oh I almost forgot...

I'm not sure what you are all planning on doing for your angels at x-mas but I thought I would share my idea. Ethan asked me the other night if Santa would know where to find Charlie so that she could get a present at x-mas so I suggested to him (whilst holding back tears) that we could go and buy a present for Charlie. He got so excited and started realing off all these girly things that we could get her. He then wanted to know how we could get the presents up in the sky to her. I told him we could wrap it and take it to a special tree (the K-mart wishing tree) and leave it there. I told him that it was the Angel's magic wishing tree and that Santa came there specially to pick up presents for all the angels. He was pretty chuffed, DH and I felt good that we were doing something and of course we are helping another little girl somewhere have a happier x-mas.

I have that feeling Jo talked about when she got her urns. I feel good about doing something but super sad that I had to. I expect this knot i've had in my stomach since the x-mas season began is not going to go away anytime soon. Lets hope that next xmas we are all celebrating with miracle earth babies so that the pain is not quite so intense.