TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ January 08

[Canary]

Hi everyone,
Firstly, I just wanted to say thanks to you all. I was really struggling with something at work and felt a bit fed up, then i thought I'd read about what you have all been up to and you really cheered me up.

AngelB, well....I think that I will not be alone in reporting that my DH is of the opinion that 'If I pretend everything is OK, then it will be'. I mean, he just doesn't want to talk about it. At first he even changed the subject when I bought it up. That was hard. I said to him 'You dont want to talk about it do you?' and he said no and that was that! I think that it helped him to talk to his parents. Gradually, he has spoken to me a little bit more on the subject and now he keeps telling me that he cant wait to have a baby. I got through the first few weeks by planning ahead with him and making a mental list of things to look forward to this year. I have painted a very negative picture, but really, he was quite supportive. If I cried, he gave me a hug and he was really great during the painful bits.

NIckster, thanks for the advice. I think I've got the URL attached but I cant get my pretty ticker on too. Help?? Oh, PAOS is my favourite acronym Pee on a stick! Ha ha.

Barbara, hmm, bridal shower....bad timing. Can you explain the situation to the bride to be? Listen to Katie's excellent advice and be selfish, I think that if these circumstances don't permit us to be selfish, then nothing will.

Betty I know what you mean. Finding out that a friend is pg brings out a whole load of emotions. It's really tough and not at all fair.

Does anybody remember when the best time to BD is pre- O ing? Last time, I looked it up (cant remember where though), and I think it was every other day from 4 days pre-O. Or something.

Well I'd better go and do something constructive. Take care all,
C

[nicksterUK]

Hi ladies- glad to see you are, mostly, feeling quite strong at the moment, me too so pats on the back all round Betty B- I've got everything crossed for you hun, even legs n toes- DH won't be in luck tonight then

Canary-I think maybe you didn't copy the whole bit from FF. If you still have no l,uck try 'tickerfactory' (I changed from ff to ticker). It has the same designs x

Angel- you make me laugh! I bet you and I would get on like a house on fire- I have learned not to be quite so stubborn thanks to my job (teaching 11-16 year olds). Believe me- they can be Reeeaally stubborn and life is too short lol. I've learned to take deep breaths and put a smile on my face no matter how rude or obnoxious they can be. It's particularly lovely when I come home to DS and DD throwing a strop sometimes too
As for your question- DH has been amazing, although I sometimes think he is more obssessed with pg and bd than I am so I am feeling a bit pressured. If af arrives next week he'll be really disappointed and I'll feel like a failure (again)- Don't slap me, I can't help it (but I'm feeling okay about it at the mo,and secretly praying for POAS=pg.....maybe....hopefully...)
It sounds like a really positive thing that your DH was able to relax enough to fool around in such a way. It's not that he forgot- he's just moved into a place where he can now start to do that, and you will too!! He'll feel guilty,and you will, but you cannot stay in this one place forever. Grief evolves- eventually it lets you move on, a little at a time. DH is,understandably, moving a litle quicker than you. In a way I would almost feel envious, iykwim? xx hope I haven't offended?

Defo could NOT do a babyshower. Just coping ok with pg ladies at work (I managed to ask about scans today etc, although felt like I was being stabbed in the heart!) Pat on the back me xx Friends will understand, I'm sure, about our attendance at these difficult situations.

Well, sorry this lack in personals but I absolutely MUST go for a pee (not POAS, 7 days to go, but not feeling any symptoms...or much hope)

- hugs and to all tho xx

[tempus moriendi]

I might be the one to throw off the very-short-cycle trend because I tend to have 8 or 9 day periods. But I'll let you all know! I've also decided that this is the month I get serious about TTC. Right now I'm between docs because my OB is sending my records to the FS, who I won't see until the 19th. But since I'll be seeing him during this cycle, I have to stop fooling around (don't giggle, ladies, you know what I mean) and move forward with the baby-making.

Anthonysmom: congrats on your team's win! And good luck with the bridal shower, whatever you decide to do. Did you ever want to just become a hermit and unplug the phone and refuse all your mail? I certainly entertain that fantasy sometimes...

Katiegirl: IKWYM. Whenever AF comes I"m half relieved and half sad.

AJC: your boobs emoticon had me in stitches laughing! And it was a really stressful day so I totally needed that. Thanks!

Angel Babies: nobody expects you to be brave all the time, but you still get credit for the times you are. I think I've cried more in the last four months than in the last five years!
But about how dh copes. Our losses were all very early and I don't think it was as real for him as it was for me. He worries about me and is rather surprised I want to try again, but he's willing to go along. However, a friend of ours told me that when he told her and her husband about our mc he looked really sad.
But then we've had other things going on around here--his dad is going through chemo right now, so it's sort of divided his attention.

[Katiegirl]

Hi All.

Well firstly, AF still has not reappeared since around midday yesterday - so that was a cycle of about 2 and half days!!! I hope it stills counts. I am just spotting very lightly now. I am wondering if it is short because I spotted on and off for about 6 week after the D&C? At least that is what I am telling myself. So will start TTCing over the next couple of days. Can anyone advise if there is meant to be a system to follow - like one day on one day off or anything like that? Or do you just go for it?

As for DH - he has been amazing and my rock. He has been very good at talking to people about it and expressing how much it has affected us and shattered our dreams. He took on the responsibility of telling people how I was feeling etc. I have been really proud of him. And then on the flipside, he has found it hard dealing with my emotions. His nature (like all men) is to want to fix things, and it is hard for him to see me upset and not be able to do anything about it. Insteand of just accepting I am having a bad day, he would get worried that I was depressed etc. He also told me that sometimes he just doesn't want to have to think about our loss, whereas I find it hard to think about anything else. He admitted that he felt that it was all I thought about or talked about, either Nathaniel or trying again, and he said that he was sick of it sometimes. He also said that he felt I was always sad and that got him down. We have had some major fights, not about Nathaniel but I think that our grief was the underlying issue. He also admitted that he deliberately didn't tell me when he was feeling sad because he thought it would get me down too. Whereas I tried to explain that grief is a lonely place, and me knowing that he felt sad as times would let me know I am not alone. He recently went out and drank too much and got sick and then had a mini meltdown about how he should be a father and not out drinking etc. It was terribly heartbreaking as it showed how he is also still grieving, but also useful because it let me see that he feels exactly the same. I feel very fortunate to be married to him, and I believe losing Nathaniel will ultimately bring us closer together.

Hope that all makes sense.

[bettyboop]

i have now got a app to see doc on feb 14 wow i am so excited and scared

[Katiegirl]

I have only really started the temp thing, but can you all tell me what your coverline (for those on FF) - mine was around 36.2 - but I am wondering if that was low? My naturopath looked at my last cycle and said it looked sluggish and that she wasn't sure that I oed (though FF said I did). So just wondering what everyone else temps look like - plus with AF I have been around the 36 mark.

Bettyboop - glad to hear you got an appointment - and on Valentine's Day no less. I hope it brings some good news for you and the dr can help you sort out the disappearance of AF. Good luck.

[nicksterUK]

Brilliant news BettyB! POSITIVE POSITIVE HOPEFUL VIBES to you x

[ameliyahsmummy]

hi All i am new to this site and hope you dont mind me joining. My name is Amanda and I am 23! I am mum to Ameliyah who is now 3.
I have 2 angels as well.

Ryleigh Flynn was born sleeping on December 16th 2001 @ 25+3 weeks I was only young and dont think the extent of losing him hit me until Ameliyah was born healthily. The hospital wanted me to have footprints, hair ect... but I refused I just wanted it to all go away now I regret not having those precious mementos every day!

On Christmas day 2005 I had a m/c at 10+2 weeks.
We have been trying for another baby since March 2006 so nearly 2 years later we are no closer. I have Pcos and know this is the reason but still feel painfully upset.
I wish all of you the best on your TTC and baby dust to everyone

Amanda

[bettyboop]

Hi amanda and welcome , sorry to here of your losses , do join in , we are hoping for lots of BFP very soon.

[tempus moriendi]

Second day of AF and she's here with a vengeance! I've been going through pads like crazy, but that's normal for me. But at least this month I don't have the mood swings from h*** like last month.

Katiegirl: personally, I would count that as AF. Of course, whether it was an ovulatory cycle or not--you would have to check back on your temps.
I've heard that every other day BD is better than every day. Haven't actually tested it so I can't be sure.

bettyboop: I really hope you finally get some answers. Didn't you have blood work recently? What did it show?

Amanda: I'm so sorry for your losses. I'll keep you in my prayers. I had PCOS a long time ago, so I know about that. Welcome aboard.

[bettyboop]

bloods showed all was normal, not long and i will get some answers

[Baby Angels]

Ohhh I so just laughed.... I was just scrolling down thinking hmmmm catch up again. I stop and looked up and saw where Nickster has gone back and edited her post.... and the reason..... "i forgot a bracket and i m an english teacher... doh" I just laughed.... I sat here thinkin.... goodness dont growl at me teach..... there is not spell check on posting.... and I cant spell and am chit at gramma.... even now I m still smiling.... I ve known people that are very particular on how things are worded and spelt and i know that it has always bugged them when people do it wrong..... Dont let me bugg you nickster...... do you still luv me. ...... ohhh by the way... you are getting a smack on the hand..... I even edited to make sure you still got your smack.

I might get a chance to pop back in this evening but if I dont then I m away until Saturday night. Meetings in Melbourne for the remainder of the week..... This silly girl thought she would be on the ball and get down to Melbourne nice and early so booked a flight for 5am.... WHERE THE HECK WAS MY HEAD.

Thank you for your comments on DH.... Sometimes I look at my DH and I think he just doesnt get it, but yesterday he went onto our web site and started talking about it. His main comment... its very sad. I sat there and listened to him. His grieving is going to take longer I think. Its there but its like its in slow motion. Nickster..... I wish he was moving a little faster, that way he could pull me along with him... (always do like the easier way of doing things) but i think its the reverse after his little chat yesterday. His playful ways.... which has always been him... is to a larger degree now because he s trying to bring that side of me back out.... sometimes it works.... sometimes it doesnt....... ohhh dont worry girl.... you didnt offend me ... its all good.

I think DH has had a big change in the last 48hrs. Last night he came to bed.... i went up early.... thought .... think we might need to practice the BD . He turned all the lights off ect downstairs and came up. Said to me.... have you had your herbs.....Ummm No... he says.... well we have to have them every day and night. (so downstairs i go and have my herbs) He wakes up this morning and the first thing he does is roll over to take his temp. (our herb peoples want him taking his temp as well) He took it last night too and i had to explain to him that its first thing each morning.

I took your advice on being stubborn and went to do a ticker... came back and pasted it it only to be told i dont have enough room on my signature. I looked at whats in my signature and i m not prepared to edit it down so i ll just keep going without a ticker... i m sure with the other 2 places i put my temps i m going to know what day of my cycle it is

Katie... I m with your with the amount of days AF visited...... Shes long gone... maybe just 3 days. I think it feels so short because with the M/C it just seemed to keep going. Normally I m 2 heavy and 2 with very little.

ameliyahsmummy..... WELCOME... WELCOME... WELCOME. Sorry for your loss but welcome to our little group.... we have the best cyber cake bakers here.... come to think of it who s turn is it to bake....... I m sorry that you are joining us but WELCOME.

Tempus.... welcome to the AF s..... congrats..... Isnt that the most rediculous thing....... I sometimes sit back and think.... how the heck did i get here. Never would I have thought that i would be ever congratulating some one on getting her period.... sometimes this world is just STRANGE!

Ok well I think that is enough from me.... I ll try to catch up tonight... if not... Ohhhh goodness, I ll have my work cut out for me on Saturday night.

[ll80]

Hi everyone

Welcome ameliyahsmummy.

Not much news on my end, I didn't end up making it to the doctor as my brothers car which I have been using decided to die. So I am without a car now until we buy a new one and DP gets a job.
I'm feeling really tired and drained again so my iron levels must still be really low.
Hopefully I can get down to the Doctor next week, I'd like to get myself sorted out asap.
I don't feel like I'll be getting af anytime soon but who knows..

Have fun in Melb AngelB, I am definately glad to be back home in Melb

[MistyFying]

Time for a new thread ladies. Here you go.