Sorry to unload girls but I'm having one of those days. Just feeling really quite down. I thought I'd come out the other side of this emotionally (I've stopped crying at the drop of a hat) but I'm just lost. I have very little faith that things are going to be OK next time around. I know I should be just worrying about getting there first but I can't help but look ahead and it scares the crap out of me. I also can't stop thinking about where I would've been now. I had a due date of 5/3/07 ( a few days before Jayne) and I have a friend who's due just after that and one two weeks after again. I'm finding it very hard to talk to them in regards to how they are feeling with the pregnancy, etc-- I hate myself for being like that! and it's not that I'm not happy for them, I am- it is just an in-your-face reminder of what is NOT happening for you! After my first m/c I was not too bad, I was quite OK with my pregnant friends and was there in the hospital the day after they'd given birth but this time around it's different, or rather I am different. I was able to rationalise the first one as "one of those things" but now I am so worried that this is all just the beginning and that I may never see an ultrasound showing something that resembles a human and not just a pulsing jellybean.
I apologise again but feel better now it's out there.