Aries, thank you so much.
I totally understand the 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' phenomenon(sp). I just want to scream somedays. I have stopped wanting to deal with other poeple and their reactions. Being made to feel that my situation make speople feel bad. Everyone seems concerned for how it might look, how I make others feel, 'casualties' and trying to please everyone. I am so tired of it. They say they don't feel this way but actions speak louder i guess. Both my SIL are pregnant and tip toe around me. Luckily my friends that are pg seem to understand a little better. They want to inclue me anyway and allow me the power to feel the way i choose about it. They don't make the assumption for me. I feel like family are exactly as you say...worried and think I need psych help if i don't answer the phone...and then on a good day they think I can handle the world. Mum made the comment that she wants to be able to speak to me without upsetting me. This was after she made comment for a tiny baby in a shopping centre and wondered why was stand offish and not going gaga. This is only 3 months after DD was born. I will always be sad for DD and some days more than others. I feel like pushing them all away. I think i resent having to deal with their stuff too. I just wish I was having to deal with me and I was allowed the space to do so. I know I am partly to blame for not standing up to people. I just dont't have a lot left for managing relationships. I guess i needed to lean on my family to pick up the slack for a while.
Thanks so much Aries for your kind words of support. It does really help to hear from others who understand. I think that is the biggest thing, finding that connection with other people to know you are not going mad and everything is as normal as it can be.
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