Millie---we must fight to move on. It's strange to think of, but Oliver wouldn't want you to stay in bed, would he? It's hard to move on... I know it. My daughter was born stillborn on the eighth of May, so I'm still going through this hell. I know what it's like to wish every second of every day that I had died, too. I'm lucky in a sense---I don't have to deal with a husband who will try to ignore the issues.
I try to think of it like this: our babies can only push so hard to get us out of bed every day---to bring new smiles to our faces, and to try to get us to function. They aren't in our arms, but that doesn't matter. The love between us will never end, and someday we'll be with them again.
I want to get pregnant again---and I know how guilty that feels, but I believe our children will understand that we need one of their siblings with us. Yes, there is a risk. Yes, there is that fear... But if we all gave up when things got tough then we'd all be dead. Please, let's keep going on strong. It's hard, but we're here. All of us. We'll get through this together.
For now, we can cry, we can scream, we can let it all out. It will never go away, and we'll never be who we once were... but we can still be beautiful things. You are a mother, Millie. There is nothing on this earth that is more beautiful or holy than that position.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your son Oliver. Lynn has summed it all up for you really. It is a difficult and traumatic time that unfortunately takes time to heal (if it ever does). I must say that time does ease the pain - you still cry but you do get through it.
Unfortunately there are quite a few of us here on BB who have lost our babies but fortunately we are all here to help each other.
I think the way your DH is coping (by not talking about it and moving on) is his way of dealing with it. Men cope differently i think. But don't feel shy to express your feelings in front of him - if you need to cry then do so - it is healthy to cry and esp. in front of your DH - he needs to know how hard this is for you - then you might find he will open up a bit more and express how he is feeling really.
Don't worry about what family say either. I had people say also "everything happens for a reason" - which i agree to some point but i think that needs to be rephrased - as now i find that so harsh (as if our babies were meant to die). We know our babies died due to an incident, disease, accident etc (yeh sure that is the reason) but did they need to die?...No !
Grief is tough and it sure does challenge us 100%. But please cry when you need to - don't hold back - talk to people who listen (or just talk anyway) - get it out - i personally find it easier to cope.
We are all here for you and hope that you come back to chat and we can help you on this journey.
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