Sad approaching MC due date.

[mj-mummy]

Hi there I am new to this forum, and am feeling down at the moment as my due date (for my mc earlier this year) is next week. 2 of my work mates are also about to give birth, as we were all due at the same time.

Does everyone who mc's grieve at this time too, or should it all be behind me now (as one of my relatives thinks).
I was hoping to be well and truly pregnant again by now so it wouldn't hit me as hard. Instead i have since had another mc, a couple of cycles ago , and today my temp has dropped and AF is due tomorrow.

This seems like the only place I can pour my heart out to, because DH's I don't believe can ever fully understand what women feel when they have life growing inside them. And consequently the despair, guilt, anger and disappointment when it all falls apart.

Friends are great support, but how much do you really want to burden them with if they haven't had any trouble getting pregnant or ever suffered a mc/loss.

Please someone throw me some floaties!

mj-mummy

[MistyFying]

mj-Mummy first of all I'm so sorry your little one passed away. It's really, really hard when you lose a baby, and there's no set way for you to grieve. Of course it will be top of your mind coming up to your due date, and I think you should remember your baby and grieve in a way that's appropriate for you and your DH. Sending you a big

[krisp]

I lost our baby in July 2003. I think of that bub all the time, especially on January 20 which was my due date. My rels think too that I should put it behind me and to some degree I have but it will always be there. I had to have a termination because I needed chemo for a breast cancer diagnosis when I was 9 weeks pregnant so it wasn't a miscarrage as such. I still greive for what could have been and feel desperately guilty that I couldn't save my baby and that I had to choose it's life over my own.

Don't listen to people when they tell you you'll get over it or once you have another baby you'll forget. I don't believe you ever do. The grief changes to acceptance over time but the hurt is always there. It's wondering what the baby would have looked like, who nose would she or he have had, what would be her first words....

Feel sad, cry, yell, do whatever you need to do to process your grief, let it come when it comes and allow yourself to feel the loss.

In time the paiian will lessen but you'll always remember your precious angels. It's all part of being a Mummy.

Be kind to yourself and take care. My thoughts and understanding are with you.

[Visitor9]

To this day....I do something special on my girls aniversary and DH always buys flowers on each of there special angel days. This is years down the track but they molded me into the person I am today even if it was for a fleating minute. Do somethig special for you..my yearly treat is often a facial then to the balloon shop for my pink balloons and down to the beach to sit and reflect. This year I will take DD to the beach she wont understand and want to climb in the water and play with the balloons but hopefully in time she will understand how these 2 little babies helped her be here.
Its a hard time and dont feel that you cant tell people that it is a hard time for you.
Bec

[ElleJay]

mj-mummy... I'm so so sorry for your loss.. Like me, I'm going to have a hard time around Feb 13th, because that's when my lil one was due and I m/c'ed at only 7wks

[feeb]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

I understand how u are feeling as i had a miss in october last yr and have not conceived since and when i got close to my due date and just after i was very teary and upset especially as also had so many friends having babies before and after. No one expects you to ever forget your babies.

Good luck and remmeber bb is here for you when ever you need

xoxo

[MrsFabuloso]

I'm so sorry for your losses.
I know how you are feeling and I think yo are completely normal in grieving your babies. I still think of my angels and what might have been especially on due dates and other dates that are significant to me. I don't really cry much anymore, but I still remember.
I can also relate to the fact that DH's don't really understand a loss. Although my DH was sad at our losses, I don't he ever really understood how I felt until one day in the middle of the night after our second mc, he came upon me in what would have been our babys' room sobbing with my bubbas ultrasounds around me and holding onto a blanket I had brought him. Even now remembering it makes me teary.
You are entiled to feel sad and there is no time limit to your grief. It will be difficult for you since your friends are having bubs too. I also had this after my 2nd mc. It is hard to celebrate when you're thinking it should be you too. Take time out and be sensitive to yourself. Maybe spoil yourself a little.

[mj-mummy]

Thank you all, you lovely, lovely ladies. Your caring and understanding just helps so much. This afternoon I planted 2 avocado trees for my 2 angel bubs, as the first step...

MistyFying- BB is a savior - I have definitely come to the right place for support.

Krisp - your story had me in tears, you are such an inspiration to have had the strength to get through the termination and cancer at the same time- and go on to have a little boy, and now a little girl on the way. I hope she arrives safely into your loving home.

Bec G - I love your ideas. I think I will do all of them..... thank you for sharing them with me.

Liz Jessie/ Princess confused- My 2nd angel baby was due Feb16th 08, I will be remembering your angels too at that time.

Feeb - thank you also, it certainly is hard when you are surrounded by other pregnant women/newborn babies. I had to attend a family gathering just after my 1st mc, there were 2 newborns and 2 preg ladies, and I got a little teary - thats when I was told "not to dwell on it!" If I wasn't so upset i would have probably said something I would have regretted. She is my sister-in-law and would rather not start a family rift. I hope you have a big fat tummy very soon.

Kellieem- I feel we have so much in common, you too made me cry, and at the same time very much understood.

Once again thank you all
xox

[smiley10P]

Mj mummy-
Feeling down when approaching due date of your baby is totally normal. These dates are significant. You will never get over it as you relatives suggest. The experiences you have had will change you.(stronger , more compassion for other people greiving) I have just yesterday remembered my little Noah it was one year since I gave birth to him. The M/C I had in sept 05, I was almost insane with grief as the due date approached similiar to you had a good friend that was due around the same time she had her baby. All I could do was cry and scream. I just wanted what she had. Family who are insensitive. Oh what a shame you can't p*ss them off for good. But you cant do that with family. 2nd anniversary of my 05 M/C on the 17 th September. It is easier now that I have a new baby, concieved 5 week after Noah, so he wouldn't be here If I ddin't have Noah when I did. I think my grief was compounded by our fertility problems (difficulty concieving) and being unsure if I could have more children. I also had a few so called friends who avoided me because they couldn't deal with the unfairness of life. Gee thanks, that made it worse. But I realized they were the weak ones and not true friends anyway so nothing lost really.
Continue to hope and trust in your body and I hope you get that much awaited baby in your arms soon, luv smiley

[Michelle71]

Remembering is normal. Grieving is normal. Thinking "I should be X weeks pregnant is normal" as is wondering what that baby would be like. I was pregnant for my daughters' first anniversary which was bittersweet and watching my little man now only highlights the what could have been. Remember your angel baby in whatever way you think is best and make it special. Allow yourself to cry. Give yourself permission to grieve. Most importantly - take care of yourself

[ElleJay]

mj - As will I remember your dear angel at the due date too *hugs*

[mj-mummy]

Smiley10P & Michelle71 - thank you both for sharing your wisdom, and taking the time to help and encourage me ( a complete stranger). It's been quite humbling to have so much support from this forum, it has definitely helped. Best wishes to you both .

[~StarBright~]

Mj mummy,
hello, i think it is so normal for you to feel sad at this time. I lost my first baby Darren at 18weeks, he had abnormailities and i had to end the preg early, for the rest of the time i "should" have been pregnant i sort of stayed stuck in my sadness and i would find myself resentful of having fun or doing things i wouldn't have been able to do had i still been pregnant. One of my Aunties told me that to "get over it" properly i should be pregnant by my due date. God knows why she thought it would help- i was flabbergasted and didn't even start trying again until well after his due date. I felt the need to honor that time just for him. To this day i still light candles for him on the day i gave birth to him (may) and his due date (oct).
I think it is important to remember our angels no matter how short or long their stay in our bellies was. And i totally understand what you are saying about Dh. My DH was sad at all of our losses, however i think he only really experienced the full blown loss of our daughter at 36 weeks as i was very pregnant and we were much more confident that we would get to have her, where as with darren and my m/c the loss was far more internal for me and i felt the same sadness with all three. As the child bearers, we as women feel these little ones from our first feeling of pregnancy, and i felt like my DH needed to see the fullness of the preganancy before it really sinks in, and for him that never happened until the baby moved and he could "see" the pregnancy. This may sound absolutely horrible, but in a way i am grateful that he felt our daughters loss as until then i didn;t really beleive he understood how i had felt the other two times, and i beleive it gave him a little more understanding. I would have her back in a second, but at least her death has helped our relationship in a small way.
Sorry i am blabbing, i tend to do that.
I just wanted to reassure you that whatever you feel is normal and to tell you that you should do whatever works for you to make yourself feel a little bit better! As for inconsiderate families- i will leave that for another day!!!
Take Care Dear
StarBright xox

[mj-mummy]

Oh Starbright, you have been through so much, your pain must have been unbearable. I really hope there is a rainbow heading your way very soon. Thank you for helping me, I feel so much better today than this time last week. I have taken on board all the good advice from this forum, and now I feel like I can at least talk about it to a few more people (certain relatives excluded!) I will keep a lookout for your progress, take care.
PS you definitely weren't rambling!

[~StarBright~]

Thank you mj mummy. I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little better. It will always be a sad time for you, but it will get that little bit easier. Are you going to eb trying again ? We are at the moment. 4th time lucky!!
Take care and big hugs from me!
xox

[Rowie]

MJ-Mummy

firstly I am so sorry for your loss and secondly you are sooooo normal. I really don't think anyone quite understands what we go through unless they have had a m/c. I am now 19 weeks pregnant after 3 m/c's so know exactly what you mean. People tell me to be positive but I can't be, not until I hold this baby in my arms. It has been such a long road.... I have a girlfriend who has had one m/c and yes she is now more understanding of what I have been through but is now pregnant due two weeks after me and even then there are somethings she just doesn't get. It's hard and we all grieve in our own way. Believe me you will never forget your babies due date, I remember all three of mine.
Thinking of you and hope that you are coping a little better.

[mj-mummy]

Rowie,

Thank you for making me feel normal and sharing your story, it inspires me. You must be incredibly strong, to keep picking yourself up after 3 mc's. What some of us have to go through is just ridiculous. 19wks that is great -( I would be a nervous until the end also) I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.

I am feeling much better now, having done much soul searching, and time reflecting on things, I don't think I properly grieved at the time I had the MC's. Probably because some people I just didn't want to tell, and had to bottle it up. And those that knew I was uncomfortable being too emotional for too long.

Anyway we are TTC now and I have to believe that there are a few good eggs left!

Thanks again for your support.

[smiley10P]

Hi Mj mummy and all you other lurkers in here !!!

I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better, it is so worth doing the soul searching, and sharing your story with others who "get it". I so understand where you are coming from with the people being uncomfortable with us being too emotional for too long thing.

Now as for your egg comments I am sure you have lots of good eggs left and they will most likely be as healthy as you are. Nutrition and good health are so important. My great grandmother was still having babies at 48 years of age so there is hope for us young ones. We are also TTC yes again I am so greedy LOL. You are a couragous and strong woman too. Do you lurk in TTC after recurrent M/C and Loss if not come and join us.