Katiegirl--Congrats on the baby kicks! Sounds like you've got yourself a little gymnast in there! How cute, I can just imagine her in there giggling, not letting her daddy feel her kicks! See, she's testing him already!
Tildy--Oh, I don't think it's dumb about the kitten at all! My DF found some ducklings at his work that had to be moved, and the mom flew away and left them. So he brought them home, and they were so cute, and everyone loved them, and we showed them off in DS class... We awoke in the morning to find only 2 left alive. By the next morning they were all gone, and the last one we really thought would make it, it cuddled and snuggled with me all day long, but before bed that night I went to check on it, and he was gone. It was a painful blow... too familiar, too soon... so I know exactly how you feel! I'm so sorry! Seems like things like that always happen at the most inopportune times. Yesterday I was researching something on a site I must've gone to when I was pg, and it said "welcome back, Jenny, your baby is 30 weeks today". It was a pretty big downer... and then Mel's story just broke my heart... I'm for you that you find your strength and keep your faith! Don't forget we're all here for you!
you're not being silly about your pets, our cat helped me after the loss, then we got a puppy a few weeks ago which was great, and I'd be devastated if anything happened to them. I hope you find her.
Don't give up on the charting... I only just started again and my first few temps were all over the place, but have steadied since I started taking them at the same time every day, even setting my alarm. You may not be able to TTC yet but it may help you the month that you do feel like it.
Tildy - I understand how you feel about your cat. I had a cat for 16 years growing up and he died when I was 21 and I still get upset about it - 11 years later!!! It is a bit of joke in our family that I still have photos of him in a frame at home and get upset. He was my best friend for 16 years - so yes I know how feel.
Take time with TTC - but you know my sister who has had 2 late losses gave me some advice back in Jan that really stuck with me. I had gone home to visit my family and after 6 weeks of spotting and finally thinking this were ok, I started spotting again. It sent me into a decline - and as she has been through this she was the one who was able to talk to me about it properly. She told me that we shouldn't put off TTC for too long or else we would get too scared to start. She said it had happened to her and her DH after their 2nd late loss - and that she didn't want it to happen to me. It really hit home with me, and I am glad that I listened. So basically listen to yourself and work out when it best for you - but don't be too scared to start.
Ok must go clean the same sister above and her DH and 4 children (yes she has 4 as well as her 2 angels) are coming to stay in our 2 bedroom apartment for 4 days!!! Need to childproof this place.
Katie is right... I think I've come to the "too scared" stage. Right after we lost Hamish I desperately wanted a baby to hold and wanted to be pregnant immediately. But now, almost three months on I'm so petrified of TTC, being pregnant, going to ultrasounds, waiting for heartbeats and most of all, of holding another dead baby in my arms.
I do have my grand plan of doing my naturopathic pre-conception program for six months then TTC in October but it's also a crutch to lean on.
A friend asked me when we'll TTC again and I said "when I'm better" and she said "by better do you mean when you don't hurt anymore? are you waiting for your heart to go numb?". It's true, I want this sadness and loneliness to subside, but I guess it never will.
Katie, if you go to Joshua's service and get to talk to Mel, please hug her for me too.
Oh, and aren't those kicks the best? Has your DH felt one yet?
Hi Hammi - yes that advice has always stuck with me. Once I found out I was preg I suddenly realised how terrifying it was. It is only now that I am getting regular movement that I can feel myself relaxing a bit. I am sure you will know when the time is right. For me, I wanted to start trying straight away, and the constant spotting I had really messed with my head. Good luck with your naturopathy. I have found it to be really useful and comforting for me.
I will be going to Joshua's service on Monday - as will a few other BB women.
And no DH still hasn't felt bub's move - she is definitely playing games with him!!!
Good news ladies -- my hubby found our kity last night. First he (and others!) spent the day really trying to take care of me, as I was a wreck. After he'd put me in a bath and sat with me and stroked my hair while watching funny TV and then put me to bed, trying to get me to sleep finally, he said he was going to go out on his bike and search to make himself feel better. A little while later the phone rang, and since it was close to midnight I knew it was something -- DH calling to say he'd found her and she looked fine, but he was having trouble getting her to leave a neighbor's fenced-in yard, heh.
A huge weight has lifted from me. I got my period last weekend after being so confident that I might be pregnant, and after some crying I thought, "Hey, okay, I didn't get pregnant the first cycle after our loss. That's not so strange. It'll come." A kind of peace finally in other words; I saw a light shining somewhere off in the future. I went to work at my new job and actually was productive and felt good about it. I'd lost weight that last week, breaking a 9-week trend since the M/C of eating and gaining and eating and gaining. And then -- boom. Kitty limbo. I was more than ever convinced that the universe is ****ing with me, and that me being positive or happy about anything only invites hardship. I was even starting to think "The only thing I haven't lost now is my husband, and boy if there were a time for him to get sick of me..."
So getting my little Ada back was a turning point that I believe I desperately needed -- almost to the point where it might be good for me that the little rascal disappeared.
Jen - Those kind of things (the website with that "30 weeks pregnant!") are just awful! We did a good job of getting other people to spread the news about our M/C, but once in a while people pop up that knew we were pregnant and haven't heard about the M/C, and they ask or say things that make us have to say "Well, no, you're right, I SHOULD have been bigger now, but..." I can imagine how losing the ducklings was really difficult as well; it's lovely to have these little pet lives when we're feeling down, but so devastating when they leave us. (Why are there no pets that live 80 years!)
Rozzie - Thanks for the encouragement about the charting. My temp really is very up and down, even now at the beginning of my cycle. But I feel like I have a handle on the CM anyway. And now that I've had my sigh of relief, I feel like we can hop back on that TTC wagon again.
Katiegirl - Full house! Just wondering -- did your sister have her M/C before or after having her children? Your DH will just have to rub your belly more often in order to feel those kicks.
Hammi - I know what you mean about being petrified. I've already thought of what it will be like next time when we have the 12-week ultrasound. If they say everything looks great I'll burst into tears and be confused, since everything was perfect this time at 12 weeks! But so far the fear of going through this again hasn't made me consider not trying. Actually, we did the baby dance so often last month that I think DH was happy to be going to Germany for a few days! You know you want a little one, and sadly I don't think those worries and fears will be muted by waiting a long time. If anything, waiting a long while before we TTC again will make this into an even bigger loss -- because instead of stealing a year from me it would have taken a year and a half, for instance.
Rebellios cat is eating up the last yogurt from my m?sli breakfast, right here beside me!
I just wanted to say to Tildy, you are so not being silly about your cat! We have had a very unfortunate year, not only did we lose our much loved little Cooper, our other son (who was 13 months at the time)was bitten by our family dog. It wasn't our dogs fault, he is petrified of storms, hot air balloons and cars backfiring, he has a safe haven in our front room where he went to hide if he was scared. The one morning he was scared of a balloon, my husband left him in the spare room when he went to work and I wasn't quick enough to realise after I had gotten our DS out of bed and he had found him in there. All I heard was the dogs reaction and our son screaming, he had 4 puncture wounds to his face, luckily for us it was only superficial scaring but he had to go under anasthetic to have it stitched up by a plastic surgeon. I will never fully forgive MYSELF for letting this happen, I know this is a long way off track but what I am trying to get around to is that, the day I went into labour with Cooper, was the day we found our dog a new home (as I couldn't have him near my children anymore). My husband and I were completely devasted, this didn't start my labour BUT it certainly didn't help. Many people said to me 'How could you still have feelings for that dog after what has happened?' But he was our baby for 8 years before we had Corey, and it really was our fault not his. I guess what I am trying to say is I know what it is like to lose a much loved pet in horrible circumstances. As I said to you before I hope your stay with us here on BB is supportive and loving, after what you have been through you need it!!
Jen - by the way, sadly I found a website today aswell that proudly displayed the 'You are 34 weeks pregnant', It hit pretty hard.
Hi to all, will check in later through the week, having visitors at the moment!
It was a painful blow... too familiar, too soon... so I know exactly how you feel! I'm so sorry!
Seems like things like that always happen at the most inopportune times. Yesterday I was researching something on a site I must've gone to when I was pg, and it said "welcome back, Jenny, your baby is 30 weeks today". It was a pretty big downer... and then Mel's story just broke my heart...
for you that you find your strength and keep your faith! Don't forget we're all here for you!
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