Dory, you did a magical job hun at having a moment and letting the show go on. I tried to explain to my SIL today that dealing with infertility can be likened to having a disability in a way. You have to manage it, learn to live with it, consider it everytime you go out and about. Losing a child certainly exacerbates it 10 fold. People forget it is something we live with for the rest of our lives, not just an experience that happened a while back. I think that is why people sometimes think we 'hold on' to the pain and sadness...No, we live with it, it follows us, it is not for attention, or self pity. It is something we learn to manage. I was saying my SIL...I have had to find my trust in life again. I think I am pretty close to it now. I am learning to trust the universe again...but there will be hell to pay if my faith is taken for granted again.xoxo
AFM- Well it has been an interesting couple of days. I have written it in my blog so I will be brief here. Had a bit of a spin out....OVcaught me un awares on CD9. VERY early for me and I found myself having similar thoughts to Suz...but my lining needs more time!
I have no idea what was happening. I have had no Ov pain as per usual. CM was watery and not much of it But cervix was well and truely open with EWCM in small quantitiy...so What the hell.... we dtd etc and again for good measure and cause it was so much fun the first time...and I went mad trying to work it all out. Had a great night actually besides the analysing!
So... the line on the OPK was so dark, as dark as the indicator line...I just don;t know when it started being so dark. I only started testing that day-CD9. Anyway, what will be will be. I kind of feel good about it all, sychronicity and all. We felt like getting up to mischeif which is always a good sign.
Tomorrow, gardening if weather allows. DH is off and then we get to play Cranium over at my SIL and bros house. Should be a fun night and a good distraction. xoxoxo Fingers are crossed.
Can I ask a quicky? Do you have to wait for a period after m/c to ttc? The doc said to wait for one cycle but I have heard differing opinions. I'm thinking I'll wait but what are your thoughts/experiences?
Powelly, Hun i have heard both sides of the fence. One saying it is good to let your mind and womb heal and a cycle come back into synch ...and the other that essentailly supports that if you are not ready for pregnancy, you won't fall pregnant. I think you should follow your gut on this one....My opinion love.
BEst wishes hm xoxo
Thanks Gigi! What would I do without you :-) My heart is saying wait, to have correct LMP etc. I think I'll enjoy a few wines in the next couple of weeks and then start a big TTC health kick! Gotta be positive don't we.
Sounds like you may have got the right time. Fingers crossed for you! I love when things happen out of the blue. I always think things happen for a reason. Good luck.
Hi to all. Sorry I haven't done personals. I'm thinking of you all, hoping the pregnant ladies are well and keeping sane and the TTC'ers are going to get a BFP this month! We'll be rejoining end August/early Sep!
Powelly - my obs gave the go ahead to try straight away after Amelia and she was born a few weeks gestation after your beloved son. Basically, I was healthy and emotionally ready to try. Guess DH had to be too. LOL. After Nicholas and Sophie my obs recommended waiting, but we knew we both needed to wait - for both emotional and physical healing and also to give us the chance to do some more investigations as to possible causes.
If you are ready to try again, and no physical reasons not to delay, then get on the TTC rollercoaster.
Gigi - you are so profound and so spot on. With both infertility and the death of a child, the sadness and pain remain life long. You don't get over it, just some days it's more at the front of your consciousness than other days, but it's never far away and the love and pain are always in our hearts. I am sorry that O caught you unawares...... hope you got to do some gardening. Could you send me some of your green thumb? I am hopeless. I like to mow the lawn, and smell the muraya flowers but that's the extent of it for me.
Dory, LOL...my green thumb. You would laugh. I sound so green don't I. Truth is, it is all intention. I try my best and with each project i hope it lasts longer than the last. This time I am trying to set up our courtyard...Will type later on that once I have got a few things done. But hun. I very much rely on my loving husband to pick up where I fail. He waters more often than I do. Sad really, cause i want to be better at it. I think I get bored. I do crave the garden and blossoms, green and calm it brings often. We are not all that different. lol xoxo Will be back later.
Sorry I have been MIA for a while. I have been off sick all week with a virus which started as a fever on Monday morning just after I got to work. I went home and DH rushed me to the Dr's. It was horrible, I couldn't get warm even with layers of clothes and the heating in the car on maximum! It left a few hours later but I have spent most of the week feeling very washed out and tired and headachey. Yuck.
I have tried to catch up with everybody's posts but my head is still a bit fuzzy so I will attempt a few quick ones... Gigi happy belated birthday, Chris great news on the surgery, Suz FX for you for this cycle, Dory you are sounding well... to everyone else.
AFM, we have decided not to do another IVF cycle with my eggs. My head, heart and gut are all telling me the same thing... that it is going backwards... so we are investigating doing an ED cycle hopefully before the end of the year. That is where we are devoting our energies now, and I have been in touch with some wonderful ladies who have been in very similar circumstances to us who now have beautiful babies or who are pg, so we see this as our path to our dream. It is not where we expected to be 12 months ago, but then I guess none of us would choose any of this heartache and grief if we were given the option. I saw some posts on YouTube from a lady who has been through two ED cycles, and something she said really resonated with me. We are already mothers... we are just waiting for our baby's spirit to come to us in a physical form whether it be through IVF, ED, adoption or foster care. I know some may not agree with this, but for me that really summed up how I feel.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I understand if some here don't agree with the whole donor thing, and therefore, I will be respectful of everyone's wishes if you do not want me to continue to post in here. If you don't want me to post, just PM me and I will respect that. It is controversial, but we are trying to be as thoughtful and considerate about the whole process as possible, particularly how the donor is treated and then what contact our child may have/request from the donor in the future. I have done lots of reading and spoken to people on both sides on another site, and have found that are occasionally some stories of regret from donors, but on the whole they feel that donating was a wonderful opportunity to help others.
Thanks again all and I wish lots of and BFPs for everyone very soon.
oxo
to everyone else.
and BFPs for everyone very soon.
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