Jayne glad to see you have made the leap of faith over to PAML ~ I've just added your details over there & taken you off here so very exciting!! Wish I could do it for everyone in here atm. But guess I will be soon enough.

Now besides that I am going to have a bit of a vent here so I apologise in advance.

DH & I were talking last nite about his appt with our counsellor (we've been seeing on since we lost Thomas ~ we see the same one but separately) yesterday afternoon & the subject of how DH felt about us TTC again came up. Now this is something he hasn't even really ever said to me but felt he could share with the counsellor which I guess upsets me coz at the end of the day it is he & I who are going to embark on this journey ~ maybe. Anyway he told him that he isn't sure he can go through another pg with me, says he is way too scared that things will go wrong again & that he doesn't think our marriage could survive us going through another loss. But then goes on to say in the next breath that he doesn't think he has the right to 'deny' me the chance to try once more. I just don't know how to feel or how to respond to what he has said as I want to know that if we go down this path again I have his support 100% & not for him to be sitting back waiting for things to go wrong again. And I also don't want to travel this path knowing that he doesn't feel that he has any other choice but to do it. We tried to talk about it last nite but it just all went wrong & I ended up asking him if we could just leave it for now, but I don't want to leave it forever but a part of me is so scared that he really doesn't want to try again & I won't be trying for another baby in the future coz I certainly don't want to make him do anything that he isn't at least 90% comfortable doing, certainly don't want to bully him into doing anything he will use against me at some stage in the future.

I so don't know what to do or even what the right thing to do is, I so want to try for another baby it is all I dream about & know I am lucky to have James but I would love for him to be a big brother but at the same time I don't want to force DH to do something he doesn't want to do. I am just so torn atm.

Sorry for unloading on you girls, I'll bugger off now