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Sorry obviously BB crashed on me, 26+6 got it! You are doing really well.
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hey guys!
have decided to sweat in the heat of the study for a moment and luckily not too many personals to catch up on! i feel disgusting, it is sooooooo hot! i'll be glad when it is back to nice 25' degree hot again! my gardens dead (grrrr), i'm sweating (blurgh!!), my house even with all its air conditioning feels like a sauna! :doh: and there is still tomorrow at 43'....plus we had visitors today and they left a half eaten lollypop in the bin so now we have ants making a trail (now mostly dead) from the front door to the kitchen. i have almost overdosed on flyspray!
good news though, my brother and GF had their baby, a little boy named shane william. in all my excitment i did have i moment when i wanted to throw the phone at the wall as he said she had ducked out for a smoke! #@%^&$#% !!!!!! (not sure what that spells but you can imagine!!!) bubs and mum otherwise are really well and she had a rough time as he moved his hand up to his face just as he was coming out...ouch!!!
cindee- i really hope all is ok for you at the next scan and bubs can cook a little longer!!! we are all here for you and i am wishing you and bubs a happy healthy outcome! you almost there, we'll all hold our breaths with you to hang on a little longer...
dd- hellooooo! how was the trip? (apart from seeing internet cafes!!!lol!)
tildy -it really warms my heart to hear they are looking out for you. Nothing will ever change the past but with your next birth (not too far away either!!!! 9ish weeks!!!) i am glad they are giving you the red carpet treatment you deserve! I also took on board your response to teagz about the no answers. So true about #2 though. Just look what happened to me. Jack came back with nothing wrong so i was told "chances are minimal, it won't happen again, there was no reason to explain why he died blah blah blah" and then bam, Madison died. So go figure...2 babies with technically nothing wrong yet something had to have been in there somewhere. :wall: hence our fears for next time, if karma (i am a karma girl although cannot figure out what bad thing i must have done to be put through what i have) puts it out there again for us. Even one of my friends said if we fell pregnant again and lost that baby she would'nt believe in god again, as the god she belives in just would'nt put someone through that. i really believe in reincarnation, its not for everyone but it gets me through and when i speak of butterflies that is our Jack symbol (and they always come at the most appropriate moments) etc. How did i get onto this...moving along!!!
anyway gots go, poor DD has just come downstairs.
i'm an aunty!
x jo
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Cindee, I really hope that things are progressing well and bub can stay put for another few weeks at least. Praying that things will be fine :pray:
Welcome back Diana, I hope you had a really good break!
Theresa, all the best for your first scan, very exciting, its amazing how much you can see at only 12-weeks.
Rozzie, your rationale for going for a c-section makes perfect sense to me, the risk is simpley not worth going natural, although I understand the disappointment. Sounds like you will be in extremely good hands with the Chief high-risk OB, from a skill level and also that he understands your desire for more kids, so I am sure he will do everything he can to ensure you will be fine for the future, and 9 kids, oh my gosh!
Thinking of you Lan, hope you are doing ok. Hello to everyone else.
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Hi Ladies,
I am feeling sooo much better today. Nothing like a good week of rest. I have my next scan to check growth and blood flow in the placenta and cord on Tuesday. I am very nervous. I really do not like going to the high risk doctor. I have to have the scan done by someone that doesn't know me or my history. They always say something that makes me cry. They also avoid telling me the scan results so I have to wait to talk to the doctor. You never know how long you'll have to wait to see them. Please keep your fingers crossed for us.
Cindee, I hope your scan goes well. The fact that you still have good movement is a great sign. Did your bub measure small at your last scan?
Rozzie, You really frightened me when you said that you really wanted a vbac, just because of the unknown. I am glad that your doctor made it so easy for you to make your decision. My mother had 3 vertical c-section with no problems. I am sure your house will be full in no time.
Tildy, I am so glad that your doctor/hospital is going to treat you a bit better now. I was worried about you when they turned you away because they were too busy.
I will be back later. I need to go inject my clexane. Can't be late with that.
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hi girls just a short note as at work this morning. Today would have been my due date and i feel like crap. We are having a bbq tonight as it is dh birthday tomorrow so hopefully having the people around me will make it a little easier to get through the day just a question did anybody do anything on there due date a few people have asked me this and i have never thought about it. Hope all you girls that are growing babies are all doing well and the rest of you are also doing well. also went to ivf appointment on Wed and everything is looking really good for fet next month so fingers crossed ladies that it is a sticky one. P.s thank-you all so much for the coments about my brother he is certainly very special to me and dh and i do tell him all the time how wonderful and kind hearted he is. okay better go sorry for the all over the place post will catch up with personals on the weeked.
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Hi girls
Sorry, had every intention of logging on last night for a big catch up but had a really bad night.
Before I go into it, I just have to say I am a totally selfish cow. You know how DH and I went away to try and stop thinking about the whole baby /TTC thing, well last night my SIL called to tell us she is pregnant. I am very happy for her but I cried and cried for Sebastian, DH and myself until 3am and am feeling so down this morning. I am in total shock at my reaction.
Theresa and Paula, when you girls announced your pregnancies I was sincerely ecstatic for you both and was so inspired (please believe me!) so why do I feel so emotional about her announcement? Is it because I have to watch her belly grow? Is it because I am a little jealous? Is it because I am a selfish b*tch and wanted to be pregnant before her so I wouldn?t feel like this?
Sorry this is an all about me post but I just needed to vent and can't do it with anyone else, they would never understand.
Girls, is my reaction normal?
Cindee and Laney, fingers crossed for great scans!
HI to everyone, I promise not be all about me after this post!
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Dee, sorry our posts crossed over. Sending you BIG BIG hugs today.
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Hi girls
Diana - I think your reaction is totally normal! My SIL announced her 5th pregnancy the day we found out we were pg with this pg and I still got sooo angry and cried, even though we were pg again too (though no-one knew but us). I couldn't work out why I felt like that until another friend worded it for me perfectly in that it upset me because I just knew that she was guaranteed a healthy baby and perfect ending and I don't feel like that with my own pg. And realistically I know that NO-ONE is guaranteed anything but that is just how I felt, and still do. If you are a selfish cow for feeling like you do, then I am too and probably most of us girls here feel the same! Of course you want to be pg again and of course you wanted to be able to announce your pg before her. It isn't fair that you have been robbed of your child and now have to go through IVF to get pg again. Not only is your SIL pg but you don't even have that guarantee of knowing that IVF will make your dreams come true (although we all know it will of course!). Ugh, all of those things. But I honestly believe that any of those feelings do NOT = selfish *****.
Dee - sending you a huge hug for today. For my EDD I took the day off work and was surprised by how upset I was on the day - it was a little unexpected as I hadn't really known what to feel leading up to it. So, after my morning tears I took myself shopping and wrote a letter to Luke. The weekend after we also released some balloons to mark the day. My MIL had lost a little girl 23 years earlier on that same weekend and had never done anything to remember the occasion so we released both blue and pink balloons for them both. It was a sad day but I did feel enormous relief after the EDD had passed and hope you find some peace from this milestone having been passed.
Laney - good luck for your scan on Tuesday! I have got everything crossed for you that the good news keeps coming.
Jo76 - congrats on becoming an auntie :clap: This hot weather is dreadful isn't it! I am in Sydney so we are slightly cooler than you (35C) but I saw on the news last night that you guys had your hottest night in so many years. And poor Adelaide! Thankfully I have ducted air-con so my doggie and I get to hide out in it all day :)
Cindee - hope that things go okay with your next scan and bubs can continue to incubate in your belly for a few weeks to come. Good luck x
Helen - I am looking at your ticker counting down and it seems to be going so fast! I have my next scan on Monday too so looks like we both have the dildo cam to look forward to that day :lol:
Rozzie - good to hear you have such a supportive doctor and you have made the decision now regarding the upcoming birth.
Those girls who were talking about giraffes for the bubs - our theme for our nursery are giraffes! I love animals so we have gone with a baby animal theme but the main focus is the giraffe. They are so cute...
Sorry to everyone else that I missed - I have run out of page to scroll through and know I have missed quite a few of you. Sending out a big hello to everyone else!
Nothing new to report with me. Next scan on Monday to check my cervix is behaving and I also have my GD test that day too. I am a massive chocoholic so am hoping I get good news from that and don't have to give up the good stuff!
Hugs to all x
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Laney - I am so happy that you are feeling a little better today and I am crossing everything for your scan on Tues, this time will be just as good as the last scan.
Dee - I didn't know what to do for Cooper's EDD, so in the end my MIL & FIL just took me out for the day, we went shopping and then had a nice lunch, it felt like it was a trivial thing to do on such an important day, BUT it turned out to be really nice, took my mind off the day for a while. It doesn't matter what you do, just taking the time to get through the day and don't feel pressured to be 'on top of it' tonight, hopefully your friends and DH will be as much comfort as my family was on Cooper's EDD.
Diana - I remember when we started to try again, my best friend/cousin had been trying with me with Cooper and still hadn't fallen so again we were trying together. I felt such anxiety that she would fall before me, when we fell pregnant again after the 3rd cycle, she was still not pregnant, and the shoe was on the other foot, I felt guilty about that too, we just can't win! After about 14months of trying they have just had there 2nd lot of IVF and today is preg test day, I am hoping to GOD she gets her BFP this time. So no you are not selfish it is a very natural reaction.
Jo - You made me laugh with the dildo cam, oh the joys! Good luck will that be your last one? Talk about my ticker yours has gone out of sight!
Rozzie - I think you have made a very sound decision, glad your DR was so good about putting the facts/lack of clearly in front of you, and hey worst case scenario 2 bambinos, that's gold.
Jo76 - Karma needs a kick in the butt! I think she got the address wrong!
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Hi girls,
Well, I am officially cooked, just like Jo76. I simply cannot continue to go on, so i have decided to stay right under my aircon in the living room, until the heat passes. Just as well, there is a nice comfy couch under there...alright, enough of my blabing.
Jo76, congrats on becoming an aunty, that is very exciting! Don't approve of the ciggy after she's had the baby though....what is wrong with some women ???!!!
Laney, I'm always thinking and praying for you that all goes well, so best of luck for your next scan, you're going well!!
Dee, I'm thinking of you today on your due date, big hugs hun :hug:. Mine hasn't come yet, Joshua was due on 12 Feb. On the day, I'm planning a tiny ceremony with a priest to bless his ashes before they go into his plot at the memorial park, with a few family members there. We didn't have a service for him as it was just too much for me and I just couldn't handle it at the time. Then everyone started asking if we were going to do anything, and then I came up with the idea of a little service at the memorial park on his due date. I'm also planning to release some ballons and that's all I have so far. I want to write Josh a little poem to read as well. I'm lucky because I'll still be off work then so that's a good thing.
Diana, don't be too hard on yourself hun. It's OK to feel upset, jealous, angry, resentful, and not because she is having a baby, but because of the loss you have suffered and because you wish Sebastian was here. I often wonder what I will be like when one particular close friend of mine gets pregnant ahead of me, I don't know how I will handle it (she will be trying about the same time as me). I actually had a dream a few weeks ago that she was pregnant, and I was so upset, I told her that even though I am happy for her, I can't be too involved in her pregnancy because I've lost Joshua and it's too painful for me. I woke up from that dream in tears, and I wonder if that's really how i feel subconciously. I also think when someone so close to us gets pregnant (whether it's family or a close friend) , it is harder for us as we do to some extent get involved in their pregnancy (how can we not?), whether we want to or not. Just always remember, your time will come too, and there might be some other woman out there who is struggling to get pregnant and is jealous of you!! Sending you big hugs hun :hug:xx
Jo, hope you next scan is good, you're going so well hun!! Keep it up !
Hello to all the other lovely girls, hope everyone is well :D
Love
B xxx
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Jo - thank you for sharing that poem. And yes I am in tears. It so reflects my life as it is now.
Teagz - be kind to yourself. I know it is not easy not having any reasons for when your baby passes (I never got any explanation for Nathaniel) but you need to know that it is in no way your fault. I know I spent a lot of time trying to work out if I had done anything to harm Nathaniel, but I know that he just wasn't meant to be my baby on earth - instead he is watching over me and waiting for me. It is natural to have the reservations you had when you first found out you were pregnant with Jayvan = but that doesn't mean you didn't and don't still love him with your whole heart and soul. He knows you love him and miss him - hugs. :hug:
I feel terrible that I am not here more to add support to you all. I think about you all the time and hope and pray that 2009 is a kinder year to you all. :grouphug:
I found Nathaniel's 12 week u/s DVD the other day and for the first time in 12 months I watched it. I cried but at the same time I loved seeing my baby boy's heart beating and knowing that he existed and he was my first baby.
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Thanks for your kind and comforting words girls. I guess we have all felt the sting at some point so I suppose what I am feeling isn't as irrational as I first thought. I would normally be bouncing off walls if one of my friends (including all of you) delivered this kind of news so it comes as a complete shock that I reacted this way about my SIL. I honestly didn't think it would hurt my heart so much but I am back to hitting rock bottom today. I will have to figure out how to handle it all when I see her - and we see each other at least once a week so interesting times ahead I think.
Helen, did you hear any news from your friend? I hope she got her BFP today.
Jo, good luck with the scan on Monday. Gee your ticker is flying by - maybe too slowly for you but from my perspective, it feels like yesterday we started chatting in the loss section.
Katie, wow must have taken a lot of courage to put that DVD in the player but glad you loved it. Hope little Anna is doing well.
Tildy, I am so sorry you are having a rough time with your mum. I hope you can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without the added stress of her hurtful comments.
Beata, hope you're staying cool and recovering well. I hope and pray you and your friend fall pg in the same month and share a wonderful journey together.
Sorry for the lack of persies to all I have missed but am feeling a little too down today. I hope you are all doing well and I will be back!
Lots of love and big hugs
Diana x
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I just had to share the news.... My cousin got her BFP!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooo excited and bub is due on 5.10.09 my wedding anniversary! I have a thing with 5's I think, DS born on 5.12, this bub due on 5.06 now her's too! And her wedding ann is on the 5.01. go figure.
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WOO HOO for your friend Helen. Just fabulous news x :dance:
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DD, I always get a pang of jealousy around my DF sisters. They have children as though it's as easy and breathing air, why can't WE do that?! ><; The inocence of pregnancy is gone for us, unfortunately. How you feel is completely normal, we all feel it, I know i do! I do feel genuine happiness for you girls when I see a BFP, but if Df sisters were to tell me they were expecting, I think the little green eyed monster might show it's ugly face ^^; In my own mind I think it has something to do with them not realising how special what they have is, when each time it seems to be garanteed to them. Don't feel ashamed of it, just let yourself feel it. You said yourself you are happy for her, I don't think you should feel like a selfish cow for feeling a little bit jealous for yourself.
Katie, how gorgeous that you have a video of Nathaniel! I can't even put into words how nice that would have been to watch :)
AngelLukesmum, I'll have my fingers crossed for you that you don't have to give up your little chocolate habbit. haha
cindee, I've just realised you are in my BB due date thread :redface: Sorry. I've got my fingers crossed, it's a little early for bub yet. Make sure you get plenty of rest, wont you? Why do they think she may come early? If you don't mind me asking. I have missed where you have mentioned it somewhere along the line.. or perhaps before my time ^^;
Dee, :hug:
Beata, please, blab! It means I'm not the only one that does it :lol: It's quite good here down in good old bunners! Overcast and blergh. Like a winter day, would you beleive!
I have been thinking alot about Jayvan today and falling pregnant again. It's funny, even though I never knew him "physically" the next pregnancy is going to feel very different to when he was in my belly, I think. A whole different little person! I had always imagined it as feeling as though I was picking up from where I left off, and I felt bad for that because I never ever want to replace out little boy. So, I'm glad I've had this little epiphany (sp?) of mine today.
On a less heavy note, I've been stuck at work all day on my lonesome today, I have a cold, and I really just want to go home and have a snooze!
Next week we're getting a new kitchen put into our house, so I'll be packing all our stuff up for the old one to be ripped out over the weekend. I'm very excited. :dance:
It's the last peice of renovating that needs to be done to the inside of the house, so we can start concentrating on the outside finaly!
:hug: to all you girlies, bring on the weekend! xx
Helen! Congrats to your cousin :dance:
P.S. I don't know if any of you have seen it but I found this site while I was looking through some other threads on BB. It's quite graphic, so if you have a sqirmy stomach perhaps don't look at it. But, I thought it was quite interesting and very informative especially for those of us keeping watch on our CM!
"I am a 25 year old woman who has never given birth. My intention with this project was to better understand my cycle and the changes in my cervix throughout the month. As a doula and student midwife, I used this project to help me see how a cervix might look different throughout the cycle in the absence of vaginal infections and to understand speculum exams. You may notice on the right side of some photos, some jagged looking skin, which is the remnants of my hymenal ring. My os (opening to the cervix) is round because I have never given birth; the os becomes more of a slit after childbirth.
Each photo was taken at approx 10:00 pm every day starting the first day of my menstrual cycle. I re-used a plastic speculum (order one here) and macro function of normal digital camera (and a very talented boyfriend with a headlamp). For the duration of this project, we used condoms as our birth control method so as not to introduce semenal fluid into the photoshoot. I did not use tampons or mooncups during my bleeding time either."
http://www.beautifulcervix.com/photos-of-cervix/
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Hi ladies!!!
Firstly Diana, about 3 1/2 months ago I brought up the issue of other people's pregnancies, there is a long thread on it if you're interested in it. Basically with my first pregnancy my older sister was having her first, due 4 weeks before me. When I lost mine it was so difficult to see her go on to have a healthy baby girl, though of course I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. So when we were trying and I fell again I did not want to share it with anyone else... it was irrational and I knew it but it was just how I felt. When I was 16 weeks my mother told me my SIL (brother's wife) was having a M/C at 12 weeks (they already have 2 little girls). I felt so conflicted... I felt bad for them but I really didn't want other people close to me pregnant at the same time. But like you, I don't feel at all that way for other Mums of angels! I think it really just comes down to the fact it's not fair that we lose our babies while others have no problems, and them falling pregnant is simply a reminder of that unfairness. It's natural, just try and deal with it the best you can. You shouldn't have to apologise for your feelings, you can't control them, the only thing you can control is your behaviour and I'm sure you'll show them the support they need.
Dee, for our EDD I didn't feel up to doing anything commemorative... I wondered if I should but I was 8 weeks pregnant, had MS and just felt like I should get by best I could, beside which I think about him all the time anyway. So I organised lost of enjoyable and distracting activities like going out for lunch, movies, walks and naps that weekend. It helped us get through it.
Cindy, I wish your bub lots of staying power and big strong lungs!! The longer the better but you know everything will be OK, you're being taken care of.
Laney, glad to hear you're feeling better!!! I know I say this every time but clexane is a miracle drug for women in your situation (have done soooooo much research!!!) and I just feel it that your boy will be born big and strong.
Hugs to everyone else, and I hope for those in Adelaide and Melbourne that things improve weather wise!!! It's been 37 here for ages and the forecast is another week of it, but no power outages or buckling train tracks yet so can't complain!!!
I feel a lot better knowing that we have made a decision about the birth. I now don't have to worry about fetal positioning or perineal massage, another bonus hahaha!! It dawned on me that it could be happening in SIX WEEKS!!! crazy!!! I spoke to my Mum this arvo to try and work out when they could bring the bassinet down (I asked them to take it and the cot after we lost Edward) because we'd now need it earlier than expected and they were going on holidays till not long before the birth, they're now coming down tomorrow because otherwise there's no time!!! A good excuse to buy some more things... I'm going to splurge and get some lovely organic baby products from Tassie and a trial pack of modern cloth nappies as I want to avoid disposables if possible. Very exciting!!!
Love Rozzie
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Diana -- I agree with the others that your reaction is so very normal and that you should not berate yourself or feel selfish. I agree entirely with Rozzie's assessment, that it's one thing for you to hear that people like us have gotten a BFP and another thing for it to be a "regular person" who got a BFP. You know we will cherish every moment and feel all the same fears, while another might take their baby for granted. You see our success as a positive sign for your own future, whereas theirs is a reminder of how unfair nature is. You were pregnant before them, but they will be a mom before you. You are going to go through medical procedures in order to get pregnant, so it can certainly sting if others easily get pregnant naturally. And I also think you're correct about the distance. You are happy for us, but you don't have to see us every day and your other family or friends aren't clustered around us, cooing and obsessing over our bellies right in front of your faces while you stand on the sidelines. Trust me, I am super grateful that my two sisters-in-law are 10 years older than us and their baby making is all done, because that experience of playing second fiddle to a sibling's pregnancy just cannot be fun.
Cindee -- hang in there; I'm sure they will take care of your and your bubs and make sure you get what you need. Take care of yourself, too.
Jo76 -- congrats so much on being an auntie! It envy you that opportunity. Though of course, ugh for the smoking. I remember you saying she was popping out for smokes over Christmas. Good thing you're there to set a better example for your nephew. ;)
Laney -- anxious for your scan on Tuesday. But do you mean that you won't actually be told the results on Tuesday, but have to wait until you meet your regular doctor? That sucks. But we'll at least get an update about how bubs is hopping around in there and waving at mommy. I'm glad to hear you're on an emotional upswing. :hug:
Dee -- we planned to do SOMETHING for Beiron's EDD, something low-key but out of the everyday, and figured we could decide when the day came. Like drive up to the lake and have a nice dinner and just walk and hold hands. Then the night before neither of us slept a wink, as our normal Sunday night insomnia was very intensified by our thoughts about the coming day. We ended up skipping work, sleeping all day, and then going out and buying a new house plant. We are terrible with houseplants, but our Beiron plant is flourishing in our bedroom window.
Jo -- Hehe about your being a chocolholic. After I passed my GTT I was sitting here at work with a big chocolate bar after lunch and saying "Now I can have this without guilting about it quite as much." ;) Hope all is good with you!
Katie -- of course you have less time for us, heh. Even if you're not around often, you're still our legend. Long will the ladies of BB speak of Katiegirl and her Anna-triumph! :D
Teagz -- that cervix site sounds very interesting. But I'll have to look at it when home from work, as I'm sure my company's web nanny thingie won't take kindly to it. ;)
Rozzie -- 6 weeks! That is indeed crazy. But I hate to tell ya, they'll feel like 6 very long weeks anyway! ;) You only have a few weeks left at work too, right? After today I've got 5 weeks left. I hope we're a bit richer before I'm pregnant next time, so that I can take off the full 60 days before the due date, because this working **** is so bleeeh.
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hey girls,
its funny (in not funny way) that the topis of preg/babies of others and how to deal with them has come up. Same thing has happened to me just over the last couple of days. I am really proud and happy and excited for my brother and his girlfriend BUT at the same time i had a cry (and felt incredibly selfish for it) because if madison had lived to her EDD, there would have been only a month and a bit between them. So i felt really conflicted but hated myself for it. On the upside i have been very excited looking at baby stuff for them...and the smoking thing -don't get me started. i was meant to be going up to sydney with mum and dad on thurs but since DS and DD have school and kinder starting mon and tues i can't now. Probably best for now, as if i saw her smoking like i did at christmas i'm not sure how i would be. And tildy since they are up there there is'nt a good non smoking example around this bubs as her whole family smokes too. (right around her SIL kids):wall::wall::wall:Funny how my kids already think (and it bloody better stay that way)that smoking is the most disgusting thing on the planet due to the ads on tv! (wo-ho for those ads) They will question or make a comment quite loudly if we are out about seeing someone smoke. gotta love them!
rozzie -6 weeks!!!! so exciting for you! so soon!!! i'm glad you know where you are at so your mind can be put at ease and you can hopefully relax a little.
katie - you talking about the dvd made me wish that we had taken up the dvd offer when i saw our high risk specialist when madison was still alive. I said no because i had been sent to the high risk and was freaking out due to what had happened with Jack and i did'nt want to get excited about a dvd when they might have said she had died. So now hearing you say what you did about watching it i wish we had that wonderful dvd too! Continue to cherish it as i know you will. It will be wonderful for anna to see her big brother too.
teagz - your thoughts about preg and jayvan were very sweet, and you will have another whole person to love quite differently to him. I always worried about that with my earth babies, hoe could i love DD the same as DS, i do love them the same but in different ways as they are seperate personalities. Even the same for Jack and Madison, i love them both dearly but have different moments with them to treasure. And that cervix thing was soooooooooooo interesting -it grossed out DS who asked what it was and i had to try and explain! lol!
laney- am thinking of you! thanks for you email - you made alot of sense!!!! Am always here for you!
lan - thanks for my horoscope! there was so much positive stuff in it! heres to a wonderful year for both of us!!!
gotta go guys! my dh has to go to work today due to the neverending heat (he is in refrigeration) he has'nt been home before 12am the past few nights and the kids are so out of wack because dad has'nt been home like normal.
take care!!
xx jo
