CONGRATULATIONS !!!! Powelly - so very happy for you. Hope you have a heathly and uneventful 8 months as well. Wow - we really are dwindling in numbers but isn't that great!
Tess - nice to meet you and I am sorry you have to be here at all. I hope your stay in here is really short and I get to know you better in a pregnancy thread!
Gigi - glad to hear that you had a lovely time away. It must have been nice to be with your DH and close friends on your DD's first birthday anniversary. On those difficult days the best we can do is to surround ourselves with people who love and support us. Sorry AF showed up - FX for this month for all of us.
ChrisW - was reading your post about blood flow and funnily enough this has been on mind the past couple of days. Had a very light period which was all brown blood - very weird for me but suspect that since it was such a short cycle (22 days) it has something to do with insufficient uterine lining so need more blood flowing to that area. Have read that accupunture is good and I am going once a week this cycle so will let you know how it goes. One of the funny ones was that an orgasm a day helps as blood flows into that area LOL I love that one. Mentioned it to DH who said he was happy to help out hehe. The other one people mentioned a bit about was baby aspirin. Don't want to self medicate though so am going to leave that one alone for now. Hope your RI can give you some answers.
AFM - AF has gone, funk has lifted and now feel ready to face this cycle!
Hello to everyone else - hope you are enjoying your weekend. Babydust to all.
Powelly- Hun, you should stay as long as you like. You will be supported all the same. It is very exciting that you are pregnant, but we also understand there will be apprehension and anxiety. I hope it is not too much and you get to enjoy the pregnancy all you can. Easy to say...but I am sure not easy to do. All my love and wishes for you.
Suzie Q- Oh how lovely and how thougthful of DH....an orgasm a day, wouldn't the world be a better place! I love it. Might tell my hubby that one. I am sure he will get on board. I have also heard that chinese herbs can certainly help to and maybe your AP might help there. I know the combination I took, thankfully helped reduce my blood loss while i was taking them. They worked on my liver and hormones mostly. Massage will help too along with hot packs at certain times of the month...obviously not after ovulation. I would agree not to self medicate...but to self help, i am all for it. Ultimately trust your intuition and if it feel wrong for you, don't do it. Good luck.xoxox
Hey Beata, hope you are enjoying your bubba boy.
Love and hope to all...a little glitter and laughter too. xoxoxo
Well it turns out this pregnancy isn't sticking. After my BFP on Friday afternoon, I went to the doc on Saturday for blood tests to confirm. I'm due to hear back on Monday. Unfortunately, last night I woke with cramps like reallly bad period pain and it went for about an hour. Still no bleeding but did another First Response test today and the line was fainter than yesterday. I then freaked out and went and got another two tests (Discover ones this time) and as of 5 minutes ago they are negative.
I've never had an early miscarriage and I'm freaked out as I have no idea what to expect. When does the bleeding start? I'm cramping today, not as bad, just like period pain. Can't believe the unbelievable high to the lowest of low right now.
Anyway, if any of you have had this experience or know if/when I'll start bleeding? I'm 99% sure the doc will confirm this when my bloods come back tomorrow :-(
Oh Powelly hun, I am so sorry. It is such a rollercoaster to such extremes.
Hunny a miscarriage is different for everyone depending on the hormone levels, when the embryo died and your own cycles. You will no doubt have you very own experience through this which will no doubt increase your feelings of anxiety and sadness, but remember you will find understanding in here more than anywhere else. You are not alone so don't ever feel lonely as much as this journey can have other ideas.
My thoughts on when you start to bleed are greatly influenced on my experience alone. I believe the body will when it is ready and that is different for us all, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know that our DD was not a miscarriage however we waited 6 weeks for her to be born after she died. I waited for my body to be ready to release her and let go of the pregnancy. Sometimes it will take a while for your body to catch up to what is happening...however it sound like it is not far for you as it seems the tests and levels are dropping off quite quickly. You will hold onto those hormones for a while. VERY generally the earlier on, the quicker your body will follow suit...not always the case but it shouldn't take too long. Our miscarriage before DD was a bit strange as i was having it before i knew i was pregnant. I was having positive tests after I lost the pregnancy too. It is so confusing isn't it. I didn't know if i was coming or going. I was so anxious over it and it was our very first pregnancy. I was getting negative tests, had a light period and then nearly two weeks later started 'leaking'. Did a test and I was pregnant but losing it from that point on. Very stressful.
So very different for you hun, you have already grown an attachment, had a positive and then to lose it...Heartbreaking. We are here for you hun and give that darling boy of yours a big hug.
It will all happen when it should and this time of grief is horrible but necessary. My heart is with you babe. take care xoxoxo
Kate : Hello and I am glad I am not the only Newbie here I am sorry either of us have to be here at all We lost our boy in Feb of this year but due to bleeding we only have been TTC since April. I have hopes this month, but next month I will be put on a course of Clomid... I am terrifyied at the prospect as I already have majpr modd swings during ovulation... lol I have been told Clomid enhances these... EEEEK
The way I see it is we do what we need to (intervention or not) to concieve another child. Someone on this thread (Sorry I cant remember her name) mentioned late loss women are what she calls "childless mothers" we have done everything and got everything ready to have nothing at the end of the tunnel. I really do feel the only way to move forward (notice I delibratly dont say move on???) is to concieve and deliver. Come home with that bundle of joy we had been craving for in the first place. JMO
Tess
Last edited by Lady_Tess; July 27th, 2010 at 11:20 AM.
Miss Tess - my heartfelt condolences for your beautiful and much loved Mathew. The death of a child is a true tragedy... I hope you are healing as best you can. It is good news you're tcc again, I do hope your stay in the ttc roller coaster is brief..... it takes more courage than most people would ever know to ttc. I agree with the rest of the girls here - this is a great thread, heartbreaking at times, but this is my spiritual home on BB.
Kateo - oh my sweetie - blossom loss of faith in your body, feeling like you've failed, sadly are all "normal" parts of the grief journey, unhealthy and unfair parts but normal. However my sweet, remember you have done nothing wrong, you have not done anything to "deserve" the death of your darling daughter and you have not let anyone down. The death of a child is a heartbreaking tragedy. Sad things happen to good people. If you still feel like you are to blame, please seek some help from a counsellor..... because you are not to blame and you have let no one down. You are much to precious to beat yourself up with such burdensome thoughts. I can't offer any advice about how to cope with IVF, as I have not travelled that path.
Although my journey has been different to each of yours, I do speak from experience of the tragedy of multiple losses. I'll summarise for you , it is in my signature, but there's also a ticker in my signature which I choose not to activate when I am in the TTC threads. I have been pregnant 5 times and no bubs at home. The first is a story for another time. My true understanding of heartache started in July 08 when I miscarried at 8 weeks. I then experienced the extremely premature birth, labour & death of my daughter at 23 weeks in Feb 09 and then the live miscarriage & death of my son in July 09 at 14 weeks and the extremely premature birth, labour & death of his twin sister at 19 weeks in August 09. I am currently blessed with a pregnancy.... and hoping like anything the journey will involve a healthy little one. But I take nothing, absolutely nothing for granted. I was diagnosed with PCOS,and for some stupid reason accepted what I was told for almost 7 years .... I was given little chance of ever conceiving naturally given the severity of the PCOS and the particular hormonal imbalances. Boy have I proved the Dr's wrong on that count. On the other hand the reasons for the death of my children is unknown. I tell you my journey, not to garner your sympathy, but to offer some ray of hope in the aftermath of your heartache. I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that I could experience more than one loss, and to have to carry my angels in my heart, but here I am, and I do. I have really worked at my grief, and at times have been quite hard on myself. We all have ghosts in our closets, decisions and thoughts that if we really let them, would undermine how far we've come in our grief journey. I have been truly blessed to have a wonderful obstetrician and eventually counsellor who have really helped. But also the women here on BB but particularly this thread have helped and supported me enormously. So, don't be afraid to share, because this is the place to do it.
Chris W - when do your results from your RI come back? I did accupuncture for about 4 months, going at least once per week, if not more, before this bfp, to help with my blood flow and uterine thickness levels. I don't know if it helped, but the chronic exhaustion I was experiencing lifted after every session of accupuncture and the predictions they made about my cycle and flow were always 100% right. And once when I had water in my ear for a couple of days that I couldn't get out any other way, it came out in about 10 seconds at accupuncutre. Oh my that was sweet relief. So even though I can't say for certain it worked for me, there are some positives of the treatment, and aside from anything else, it was truly glorious to have 30 mins or so just resting and listening to relaxing music during the treatment session. Good luck on Thursday with the removal of your fibroid.... hope the Dr can get that little sucker.
Gigi - I am so glad you didn't get invited, because then you didn't have to say no. Although sometimes I don't like it when people make the decision for you... and just don't invite you. But at least in your case the feeling was mutual, they didn't invite you and you didn't want to go. I have so many confluences of dates. My bestest friend had her second m/c on 28 July 08, in very much the same circumstances as me with wee Nicholas (on 28 July 09) at the same gestation. So I do know what you mean about just having an understanding with someone and not really having to talk. And precious Amelia? She was the "middle" baby due of three for myself and my two very close work colleagues... although it's hard to see the other two little boys at times, I know my Amelia walks beside them and will always be the middle baby. It was really hard but therapeutic to get to know each of the little boys throughout their first year.... it really did help me. Thankyou for remembering wee little Nicholas too.
Happy 1st birthday to your DD. I am glad you got to spend it with friends, and ones who can really understand your journey.
Have you been out dancing lately? Do you have plans to? I remember how happy you were after your last little chance to bogey. I think I might almost be getting close to asking you whether you'd take some glam shots of me... it would mean a trip to Brissy for you. I can't travel too far. But depending on how I am feeling and what the Obs says, I might be able to meet on the northside, but then if we did that, there would be no chance at all to take any shots with my little fur babies.....
AFM - feeling much less glum today, than I was yesterday. It's nice. Have been quite weepy, but that's probably to do with a lot of things. Only 10 more sleeps til the fur baby who is at the vets after radio active iodine treatment can come home. I can't remember who asked, but he won't need much special care when he gets home, just some love, cuddles and some space to adjust to being at home again. The vet nurses were telling me today that he hisses at them when they approach his cage ( it does my head in to think of him in a cage for all this time as well as not being able to visit him and hold him) but when they talk to him, he immediately calms down. DH said he hissed at him when he visited the other day, until he recognised DH. Poor little scaredy cat, only 10 more sleeps.
Thanks for all your kind comments.
I went to a new counsellor today. She told me I needed to change my thinking as blaming myself for Ellens death was unproductive.
I hope I can manage this.
It's nice to hear "older" women can get pregnant naturally too.
I feel exhausted today. I guess it's probably from telling the new counsellor everything
Kate
Chris- Good Luck for Thursday hun. Thinking of you xoox
Kateo- Welcome and sorry you have found yourself here hun. So sorry you have lost your darling DD. Hope you find the help you need in here. I am an 'au naturale' kiddo here and have immense respect for IVF butI have not chosen that path so can't help you there. But I do understand that some sort of counselling before you take on IVF is of huge benefit. I also understand through many friends here, find alternative and complimentary therapies in conjunction with IVF can certainly help.
Sweet, go easy on yourself. These things are no ones fault as much as we sometimes need to blame or find reason. Sometimes there is just no ryhme(sp) or reason. Take care hun and be gentle with yourself. (now that i have read your update. Good on you hun...big steps today and yes no doubt very exhausted. You sound clear and bright though. Hope you enjoy the rest of your night. xoxo Dory is so wonderful with her words...and often i feel like typing...Diddo!
Dory- Hey gorgeous....of course I could come and take some shots for you. I just can't promise too much. I am am very much learning and will need your help to be creative. I would love to take pickies of your belly baby! PM your email address and we can think about something when you are ready. If you cancel and don't feel like it...that is fine. But for your health and comfort- your home is best unless you have something else in mind. xoxo can chat later. xxoxo
I am so tired guys..have to go.
Love and peace to all xoox
Ok that took me too long to write...i have to update as other posts come in in the meantme. xoxo
Wow! Thanks to you all for your wise words of wisdom and your support.
I sometimes think Ellen dying wasn't my fault. Then I think of all the things I could have done to try and save her. I guess I never really considered she'd die!
I am off to see an acupuncturist/chinese medicine person on Monday. She is a woman I teach riding to so it's nice we already have a connection.
Hubby has booked us in for a short holiday together next week bless him!
Hopefully these combined might mean I don't need IVF next month......wouldn't that be wonderful?
I am so sorry to hear of the losses of other people here. It is so sad!
I wrote a poem about that
Here it is
This club I’ve joined is really lonely
Although there are members everywhere
It is not a happy or a cheerful club
It’s a quiet very private affair
It’s not a club you’d want to join
Joining up not something to win
No money buys your membership
Death of a loved child is the only way in
This club is really special
People don’t know until they’ve joined
That they’ve become members forever
To a club that will keep and will bind
There are not only parents in this club
There are whole families grieving in there
There are people who seem to be coping
Almost all of us wish were we weren’t here
The strange thing I find about this club
It’s a club about which we don’t know
Until we became a lifelong member
At the death of each child members grow
The club it does not have a club house
Or a special sports game we all play
It does not have set rules and regulations
“I’ve lost my loved child”, is all members say.
If you live in the happy and the normal world
Then you did not know that this club was here.
It was something you did not even think of
Something you thought you would not have to bear
The parents and families in this club
Will grieve hard and long throughout their lives
For this club holds their membership forever
Without their babies normal life is just lies.
So each day as we wake we remember
That we’ll live long and go on our way
As a parent, grandparent or sibling
In this club we’ll miss loved ones each day
Powelly, I'm so sorry that you're going through such a stressful time ATM. But (forever the optimist) I have everything crossed for you still and I'm praying that the embie is just attaching itself very well into the lining and hence the cramping. Thinking of you hun and huge hugs, hang in there lovely!
Gigi, I'm sorry I must have missed your post about your DD's angelversary. I know how hard those days are, but it sounds like you have an amazing DH and that is so very important, being there for one another when you need it. Big hugs sweetie, I will light a candle for your DD tonight.
SusieQ, GL with your next cycle hun!
Lady Tess, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, may Matthew be forever watching over you and your family. Sadly, we all have an angel/s watching over us here in this thread, but the ladies here are so beautiful and supportive, you will find much love and understanding and heaps of support here. I lost my son Joshua at 21 weeks in October 2008, it really feels like it was yesterday somedays. I was a regular in this thread for quite some time, and the love and support I have received here was just amazing. We have really beautiful bunch of girls here!!!!!
Hi to all the gorgeous girls in here, I hope there will be many more BFPs in here very soon.
Powelly, I'm so sorry hun. Like Beata i'm praying that your little embie is just nestling in a little closer and getting well attached. Big hugs hun.
Lady Tess, I'm so sorry for your loss. The wonderful ladies here are such a good support, i don't know what i would have done without them. I hope that your TTC here is a short one.
A big Hello to all you other wonderful ladies, I'm sending lots and lots of to you all.
All my love
Bec ooxx
___________________
Me 27 Him 26 Riley our angel 35 weeks Smudge due Feb 2011
Well started miscarrying this morning. Spoke to the doc and my level was only 10 so that was confirmation. I'm in a fair bit of pain and feeling pretty out of whack emotionally which is to be expected. In a weird way I'm relieved that it's all happening quite fast physically. I hate hurting emotionally and I know it's a process that just has to happen. I'm thinking way too far in advance wondering if I can ever go through this again.Right now I can't bear the thought. It's all way too raw right now so I think I'll just go and feel it and try to move forward. Thanks ever so much for your support.
I'm terribly sorry to anyone that this brings emotions up with. I don't want to burden the TTC forum with this.
!!! I'm so excited for you, wishing you a very happy and healthy pg!!!!
2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
CONGRATULATIONS !!!!
I am sorry either of us have to be here at all
We lost our boy in Feb of this year but due to bleeding we only have been TTC since April. I have hopes this month, but next month I will be put on a course of Clomid... I am terrifyied at the prospect as I already have majpr modd swings during ovulation... lol I have been told Clomid enhances these... EEEEK
Big hugs hun.
to you all.
Riley our angel 35 weeks
, I wish i could reach through the screen and give you a huge hug.
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