Hi All.

Well firstly, AF still has not reappeared since around midday yesterday - so that was a cycle of about 2 and half days!!! I hope it stills counts. I am just spotting very lightly now. I am wondering if it is short because I spotted on and off for about 6 week after the D&C? At least that is what I am telling myself. So will start TTCing over the next couple of days. Can anyone advise if there is meant to be a system to follow - like one day on one day off or anything like that? Or do you just go for it?

As for DH - he has been amazing and my rock. He has been very good at talking to people about it and expressing how much it has affected us and shattered our dreams. He took on the responsibility of telling people how I was feeling etc. I have been really proud of him. And then on the flipside, he has found it hard dealing with my emotions. His nature (like all men) is to want to fix things, and it is hard for him to see me upset and not be able to do anything about it. Insteand of just accepting I am having a bad day, he would get worried that I was depressed etc. He also told me that sometimes he just doesn't want to have to think about our loss, whereas I find it hard to think about anything else. He admitted that he felt that it was all I thought about or talked about, either Nathaniel or trying again, and he said that he was sick of it sometimes. He also said that he felt I was always sad and that got him down. We have had some major fights, not about Nathaniel but I think that our grief was the underlying issue. He also admitted that he deliberately didn't tell me when he was feeling sad because he thought it would get me down too. Whereas I tried to explain that grief is a lonely place, and me knowing that he felt sad as times would let me know I am not alone. He recently went out and drank too much and got sick and then had a mini meltdown about how he should be a father and not out drinking etc. It was terribly heartbreaking as it showed how he is also still grieving, but also useful because it let me see that he feels exactly the same. I feel very fortunate to be married to him, and I believe losing Nathaniel will ultimately bring us closer together.

Hope that all makes sense.