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Hi Helen, glad you're back and hooray to the bub going crazy in there ! It must be loving all the somersaults it can do !!! Are you finding out what you're having ? Sorry if you've already told us, I do miss things here and there...Good luck with your scan on monday, I loved my 20 week scan as I could see Joshua very clearly.
Teagz, I'm sorry hun for spelling Jayvan's name wrong....I hve dropped off 3 times from BB this morning and I was really getting frasturated..:doh:
Love at all
B xxx
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Hi Helen, glad you're back and hooray for little bubba going off in your belly ! It must be loving all the somersoults it can do in there....! Good luck on monday for your scan hun, I can imagine it's a bit nerve wrecking... Are you finding out what you're having ? Sorry if you've told us already, I miss things here and there, it's hard to be on the ball the whole time.....
Teagz, so sorry I spelt Jayvan's name wrong in my previous post, I have no excuse except that I keep dropping off BB all day, it's really frasturating!! :doh:
Diana, are you back yet ??????
love to all
Bxxx
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hi girls
Hi Helen, glad you're back and hooray for little bubba going off in your belly! It must be loving all the somersoults it can do in there....! Good luck on monday for your scan hun, I can imagine it's a bit nerve wrecking... Are you finding out what you're having ? Sorry if you've told us already, I miss things here and there, it's hard to be on the ball the whole time.....
Teagz, so sorry I spelt Jayvan's name wrong in my previous post, I have no excuse except that I keep dropping off BB all day, it's really frasturating!! :doh:
Diana, are you back yet ??????
love to all
Bxxx
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hey girls!
jo -that poem was really lovely, so touching ...thanks for thinking to put it in!
teagz -i am sending you a cyber hug!! i have never found any reason for losing Jack or Madison, and i broke down into every last detail ANYTHING that could have caused their deaths. You are not being punished, NOTHING you could ever do would make you deserve the pain you have been through. The fact that you had a really loving 6 weeks where you celebrated the fact you were pregnant is wonderful. As hard as it is, try to remember some of those moments, when you said your DH would kiss your belly -beautiful! We all have our moments when we first get preg of being nervous and apprehensive! my first DS was a surprise -i was on the pill, and i remember i spent much of the first 3 months going OMG!Its not that he was'nt wanted, it was so overwhelming and that 3 month ultrsound really bought home to us the wonder of who we were carrying. please don't be hard on yourself! I really hope you get a little comfort when you do see your OB, at least to unload. But i wanted to let you know some of us will , in some way or another understand your frustration at lack of answers. we're all here for you...
xx jo
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Beata & Joe :hug: thankyou for your kind words, they do mean alot to me. And, Beata I didn't even notice you spelt His name wrong.. I had just read it as Jayvan in my head anyway ^^;
After a bit of a cry to a friend of mine at work (who had experienced the same thing as all of us) I'm feeling a bit better, albiet a little guilty for bringing my baggage to work, but better :)
I bought a little reb hoodi bond jumper today as a testiment that the next little bub will be coming home with us! And we're officially on the TTC bandwagon now, which is conforting in a way.
this is the last post where I dribble about myself!! I'm starting to even annoy me ><;;
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Hi ladies!!
Teagz, I think all Mums of angels will find something to feel guilty about after their loss... I REALLY wanted a girl and was disappointed to find it was a boy, but I got over it pretty quickly and was happy again. Then we lost him and, well of course I felt terribly guilty- plus the feeling like a failure etc. It's easy to see rationally that we have nothing to feel guilty about but we still do. I really don't think though that God/nature/karma whatever punishes us for minor things like that when so many truly undeserving women have healthy babies that they neglect and abuse. You know you loved your baby with all your heart.
Well as for me, scan went fine, all measuring almost a week ahead. When I saw the doctor we discussed the birth. He basically said I'm a unique case (C-section at 22 weeks) and there was no data to judge my risk of rupture during a VBAC. He said that for a normal scar risk is about 1% and a classical can be as high as 20% and I was somewhere in between, but we don't know where!! I can have an ultrasound to see the thinkness of the uterine wall but this is not a reliable predictor of rupture. So then we discussed the risks to future pregnancies of repeat C-sections, worst case scenario if I get placenta accreta there's a high chance of hysterectomy being needed, but the odds of having it are only about 2%. So worst case scenario we get two kids and no more, best case we can have four which is what we want. The risks of VBAC though are rupture which could brain damage or kill the baby, I need a hysterectomy or I die... so I'll go for the 2-kids-at-least option I think!!!
I feel better having some certainty but I am disappointed I won't go through labour ever... the doctor said he'd do the op himself which is a huge relief as normally a registrar would do it as opposed to the chief high-risk OB. We also asked if we needed to do the antenatal classes if I wasn't going to go through labour as we had not enjoyed the VBAC class... he said he and his wife never did a class and they had 9 CHILDREN!!! wow.
Anyway that's me, doctor has to think about when to schedule the op, sometime around 37-38 weeks. Not long to go!!!
Love Rozzie
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Teagz, I am so happy that you feel a little bit better, a good cry always works for me ! It's good to let all the emotions came out every now and then. And I'm so glad you've brought a little outfit for your next bub, I really like the way you think ! Positivity never goes astray !
PS You really make me laugh when you have a pick at yourself, you are a dag !! Vent all you want hun, this is why we are here !!!!
I also just wanted to let you know that even though you might not find out what caused Jayvan's chest to fill with fluid, the chances of that exact thing happening again are very remote. I have read something about that in the few books on miscarriages. So now that you're officailly TTC, bring on a BFP fast !!!!!
Rozzie, fantastic news about your bub ! I know what you mean about not having a VBAC birth, as when I fall pregnant, I will have to have a c section too, as the risk of the uterus bursting is very high. When I told my OB that I am a litle bit disappointed with that, he told me that it's much better to have the c section and a healthy take home bub, than risk the rapture to the uterus and risk the baby's health. Then he said to me, what do you think you had with Joshua ? And suddenly I though, you're right, I did have a natural birth with him which is such a blessing that I was lucky enough to have experienced it. It's just that I was so afraid of the actual labout pains when I first found out I was pregnant, that after Joshua came, I thought to myself, I don't care how long the next labour goes for, or how big the baby is, bring on the pain (with no drugs of course - you probably agree with me that after you lose a baby you think you can put up with just about anything the next time!). As long as my baby is OK, I dont care what I have to endure, at least I can bring home a healthy baby !
So I am still slightly disappointed that I will probably never experience giving birth naturally to a full term baby, but I know now that I will do whatever is necessary to just have a healthy bub.
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Thanks to everyone for your kind words and well wishes. I am feeling much better. Just fell asleep on the couch trying to watch House - so missed the ending - darn!!!!
Beata - Thanks - you always know how to make me smile. How are you feeling? Hope everything is going well xxxx :hug:
Paula - Thanks! Glad you are being so positive! I bought a little giraffe the other day as they are one of my favourite animals and we had one for Zachary (which went in his coffin). I hope you keep well and that you have a carefree pregnancy :D
AFM - Just counting down the days until my first scan. This doesn't quite seem real yet so seeing our baby and hearing a heartbeat will be amazing. Also having my thyroid checked just to be sure it is all okay as my blood sugars have still been a bit crazy and they want to rule out any thyroid influences.
:hug: and :bluedust::pink-babydust: to everyone else xxx
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Teagz -- it is so, so hard to get that answer "nothing was wrong" or "we couldn't find anything wrong." Some of the doctors and midwives and friends think it ought to be a comforting answer -- and I understand where they're coming from, because they mean that the chances of the next bub being healthy are very high. But, to be very crass, my reaction to that was "a healthy bubs #2 is hardly something to be happy about if that one also turns out to be a dead bubs." I felt I would have been much more comforted if it turned out there was a chromosome problem (which is a "normal fluke" they say) or some easily fixable, obvious problem. But we will have to hope that your case is just like mine -- it was just a total (but very sad) fluke, so your next pregnancy will be just fine. And statistics are on our sides for that, don't forget that. Like you I wondered if I was being punished -- not wondering if I'd done something wrong or something (I even wished I had, because THAT I can make sure I didn't do next time, too), but wondering why it's ME that gets to experience the worst 1% of the worst 1% of all possibilities. Karma punishing me? Is "kick me when I'm down" written on my forehead for both fate and nasty ER nurses to clearly read? MIL said to DH that "It's amazing that Lori is an atheist and therefore doesn't believe in blessings or miracles but can still believe she's being punished. She takes the worst of both worlds." There's a point there. :( You are so very much not being punished, Teagz. If Jayvan was a surprise and you still grew to love him anyway -- that's a fabulous kind of love. Unconditional and wonderful.
Theresa -- I'm anxious for your first scan, too. :) Every day seems like an eternity while waiting to see that ticking little blob for the first time.
Rozzie -- your reasoning seems very sound and it seems like you've made a logical decision. I don't envy your having to make it. The best part though is that your fears about the consequences to future pregnancies of having a c-section now seem to be "absolute worst case scenarios" rather than something that seems statistically likely to keep you from your dream of 4 children. I'm sorry you have to give up the chance at a vaginal birth -- of course having a healthy baby (and a healthy Rozzie) in the end is the important thing, but we still need to be allowed to want a vaginal birth or to hope for a boy or a girl or anything else that a "normal" person would want, and I understand that it is a loss for you.
This is what I said when we had our meeting with the specialist MW yesterday. My head is swimming (and my hours-bank at work dwindling!) with all the appointments -- MW, OB, counselor, couples counselor, special after-birth program we're being admitted to, specialist MW, chiropractor, physical therapist for the pelvic disorder, ante-natal classes -- sheesh! You'd think we were bringing a whole new human being into the world or something. :P Anyway, the specialist MW is part of a program called "Nike" where they take women who have an extra high level of fear or need of some sort before a coming birth and make up a special birth plan with them. She knew why I was there, as my own MW sent the referrel with an explanation of what happened to us in the ER, but when I started to explain for myself I said "I'm basically afraid of everything BUT the pain!" She laughed because her normal clientele is women who are so afraid of the pain of giving birth that they want a c-section. But no, I'm with you, Beata -- since Beiron's birth was a "spontaneous abortion," and s/he had been fine just a couple days before, I had NO idea what was going on and therefore the pain was certainly horrid, horrid, horrid. But now that I know what it was, I'm just like "bring it on."
I told her that I COULD say that I'll be happy as long as both me and the baby are alive and healthy at the end, but that this would be a lie. I want, and deserve, a happy memory and a feeling that I've been treated with dignity and respect. She immediately agreed to everything I was going to ask for and more, without me even getting around to asking it -- she totally understood what I was afraid of and why, and helped us phrase a good way to write it in my journal. And she added that no students will be allowed to work on me (it's a uni hospital, and I still have scars from all their failed attempts to put IVs in me after Beiron's birth) and that they are not allowed to send me to the hospital in the neighboring city (which they sometimes do if the maternity ward here is unusually busy; she's like "we'll send someone else instead of you if that's necessary"). She even asked if we wanted them to come and get me in another part of the hospital when it was time for me to come in, since the entrance to the maternity ward is right next to the entrance to the ER. But I told her, no, I've passed by there so many times now that one more time won't kill me. :) I continue to be amazed by how very well I'm being treated now, and it feels like it's going to be okay.
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Hi Theresa, I'm so glad you're feeling much better hun. I hate falling sleep and miss the end of the show, but it happens to me so often ! Then I have to call my friend who watches pretty much all the shows I do, and ask her what happened at the end...it's so frasturating as you fight to stay awake most of the show, and then bang, you fall asleep for the last and best bit of it !!!! You just gave me goose bumps about having bought a giraffe for you new bub. When one of my closest friends found out I was pregnant with Josh, she bought him a cute yellow giraffe. It was Joshua's first toy. She has two children (I'm the godmother to them both, they are just devine) and she bought them the same giraffes when they were born. Well anyway, when I lost Josh, I placed the giraffe amongs other items in his tiny coffin. So that's why I got the goose bumps...
On a much more positive note, I'm so excited about your first scan ! When are you having it ? Good luck sweetie, I hope and pray everything will be OK :crossfingers:.
Tildy, that is so so good they are treating you so well this time around. This is how you should have been trated to begin with !! I aslo like the idea of your birth plan so you do exactly what you want to do. As I said before, after I had Joshua, I thought to myself, bring on the labour pains next time, I know I can cope with the pain ! I was only on gas with Josh as they said there was no need and no time for an epidural as he was going to be born very quickly. The gas was actually very good for me, as it really made the contractions a lot more bearable. I think I was in labour early on Tuesday morning, but then again I am not sure as I ended up in hospital on sunday with pain where the fibroid was. So while they were treating me for the fibroid, I think I was in labour most of the time between sunday and wednesday !!!!! It's really hard to tell when the fibroid pain became labour pain, but initailly they had me on pethadine and that worked a treat, but two days later even pathadine didn't work, so I knew I was in trouble.
Anyway don't want to blab, but I guess what I am saying is that now the choice of my preffered VBAC birth is taken out of my hands, there is little I can do about it. In any case, the operation on the fibroid was very similar to a c section, so I am no longer even aftraid of that as I found it OK with recovery time etc.
Well, I hope everyone is having a good week, I can't tell you how hot and horrible it is in melbourne ATM. Yesterday was 43 and today they predict 44. My DF said driving to work at 5.45 am it was already 32 degrees. Yuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to relocate to antarctica this week !!!!!
Love always
Beata xxxooo
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Just popping in very quickly to tell you I am back and have missed you all very much.
Lots to catch up on so will be back later for persies but just have to say that I am so sorry AF showed up Megan and Teagz, I am sorry you didn't get any answers but I hope your Dr can provide you with some information at your next visit.
My DH is so beautiful, everytime we walked passed an internet place, he was encouraging me to log on and check up on you all. As much as I really wanted to, we decided before we left that there would be no TTC/baby talk on this trip so didn't think it would be fair. I was thinking about you all though...
Anyway, back later x
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Hellooooooooooooooo!!!!!! Seems like you've been away for months !!!!!!!!.....So glad you're back hun !!!!!!!! I was like you on my holiday, my DF was like, let's go and finD you an internet cafe, and I resisted the urge too. I think he wanted to find one cos he wanted to check his soccer scores !!
Talk soon hun !
xxxxxx
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I'm reading about all you girls labours and I'm starting to feel incredibly lucky. My labour was about 9 hours, the pain was quite bad in the middle which I took panadine for (I was offered morphine, pethadine & an epi but I hate the thought of taking things that make you feel like your drunk off your face :P) and then it eased off and I feel asleep. I woke up about 45 minutes later and got up and started pacing around because I was getting frustrated at how long everything was taking (Yeah, I know.. only 9 hours... shoosh XD) and I felt Jayvan just drop, and about half an hour later it was all over.
I was expecting to have a screaming labour like you see in the movies. :redface: I'm assuming the pain of contractions would be more significate with a full term baby though, especially the pushing out part? But I say bring it on as well!
Tildy, I had a intern as well! And when he stuck my IV drip in it squirted blood all up the wall, all over me & him! Not to mention He didn't have any gloves on when he did it... so lucky for him I'm not carrying any weird and wonderful diseases otherwise he'd have them right now.
Your midwife sounds really good, you're certainly in good hands! Unfortunately we don't get to choose who we have here, but I'm hoping to be able to have the midwife who delivered Jayvan again. She was so lovely.
DD, I hope you had a nice trip! And how very considerate of your DH ^^;
Rozzie, that's great about your little bubba! Growing nice and strong by the sounds of it, you must be feeding him/her well ;)
I'm still trying to shake this frikken cold *grumbles* It's just sitting in my throat now giving me the you-know-whats!
:hug: to everyone!
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looks like ill be going for another growth scan at john hunter again next week. looks like they'll be delivering me early. again. anywhere from now and up, just hope its later than sooner, just depending on the doppler studies, blood flow and stuff.
anyway better get going got to go get car registered in case i don't come home next week.
talk hope fully soon.
love cindee
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Hi Cindee,
I hope you and bub can hang in there for another few weeks yet ! Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you for next week :crossfingers:, praying all goes well for you hun :pray:.
Love and hugs
B xxx
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Cindee, such an uncertain time for you, I really hope bub can hang in there for at least a few more weeks yet. Your ticker didn't show up, how many weeks are you now? Wishing you all the best of wishes, good luck.
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Cindee, such an uncertain time for you, I really hope bub can hang in there for at least a few more weeks yet. Your ticker didn't show up, how many weeks are you now? Wishing you all the best of wishes, good luck.
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Cindee, such an uncertain time for you, I really hope bub can hang in there for at least a few more weeks yet. Your ticker didn't show up, how many weeks are you now? Wishing you all the best of wishes, good luck.
