Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 2008

[MistyFying]

Welcome to TTC after Loss or Miscarriage for those of you who have just joined us. We hope your TTC journey is quick and successful. We are sure you will find much loving support from the other women on this challenging journey.

If you have any concerns regarding anything within this thread please email/ PM any of the following Moderating/Admin team for this forum (all emails/ PM's are treated equally & confidentially):-

Niliac
MistyFying and
Flowerchild

Their email addresses can be found here.

You may also like to consider taking a look at the comprehensive and informative BellyBelly Conception Articles which may help you in your journey.

You will find the previous thread here.

[AJC]

Sending you all lots and lots of

Good luck in the New Thread & for Sep everyone.

[jen805]

Woo hoo! Thanks, AJC! I'll throw in some :goodluck2: and big for everyone!!! Bring on the September BFP's!!

[Toccara50]

to jen ruthie rachel wth jenushka angel krystielove joey and any girls I missed ***stickyVibes*** & ***babyDust***

[Where there's hope]

To dear Smilantu



Luv
WTH

[RuthiePCOS momma]

Thank you Toccara!! Just called my parents.. they said there is flooding but not high enough to cause much damage.. ( PHEW!!)
So I gave a huge sigh of relief..they are safe and ok.

Just watching the other 2 hurricanes and they don't pass by the island.

[Baby Angels]

Goodness you lot are quick off the mark.... ok... here we go... our last thread... can the last person out of this thread please turn the lights off....... time for ALL of us to move over to the Pregnancy After Miscarriage or Loss thread.

[mollycat]

Angel Babies - I'll second that.

to everyone. I'm a scaredy cat, don't want to mention names, might forget someone. Although the way my computer is behaving, it would probably leave someone out. I am so over it at the moment.

Smilanatu - just want to give you a big . You're so very strong and you are just beautiful. Remember we are here for you.

Jen - i'll be thinking of you.

Ruthie - glad to hear that your parents are ok. Nothing worse than watching reports on the news and not having the full picture.

AJC - you're almost half way - doesn't seem that long ago that I told you "it only takes one". mmmmmmm

I just want to add some into the new thread. With this much baby dust and sticky vibes, we'll have this thread closed down in no time.

AFM - Just plodding along, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, hoping, hoping i think you get the picture.



I've got a message from Joey ...... and she's waiting for this thread to empty out.

[Easha]

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi why I have a few mins by myself.

I have been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo busy lately, work, after work, all day every day at the moment.

I see there have been a few more BFP's

Hope all is well with you all.

AFM - have just ov so TWW has begun.... so busy I have not had time to even think about babies although DH and I have been like crazy as we only need 1 Poor DH he has put his back out quite badly and I cant help feeling guilty

to you all

[Rachel.B]

hi im new to BB have never posted before but often read other posts for advise and comfort. Im 25 and was diagnosed with PCOS earlier this year and my gynae started me on metformin and clomid as i went 14 months without a visit from AF. i was so excited when the test was positive but happiness soon changed to tears when i m/c at 6 weeks. i wasnt given a d&c and bleed for 38 days before hospital finally did the d&c.7 weeks later and still no AF so today is day 5 of clomid and am praying that this month will bring me good news.

[jen805]

Emmykate--So sorry to hear of your BFN... it's cruel sometimes the way our bodies can trick us. Since my hcg took about 6 weeks to get back to normal, it left my body feeling very confused and still very pg! I can remember thinking that maybe the dr. was wrong, maybe the u/s was wrong, I still had all my pg'cy symptoms--the insomnia, increased hunger, swollen bb's, some nausea.... More than 6 months later I still feel such a strong desire just to be pg! I just want to have those symptoms back that I had been so annoyed with then! The self-destructive thoughts I had early on after my m/c were that I had something to do with it, that I complained too much about feeling sick, and over the lack of sleep, and the weight gain, and how it better be a girl since I already have 2 boys... I felt like it was punishment for taking advantage of the gift I had been blessed with--for not being grateful for that gift. It took me a long time to stop that slideshow that just seemed to be set on "replay" in my mind... and then I found this site. It makes me just to think how important the girls here are to me.... especially the ones who were here before me.... I don't know where I would be without the unwavering support I have received from the friends I've made here. It's amazing, I never would've thought that I could connect so deeply with people that I've never even seen or met before--people that listen, care, support, advise, and, more importantly, know what it feels like! They laugh with you, and cry with you, and send you e-cards on your EDD (thanks, Angel! Love you! ). I found myself consumed with this site--and the progress of the other girls, and it has helped me in my healing process because it gave my mind something to think of other than my own grief and despair.

I that your body gets back to normal quickly and that you're blessed with a little miracle to hold in your arms! Oh, btw, you mentioned you're a doctor--what's your area of practice?

Whew! Is it me, or was that a really long post?



babyjubz, Abbey, & Rachel B--I'm so very sorry for your losses! I'm also sorry that we have to meet under such heartbreaking circumstances... the support here is amazing... please feel free to vent, cry, scream, yell, ask questions--whatever you need to get off your chest--there's no stupid questions here, and more importantly I think, there's no judgement here. You'll know when the time is right for you to begin TTC again... for me I wanted to begin right away--the longing and desire just to be pg again is overwhelming still! To this day, I still have a harder time looking at pg women than babies, yet I find myself staring at pg bellies everywhere I go! It's a longing that I can't even describe, yet I don't have to because the girls here just KNOW. There's something very comforting in the fact that you're surrounded by people who JUST KNOW what you're feeling without ever having to put it into words. My doc wanted me to wait 2 mo's before TTC (natural m/c, no D&C) ... I thought, "screw him, let him m/c and tell himself to wait 2 mo's!". I think it's a decision each woman should get to make on her own whenever she's ready--a simple u/s can verify whether the lining in your uterus is thick enough. I know with a D&C it takes a little longer because of healing issues, though, compared to that of a natural m/c. And I also know you won't O (ovulate) until your hcg has returned to normal, so therefore you can't become pg again until then, either. I'm also sorry to hear of your diagnosis with PCOS--several other girls here have PCOS, and also have experience with the Metformin and Clomid, so I'm sure they can help answer any questions you may have about that. I wish you all the best on your TTC journey--I pray your stay here with us is short and sweet, and you're all blessed with your little miracles very quickly! Big

[jen805]

mollycat--Your dad sounds amazingly strong! I wish him many more years to come!



babymiracles--:goodluck2: with your FS appt. next week. I'm so relieved to hear your OB was so compassionate after your horrible initial experience. Those lacking compassion and tact just shouldn't be in the medical profession--even if it is only at the front desk!



Super big for my Fab 2/3 Chyan's!!

[jen805]

Ruthie-- I wish I could mend your broken heart It breaks my heart to know that you're sad and in pain! I wish you the best with next week's lab results. I also hope you manage to have a happy b-day on Sunday in spite of everything! Lot's of love to you and your much-loved angel baby!



jenushka--Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you!

[RuthiePCOS momma]

Thank you Jen. ♥

[Toccara50]

Ruthie I'm so very sorry you have also lost your bub I wish all the best in ttc again and I pray this is your last lost I would have more to say but having lost my bub this week too my mind is gone I have been crying everyday ...

Jen I read all your post to me and it means a lot to me I just need some time to get my mind 2gather and heal the tears are still coming everyday ...

[RuthiePCOS momma]

Thank you Agelbabies your peoms & songs are so beautiful!!, Rachel, babyjubz , babymiracles & AbbeyB babymiracles, I'm sorry for your loss.. it was recent like mine. Take comfort that we are all here for you. Don't give up.. I won't!!! We are mommies of Angels. How cool is that???
Babyfever: please be safe.....
Plc, AJC, Megsmum, Smi, Jenushka, Mollycat, Dellydoo, WTH, Kritsylove, Hannah, Larz, Jen805, Mannie, Tam, Emmykate, Chappas, Angelbabies, fifi THANK YOU!!!!! ♥
I feel comfort in reading your awesome messages.

Came back from my D&C yesterday night like at 7PM. I was sobbing so bad that the doc preferred to put me to sleep for the D&C... I don't think I could bear listening to that awful machine suctioning my beloved and precious baby out. after I woke up.. I feel empty. I just woke up and my baby bump has disappeared. I feel lonely and like a total failure.

Empty arms, empty womb, and brokenhearted. I am in both physical and emotional pain right now and I'm so sorry if this is so long.... I am ever so thankful to all you friends that have left beautiful such comments..

But please know I am very thankful and every message you send me I feel comfort when I read them
Thank you my dear friends for all your support.

My head is still spinning from the anesthesia still???.

Sucks! The doctor took "fetal tissue" and did blood work.. around next week or the next I will get those results and maybe get answers... and the doctor said it is possible to let me know what the gender of the baby was. ( maybe) So am looking forward to that and I will sure let you know. In the meantime I have to wait a long 2-3 months before I seek "special" medical help to see if I can achieve my dreams of one last biological child. If it is not meant to be then I will adopt in the future. But right now I don't want that I want my own child! My husband and I got referred to a well known specialist .. who treats both PCOS,/ Infertility & patients with recurrent miscarriages ( high risk pregnancies) and he can help me have a baby an help me avoid a miscarriage again. I won;t give up.. I have TTC on hold of course all is so "fresh" still.. I need to heal both physically and emotionally.. in my head the words" you have a non viable fetus" rings in my head over and over and over again... and my knees go weak every time.. when I had the u/s done and the tech said those words.. she put the heartbeat monitor and it was blank... when I stepped out of the room in front of all .. my knees felt weak and I dropped to the floor and just sobbed. I was told to cry.. to cry all I can.. I need to let it all out.. I am waiting for my miracle.. to hold a healthy live, full term baby in my arms.. oh well maybe I might still have a 2009 baby after all... but right now I am allowed to grieve my baby.

Just let me say that even though my pain is unbearable. I am very thankful to all of you.. your tears healed a part of my heart and its funny how this tiny little baby was loved my so many women all over the world too.
So tiny yet the impact he / she already made.

here is a video that describes just all that I feel.

YouTube - My miscarriage

Here are the lyrics:



Slipped Away
Artist(Band):Avril Lavigne

Na na
Na na na na na

I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad.

I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly.

[Chorus]
The day you slipped away.....
Was the day i found
It, won't be the same
Oh

Na na
Na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't ooooooooooooh
I hope you can hear me
Cause I remember it clearly

[Chorus]
The day you slipped away...
Was the day i found
It, won't be the same
Oh


I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why.
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by

Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back

[Chorus]X2

Na na
Na na na na na

I miss you.

hugs to you all and thank you.


Rachel & AbbyB: Here is my PCOS story including my Anglel baby now...

Hi my name is Ruthie and I'm 25. This is my story living with PCOS and losing 3 pregnancies:

I got my period when I was 9... They were extremely painful, heavy and irregular as a teen (and funny that they relate PCOS to obese women.. I was stick thin throughout my entire teens) So PCOS can be on anyone I guess. Well.. we never thought anything about it till 1999 I decided to see a doctor.. my periods were so severe I missed out on school every month!! It was really bad. Well the doc did a blood test to check my hormones and they came out that my "feminine" hormones were low and that "testosterone" (the male hormone) was dominant. that cause me not to ovulate at all.
then he followed by an ultrasound revealing a LOT of water filled cysts on both rather enlarged ovaries. At age 19 I didn't really get what infertility meant. I never thought of it again and continued my life. I met the man who is now my husband in 2000.
We started dating and well in 2003 we got married and I was wondering about "something" a doctor once said. So I decided to go back to the doc after all those years and yup.. still the same. PCOS.
I explained how I was ready for children so doc put me on Clomid and Metformin and a shot too...
I got pregnant first try. But I had many complications due to PCOS.. high blood pressure the whole way which resulted in early delivery of my son at 34 weeks. Thank God he is my true miracle , he is 3 now!
My story just starts there... when he was 8 months I wanted to try for 2 and underwent the same fertility meds.. again getting pregnant first try. but.. unfortunately I miscarried at 6w2d. It was really sad. I didn't handle it well so I didn't even seek medical help till a year later to TTC ( try to conceive) again. ( by the way in all that time my periods were close to nonexistent)
then in June of 2006 I underwent fertility meds again (the same ones) and BINGO!! pregnant agian1!! and again at 6w4d .. my WORST NIGHTMARE AND FEAR! Miscarriage 2.
My heart.. I couldn't take it no more. I just.. I still don't have words to explain how much it hurts. So much!!!
The doctors found out the reason for my miscarriages.. low progesterone. ( related to PCOS?? maybe) SO I just didn't want to see a doc again. So I decided to try again in 2007.
Problem... I skipped Jan-Aug ( my period.. none at all) and finally on Aug 28th I got my freaking period. It LASTED ALL THE WAY TILL OCTOBER 24th!!!!! almost 3 months of HEAVY PAINFUL BLEEDING!! I passed out with extreme anemia. The doctors couldn't believe my case. They said I had the worse PCOS case they have ever encountered.
( Lucky me.. uughhh)
Well the doc was really touched by my story and how desperately I wanted a child.. a sibling for my son.. and she referred me to this specialist.
He said before I even thought of trying he had to regulate my cycles (periods) so he put me on birth control pills for 4 months ( that was the plan at least) and then he would "experiment" with meds.. Can you call me Lab Rat??.. I think that would suit me perfectly.. no gunny pig!!
Guess what??.. I started BC pills and never got my period!! I skipped Nov and got it on Dec...then skipped Jan & Feb 2008 and then on March 1st My period!!!
I kept on using the darn pills and got my period on April.. the doc was ready for me to try again. He put me on 200mg of CLomid (this time the highest dose that's how bad I was) and 1000mg of Metofrmin and a progesterone shot ( so I don.t miscarry again) I started all that on May 21st ( my period) and I used ovulation tests, you name it. I did everything. cycle day 20 came.. I tested.. nothing. cycle day 30 came by.. nothing....cycle day 40 passed by.. nothing!!!!!! cycle day 50 passed by.. NOTHING!! NOTHING!! NEGATIVE NEGATIVE!!! I was at the verge of depression.
OMG cycle day 60 came by..NOTHING!!!
then.. on Cycle day 62.. in the night... I sobbed. no I wept. I felt like my son was most likely to be my only one.
I cried myself to sleep.. so bad hubby even cried. He did everything to help me conceive. nothing.. my heart was just numb. I couldn't even cry anymore. on cycle day 63 like at 6AM I had like 4 pregnancy tests left and I decided to use em.. just for the hell of it! (excuse my language)
I peed on one (first response) As soon as the pee hit the "Test" line.. nothing happened. through blurred eyes (with tears) I threw it in the cabinet and left to bed....
Crying all over again.. my husband hugged me.. and noticed I left the bathroom lights on.. so I got out of bed and went there to turn it off. Something told me to look at the darn tests.. and OMG!!! My eyes couldn't believe what I saw!! 2 lines??.. Is this for real???
so faint... but there. If I say that I cried, laughed and screamed at the same time .. would you believe me???
this was my test that day.. so faint. (here's the pic)
http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...2/BFP/good.jpg
I ran to hubby and after turning on the light.. he squinted and said.. well I see "something".
So we went later on that same day to the doc.. and they did a test and confirmed I was pregnant ( 7/22) . So they calculated from my last period ( 5/21) that I was 9 weeks along. I was like..eeerrrrr... no wait. no. I didn't find out till cycle day 63 there is no way I was 9 weeks. So she said ok lets do an u/s. I was so right! Fertility meds and all.. even if I started them on May 24th.. I did NOT ovulate till JULY 1st!!!! ( 200
So as I said I was so right.. the u/s revealed I was barely implanted I was more like 3 weeks close to 4.
Well.. at least my pregnancy was confirmed. But.. the doctor said... test again in a couple of days.. if the lines are faint then we need to see you.
so on Aug 1st I decided to test again and OMG!!!! ( here's the pic)
http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...ure001dark.jpg

That was the darkest test I have ever had! So I called the doc and she said.. well you are good to go cuz I gave you progesterone.. I need you to be 8 weeks to do the next ultrasound and actually "see something"

Well I got lucky.. the nurse called me that someone had canceled and she told me to come in on 8/15/08.
Well we talked about my history and all that stuff. At first the doc did a tummy u/s and she didn't see nothing.. so she told me my bladder was full and to go empty it.. ( the fact that she didn't see anything had my brain thinking all sorts of stuff. .. I was in the verge of tears..) So OMG my heart pounding in my throat with anticipation she still had the screen towards her so she did the vag. u/s. she was silent.. then she said "yup" and I looked at her questioningly.. she turned the screen and through blurred eyes with tears I sobbed so hard of joy that I was shaking the bed..LOL
I made the doctor CRY!! HEHEEH
She said she has never had a patient react that way.. and I say you have no idea the pain I went through to finally see this miracle. OMG I'm tearing up!! Sorry...
I thank GOD almighty for blessing me!! Thanks to him he made the CLomid works.. and since I lost my 2 prev babies on week 6 when she told me the baby measures 7 weeks I was overjoyed. That heartbeat. OMG!! What a beautiful sound!It was music to my ears!!
What a great thing it is to finally have this life in side! what a wonderful blessing!!!!

unfortunately on 9/11/08.... my angel grew wings.... I'm devastated all over again. Not my happy ending huh?/.. sniff sniff.. Please God stop my tears!!!!
I was 11w1d but the baby was already dead since week 10. RIP my sweet angel go play with your 2 siblings in heaven. ♥

I will TTC again with a "prinatologist" or high risk pregnancy specialist on Nov or Dec.
Can't wait to finally hold a miracle in my arms. I won't give up! ♥