I've already had several responses to my email. It was quite humbling to receive all those supportive responses. I think there was an arrogance in my unwillingness to tell people because I assumed they wouldn't understand. I guess it goes to show that you should give people a chance because they WILL surprise you.
Thankyou all for your support over the last couple of months. I really don't know how I would have coped without you all. I've bought a candle especially to light tonight for all of our babies. I have a work dinner on tonight (can you believe it?) so it won't be lit at 7pm in Adelaide, but it'll be 7pm somewhere.
I think this day not only is good from the point of view of educating others..... it is also good for us..... We get to a point where its "under control" and we keep moving forward day by day.
For me today, I have taken the time by myself to really listen to the songs... read through the poems..... sing the songs (not a good sound considering i lost most of my voice last night)..... but sing them anyway... and the tears have just poured out..... not in a crappy way but in a memorial way....if that makes any sense at all.
So today I have spent the day with my little angels..... I love them as much as ever... I miss them as much as ever.... They are my little angels and today is my day just for them.
While I can I want to thank everyone I have met on this site since I first logged on.... the 1st January this year.... the day after I lost Krystal and the day I lost Cameron...... I have met so many amaizing ladies.... some of which i am waiting to hear the good news....NICKSTER.....yes... singling you out...I was at the most down point I had ever been....If I was to read back on the posts I did back then I think I would just lose it..... But these wonderful ladies were there... they understood....and even though most of them have now moved on.... I now have another group of wonderful ladies that I get to be with each day.... they are there for me and I m there for them..... So to all of you... thankyou for making this journey just that little bit easier. Huge hugs to you all
Just to let you lovely ladies know - posting poems and songs is welcome and lovely. However this thread is for chatting about TTCAML and we ask that it be kept to that. You will see we have a thread specifically for sharing poems/lyrics etc. I have moved AngelBabies contributions there.
Also - when posting please post just once with all your messages - consecutive posts for different messages creates extra load on our site - a long post is absolutely fine...
If somebody has any problems/queries/concerns you can contact myself Mistyflying or Niliac.
Well its 5pm my time (QLD) and I confess.... I lite the candles earlier today. I have one sitting on either side of the TV...... But for those of you sticking to the rules its starting to come up to 7pm.... well actually if you were over in NZ it would be 7pm.... so betty boop.... if your still lurking... time to light.....
I had a beautiful lunch today with my heavily pregnant girlfriend and I was reminded that I am so lucky to have wonderful friends who support me in here and in my real life. Thank you ladies, I honestly do not know what I would have done without you all over the last few weeks.
I just wanted to post these again in the thread, as a single post. I hope you don't mine that I have added a little bit of formatting to them.
A Pair of Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they dont hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
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Cameron Azrael & Krystal Sariel
We'll never get to hold you, Or look upon your face. We'll never get to show you, Our love through our embrace.
We'll never have the feeling, Of you calling out to us. We'll never know the feeling, Of you looking up to us.
Why you were taken away from us , We'll never really know. We look around for a sign, As to why you werent to grow.
There is nothing we can do right now Our minds are an absolute mess. There is confusion, sadness, sorry, And anger I must confess.
Our tears can not bring you back, Back into our world. You are gone from us on this plain We'll meet again I know.
So until that time I ll say to you, And you must listen to your mummy. Watch out for us when we come one day, Your mummy and your daddy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did my babies have to leave? Why did they have to die? I'm left down here just wondering, Why are we left to cry? What did I do to make them leave? Why Lord, could they not stay? You knew I'd love them very much, Why take them far away?
'My child', said God, 'please understand I hear you as you pray, Your children never left you, For in your heart s they'll stay. I needed your sweet angels In my nursery up above, They learned life's lessons quickly, My child, you taught them love!
I let them visit often, As in your bed you sleep, They come and lay beside you, And gently strokes your cheek. When troubles fall upon you, And you don't understand, I send your Angel Children To guide you by the hand.
Please trust in me as on your way In life you gently tread, For Babies are right beside you, I tell you, they're not dead'
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Remembering
Go ahead and mention them, the ones that died you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further, the depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry, I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing, the tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurting when you just keep silent, pretending they didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention them, knowing they will be missed.
You asked me how I was doing, I say "Pretty Good" or "Fine"
But healing is something ongoing, I feel it will take a lifetime.
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DO YOU REMEMBER? Do you remember all the days, the hours, the moments That you shared your life with me, nestled in my womb? The feelings of joy, the happiness I felt knowing you were there? I do. Do you remember the day I lost you, that day filled with gloom? When I felt my world collapse around me, my heart filling with regret At the thought of you just dying inside of me? Yes, I do. Can you remember me talking softly to you whilst you were growing Inside of me? Telling you all of our plans, even your name? I can. Do you remember hearing my voice singing softly to you? Can you still feel all my love for you even though you have left? I feel it still. Do you feel it baby, do you remember me, your mummy? I hope so , for you are still locked in my heart, locked so Tightly, and I'll never let you go 'til it stops beating and I see you In Heaven, and you say, 'Mummy, I remember you, yes, I remember it all.'
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DEAR MOTHER Dear mother, dry your tears today, you know I love you so. It hurts me much to see you cry, oh mother, don't you know? I'll never leave you all alone, I never left your heart, God took me by the hand that day but said we'd never part. He kept His promise to me, I visit all the time, You are the sweetest mother an Angel here could find. If I could write a letter, I'm sure you know I would To let you know I'm safe from harm and Heaven is so good! I'm here with many Angels, so many that you know! Our family sends all their love to you on earth below. We know one day we'll meet again when one day you come home, We've saved a place for you dear mum, it's near our Father's throne. We'll wrap our arms around you mum and lead you up God's stairs, 'Til then dear mum, please carry on and dry those streaming tears.
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WHY? Why did you have to leave me? Why did you have to fly? Was I not meant to keep you? Why do I have to cry? I want you back here with us, Things will never be the same. How can I carry on just now And play life's awful game? I hope one day we meet again In Heaven up above, I hope you all can feel That I'm sending you my love. Just play on precious Angels, But will you promise me? The day I'm called to Heaven You'll be at the gates for me? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God, Please love my Angels that dwell with you above, Please hug them for me tightly with your precious, tender love, Dear God, Please sing them lullabys as they lay down to sleep, Please comfort them and just be there if they should ever weep. Please let them know I love them both and wish I understood The reason they're in Heaven, please tell them to be good. Are fluffy clouds their pillows, to lay their heads at night? And do the stars just twinkle to give them little light? Will you watch them all so carefully and always hold their hand? And answer all the questions that a child can't understand? Do you tell them all about me, do they know just who I am? Are they with my family, my Nana and Grandma? God, do you ever pick them up and sit them on your knee? And rock them oh so gently if they ever cry for me? God, do they play with children's toys in Heaven up above? And have they met your precious son that died for us in love? I have so many questions Lord, I want to understand Just why my little Angels are up there, was their life planned? I dwell down here and feel like we're a thousand miles apart, Please help me God, please hear my plea, Just mend this broken heart!
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A MOTHER'S GRIEF She carries such a heavy heart, her tears will often flow, Seems everyone's avoiding her, seems no-one wants to know! Her grief she carries all alone, nobody seems to care, Or help her ease this burden, this burden she must bear. Her baby has just left her, but where, where did he go? Why did he have to leave so soon, and will she ever know? A mother's grief's a lonely path, she only wants her child, For other's understanding, their love, if only mild! To talk of her lost baby, acknowledge her real pain, To tell her life will soon be bright, she'll see her child again, For he has gone to Heaven, an Angel up above, Where there's no tears or dying, just great eternal love. Try understand this mother's grief, praise God it was not you That lost your precious, wanted child, for he was wanted too!
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These are two songs I listen to when I want to feel close to my 's
Celine Dion - Fly
Avril Lavine- Slipped Away
Maybe you would like to listen to them tonight while your candles are burning
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Think Before you speak
Dear friend, today you broke my heart, In a place that was unbroken. You did it with your thoughtless words That should not have been spoken.
You know that I am grieving That my pain is deep and real Your hurtful words pierced like a knife How do you think I feel
You may not suffer my loss Or share this lonely grief But I m mourning my baby, Who s life was much too brief
I m sure you dont know how I feel I dont expect you to dont ask me to get over it thats something I cant do
Without grief there is no healing Its a journey I must make Its not the path I would choose But one I m forced to take
No matter how you choose to see What I am going through I need compassion and support I d do the same for you
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Just Say ?Im Sorry?
You dont know how I feel Please dont tell me that you do There is just one way to know - have you lost a child too? You'll have another child!? - must I hear this each day? Can I get another Father , too, if mine should pass away?
Dont say it was gods will That s not the god I know. Would god on purpose break my heart, Then watch as my tears flow?
arent you better yet?? Is that what I heard you say? NO! A part of my heat aches - I ll always feel some pain. You think that silence is kind, But it hurts me even more. I want to talk about my child Who has gone through deaths door.
Dont say these things to me, Although you do mean well. They dont take the pain away; I must go through this hell. I will get better slow but sure - And it helps to have you near. But a simple 'I m sorry you lost your child?' Is all I need to hear.
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To Where You Are By Josh Groban To Where You Are
Who can say for certain Maybe youre still here I feel you all around me Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak Youre still an inspiration Can it be (? ) That you are mine Forever love And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile to know youre there A breath aways not far To where you are
Are you gently sleeping Here inside my dream And isnt faith believing All power cant be seen
As my heart holds you Just one beat away I cherish all you gave me everyday cause you are mine Forever love Watching me from up above
And I believe That angels breathe And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up To where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for awhile To know youre there A breath aways not far To where you are
I know you?re there A breath aways not far To where you are
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My Name By George Canyon The words to this song are from the unborn baby. This one still brings tears to my eyes every time i listen to it.... it is so beautiful and exactly how I see it.... They are still up there our little angels.... waiting.
Its cold in here feels like everythings upside down I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year Im gonna change this world if I ever get out of here She wants to dress me in pink, paints my bedroom blue And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth This love is my only emotion Havent learned any fear any pain Its kind of funny with all this commotion I guess theyve got me to blame And they dont even know my name And they dont even know my name
Well Ive never felt so ready, think its finally time Cause that big old world is waiting, and its mine all mine Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright And a man took my hand said dont worry, your momma's gonna be all right Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in Said you can wait right here till its your turn again And his love is the one true emotion Heaven knows no fear no pain I never got to set my wheels in motion But they loved me just the same And they never even knew name Didnt even know my name You loved me just the same And you didnt even know my name
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Fly
Fly Fly, fly little wing Fly beyond imagining The softest cloud, the whitest dove Upon the wing of Heaven's love Past the planets and the stars Leave this lonely world of ours Escape the sorrow and the pain And fly again
Fly, fly precious one Your endless journey has begun Take your gentle happiness Far too beautiful for this Cross over to the other shore There is peace forevermore But hold this memory bittersweet Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear Your heart is pure, your soul is free Be on your way, don't wait for me Above the universe you'll climb On beyond the hands of time The moon will rise, the sun will set But I won't forget
Fly, fly little wing Fly where only angels sing Fly away, the time is right Go now, find the light.
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Miss You Na na, na na na, na na I miss you, miss you so bad I don't forget you, oh it's so sad I hope you can hear me I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away Was the day I found it won't be the same Ooooh
Na na la la la na na
I didn't get around to kiss you Goodbye on the hand I wish that I could see you again I know that I can't
Oooooh I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away Was the day I found it won't be the same Ooooh
I had my wake up Won't you wake up I keep asking why And I can't take it It wasn't fake It happened, you passed by
Now your gone, now your gone There you go, there you go Somewhere I can't bring you back Now your gone, now your gone There you go, there you go, Somewhere your not coming back
The day you slipped away Was the day i found it won't be the same noo.. The day you slipped away Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...
babies. I have a work dinner on tonight (can you believe it?) so it won't be lit at 7pm in Adelaide, but it'll be 7pm somewhere.
its starting to come up to 7pm.... well actually if you were over in NZ it would be 7pm.... so betty boop.... if your still lurking... time to light..... 
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