just felt the need to update on me.. since I haven't for a while. I just haven't felt like talking about me lately.

Thank you once more for taking your time to read this. This is all I have to say for now.. I will update more when I see this doctor. Hoping I get AF naturally but heck.. I know my body all too well.. in 2007 I only had 2 periods. So it looks like my PCOS is back in to gear!

So far there are 4 things to target once I TTC again..
1. My Insulin Resistance ( it messes up your reproductive hormones making it super difficult to be fertile Due to super high levels of insulin and sugar)
Solution: Prescription of Glucophage (Metformin) untill I'm 20 weeks pregant.
2. Annovulation ( inability to ovulate)
Solution: Ovulation inducing drugs.. either Clomid (pill) or Profasi( a shot) among other possible drugs like Ovidrel, Follistim ( A friend of mine had those for an IUI) among others.
3. High Blood pressure ( It was the main reason why I had my son at 34 weeks premature)
Solution: Baby Aspirin or a prescription drug by a cardiologist.
4. Vital hormones after pregnancy is achieved. ( Progesterone)
Solution : Progesterone suppositories or shot

once those 4 things are targeted... my baby dreams will come true. ♥

Wish me luck in 2009.