TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ January 08

[Canary]

Yay Sam, That's great news!


Wishing you a H&H 9 months.
C

[bettyboop]

that is great news sammi, hope there is more BFP soon

[Trac73]

Hi Everyone

Just a quick drop in to say CONGRATULATIONS Sami!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What fantastic news and such an inspiration to us all. Take Care of yourself and my thoughts are with you in this time. May we start seeing more BFP soon sending everyone

[jo76]

samii - you have inspired me! i am really excited for you and hope your positive is the start of many for us all. heres to a few more of us joining you soon.
i am still battling through my AF but that i am considering good news as it is a start of things for me, so wish me luck!

[SamiH]

Thank you so much - blood test has confirmed 4 - 5 weeks so it is a reality (I didn't still believe it after peeing on about 10 sticks).

I hope to see you all again with BFP's!! good luck on your journeys.

[Shan]

Congratulations SamiH. It is wonderful news and like the others have said, hopefully it is the start of more BFP's!!!!!!

[nicksterUK]

CONGRATULATIONS SAMIH xx I knew there was a BFP out there! So thrilled for you, sending you



Well, I've managed to destroy my laptop and am having to use this 'ancient' machine which is SOoooo Slooow!!! (The cat jumped on me yesterday and made me jump....I had a glass of wine in my hand, and the laptop on my lap. Apparently they don't make a good combination!!

Hope you're all well, and hoping now for more good things to happen now SamiH has started us off xx Any news on af (or test results) BettyB? Keep your chin up x

[bettyboop]

finding it very hard to keep my chin up, day 99 since D&C , were is my AF

[Katiegirl]

Hi Bettyboop - I am so sorry that you are having to play the waiting game for so long. Did you have much spotting after your D&C? Like Jo mentioned, neither of us are certain that we have AFed because we spotted so much. I had a heavier bleed (TMI) for about 4 or so days so decided to take that as AF. Have you seen a naturopath or someone like that to help kickstart your cycle? It is so hard to be patient during the most difficult time of our lives...I hate when people tell me to be patient!

[ll80]

congrats Sammi, I hope all goes well for you...

AngelBabies, I love that poem, I found it resonated with me for many other things that have happened in the past. I am so glad January is over, with the m/c, the 9th anniversary of my mother's death a few days later and everything else, I am hoping that things only go better here on end for the year, I've had my bad run *fingers crossed*

Well hopefully within 3 weeks we will be in our own place and then can start TTC, hopefully.
I haver a doctors appointment on Monday so I can get the processes started to make sure I am okay to start again.

On a bright note, I got some information from University today about starting my Masters degree.
I did defer when I found out I was pg, but they obviously screwed it up somehow and I am still enrolled. Worked out for the best I think, something to keep me occupied and keep my mind off things.

BettyBoop big :hugs: I hope that damn AF visits soon, I'll try and light a fire up her a$$ and see if that gets her moving.

Nickster I know what you mean about the old emergency pc, my baby is all packed up and is getting a nice rest, I miss her so much, bit sad isn't it lol.

I am starting myself on a health kick this week, as I need to lose some weight I put on while pg, I can't fit into any pants without a great big mushroom hanging over the top and all my tops look horrid, just another reminder of m/c, no baby but a whole lot of fat to remind me about it. Right pain in the behind. No more cake for me for a while, okay... a few days....


This post is a bit all over the place heh, just like me

Hope you girls all have a good weekend, we are going car shopping ugh...so sick of looking at cars, but DP has to look at everything before he makes up his mind. MEN!

...Laura

[Baby Angels]

Well I did what I said I wasnt going to do, I went and brought some pregnancy tests..... 6 to be exact..... just to be conclusive. Then I tested myself yesterday with a BFN. I woke up this morning took my temp, Drop from 36.7 to 36.0 in one day...... thought hmmmm thats a big drop... maybe... just maybe..... Did another pg test anyway.... another BFN!

This afternoon...... knock knock on the door. AF here for a visit.

Well I must say that I m alright with it all. I know that I could be in a more frustrating position as some of you are. I know that to have AF 1 month to the day after loosing my second angel is my system putting itself back on track pretty quickly.

So I m not going to get myself upset, I m quite fine with it all. The signs were all there that it would have been a BFP but it wasnt to be. It was the first cycle after loosing my babies and my body is now sorted itself out.

On a further positive note. All my herbs turned up last night as well. So now I have 6 weeks worth of this ummmm "lovely" drink. Once in the morning and once in the evening. So lets just look at the last few weeks as being practice. I know how to chart now, I know what various things mean, I have my little programe thing that makes it easier and I m starting a new cycle with my herbs and my little bits and pieces.

Heres to a BFP this time next month!

[AJC]

Bettyboop: :hugs:

Angel Babies: Good luck for your first official month TTC. I fell pg on the second full month temping so hoping you get a BFP real soon (first full month temping would be brilliant!!!). Is our first month back on the TTC roller coaster again this month. Love the poem, so true. I have a little list of what I call my 'positive tunes' and they're just songs that make me feel really positive about the future. I have them playing softly into my ears each morning when I walk and I found it really helps me with the emotional side of things. I also have a song which I play to remind me of my angel babies, I played it over and over at first but now not so much, it's a Celine Dion song called 'Goodbye's {The Saddest Word}' - not ashamed to admit I'm a fan, I think she's gorgeous. The words are very strong. It's a sad song but it also makes me look forward to the bond I will share when I do have a healthy baby in my arms one day....
***
'Goodbye's {The Saddest Word}'
Mamma
You gave life to me
Turned a baby into a lady

Mamma
All you had to offer
Was the promise of a lifetime of love

Now I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And I know
A love so complete
Someday must leave
Must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

Mamma
You gave love to me
Turned a young one into a woman

Mamma
All I ever needed
Was a guarantee of you loving me

'Cause I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And it hurts so
That something so strong
Someday will be gone, must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

But the love you gave me will always live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You are to me the greatest love of all
You take my weakness and you make me strong
And I will always love you 'til forever comes

And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there this I promise you, Mamma

Mamma, I'll be
I'll be your beacon through the darkest nights
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
And I will love you 'till forever comes

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

'Till we meet again...
Until then...
Goodbye
***

Does anyone else have any songs that they have used to cope or they use for inspiration?

Goodnight everyone - have a good weekend.

[Katiegirl]

Okay going out on a limb here - and this is embarrassing....but one of my songs that makes me think of my baby and what has happened - is The Dance by Garth Brooks. I am not a Country fan but I lived in the US for a year when I was 18 and a lot of my friends like Garth. Even though I wasn't really into it, I did love this song. And now it really has great meaning to me. It is all about accepting that in order to avoid pain (break up etc) you would have had to miss the great moments. There is another one called Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye by Chantal Kreviazuk. I love sad songs.

I have a distince feeling AF is on its way - I just wish it would hurry up. Today is CD28.

Angel Babies - I am glad you feel you are doing some positive things - certainly sounds like you are getting a good programme happening. What herbs are you taking?

[Baby Angels]

I think I m going to put in an obvious one here. Fly by Celine Dion. But the words are just "made" for our babies.

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

Other than that I have put quite few poems on the angelbabies web site. They are ones that have helped me during my hours and hours of searching the internet.... i suppose searching for an answer I never found. BUT I did find some beautiful poems.

I will share this one with you.... I wrote this myself.


Cameron Azrael & Krystal Sariel

We?ll never get to hold you,
Or look upon your face.
We?ll never get to show you,
Our love through our embrace.

We?ll never have the feeling,
Of you calling out to us.
We?ll never know the feeling,
Of you looking up to us.

Why you were taken away from us ,
We?ll never really know.
We look around for a sign,
As to why you weren?t to grow.

There is nothing we can do right now
Our minds are an absolute mess.
There is confusion, sadness, sorry,
And anger I must confess.

Our tears can not bring you back,
Back into our world.
You are gone from us on this plain
We?ll meet again I know.

So until that time I ll say to you,
And you must listen to your mummy.
Watch out for us when we come one day,
Your mummy and your daddy.

That one I wrote, the others on the site i DID NOT write but they are beautiful. I still read them with a tear as I remember my babies.

I have to say. Most days I am at the stage where I can remember them without the aganising pain. It was a month ago yesterday and then a month ago today. I miss them I still get sad but but the anger has softened the deep breathtaking pain has weakened.

There is a bereavement site over in the US. I contacted them a few weeks ago and they made bracelets for my babies. They arrived yesterday. It has their Birthstones on them, the names I gave them along with some pearls, crystals and charms. They arent real gold and they arent high quality that will last if I wore them every day but its comforting wearing them at the moment.

It is still a rollercoaster, up one minuted down the next..... but overall I have more up now...... thank god!

[Katiegirl]

Well AF arrived today - just like I predicted. I am actually okay with it, as it today was CD29 - so bang on time. At least it means my cycle looks like it is getting back to some sort of normal. I am hoping next month will be our month. DH and I both have our birthdays in Feb so what a wonderful present it would be.

[Canary]

Hi Everybody!

Like Laura, I am so pleased that January is finally over. It was a really sh*tty month and a bit of a struggle to get through. I was so convinced that AF would arrive on 1st Feb, that it came as a bit of a shock when she didnt. I am a bit confused because I have had mild cramps for the last 4 days now. Also, my temp was 36.4 when I started temping (admittedly, not that long ago), but for the last 3 days it has been 36.7... A sure sign that AF is due?? Maybe I bled so much at the beginning of the month, I cant possibly lose anymore?

When I got up this morning, everything was covered in a fine layer of glistening snow!! It was so beautiful, but by the time I had been to a step class and back, it had all gone. The last time it snowed, DH and I were in the hospital after the m/c and we were watching a security man build a snowman out in the carpark.

Angelbabies, I liked your poem. You sound very optomistic, I hope that the herbs are helpful. Do they taste yucky?
Laura, did you get a car? I hate car shopping too, we got ours between Xmas and New Year, but thankfully DH liked the first one we came accross, so we bought it.

Is there anybody else waiting to POAS after Sami?

Betty B, don't know what to say other than thinking of you and sorry that you are still waiting. If you need to vent, you know where we are.

I'm off to try out my new bike, although I'm still p*ssed off that the last one was pinched, I cant help being excited about the new one!
Take Care everyone.

[tempus moriendi]

Happy groundhog's day! In case you don't know what that is, on February 2, the groundhog Punxatawny Phil from Hobbler's Nob, Pennsylvania checks for his shadow. If he sees it, then six more weeks of winter. If he doesn't, then spring is just around the corner. He saw it, unfortunately.
(I've heard there's a crab in Atlantic City, New Jersey who predicts the weather, too, but obviously he's just a cheap Phil rip-off)

nicksterUK: no! not the laptop! but at least you can still post

ll80: maybe your masters degree is meant to be--and the universe is taking care of it for you? Good luck with the new car thing, too

Angel Babies and Katiegirl: sorry about AF, but you sound like you both have a real good attitude about it.

Do any of you ladies

[Baby Angels]

Well I am going to give myself a big pat on the back. I just had a client of mine come in with her newborn and I proceeded to design the interior of her house for her as she walked around breast feeding it. I couldnt bring myself to talk about her baby which im sure she would have felt strange about because with such a tiny baby i m sure it is the constant point of conversation with people around her......... But I did it!!!!!!! I constantly felt the twinges inside that wanted to just scream out about how unfair everything is but I kept them under control Now considering AF is currently visiting, my emotions were kept together....... Good On Me!

As for AF..... Ohhhh goodness..... she s not here for a visit..... she s here for a spring clean! I have NEVER been so emotional or so heavy..... has anyone else experienced such a change in the first AF after m/c.

With my herb,I m not sure whats actually in them. They are chinese herbs and the taste like ..... ummmmm ..... ummmmmmmm CHIT!....... I bascially take it, then quickly before even taking another breath i eat something or drink something. I m not complaining though. Having just finished an IVF cycle where you are having injections every day.... I can live with 5ml twice daily of a yucky drink.

Well thats it for me, hope every one is having a great weekend, I m at work at the moment but taking 5 to keep myself together after a complete design... (couple of hours)... with newborn in toe.

Good On Me!