Powelly, congrats hunni :leap:!!! I'm so excited for you, wishing you a very happy and healthy pg!!!!
Powelly, congrats hunni :leap:!!! I'm so excited for you, wishing you a very happy and healthy pg!!!!
:dance::dance::dance::dance:CONGRATULATIONS !!!!:dance::dance::dance::dance: Powelly - so very happy for you. Hope you have a heathly and uneventful 8 months as well. Wow - we really are dwindling in numbers but isn't that great!
Tess - nice to meet you and I am sorry you have to be here at all. I hope your stay in here is really short and I get to know you better in a pregnancy thread!
Gigi - glad to hear that you had a lovely time away. It must have been nice to be with your DH and close friends on your DD's first birthday anniversary. On those difficult days the best we can do is to surround ourselves with people who love and support us. Sorry AF showed up - FX for this month for all of us.
ChrisW - was reading your post about blood flow and funnily enough this has been on mind the past couple of days. Had a very light period which was all brown blood - very weird for me but suspect that since it was such a short cycle (22 days) it has something to do with insufficient uterine lining so need more blood flowing to that area. Have read that accupunture is good and I am going once a week this cycle so will let you know how it goes. One of the funny ones was that an orgasm a day helps as blood flows into that area LOL I love that one. Mentioned it to DH who said he was happy to help out hehe. The other one people mentioned a bit about was baby aspirin. Don't want to self medicate though so am going to leave that one alone for now. Hope your RI can give you some answers.
AFM - AF has gone, funk has lifted and now feel ready to face this cycle!
Hello to everyone else - hope you are enjoying your weekend. Babydust to all.
Powelly- Hun, you should stay as long as you like. You will be supported all the same. It is very exciting that you are pregnant, but we also understand there will be apprehension and anxiety. I hope it is not too much and you get to enjoy the pregnancy all you can. Easy to say...but I am sure not easy to do. All my love and wishes for you.
Suzie Q- Oh how lovely and how thougthful of DH....an orgasm a day, wouldn't the world be a better place! I love it. Might tell my hubby that one. I am sure he will get on board. I have also heard that chinese herbs can certainly help to and maybe your AP might help there. I know the combination I took, thankfully helped reduce my blood loss while i was taking them. They worked on my liver and hormones mostly. Massage will help too along with hot packs at certain times of the month...obviously not after ovulation. I would agree not to self medicate...but to self help, i am all for it. Ultimately trust your intuition and if it feel wrong for you, don't do it. Good luck.xoxox
Hey Beata, hope you are enjoying your bubba boy.
Love and hope to all...a little glitter and laughter too. xoxoxo
Well it turns out this pregnancy isn't sticking. After my BFP on Friday afternoon, I went to the doc on Saturday for blood tests to confirm. I'm due to hear back on Monday. Unfortunately, last night I woke with cramps like reallly bad period pain and it went for about an hour. Still no bleeding but did another First Response test today and the line was fainter than yesterday. I then freaked out and went and got another two tests (Discover ones this time) and as of 5 minutes ago they are negative.
I've never had an early miscarriage and I'm freaked out as I have no idea what to expect. When does the bleeding start? I'm cramping today, not as bad, just like period pain. Can't believe the unbelievable high to the lowest of low right now.
Anyway, if any of you have had this experience or know if/when I'll start bleeding? I'm 99% sure the doc will confirm this when my bloods come back tomorrow :-(
Oh Powelly hun, I am so sorry. It is such a rollercoaster to such extremes.
Hunny a miscarriage is different for everyone depending on the hormone levels, when the embryo died and your own cycles. You will no doubt have you very own experience through this which will no doubt increase your feelings of anxiety and sadness, but remember you will find understanding in here more than anywhere else. You are not alone so don't ever feel lonely as much as this journey can have other ideas.
My thoughts on when you start to bleed are greatly influenced on my experience alone. I believe the body will when it is ready and that is different for us all, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know that our DD was not a miscarriage however we waited 6 weeks for her to be born after she died. I waited for my body to be ready to release her and let go of the pregnancy. Sometimes it will take a while for your body to catch up to what is happening...however it sound like it is not far for you as it seems the tests and levels are dropping off quite quickly. You will hold onto those hormones for a while. VERY generally the earlier on, the quicker your body will follow suit...not always the case but it shouldn't take too long. Our miscarriage before DD was a bit strange as i was having it before i knew i was pregnant. I was having positive tests after I lost the pregnancy too. It is so confusing isn't it. I didn't know if i was coming or going. I was so anxious over it and it was our very first pregnancy. I was getting negative tests, had a light period and then nearly two weeks later started 'leaking'. Did a test and I was pregnant but losing it from that point on. Very stressful.
So very different for you hun, you have already grown an attachment, had a positive and then to lose it...Heartbreaking. We are here for you hun and give that darling boy of yours a big hug.
It will all happen when it should and this time of grief is horrible but necessary. My heart is with you babe. take care xoxoxo
Powelly, I'm so sorry that you're going through such a stressful time ATM. But (forever the optimist) I have everything crossed for you still and I'm praying that the embie is just attaching itself very well into the lining and hence the cramping. Thinking of you hun and huge hugs, hang in there lovely!
Gigi, I'm sorry I must have missed your post about your DD's angelversary. I know how hard those days are, but it sounds like you have an amazing DH and that is so very important, being there for one another when you need it. Big hugs sweetie, I will light a candle for your DD tonight.
SusieQ, GL with your next cycle hun!
Lady Tess, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, may Matthew be forever watching over you and your family. Sadly, we all have an angel/s watching over us here in this thread, but the ladies here are so beautiful and supportive, you will find much love and understanding and heaps of support here. I lost my son Joshua at 21 weeks in October 2008, it really feels like it was yesterday somedays. I was a regular in this thread for quite some time, and the love and support I have received here was just amazing. We have really beautiful bunch of girls here!!!!!
Hi to all the gorgeous girls in here, I hope there will be many more BFPs in here very soon.
Big hugs
B xxx
Powelly, I'm so sorry hun. Like Beata i'm praying that your little embie is just nestling in a little closer and getting well attached. :hug: Big hugs hun.
Lady Tess, I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug: The wonderful ladies here are such a good support, i don't know what i would have done without them. I hope that your TTC here is a short one.
A big Hello to all you other wonderful ladies, I'm sending lots and lots of :bluedust: :pink-babydust: to you all.
All my love
Bec ooxx
___________________
Me 27 Him 26
:angel:Riley our angel 35 weeks
Smudge due Feb 2011
Hi All,
Well started miscarrying this morning. Spoke to the doc and my level was only 10 so that was confirmation. I'm in a fair bit of pain and feeling pretty out of whack emotionally which is to be expected. In a weird way I'm relieved that it's all happening quite fast physically. I hate hurting emotionally and I know it's a process that just has to happen. I'm thinking way too far in advance wondering if I can ever go through this again.Right now I can't bear the thought. It's all way too raw right now so I think I'll just go and feel it and try to move forward. Thanks ever so much for your support.
I'm terribly sorry to anyone that this brings emotions up with. I don't want to burden the TTC forum with this.
Powelly, I'm so so sorry hun. I have no words :cry: , I wish i could reach through the screen and give you a huge hug. :hug::comfort:
Powelly, I am sorry babe. Thinking of you hun xoxox
Dory, thinking of you this week hun and your beautiful Nicholas. Sending you love and peace. xoxo
Beata, Thank you hun. It was her EDD anniversary. Love to you and your family. xoox
Powelly: Sooooo sorry hun to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you big time. :cry: It is such a terrible thing to have to go through. I hope your pain isn't too severe. Big :hug: to you.
Powelly - I am so so sorry my sweet. Go gently on yourself during this heartbreaking time. And don't worry about burdening this thread, it's not a burden to provide support to our friends.
Gigi - thankyou my love. How are those photos going? Do you still do it or have you given it a skip for a while?
Dory- The photos are going well. I don't have a lot of confidence in my skill, but getting there. Still do it. Just gave a big album to a friend yesterday with all her Byron shots. They were really happy with them ...i try not to but don't take compliment well. As far as I am concerned, the subject was a HUGE help to the end product. I had a few days to play around with her and the kids. I enjoy it and that is the main thing, what comes of that is more than they had before and something to cherish. xoxo Thanks for asking hun.
Powelly - I am soo soo sorry about what you are going through. Don't think it is ever a burden to unload - if we can't keep it real in here then where can we?? My thoughts are with you.
Powelly, I am so saddened by your news hun, I was really hoping and praying for a good outcome for you. Just please know that I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs my sweet. And please don't feel like you are a burden here, we are all here for you always. Take it easy hun, and as hard as it is now to contemplate another go at TTC, we will all be here for you when you decide to take that step.
Big hugs
Beata xxxxxx
Hi Ladies,
Powelly – I’m so sorry about your loss. That's just devastating and this is absolutely the place to let it all out. Sending you a big hug sweetie. :hug:
Tess – I’m sorry you find yourself needing to be here, but you will find lots of support and understanding. Hope your stay is a short one.
Gigi – It’s so hard when you have friends with a child the same age as your angel baby. I’m glad you were able to spend time with friends who understand.
SusieQ – LOL on the medicinal use of the big ‘O’. DH has happily volunteered to administer a daily dose!
Hi also to Samcougar, Teni, Hope, Chez, Dory and everyone else.
AFM – Getting ready for surgery this Thursday to remove a small fibroid from my uterus. I’m pretty tired of getting poked, but figure I should do whatever I can to improve my chances. Needless to say we’re taking this month off from TTC.
Also been researching everything I can on uterine blood flow. I purchased a ‘fertility’ yoga/acupressure DVD which is supposed to help with that. I’m terrified of needles, so I’m not sure how I would do at acupuncture (although I’ve heard that works wonders). I am also seeing my GP today to see if he will help with executing and monitoring the protocol that the RI develops over the next few weeks. Unfortunately, my RE has already indicated that he would probably not be comfortable with almost anything the RI comes up with. Thankfully my GP is pretty open-minded. I’m also seeing a new OB/GYN next Monday, so I hope he’ll be open to working with the RI too.
Love and hugs to everyone!
:grouphug:
Hi
I thought I might join in here. I lost my daughter Ellen Mary at 41 weeks on 13 Jan this year.
We have been TTC ever since.
Before we got preggas with her we thought always we'd get pg naturally so we didn't stress that much and finally (after 8 yrs of trying on and off) we had her.
Now we are told I am really too old to conceive naturally and that we have unexplained infertility. I guess that basically means the doctors can't work out why we aren't preggas.
We have tried for 5 months and we are going away soon to try and have a short holiday and a break to see if we can conceive naturally again. I am getting acupuncture on Friday.
If this doesn't work we are starting IVF. I am absolutely terrified as I hate the idea of the drugs and intervention. I have to go through with it though as I can't live with myself if I don't try everything.
I feel it was my fault we lost our first baby as it was my job to look after and protect her. I can't let hubby own again by not doing ivf.
How do you cope with the needles and stress of IVF after losing your only child?
Hi Ladies,
Powelly, how are you going hun? Thinking of you sweetie xxxxxx
Chris, GL with your op. on Thursday. How big is your fibroid and is it the only one? Where is is located? Sorry for so many questions, I feel like a fibroid 'queen' having had a massive one removed before I had Cam (it was the reason why I lost Josh), and I've researched for months on the topic.
Mine were three fibroids that grew together into one big one, before I did IVF (which we had to do anyway, the fibroid wasn't the reason why we had to do it) it grew to 14 cm. We still went ahead with the IVF treatment as it was too risky to try to remove the living fibroid, but sadly we lost our pg as the fibroid degenerated (died) in the uterus. Since the fibroid died and there was no blood supply to it anymore and easy to remove, I had the myomectomy op. in Jan last year and then conceived Cam in July through another cycle of IVF.
Hello Kate, I'm glad you decided to join this thread! Sweetie, it is sooooo easy to blame yourself for your loss, after all who else is there to blame when you are the one that carried your precious one? The thing is, we all do our best to protect our little ones, so when things go wrong it's so natural to blame ourselves. I think that when you stop blaming yourself (it took me a long time, and I only stopped eventually as I was getting some councelling which helped) you will get on track emotionally and be ready to face the TTC journey. It is a terrifying one, but taken by so many girls in here, with wonderful results. I really hope your stay here is a short one.
As for IVF, I have been down that path. My DF had a vesectomy done 14 years ogo (he was married before meeting me and has 3 grown children) so when we got together we wanted kids of our own. He had the vesectomy reversal done in 2007, and although the initial prognosis was that the op. went very well, the procedure was unsuccessful in the end. We were told that the longer you leave the reversal the bigger the chance of the reversal failing. So I was absolutely gobsmacked and terrified that we really had no option but to do IVF. I really wanted our children to be conceived naturally, so I really struggled with the thought of doing IVF. Fortunatelly I don't mind needless, and luckily I breezed through the treatment. I ovulate on my own, so the cycle was pretty straight forward, without too much intervention. The needles are sooooooooooooo tiny like a thin hair, that I didn't even feel the injections. The pinching of the skin hurt more!!!!! Anyway, enough of my rambling. I really hope you conceive naturally on your holiday, so hopefully no need for IVF!!!! GL hun.
B xxx
Kateo - I’m so sorry for the loss of your DD, especially given your struggles TTC. You will find lots of support and understanding here. Like Beata said, you are not to blame for what happened, although I know it can be difficult not to feel like you are. I’m occasionally not on speaking terms with my reproductive organs since they are proving to be a bit useless for anything other than PMS and AF.
I have also been told that I am ‘too old’. Actually, I was told that at 38 (now 42). Since I have managed to get pregnant 3 times in the last year (unassisted), I’m starting to think that’s a bit of a load of cr@p, so don’t let anyone discourage you on that account! Although age is a factor, there is a lot you can do to improve your chances. Have you been to a reproductive endocrinologist or reproductive immunologist to try to determine why you have such difficulty TTC? There is a lot of testing that can be done, if you’re interested. If you can get to an RI, they tend to be more exhaustive in their testing. A good book to check out is ‘Is Your Body Baby Friendly?’ by Dr. Alan Beer. You may want to try this avenue before IVF to see if you can do it on your own, or if nothing else to improve your IVF chances (especially given the cost).
About the IVF, we did that a year and a half after our first loss. I am pretty phobic about needles, but I was able to make myself do the injections. DH gave me the progesterone shots (big needle in the bum). He was terrified of hurting me, but he did a great job and I barely felt it. Try icing the area for about 5 minutes first, then have the shot, then ice afterwards. It cuts down on the discomfort and bruising. The other shots are in the tummy. I ended up doing these myself. I almost threw up out of fear the first time, but I got it done and it got easier as it went along. The tummy needles are very short and very fine. You honestly can’t feel them, but it’s the actual skin breaking that freaks me out. If you don’t have a problem with shots, then it should be a cake walk.
About the stress, I can only suggest that you take time to nurture yourself. Listen to your body and make sure you’re emotionally ready to handle IVF. You may feel like time is running out (I feel like that all the time) but to go into a stressful situation when you’re already stressed out may not be helpful.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this, hun, but we’re all here for you. :hug:
Beata – Thanks for thinking of me. My fibroid (only one) is 1cm and only about 30% of it protrudes into the uterus – right at the top of the fundus, but not blocking either fallopian tube. The Dr’s not even sure he’ll be able to find it to remove it, but we’ll still try since implantation at that site will most likely not be viable. He doesn’t think this is the reason for my recurrent miscarriages, but removing it will improve our chances. The RI hinted that she thinks my primary problem is autoimmune and poor uterine blood flow, but she can’t say anything definitive until the test results come back. This is my second fibroid removed. The first was just prior to my IVF and was about 2cm. FX my doc can remove this one and that the RI can come up with some treatable reason for why we keep losing our babies.
I am so sorry to hear this Powelly. :hugs:
Kate : Hello and I am glad I am not the only Newbie here :D I am sorry either of us have to be here at all :( We lost our boy in Feb of this year but due to bleeding we only have been TTC since April. I have hopes this month, but next month I will be put on a course of Clomid... I am terrifyied at the prospect as I already have majpr modd swings during ovulation... lol I have been told Clomid enhances these... EEEEK
The way I see it is we do what we need to (intervention or not) to concieve another child. Someone on this thread (Sorry I cant remember her name) mentioned late loss women are what she calls "childless mothers" we have done everything and got everything ready to have nothing at the end of the tunnel. I really do feel the only way to move forward (notice I delibratly dont say move on???) is to concieve and deliver. Come home with that bundle of joy we had been craving for in the first place. JMO
Tess
Miss Tess - my heartfelt condolences for your beautiful and much loved Mathew. The death of a child is a true tragedy... I hope you are healing as best you can. It is good news you're tcc again, I do hope your stay in the ttc roller coaster is brief..... it takes more courage than most people would ever know to ttc. I agree with the rest of the girls here - this is a great thread, heartbreaking at times, but this is my spiritual home on BB.
Kateo - oh my sweetie - blossom loss of faith in your body, feeling like you've failed, sadly are all "normal" parts of the grief journey, unhealthy and unfair parts but normal. However my sweet, remember you have done nothing wrong, you have not done anything to "deserve" the death of your darling daughter and you have not let anyone down. The death of a child is a heartbreaking tragedy. Sad things happen to good people. If you still feel like you are to blame, please seek some help from a counsellor..... because you are not to blame and you have let no one down. You are much to precious to beat yourself up with such burdensome thoughts. I can't offer any advice about how to cope with IVF, as I have not travelled that path.
Although my journey has been different to each of yours, I do speak from experience of the tragedy of multiple losses. I'll summarise for you , it is in my signature, but there's also a ticker in my signature which I choose not to activate when I am in the TTC threads. I have been pregnant 5 times and no bubs at home. The first is a story for another time. My true understanding of heartache started in July 08 when I miscarried at 8 weeks. I then experienced the extremely premature birth, labour & death of my daughter at 23 weeks in Feb 09 and then the live miscarriage & death of my son in July 09 at 14 weeks and the extremely premature birth, labour & death of his twin sister at 19 weeks in August 09. I am currently blessed with a pregnancy.... and hoping like anything the journey will involve a healthy little one. But I take nothing, absolutely nothing for granted. I was diagnosed with PCOS,and for some stupid reason accepted what I was told for almost 7 years .... I was given little chance of ever conceiving naturally given the severity of the PCOS and the particular hormonal imbalances. Boy have I proved the Dr's wrong on that count. On the other hand the reasons for the death of my children is unknown. I tell you my journey, not to garner your sympathy, but to offer some ray of hope in the aftermath of your heartache. I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that I could experience more than one loss, and to have to carry my angels in my heart, but here I am, and I do. I have really worked at my grief, and at times have been quite hard on myself. We all have ghosts in our closets, decisions and thoughts that if we really let them, would undermine how far we've come in our grief journey. I have been truly blessed to have a wonderful obstetrician and eventually counsellor who have really helped. But also the women here on BB but particularly this thread have helped and supported me enormously. So, don't be afraid to share, because this is the place to do it.
Chris W - when do your results from your RI come back? I did accupuncture for about 4 months, going at least once per week, if not more, before this bfp, to help with my blood flow and uterine thickness levels. I don't know if it helped, but the chronic exhaustion I was experiencing lifted after every session of accupuncture and the predictions they made about my cycle and flow were always 100% right. And once when I had water in my ear for a couple of days that I couldn't get out any other way, it came out in about 10 seconds at accupuncutre. Oh my that was sweet relief. So even though I can't say for certain it worked for me, there are some positives of the treatment, and aside from anything else, it was truly glorious to have 30 mins or so just resting and listening to relaxing music during the treatment session. Good luck on Thursday with the removal of your fibroid.... hope the Dr can get that little sucker.
Gigi - I am so glad you didn't get invited, because then you didn't have to say no. Although sometimes I don't like it when people make the decision for you... and just don't invite you. But at least in your case the feeling was mutual, they didn't invite you and you didn't want to go. I have so many confluences of dates. My bestest friend had her second m/c on 28 July 08, in very much the same circumstances as me with wee Nicholas (on 28 July 09) at the same gestation. So I do know what you mean about just having an understanding with someone and not really having to talk. And precious Amelia? She was the "middle" baby due of three for myself and my two very close work colleagues... although it's hard to see the other two little boys at times, I know my Amelia walks beside them and will always be the middle baby. It was really hard but therapeutic to get to know each of the little boys throughout their first year.... it really did help me. Thankyou for remembering wee little Nicholas too.
Happy 1st birthday to your DD. I am glad you got to spend it with friends, and ones who can really understand your journey.
Have you been out dancing lately? Do you have plans to? I remember how happy you were after your last little chance to bogey. I think I might almost be getting close to asking you whether you'd take some glam shots of me... it would mean a trip to Brissy for you. I can't travel too far. But depending on how I am feeling and what the Obs says, I might be able to meet on the northside, but then if we did that, there would be no chance at all to take any shots with my little fur babies.....
AFM - feeling much less glum today, than I was yesterday. It's nice. Have been quite weepy, but that's probably to do with a lot of things. Only 10 more sleeps til the fur baby who is at the vets after radio active iodine treatment can come home. I can't remember who asked, but he won't need much special care when he gets home, just some love, cuddles and some space to adjust to being at home again. The vet nurses were telling me today that he hisses at them when they approach his cage ( it does my head in to think of him in a cage for all this time as well as not being able to visit him and hold him) but when they talk to him, he immediately calms down. DH said he hissed at him when he visited the other day, until he recognised DH. Poor little scaredy cat, only 10 more sleeps.
Susie Q, Chez, Samcougar - thinking of you.
Thanks for all your kind comments.
I went to a new counsellor today. She told me I needed to change my thinking as blaming myself for Ellens death was unproductive.
I hope I can manage this.
It's nice to hear "older" women can get pregnant naturally too.
I feel exhausted today. I guess it's probably from telling the new counsellor everything
Kate
Kate - reliving your grief is always exhausting - go and snuggle up in bed with a good book or dvd or even have a sleep, do something to nuture yourself. I always fell so exhausted after counselling but at the same time have the most amazing sense of peace. Glad you went to a new counsellor - don't be afraid to search for one that you feel a connection with ( but do be careful of changing just because they challenge you.... it's part of their job to challenge thinking and thought processes). I went to a gestalt therapist once and whilst she was good and I did learn some things, in the end it was just a bit too out there for me. I went for 4 sessions, so I did persevere. You will be able to change your thinking, but it might take some time, you've had a fair bit of practise at blaming yourself. But you can do it! By the way Ellen is a beautiful name for your precious darling daughter.
Just a quick one from me today sorry ladies.
Chris- Good Luck for Thursday hun. Thinking of you xoox
Kateo- Welcome and sorry you have found yourself here hun. So sorry you have lost your darling DD. Hope you find the help you need in here. I am an 'au naturale' kiddo here and have immense respect for IVF butI have not chosen that path so can't help you there. But I do understand that some sort of counselling before you take on IVF is of huge benefit. I also understand through many friends here, find alternative and complimentary therapies in conjunction with IVF can certainly help.
Sweet, go easy on yourself. These things are no ones fault as much as we sometimes need to blame or find reason. Sometimes there is just no ryhme(sp) or reason. Take care hun and be gentle with yourself. (now that i have read your update. Good on you hun...big steps today and yes no doubt very exhausted. You sound clear and bright though. Hope you enjoy the rest of your night. xoxo Dory is so wonderful with her words...and often i feel like typing...Diddo!
Dory- Hey gorgeous....of course I could come and take some shots for you. I just can't promise too much. I am am very much learning and will need your help to be creative. I would love to take pickies of your belly baby! PM your email address and we can think about something when you are ready. If you cancel and don't feel like it...that is fine. But for your health and comfort- your home is best unless you have something else in mind. xoxo can chat later. xxoxo
I am so tired guys..have to go.
Love and peace to all xoox
Ok that took me too long to write...i have to update as other posts come in in the meantme. xoxo
Wow! Thanks to you all for your wise words of wisdom and your support.
I sometimes think Ellen dying wasn't my fault. Then I think of all the things I could have done to try and save her. I guess I never really considered she'd die!
I am off to see an acupuncturist/chinese medicine person on Monday. She is a woman I teach riding to so it's nice we already have a connection.
Hubby has booked us in for a short holiday together next week bless him!
Hopefully these combined might mean I don't need IVF next month......wouldn't that be wonderful?
I am so sorry to hear of the losses of other people here. It is so sad!
I wrote a poem about that
Here it is
This club I’ve joined is really lonely
Although there are members everywhere
It is not a happy or a cheerful club
It’s a quiet very private affair
It’s not a club you’d want to join
Joining up not something to win
No money buys your membership
Death of a loved child is the only way in
This club is really special
People don’t know until they’ve joined
That they’ve become members forever
To a club that will keep and will bind
There are not only parents in this club
There are whole families grieving in there
There are people who seem to be coping
Almost all of us wish were we weren’t here
The strange thing I find about this club
It’s a club about which we don’t know
Until we became a lifelong member
At the death of each child members grow
The club it does not have a club house
Or a special sports game we all play
It does not have set rules and regulations
“I’ve lost my loved child”, is all members say.
If you live in the happy and the normal world
Then you did not know that this club was here.
It was something you did not even think of
Something you thought you would not have to bear
The parents and families in this club
Will grieve hard and long throughout their lives
For this club holds their membership forever
Without their babies normal life is just lies.
So each day as we wake we remember
That we’ll live long and go on our way
As a parent, grandparent or sibling
In this club we’ll miss loved ones each day
Oh sweety, that is wonderful and so true. You are so clever.
You brought a tear to my eye. I am comfortable with my tears though hun, so don't feel bad. Sometimes it is nice to be sad.
Love and thanks to you xoxo
Kate - that was a wonderful poem, hun. It rings so true. It's too easy to turn inward and become isolated, so I'm glad you and DH are talking to a counselor and that you're here with us. This is such a hard thing to bear alone and you just don't have to. There are so many of us (too many) who understand and are here to support you. Big hugs sweetie. You are not alone. :hug:
Dory - I should be hearing back from the RI in about 2 weeks (no set date yet - just waiting for test results). FX that she comes up with something, otherwise we're going to stop TTC. No point continuing when we just keep losing them. I think she has something in mind, though, since she already sent me home with the Lovenox 'home kit'. BTW - is your kitty home yet? Have the treatments been successful? FX for your furbaby. I would be a mess if I had to be seperated from mine for that long, but I'm sure I could do it for their health's sake.
AFM- Kinda nervous about the surgery tomorrow. Hate needles and REALLY tired of being poked. Thanks for everyone's well-wishes. I'll write back to let you know how it goes as soon as I'm recovered. DH says I was pretty goofy for a few days after the last one (medication and all). I don't quite remember it that way, but if my next post doesn't make any sense, then at least you'll know why!
Love and Hugs to everyone!
:grouphug:
Chris, good luck today hun, will be thinking of you xxx
Kate, what a truly beautiful poem. It, too, brought tears to my eyes, the words are so true and only a parent who's lost a child would understand. Big hugs hun, hope you're doing OK.
Dory, I hope your fur baby is back with you. I still miss my Pooky every day. Wish she was here.
Hi to everyone else, lots of sticky vibes and baby dust to all.
b xxx
Joshua Andrew born an angel 1 October 2008, 21 weeks
Cameron Oliver born safely on 16 March 2010. The love of our lives!
Gigi - I am with you girl, I am comfortable with my tears too.... I will let you know when I am feeling courageous and glamourous...
Chris - LOL re being a bit goofy for a few days.... make the most of it... and go well and recovery quickly... looking forward to hearing you're on the mend.
Beata - thanks for remembering..
Kate - a very moving poem... too true.
Fur baby has 8 more sleeps til he comes home.... not that I am counting or anything. He has to go for an appointment 6 weeks after his treatment ( 3 weeks after he comes home) for more blood tests to see if the treatment was successful. I went to the vets today to drop off some more "toys" for him and to pay off some more of the bill. I got to talking to one of the receptionists, and she was asking if I'd have some time with my fur baby before the big day, and asked about this being my first.... the question that always confounds me, so I answered "first this far". Sometimes its interesting when you share.... she told me she had lost babies too and whilst she was hospitalised when her DS was born, her DH took her home to see her cats, when the hospital encouraged them to go out to dinner together....LOL... crazy cat ladies have so much in common.
Just a quicky to say. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
AND
Good luck to Chris. I am a huge needle phobe...and i love numbing cream...got a supply of Emla in the fridge for non pregnant time needles. xooxox
Happy birthday Gigi! Hope you have had some contentment on your special day... are you going to have some cake? (I am a bit food mad at the mo)
Thanks Dory, You just caught me...bout to turn the computer off for the day.
I have been good, a bit up and down but when I am good I am great. It is funny hey how a day can bring up such highs and lows. Swinging, I call it. I am swinging today, from happiness to little spots of teariness. It is a wonder my DH puts up with me. I think today was more real than DDs EDD a couple of weeks ago. We both woke up and wished DD was ripping my presnts open. But I am cool. going well.
Thanks hun xoxoxo
Happy Birthday Gigi!!!!! I hope you had a nice day sweetie :p I wish you all the happiness in the world, may the next year bring you joy, love, lots of luck and good health. It's time for some serious dreams to come true darling! I hope your next birthday is spent with an earthside bubbie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:birthday2::birthday2:happy birthday gigi!!!!:birthday2::birthday2:
sorry its a bit late
Happy Birthday GIGI! Hope you had a great day and it's great you managed to feel ok on the day. Make sure you do something special for yourself! Thanks also for the fantastic advice. I was truly petrified of what to expect and your calm words certainly helped me at that very difficult point.
To everyone who has given me their messages of support, THANK YOU! It's been a really rough week and whilst I have come to terms with the miscarriage, I'm now facing a whole new battle with questions like "will this happen again", "will I be able to fall pregnant again", "why did this happen", questions I'm sure we are all too familiar with!
To the newbies, welcome and thanks for sharing your stories. I've shed a lot of tears as I've hovered this week. It's a tough spot to be in but the success stories that come out of this thread should keep us all going! Good luck with your ttc journeys and may they be short.
AFM - I'm doing ok. Physically things are FINALLY starting to slow. The bleeding had been pretty heavy and the cramps really painful. I hate going to the loo for the constant reminder and I will feel so much better when things get back to normal. Emotionally I have gone through the motions. Whilst it has been so sad, part of me is selfishly glad it happened so early, after our last experience. I do get worried that I'll never have another baby and hate that the age gap is ever growing but these things are out of our control and the "control freak" in me hates that.
Anyway, just wanted to touch base. I'll probably be MIA for awhile now until things regulate so not sure when we will TTC. Good luck to all and hope to see some happy stories soon!
:-)
Powelly - good to hear from you girl....and don't be worried by your thoughts about sooner rather than later.... we all have to try and make our way through the grief, and in my experience, that thought process is one of the ways. I hope you don't beat yourself up too much with those questions..... there are no answers.... but as you know taking the step to start to tcc takes courage... I have every faith in you.... go gently my friend.
Gigi - I thing swinging is just a part of our everyday reality now..... it's just some days are more obvious than others in the extremes..... hope today the swing was only gentle with a mild whisper of a breeze.....an angels gentle caress on your cheek.
Gigi - Happy Birthday Hun!! I hope your day was overall a good one, even with the occasional spot of teariness.
Powelly – I’m glad things seem to be slowing down. Take what time you need to heal and nurture yourself.
AFM – Thanks to everyone for keeping me in your thoughts. Surgery went really well, but thank God for pain meds! I’m actually due for my next dose now, but am putting it off so I can write to you all with a somewhat clear head.
The surgeon was able to remove the entire fibroid (yay!) I was surprised since they initially thought they would only be able to get at the 30% of the fibroid that was actually in the uterus (if they could find it at all). They also found and removed a polyp in the uterus that didn’t show up on the u/s. I figure they’ll have the pathology back in a few weeks, but I’m not sweating it in the meantime.
Another bit of good news is that my GP said that he was willing to support me 100% with the RI’s treatment and monitoring protocol. That was a huge relief. I’ll also be seeing my new OB/GYN next Monday, so I hope he’ll be open to working with the RI too. I’m actually starting to feel a bit positive about our chances going forward now.
I’ll write more persies later when I’m not so drugged up (speaking of which – I really need to take those meds NOW!) :o
Big hugs to everyone!
:grouphug:
Hey Chris,
Yay hun!! So very glad it all went well and the surgeon was able to get the whole fibroid (hate the suckers!!!!! can you tell? ;)). I think you've got the right attitude sweetie, only forward now, without the obstacles!! When I had my sucker removed I felt sooooo relieved and free. I thought I had a clean slate :p, my mind was so much more clearer and I was heaps more positive and looking forward to the next go at TTC. Take your drugs hun, and I hope you're back to normal in no time. Big hugs and all the best for your app. on Monday with the new OB.
B xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Grrr...lost a big post yesterday when my internet connection dropped out....don't you hate that.
Gigi - happy belated birthday sweetie! Hope you had a lovely day and were spoilt by those you love. May this next year bring you only good things!!
ChrisW - so pleased to here your surgery went well. It must be a relief - it always is just coming round from the anaestitic lol....hope those meds don't make you too loopy.
Powelly - take care of yourself sweetie and we will be here for you when you decide to TTC again or if you need a vent for whatever reason. I completely understand the age gap thing (sigh) but like you I am learning to let go of those things I can't control.
Kate - what a lovely poem. It did make me cry but just because it resonated with me so much. Welcome to this forum but as with the other newbies hopefully your stay is short.
Crumpet - wow look at that ticker! Hope you are doing well!
Dory - love looking at your ticker too sweetie in the preg thread!! Not long now!
Has anyone heard from CharlieB or Cmeggles. Would love to hear how they are going.
AFM - crazy cycle again. Almost certain I O'd on CD6! Think I am responding too well to AP as seem to O a day or too after treatment. Managed to get one BD in between AF and O so still in the running this month but worried lining won't be thick enough if anything did happen anyway. At least it is the weekend now so having DH around will take my mind off the TWW (who am I kidding!) but I expect to get a little crazy (or should I say crazier) this next week.
WOW, Thank you so much everyone. I had a lovely day. Glad last night is over...love a good party- when it is for someone else. Not that great with crowds these days...a few too many pressures for the old girl. Went well though and good to see everyone. xoxo
Chris- so glad it went well hun. Onwards and upwards...I hear you and totally agree. Rest up hun and will be here waiting to cheer you on.
Powelly- You are welcome hun. Hope you are feeling ok today. It is a rough period. Don;t know if it is your thing hun, but have you read the book SPirit Babies by Walter...M..something. It is wonderful and there are some lovely stories to help reason with these things. Might help with healing. Not everyones cup of tea though. Of course there will be even more questions than before. Sad but true, I hope you find your own answers for them. Even if you have to make a few up. xoxo
Dory- Yep I am a swinger! Today is a good day. I feel the height of my week is over. Got a bit of a little anxiety attack last night with everyone here. I wasn't prepared for a moment of it at all. My brother and mother took my N1 up to put him to sleep. I was completely fine that they use our bed. N2 and N3 were in the spare room and he always sleeps in our bed. Then i suddenly realised that DD's ashes were under my pillow (as they are always) and they were pullng the bed apart. I think I just about flip out of my body. I was out of my comfort zone and felt like our space, and DDs space had been trampled on. Mu was going through our bed side table baskets under the bed to find him a book... Oh dear I felt a little out of control of the situation. ANyway....it all calmed down and I don't know what they thought. I don;t care what they thoguht to be honest, but last night I was not prepared and didn't know what to think at the time. I just went into anxious mode.
All went well.
I also got some wonderful pressies, which weren't meant to but did. I got the game Cranium....AWESOME! AND I got a remote control button for my camera! So spoilt.
Love to all
Thanks Beata, Dory, Crumpet, Chris, Powelly for your lovely words. Yep...here comes a year of good things. Bring it on!