hey everyone...
danek - i am probably the least good mindframe person to talk you right now, but i could'nt not say that i at least understand exactly how you feel. i had tjose moments after Jack, i would be doing ok and then it would hit me like a ton of bricks. And now that i have lost Madison too i am terrified of that same thing again. I am almost still in denial a bit at the moment and i am so worried about when the true grieving starts. (which i imagine will be at her service and cremation.) I truely believe there is'nt a "time" that we should get over something like losing a child, a part of it will remain with us always. but if you feel it is something you can't control, please get someone to talk to and help you clear your heart and mind a little.
sue - i am hoping with everything i have that this frostie sticks for you! i look forward to some wonderful news!!!
katie - now that i am back on the other side again - DO NOT LEAVE! I think you will continue to inspire all of us who are dreaming of another baby! i have sent you a pm!
hammi - to you also, a pm reply!
tildy - you are so strong and just amazing! keep holding tight to those positive thoughts and continue to demand the treatment and answers that you deserve! I also have one of those husbands - we have had a few fights about how quickly he moved on from Jack but i know that having a late loss for a 2nd time now with Madison, hit home a little more. My OB even said how "gutted" he looked in hospital and recommended he get some counselling which he would NEVER do. It does make it hard when we continue to grieve and hold tighter to memories and they don't seem to fully understand why we do that.
rozzie -continuing to cross those fingers and toes on wed, but all is sounding much better for you! yay!
helen - i think it is wonderful you went away with no distractions and allowed you and DH to spend some much needed time together. Its such a tough time and you both will be stronger for it! take care of you!!! xx
thanks so much for your constant thoughts everyone! It means so much! love and hugs to you all!
jo
You're an amazing woman to have the strength to offer others support at this time. I hope the service for your baby girl goes well and doesn't hit you too hard. Wishing you and your DH and kiddies lots of hugs!
oops! forgot to fill you all in on my OB visit yesterday...
unfortuneately no real updates except that my Ob continues to be in as much shock as me over this happening twice and he has said thathe wants to see me after the autopsy results have come in so we can discuss what it holds for my future. He said time is still on my side as i am only 32 and healthy (unless tests say otherwise!) so to not give up hope. He DID make the huge mistake of calling her passing a "termination" as i had to be induced. It really made me cringe in the worst possible way as i did not CHOSE to terminate, i really think it was a horrible medical term to use and he knew after he said it as i got upset. I think he needs an answer about what happened almost the same as me as he went through my file and looked at everything and just sat shaking his head. he had a poor OB student there and at first i did'nt want him to sit in as i was given a choice but then i thought well he won't always have happy endings either so here is your training starting with me! When i got upset he could'nt even look at me so then i was feeling bad for him! bloody emotions!!!!
Then last night i had a blood clot (warning TMI!!!) that i could actually feel coming out about the size of a small strawberry! I had really heavy bleeding after jack and for months (katie you'll remember my complaints) which i found out when i was having madison, was probably due to an unfinished D&C and they said i should have gone back to hospital and had another one done. So then this clot thing happened even though my placenta passed naturally this time and it was out of the blue as my bleeding has been almost nothing this time round. i am not sure wether to wait it out another couple of days and see what happens or just to go to the docs. I am in no pain, just mild cramping which is to be expected as everything goes back to normal. They said the bleeding should only be around 2-3 weeks which seems very on track this time. i dunno...i am almost giving up on this body of mine!
I am so sorry. I'm out of touch and did not know that you lost Madison. I wish I could offer you some warm words that could help. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Jo, I passed a really big clot about a week after I delivered Hamish. It was after I went for a walk and the midwife said that I shouldn't have been on my feet for too long. Maybe that's a sign for you to rest up? They didn't tell me to come in though.
I just depressed myself by reading my old Belly Buddy group. Everyone has given birth and now have their little babies with them.
How about this, my friend at work has a sister who is pregnant with her 8th child. EIGHT!
all is well with bub THANK GOD. I'd worked myself into a bad state, compounded by vomiting and a horrendous headache all day, but when she zoomed in the flicker was there, plain as day. H/B was 158 and bub is measuring within a couple of days. I'm kind of annoyed at my OB, firstly for doing a crappy scan (according to DH, never got a good pic) and secondly for being pretty negative... I believe his most encouraging words were: 'there is something there', and 'I want this to work out for you'. Anyway I'll see him in a couple of weeks to get a 12 week scan referral then maybe I'll have an appointment with the high risk fetal medicine unit and see what happens from there.
When i got upset he could'nt even look at me so then i was feeling bad for him!
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and whatever else there is to hope you are back here in 2 weeks with a BFP!!!
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