jenushka - congrats on the hcg results. That's great, you sound as relaxed as you can be. Am sure everything is going to be fine and this is a sticky bub. Big
I was wondering - did any of you seek the advice of a therapist following m/c? I seem to have a hard time coping with it and I was wondering whether I shouldn't seek some help. I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time and crying every time I see a pregnant belly/baby/maternity wear shop.
I will say no to the therapist, i didnt go to one...... because i found that being open with the ladies in here was better than therapy...... for me anyway. Not saying there is anything wrong with therapists.. i have been to them in the past and they have been wonderful...... for me though it was because I had trouble listening to people who hadnt walked in my shoes. which reminds me of a poem on my web site called which i will put in here if it helps
A Pair of Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don?t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child
Now as for the feeling crappy part.... there is only one thing that will help that and its time...... TIME...... thats why i always say... One Day At A Time...... each day the fog lifts a bit more... each day we stand a little taller..... each day we grow that little stronger...... I remember only 4 months ago (which would be 6 months after losing my little angels) sitting in a coffee shop... little baby behind me crying..... that cry went through my body... i sat there with tears just welling in my eyes... then I lost it... My DH knew straight away and sat there trying to comfort me. It was hell..... Last week I was at another coffee shop.... hmm seems like a past time but its not... and this baby started crying... i froze up because of the last time.... but this time i was alright... i still felt it but i didnt lose it. Now I m coming up to a year since losing my angels.... this time last year I was the happiest person around knowing I had twins... I was soooo stoked.... Now a year later and I still live by the One Day At A Time.
I am not the same person I was a year ago..... But I m certainly in a better place now than I was 10 months ago. It was like being covered in a fog that just wouldnt lift... everyday was impossible to deal with.. every breath was impossible... the pain was far to strong that I thougth I couldnt go on...... Everyone in here has had it.... everyone in here knows..... and thats why i found being open with the people in here to be the best thing i could do...... sometimes we cry in here... sometimes we laugh....but we all know the pain of wearing those shoes.... and we all walk hand in hand together.... in those shoes.
You may not have your former life.... buy you do have a life... and its with strength and support that you learn to live your new life.
If I had my wish, other than the twins, It would be that through education people would be more aware of what happens to us when we have a miscarriage. What happens to our hearts.. our heads... our lives.... that somehow people would be more prepared when it does happen or that there was something out there to make it all better ...faster....
If it helps at all hun... below this text is the words angel babies angel babies.... if you click onthat it is actually a link to my web site which is just a personal website i did for my angels..... I m told through the what has been sent to me that it has helped many just to be able to go through it... .you are more than welcome to go through it.... its there to help if it can....
thank you so much for your sweet, uplifting message. I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this place. I feel like a fool after visiting your wonderful website - what you had to go through is a million times harder than what happened to me and I couldn't look at the website without crying.
Thank you again, also for the wonderful poem.
I thought that I was over everything after my D&C, that once it's gone from the body it is also gone from the heart. Unfortunately, it took me 2 months to realize that it is not as easy, and I think I just hit rock bottom this week. But as you say, time is a healer.
thank you, thank you, thank you - your message made me change my mood from "crappy" to "inspired"
Hey girls! I'm sorry I didn't get to post this am before I had to get to work! It was another crazy, hectic day! So I have lots of posts to read to catch up before I can do persies. Will be back later, have to figure out what's for dinner first! for all!
I had a similar thing happen to me too - I was OKish for a couple of months after my last m/c then fell in heap suddenly. I think it was mostly the approach of Christmas and some family members refusal to acknowledge my m/c and the expectation that I would be "back to normal" in time not to mess up their Christmas
Anyway, enough about me. The ladies here are a wonderful support of course, but I decided that I needed to find someone to talk to about it as well and was feeling like Angel, didn't want to talk to someone who had no idea what I was going through. I noticed you're in Europe so I don't know what you have available, but I went to Sids and Kids here in Aus. They have lovely counsellors that have all suffered a pregnancy loss and it helped me heaps to talk to them. I was wondering do you have some sort of miscarriage organisation over there who you could get some help from if you think you need it? I hope this helps you a little anyway
Milla - this is only my personal opinion: I went to a psychologist after my second m/c last year. It totally did not work for me - I felt like she just starred at me waiting for me to talk. I think I was expecting someone who would talk about feelings and how to handle them. I considered going to see someone else as I figured this woman was just a looney but then I stumbled upon this website and this forum/thread in particular and I found talking to other people who had actually been through what I was going through (or similar) helped the most. The ladies in here have been the most supportive people and important people in my ttcaml journey. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for my DH and family but the ladies in here are who helped me through my darkest days.
Registered User
question
for all!
Bookmarks