TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth #2 2010

[MistyFying]

If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

I hope so much that this month is YOUR month.

If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, or provide any constructive feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators:

Fllowerchild
Niliac
MistyFying
Alternately you may contact Kelly (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

Their email addresses can be found here.

We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

You will find the previous thread HERE.

[dory]

Woot woot - I don't think I have ever been the first to post on a new thread.

I am feeling anxious today - nervously awaiting the return of my fur baby from the vets for a tooth extraction. I am normally really good with this sort of stuff but was crying as we left the vets today and feel a little low now. So will post some more once my little fur man has returned. Bring on 2pm.

[TeniBear]

Woo! Second

Not really much to say, just wanna make sure I get updates

[TeniBear]

Have something to say now I'm cross-posting this from the TTC 1-6 months thread

What is wrong with my body? Last week I had lots of signs that I was ovulating, and they're all coming back again! My cervix seems a little more open than it did yesterday (I've only been checking that the past few days), I have a ton more EWCM after a couple of days of tiny splotches of it appearing in runny CM... But my temps are all over the place!

For goodness' sake, body, pull yourself together! All I want to know is if I'm going to ovulate anytime soon, or if I already have! You don't have to bloody make me so confused my first time around!

[crumpet]

so this is where the action will be!!
i didnt realise the thread had been closed!!! blame it on lack of sleep....

hope everyone is well, not much going on here...
8 weeks today and have my first OB appt tomorrow

[cmeglles]

Samcougar...any word?
Hooray new thread!

[TeniBear]

Just did a stupid thing and read most of what SHOULD be my baby buddies group Why can't I just go back to February and make everything okay again? I don't WANT to be in this thread, I don't want to be TTC, I just want my baby! I don't want to be awake at this time of morning for no reason... I should be up feeding a little chubby baby...

Sorry... I needed to vent but didn't think it warranted a new thread...

[ChrisW]

Teni, you go ahead and vent just as much as you want - whenever and wherever. I wish I could give you a big hug for real, sweetie. I read your blog and I'm so sorry AF showed up and that you're still in the TTC pool. You're right. You shouldn't have to be here and it's grossly unfair that you're not holding Ianto right now. As a matter of fact, none of us should have to be here and I think we've probably all felt something similar.

As for reading the baby buddies post... I still look at a due date calculator site that tells me where my baby would have been in their development today. Apparently I like self-inflicted punishment too!

I also have a friend who got pregnant at the same time I did the first time around (in 2006). We both had an early m/c (didn't find out about each other until later though), but she got pregnant the very next cycle and went on to have a beautiful baby boy. He's 3 now, and every time I see him and hear about everything he's doing, I can't help but think... my baby should be that old and doing those things too. Why couldn't my baby have lived too? I'm better now at squelching that urge to compare them than I was right after her son was born (really had a hard time even seeing them early on). Sometimes, though, I guess I just feel the need to pick that scab and open up that wound again. I guess you did too.

I hope daylight brings renewed hope.... Give yourself a big hug.

[Gigi1]

Chris, so well put. Thinking of you too hun...TWW can be a trial.
Teni, I am sorry hun that another cycle has let you down. I often fall into the hole where you find yourself now and I have past DD's anniversary. It is still so raw for you. I still find myself overwhelmed with grief sometimes and it feels like yesterday. I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I know we are all different but sadly we share something horrible- an understanding.
I am so sorry it is a hard day for you. Keep your hope and if it evades you today, know that somehow it will return. Thinking of you. xoxo

AFM- CD17 and amidst TWW. I am very nervous but also excited...kind of equal servings of both. Every now and then one will tip the scales and they seem to take turns. I am not sleeping well at all and find myself all over the shop.
My dear friend who has lost many bubs in first tri has just found out that her 8 week pregnancy is a Phantom. I don't understand fully how they work but she now finds herself yet again in familar shoes waiting for her body to miscarry. They are both devastated and grieving. God i wish life weren't so cruel. Sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to break a heart. I am gutted for them and it leaves me in familiar shoes hoping that if and when i fall pregnant, i don't want my news to hurt anyone i love or care for. Her last loss was a month before we fell preg with DD. I silently thought that her body and spirit introduced our DD before she came to us. That she gave us the greatest gift of all. She had once or twice said to us that she wish she could sarrogate for us and maybe in some cosmic way she did. She has two beautiful children 14 and 10 but her family feels incomplete. I think it is magical and incredible a woman and a man can have such strong intuition to just know that is so. Hmmm...life, a full on journey.

Going to see Train this weekend which shoud be fun. DH has only one day off this week.I have more photos to take this week and i have one more day to develop what i have so far while big w has a sale on. That should keep me busy for a TWW...without me delving into the world of planning a pregnancy's life too much. Here's hoping. xoxo

[crumpet]

Just did a stupid thing and read most of what SHOULD be my baby buddies group Why can't I just go back to February and make everything okay again? I don't WANT to be in this thread, I don't want to be TTC, I just want my baby! I don't want to be awake at this time of morning for no reason... I should be up feeding a little chubby baby...

Sorry... I needed to vent but didn't think it warranted a new thread...

hun i know how u feel to a certain extent...

please dont take this the wrong way i dont know exactly how to word it....

i dont want to be struggling with pregnancy stuff like morning sickness, like u i should have a porky new born to be looking after and what not, but here i am starting this journey all over again......

its a bloody hard ride isnt it hun...

big for u

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

ChrisW - after I read your story about the wasp stings while mowing and knew that you were ok, you had me ROFL about you yelling at your DH and him not realising it was an emergency! Sometimes they can be a little slow... my DH runs at every bang or yelp from me so I know I have to be careful otherwise he worries too much.

Teni - happy belated birthday and sorry for your BFN hun . And I understand where you are at completely missing your baby and feeling the way you do. I see babies in prams that the age that Ryan should be ATM and I get a sinking feeling in my heart. It's just so damn unfair!

Crumpet - I am sorry that your DH is sad right now. I think the 3D scan is a great idea but that seems like forever away to wait until then. I hope some of Dory's suggestions might help out. Maybe he is just catching up with the grieving as seeing you pg is reminding him of the hope that you felt when you were pg with Gus? I hope he feels better soon.

Gigi - love your Dr joke! And congrats on the new hair do. I did the same thing before we fell pg with Ryan and then spent months trying to grow it back for our wedding. I have been getting about 3 inches chopped off mine each week, so it is now about shoulder length rather than shoulder blade length. I had thought about going to bob on Saturday as well but I know DH prefers me with long hair so I am sneaking up on it! I am pleased that you are back TTC again and I have my fingers and toes crossed for you in your TWW. So sad to hear about your friend's phantom pg. Again, it so damn unfair!

SuzieQ - I had chicken pox at 22 so I know how you feel. I couldn't sleep for about 3 days in the end, so I got up about 2am and cleaned my whole house top to bottom until I collapsed in exhaustion. Then I slept for about 14 hours straight. I hope that doesn't happen to you! And yay for moving back to Perth - that's where my inlaws are I really like it there.

Dory - hi, hope you are doing well and your fur baby's op went well. They are so important and rely on us so much for their needs. I hope he/she is recovering beautifully and you are spoiling him/her rotten!

Hi to Angelic, lemonade, CharlieB, cmeglles, Powelly and everyone else.

AFM, I have kind of been in hiding waiting for this cycle to finish. I am CD33 today and am pretty sure that the clomid has thrown my body completely out of whack. I thought I was getting AF last weekend but still she hasn't arrived. I have occasional cramps/twinges but not even spotting as yet. I am having another b/t tomorrow so I guess I will know more then. My FS told me last week that she is going to be away from the end of this week until mid July. She is going to a big IVF conference in Rome apparently so there is no chance of us starting IVF any time soon until she gets back. All of the other decent FS in town are all going to the conference as well so not even the chance of a referral or locum. I actually feel pretty good about that so we will just keep doing b/t and monitor things while she is away. So DH and I have booked a weekend away in Sydney next month as a treat for us and a kind of birthday gift for me, so that is nice to have something to look forward too.

Anyway, gotta go as DH is calling me for dinner.

oxo

[TeniBear]

I just looked back over my last chart, and wouldn't you know it? EWCM exactly 14 days before AF arrived. With all my fluctuating symptoms, right in the middle of it was actual ovulation signs. Grrrr! Oh well, at least now I'll know to definitely jump Scott when I need to

[Powelly]

Good luck tenibear!!!!!!!

[Gigi1]

Powelly. Grrrrr, I am so sorry hun. Hugs and thinking of you. Glad you know either way and Glad your little boy is on the mend. Little cuddles sound like the best medicine. Take care hun xoxo

Dory, Train was great. The band before was Ryan Messing and the Few...they were awesome and will definitely get their cd. We had a good boogie. Caught a guitar pick they threw into the crowd and gave it to a man standing next to me. He really impressed me and made my night. He was about my dads ages and knew all the words, boogied away all night and it was a joy to be near him. I thought it might mean more to him so he got to take it home. A very good night. Glad to be doing that again. I loooove Live music. Must ahve been a groupy in another life. That feeling of the bass and drums going through your body and vibrating your chest and nostrils....the BEST feeling ever.

AFM- as you can see re above...I am doing my best to drive myself to distraction! We even took a trip up the coast last night to stay with Mum and Dad last night. World wind trip but their life is about to take a big turn and we wanted to support them...and get away. Dad is having to look for work. He is a Civil Project Manager and his contracts are coming to an end. If anyone know anyone....let me know. They are looking at moving interstate or fly in -fly out. A big adventure is on the cards.

CD 25 and finding today a real challenge. It seems to be going verrrrrrry slow all of a sudden. Arghhhhh, give me strength. DH woke in the middle of the night last night and said to me, I am disappointed we are not pg this month. I am thinking...you are jumping the gun a bit hun. We have to get to the end of the month yet and test. I am not sure if that is his feelings or if he is protecting himself like we all do every month. Time will tell.
My belly is feeling a little heavy like before AF but I have hope. Some moments every now and then I want to give up. Sometimes it is all too much. xoxo

[Powelly]

Hey Gigi1

When is AF due? Hang in there. I forgot how much the tww sucked! It's torture. And I feel for you and your DH. For us after our loss we were lucky enough to conceive first try (and we weren't really 100% ready and didn't think it would happen that fast - when I got the BFP I had a massive panic attack!!!). I can see from your signature that you suffered a devastating loss and I know it's so hard when you so want to start the jouney again to get that special bundle in your arms. I'm proof that it DOES happen and I know it will happen for you too. You never know, it may have already happened this month.

I know that none of this helps, but just wanted to say don't give up, stay strong and we are all here for you as you take this journey. Sometimes it helps to visualise the end result, it certainly helped me.

Keep us posted and GOOD LUCK!!!!

[Gigi1]

Powelly...I am a bit emotional atm maybe. But you just brought me to tears. Thank you so much. You will never know how much i needed to hear that understanding.
AF due Fri/Sat.
Trying not to POAS...trying so so hard. xoxoxo

[TeniBear]

Quick one from me - I have EWCM! DH and I have already dtd today, bur he didn't "finish" so I'm jumping him again soon

Big hugs to everyone, bigger squishier ones to those who need it.

[dory]

Teni - go you saucy vixen - make the most of it.

AFM - going to the counsellor was awesome, so glad I did it. And sorry about my sig in the last post... i know they allowed now, but I don't usually leave them in, so sorry if I upset anyone. I have since edited it.