I'm feeling really sad today. I realised I would have exactly 8 weeks to go until my due date had the first miscarriage this year not happened. I should have a big belly now. It only dawned on me when I heard that a work colleague is due Boxing Day. I then sat down and worked it out... 8 weeks to the day. I was sitting at my desk with tears rolling down my face. Then the abusive phone calls started from my ex. That only made me feel worse. Not only do I have to deal with this due date coming up but I also have to deal with the fact that I am not going to be having any children at all whilst dealing with a psycho ex. I'm 41 now, there is not enough time for me to meet someone, fall in love, get secure enough in a relationship to have a child and then go through more miscarriages until I get a successful pregnancy (50/50 chance at my age). It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'm not sure what would have been harder - being pregnant and going through all this drama with the ex or not being pregnant. At least this way I have a chance of keeping my house. If I was still pregnant I would have to sell up and leave my job and go on benefits and I would never be able to cut the ties with the ex. OK, there's the silver lining, this way I don't ever have to have anything to do with him once he collects his furniture. That makes me feel somewhat better.

Sorry for the selfish post ladies.