jenushka.....Hun... there are no real answers.... no words we can say will make it alright..... it sucks.... you know it, i know it.... we all know it..... and to say it sucks is the politest way to put it.......
how do you deal with it.......the only answer i can give is ONE DAY AT A TIME..... the days right now will be cloudy and vauge.... then sometime, hopefully soon, the fog will lift just a bit and then a bit more and then a bit more until one day you will be able to see again....
Do whats right for you right now hun... allow your emotions... allow your sorrow, your anger, your frustrations, your fear...... all of your emotions.. alow them all..... dont hold it in... cry... scream... yell... whatever you have to do to deal with it.
jenushka- i am so sorry it is so so unfair, i was actually thinking of you yesterday and how close you were to 12 weeks and now my heart is breaking for you. sending you so many and remember we are here whenever you need to vent.
afm- tomorrow is my angel's edd...feeling very emotional... sat with hubby tonight and read one of the poems/prayers from angel babies website and dh and i just let the tears roll...so thank you angel babies for the beautiful words that helped me explain and deal with the hurt and pain...
Sorry I haven't been around much the last couple of days. Just been busy with work and stuff. I've still been reading everyone's posts though and you are all still in my thoughts.
Jenushka, I am so deeply sorry to hear your news. My heart dropped when I read your post. Take as much time as you need to grieve, and do anything that you feel will help you heal. But always, always remember the sound of your angels heart beating, and that little foot wave that gave you so much joy. You have an infinite amount of love to give a baby, and you WILL get that opportunity. Take care sweetheart and never forget that we are hear for you and that you are in our thoughts during this sad time
Hi all, wanted to give big hugs to Jen and WTH xxxxxxxxxxx my thoughts are with you...
Now I'm going to throw around a trillion tonnes of
for August and some more BFPs
Angel- how about making some beautiful chocolate 'mudcake' (rich and gooey cybercake) sprinkled with.....
I'm still lurking, and ALWAYS hoping for you ladies xxxxxx
afm 28+2 weeks and am well. It's the 5 week summer break here (school holidays) so am 'off duty' for a while (boy do I need this rest!!)
Much love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx
Jenushka: I'm crying right now! My heart goes out to you!! I have been there twice and I know the pain! I wish I had something brave to say.. I'mj ust crying right now! May God place your angel in his wings and allow him or her to play with both my bubs in heaven!!!!
My heart goes out to you!!!!
Jen805, Rachelswirl and Easha!! My best wishes going your way!! You girlies have been great!!! I pray you all have your blessings soon!!
Another thought.. I have come to realize that Since day 1 for me I have felt like you all made me feel right in place. I never felt left out SINCE DAY ONE!! That only tell me how amazing you women are!1 I hope God blesses you all. You women are really special to me.. miles apart.. it doesn't matter!! You women are amazing and I feel blessed when I hear from each and every one of you!!!
I was MIA yesterday sorry I was in cleaning mode this apartment was filthy!1 I do know I have to take it slow though.. doc said not to stress or fuss too much as things can still go terribly wrong with my bub.
On a happy note... You all know how faint my BFPs have been.. (I read that if Pg isgoing well HCG increases as days go by..) so I asked hubby to buy me one last HPT to see if my BFP remained faint or got darker (if faint I am supposed to be concerned)
soo.. here is my faint BFP on 7/22/08
I ran to hubby and he was like WOW!!! I have never had such a dark BFP EVER!1 Not with Erick (he even gave me a neg blood test 3 days b4 u/s revealed he was there)
and with my 2 angel babies...faint too!
We are happy....and yet super worried as a BFP doesn't not guarantee you the bub will make it 9 months ya know?..I think I will worry until I have my newborn in my arms. Then and only then I will sigh with relief that my bub will make it!! Next Friday I get my progesterone shot..so that's another worry out of my way!!
For now I just have to wait for my next u/s in hopes they find a healthy bub. like I said..this baby is mending my broken heart.. if he dies my heart will die with him or her.. I don't think I can handle any more pain!!!
But anywho.... I just wanted to thank you all for making me feel comfortable here! the support you all have given me means a lot to me!! I hope God blesses you all with healthy full term babies!!!!!
I will be for you all!!!
Everyone - I can't thank you enough for your incredibly kind words of support. Although I am shedding a tear, each time I read a post it is helping me to feel it. I had felt myself shutting off a little bit, but I know the only way to heal is to go through all the pain first. Very daunting but necessary.
This time I think I'll be looking for a bit of extra help to get through it - will be starting counselling as soon as I can. I think I used up all my reserves of strength getting through my last m/c.
I think I'll also be looking for some answers. I am saddened that according to the medical profession I must go through this again in order to be classed as "recurrent" and get access to tests and clinics. At my strong insistence I have got a referral from my ob for the recurrent m/c blood tests, but she downright refuses any tests to check out my uterus and tubes etc saying that I have one healthy child so therefore everything there must be all right (?). She also said next time I am pg there is "no point" doing reg scans around the time of my losses for peace of mind as it "won't help". No, maybe not to save the baby if anything is wrong but it will stop me going insane and if something happens to the baby I'll know sooner...I'll be seeing my wonderful GP this week to talk to her about a referral to the most sympathetic gyno she can think of ... maybe even fs? Next time round I want to know I've looked into everything I could. Also maybe different ob next time too - she is wonderful when you're pg but kind of switches off when you lose a pg.
Jen - as for waiting 4 months - that was according to ob advice again. I think I'll wait to see what the testing after the d&c says and decide where to go from there. After the last m/c I wanted to be pg again NOW, but this time not so sure. But then, not sure if I gave myself lots of time and it happened again how I would feel...
D&C now scheduled for Tuesday - am holding this baby close until then and giving it every bit of love I have. I wish it could know just how sorry I am...
You are the best bunch of girls ever, and thanks again. I have felt every single one of those hugs ... here's a big one back. I will continue to lurk, (as this is my second home!), and maybe soon I can join you again when I feel brave enough to get back on the rollercoaster...
Jenushka
I am so so so so sorry ... Huge hugs to you. I can't find the words to tell you how deeply sorry I am. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
Rach
x
Jenushka please get a new doc you should not have to m/c again to get some test done that's crazy talk ... I'm praying really hard for you girl my heart goes out to you and please please stay strong !!!
for you all!!!
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