I have been away from the computer during the festive season and this is my first peek since the 23rd or something. What a ****ty time of year it is for all of us. So may tears over the last few days but thankfully I have DS who was so excited about xmas that it was a healthy distraction for all of us. I asked DH as we lay in bed on xmas night how he had felt during the day and he said at one point he was swimming in the pool and as he came up he hear a voice call out 'daddy'. Our son wasn't with him so it wasn't him. He said he just knew it was our little girl and he felt like his heart would explode. He made a lovely toast at lunchtime expressing gratitude for having our son with us and rememberance of the fact we don't have our daughter. It was very emotional but in a good way because everyone was sensitive enough to share in our mixed emotions. unlike a lot of you we are blessed with really supportive family who for the most part miss our little girl almost as much as we do.
On another note I have been wanting to share an experience I had just before xmas. I went to see a psychic. I have been thinking about it for awhile and finally did it. It was quite amazing. She was so spot on with what she said and picked up on some really specific stuff without any input from me at all. I wasn't a skeptic or anything but I am a pretty suspicious person by nature. I wont' bore you all with the details but she did ask me at one point how many children I had because up until this point she had only mentioned my son. I wasn't sure how to answer and just as I said 1 she said I can see a little girl who keeps popping up. I explained that my daughter had died earlier in the year and she was adamant that it wasn't Charlie but another girl. She said the baby was linked to September 2009 either a BFP or a birth. If it is a birth then I can be expecting a BFP sometime in the next month!! She was adamant that the pregnancy would go fine and I wouldn't have any trouble.
She also has the ability to channel spirits but she said the rules of her gift don't allow her to channel babies under 18mths - 2years. I was a bit disappointed but she said my Grandma had popped in to say that a baby was being sent to me with an enormous amount of love and that Charlie would be one of this babies guides and this baby was meant for great things.
I don't know how much of it to believe but I guess as I am feeling so nervous about being PG again it was nice to get some reassurance. Even if it is a bit trippy.
Has anyone else had any psychic experiences since losing their babies. I would be really interested to hear about them.
Anyway, sorry for no personals but hugs to you all for braving the storm that is xmas and what a year 2009 is going to be. Remember, we're not leaving anyone behind (me speaking as troop leader in the trenches... I think I even have an american accent and there is some dramatic music playing in the background!!!)
Oh Laney, sorry if this is too forward but what your sister said was just awful and very hurtful I am so sorry you had to leave early and that this Xmas ended on a sour note with your family. I just can't believe nobody understands how fragile we all are - we didn't break the heel on our favourite pair of shoes for God's sake, we lost babies!
Theresa, I'm glad you're feeling a little stronger today and you're right, this time is hell - worse than hell actually.
Tildy, glad your Xmas went well.
Sue, glad the BD went smoothly! Bet your DH is the happiest man on earth right now How exciting getting all those kicks. It must be so wonderfully reassuring.
Lan, sounds like you had a rough day also. Are you close to testing?
Rozzie, good for you for doing what you and DH want. I wish I had the courage to do the same. I have really learnt alot about my family since losing Sebastian - they are cowards.
Beata, how nice of your DFs SIL to ask how you were, sometimes it's the people you least expect. Sorry you have been having issues with your mum. I hope you can get your relationship back on track and that she learns to respect your feelings. Thanks for the tip on the book, I will try and find it.
Hi Jo. Glad you had an ok day and are in a nice room now. Hold on nice and tight cervix!
Paula, what a wonderful toast DH made, especially to include your little girl. He is a gem. I am so very pleased your family is supportive and doesn't shy away from talking about Charlie. Your clairvoyant visit sounds very promising! Here is to a BFP for you next month!!
Hope everyone else is doing ok.
Girls, I am certain the new year will welcome healthy and happy babies for our pg ladies, and BFPs for all of us TTC. Again, I am so very sorry to all of you that have suffered over the Xmas period. It's nearly over.......
Humph! Yes, while on holidays with my family DH and I found ourselves to be the default babysitters for my brother and sister's children. Just by the fact that we don't have any of our own to occupy ourselves with, and we're kind of fun (well, DH is, I was being a cow), the kids just stuck around us and their parents knicked off whenever they could. Boooo hissss!
But you're right Beata, 2008 wasn't all bad. We did all get to be mothers even if we had to learn the hardest feeling that can come with it.
My new year resolution is to TRY to not impose my feelings on everyone else, accept that no one will feel Hamish's loss the way I do (except you guys), and to open my heart to love another child.
I am now CD25. My BBs are kind of swelling and feel heavier. I remember with Hamish I noticed they got more veiny before I tested so of course I've been peering hard at them to see if there are veins. There aren't really but they do feel heavy. A sign? A sign? Hee.
Laney, I forgot to wish you happy birthday. 27 is my favourite age. My birthday wish for you is to simply be able to bring an earth baby home.
yay for sore BB's Lan (he he). Can't you get one of those early tests. Oooooh how exciting. I can't wait to hear about your BfP.
I announced to DH that I am 2 days PG today... AF arrived 2 days ago so even though I have not conceived yet I am already counting how many days PG I am!!! Does that make me a freak. I'm pretty sure it does, but its probably not the first symptom of freakyness I've had so not a real worry I guess. I figured I would follow the 'fake it till you make it' strategy!!
Lan I have my fingers crossed so hard for you.....
Mrs Robbo - You are definately not a freak and it is really good to have positive vibes around you. I really do believe in psychics - even though there is good ones and also bad ones. Hopefully you had a good one and all of it comes true - here is to a BFP this month.....
Well I am also at work, though probably only for today. Catching up with work and then I won't be coming back until the 5 Jan.... yippee
Though on the roads today in Adelaide it was soooooo quiet, I got to work in record time and felt like I was the only one going to work.
Paula, I forgot to say that I've been debating with myself whether to go and get a reading too. But then I concluded that if there is more bad news, I can't handle it, so I haven't.
I choose to believe your psychic so let me be the first to extend my congratulations to you on your 2 day old second daughter :-)
"Fake it till you make it" is a fantastic mantra, I'll join you! Wooh!
Sue, thank you for crossing your fingers for me, with Lily in your belly (can we start calling her that now?), I believe your finger crossing is very powerful :-)
I am so sorry you had to leave early and that this Xmas ended on a sour note with your family. I just can't believe nobody understands how fragile we all are - we didn't break the heel on our favourite pair of shoes for God's sake, we lost babies! 
How exciting getting all those kicks. It must be so wonderfully reassuring.
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