Chez - one of the many things I am thankful for is a genuinely caring ob. He has yet to say or do anything that has upset me - oh except at our first appointment when he told me I was miscarrying and what to expect. Not a lot of love during that consult, but hey it was my first experience with m/c.
It's good to hear about your success at work. It is so good to get a sense of satisfaction from work.
I am nervous about getting a cleaner - but the ob has suggested that I not take on too much, and this is one thing. But the idea of coming home on Fridays to a clean house, or waking up Saturday's to a clean house, is just perfect. DH would do it if I asked, but I don't want to. I will talk to HR tomorrow about my options at work. In essence what will happen is that I will go on unpaid medical leave. The job I do can't really be done part time, so it would mean a total shift in what I do. Not sure if the organisation can facilitate that for me. I have been so tired since Tuesday that not working has been welcome! Not looking forward to having to go to work tomorrow.
Gigi - any developments? Hoping you made it to the organic donought shop! Hope your stay in Byron has been blissfull.
I am glad that you get something out of your SANDS meetings. I didn't. It actually upset me and I felt out of place. My DH asked me not to go back because I was so agitated and upset after the meeting. DH normally doesn't bat an eyelid at what I decide to do and is usually "positively supportive". I think part of it was me, I don't talk in groups. But in that first meeting there was a couple there who were talking about their very recent loss. It was very raw for them and I wasn't ready to take on their pain. Also during the meeting another couple broke down and left the room. The facilitator went after them and because it's in my nature, I took over the role of facilitator because the first couple needed to keep talking and needed help to keep talking. So I suppose in a way I thought that I might have been able to contribute to the session more, but I didn't, and ended up taking on others pain. I just don't think it was a good fit for me. I got much more from one on one counseling and coming in here to BB.
I have lurked in other forums and I just don't get the same positive vibes that I get here in BB. Has anyone else found that?
Blessed - I tell you I love looking at that av. Everytime I see it I am reminded of just how beautiful Seth and Tait are, and how much they love you and guide you. Glad to hear that TAFE has started and is going ok. You must be so busy.
cmegelles - are you getting some of that wicked snow? I hoping both that AF arrives and doesn't come either.
Beata, if you're lurking. Still thinking of you. Shrove Tuesday is coming up.
Aries, Samcougar, Dimples - thinking of you all too With lots of love.
AFM - one day closer to my dream. I have got to go and do something about dinner. The m/s has given away to a real hunger. Better go satiate it. Take care.
I got my AF today, Booo. But it really wasn’t unexpected. I have had NO signs of pregnancy and with our previous I knew pretty early. I decided that am going to enjoy a glass of wine and some coffee this week as a treat.
I have decided for the next cycle not to do an OPK (a little too confusing and a little too much for me) but I will do BBTs, because I am a little worried about having an anovulatory cycle, and I want to know—and because they don’t really dictate when to have intercourse….which puts less stress on me and DH. With all of the reports of people who worry too much about it and don’t get pregnant until they just let it happen whenever I am trying not to worry and stress too, but I sometimes find it difficult to not be obsessive (I definitely have a type A personality).
A good friend of mine who was pregnant with me had her baby on Friday. We are going to bring them dinner tonight and I am a little nervous I will cry when I meet the baby. I guess we will see.
I hope everyone is doing well, and hopefully my next cycle I will have good news.
Again I am running around like crazy (I have a big presenation tomorrow to the whole department-including faculty I don't really know) so no time for personals, but I will check back soon.
cmeglles, I'm sorry the ugly witch has arived hun I'll keep everything crossed for you for the next cycle . I personally found the OPKs very useful as it really did take the guess work out of when to DTD. I came to realise this as one month I O'd on day 14 and then on another cycle it was day 17 When I had my FET in July last year, they told me to use the OPK from day 14, and lucky I had a hunch and started testing on day 12 as I O'd on day 13. If I tested when they wanted me to test, I would have missed my window of opportunity and would have had to wait out a whole cycle.
GL sweetie x
Big , big and lots of and for all my lovely girls in here
Gigi - Sorry you got AF.. That is good SANDS are setting up a sub pg support group.. Bonnie Babes on the Gold coast isn't really big enough for that.. Generally there are only a couple of us that go regularly and then another couple of us that pop in from time to time.. When I started trying again I spoke to Deb (who runs it) what wouold happen and she said that pregnant women are welcome to our group, but maybe if she new about a new lady/couple that wanted to come she would warn them that there would be a pregnant lady there. At this stage in my grief, if I was pregnant and knew it would make someone uncomfortable I probably wouldn't go, as I would feel they would need the support more than me IYKWIM.. We will cross that bridge when we come to it..
Chez - Thats great you are having your uni fees paid for.. I wish someone would pay for my course lol
Dory - Glad all looked good in your scan.. That's great the morning sickness has given way to hunger.. I was starving in my early pregnancy. Before I knew I was pregnant I thought it could have been worms lol! I found it really interesting what you said about feeling upset and agitated after going to a support meeting. I agree, I remember the day after my first Bonnie Babes support meeting I got a phone call from Deb (who runs it) to see how I was.. She explained that coming to a meeting and speaking about the bubs can sometimes feel like a pimple being popped.. You have all this build up underneath the surface, then it is released and although it is crucial to the healing, it is sometimes a bit raw after. I found this analogy really helpful. It's amazing how some people deal different ways. I think I took on other peoples pain in the beginning because I didn't want to deal with my own (if that makes sense). DP can't understand for the life of him why "A group of women want to get together and upset each other". I explain its not about upsetting each other, it's about sharing stories. I don't know why, but for me it has been a crucial part of my healing.. Anyway I'm rambling I hope that made sense!
cmeglles - Bummer you got AF.. I have been using OPK's and temping and it just confuses me more I think! Sometimes its nice to try and relax and just DTD because you want to not because it's 'time'. How did you go meeting your friends baby? I hope you were ok.. It's a hard time. Especially if you were pregnant together. Does your friend know how difficult this may be for you? Hopefully she is understanding and you will be able to take things at your own pace without her being offended.
AFM - Well my cycle definitely is regular.. I got AF on sunday 14 day cycles with no ovulation. I did OPK's every second day from day 8 (all negative)then day 14 BANG - Hello AF!! Even though I am not pregnant or ovulating, I am still relieved to have some sort of cycle! I see the natropath TOMORROW so maybe it will just be a matter of stimulating ovulation with herbs which may in turn lengthen my cycle.. Who knows?? Sounds too easy though doesn't it! TAFE is HARD!! I am only into my 2nd week and I am terrified! I need to be so self disciplined to study.. Unlike Cert 3, if I don't work study hard there is no way I will get through.. One day at a time!!!
Hi to Beata and anyone else I missed.. to everyone
I went to the natropath yesterday and she put me on multi vitamins, fish oil, iron tabs, fibre all from health shop, as well as the formula she gave me. I asked her what was in the formula and she said she could give me a print out but I am getting it e mailed to me instead.. It cost me a fortune, and I was thinking it's a lot of money to spend if it doesn't work, but hey if it doesn't work at least I will be healthier! (Plus I figure it's cheaper than fertilty specialists/IVF and they aren't guaranteed to work either!)
She didn't cut anything out of my diet just yet, but I have to keep a food diary for 10 days. Mainly because she wants me to eat regularly, as when I am not at TAFE, I can get a bit slack and not eat properly. She advised me to see a counsellor, as she thinks I may have emotions and issues from my past blocking some energy. I am not going to though, because in all honesty, I am comfortable with where I am. I have seen many counsellors over the years and have never really found anyone helpful.. Apart from that I just have to keep temping and I see her again in 4 weeks.. I really hope this works
So sorry to hear you lost your little one. If you would like to share your story there is a thread for that too. (Although I realise you may not be ready for that yet) Welcome to our thread, you have found a great place to come to for support when you need it. We are a great group of ladies Good luck in your TTC journey, I hope it's a short one.. Take care and I hope to see you around
Bubo, I'm very sorry for your loss hun . Unfortunatelly, we have all experienced it here is this thread, but the ladies here are amazing and the support is fantastic. I've no doubt you are still grieving for your little one, so reach out and seek the help and support from others if you can. I lost my little boy at 21 weeks in Oct 08, and I found the support of SANDS and SIDS very valuable. I also saw a psychologist for a long time which has helped me enormously on the road to TTC my next bub.
Big hugs again and I know you'll fing lots of support here.
Blessedatlast, so good to hear you're seeing the naturopath. I hope it all works for you hun!
Cmeglles, Gigi, Dory, Cheryl and anyone else I might have missed, big hello and Happy Valentine's Day everybody!
Right...I have some serious catching up to do...and a busy day at home, so I will do my best.
Blessedatlast- Hun IKWYM re the Support group convo. It is delicate. That is great that you are regular...you are an incredible woman to handle AF every 14 days. I think i would be beside myself. I am wondering if you have tried Chinese Herbs, that might be useful. You have most likely been there. I know they helped me toned down my AF, a bit of fine tuning.
Re the counseling, you know what you need hun. You sound very grounded and you have and are dealing with it all tremendously in my opinion. I understand what she is getting at...from her point of view, however a lot of the time advice is coming from people that have not had this loss or experience with this grief and their opinions of life and handling it can be a little distorted. Once you have crossed over the line to experience this, you realise just how common it is. Even when you do live through this...it is never the same for everyone. You are happy with where you are and thats what is important....and I think you are doing a fab job!...my two cents worth! LOL- like i ever keep my mouth shut. I hope this doesn't offend. Made me chuckle reading your husbands thoughts...'Group of women getting together to upset each other' So funny. I feel like others stories of pain validate mine...sort of IYKWIM. YEs everyone is so different. As logn as we find our own journey and support, we can learn and care for each other.
Good luck with the studies hun, I really admire you. Thinking of studying something again soon....see how i go. I want to do something for enjoyment...family is intent on making htat a new career and income...bless their little hearts!!!
Bubo-, Sweety I am so very sorry for your need of this thread. Welcome with a heavy heart hun. It is a devastating experience to lose your child. I hope each day is a little easier to live with your loss and I hope you have the strength to take care of yourself. One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me was to be gentle to myself. I hope you find comfort here with these lovely ladies. I hope it is not long before you are announcing the BFP for your second much loved baby.
Beata-Hey hun, how is the lurking going and hope you are feeling well. I have to agree with the OPK...takes some guess work out if you are not regular and certainly less of an issue than temps...same time everyday as soon as you wake. When you are not in practice...you keep forgetting, well i do. And they make me feel like i am doing something...and not just waiting around. Can you tell i like to have my hands busy. Hope you are well hun.
Cmegles- Hope your crazy work commitments have calmed down enough hun, That was sounding full on. I am so sorry AF turned up. It was pure love that got you through a busy month and still managing to dtd at the right time. I hope this month is different for you babe. Enjoy the wine and coffee and all other naughty things. Oh and how did the baby visit go? I found for me, it was doable but too soon when i was in a similar position. I hope you were ok.
Dory- Well i have to leave the donuts until next time. I just couldn't get there for when they were open. We had a lovely time anyway...although came back to 2 speeding fines...my very FIRST ticket at 33yrs of age. 2 mins after the each other. I was gutted. Never mind. It was an honest mistake...not being naughty on purpose. Did a uturn and went back through the same camera not realising it was a 60km zone in the middle of 100km...all i can say is that god i slowed down the do a uturn....now back to YOU hun..LOL I am so glad that the scare could be explained a little and bub is still doing fine. It must have frightened you both. Of course your DH must have been so scared. I send you both love and wishes hun that you don't have to find yourself in the same boat again. I hope this is the end of scarey moments and the rest of the journey is blissful...just to shock the pants off you. You are so very lucky to have such a wonderful OB...he/she is not in Brisbane is he/she? I hope that continues.
I also hope you can find a spot for yourself at work. It would be good to keep that stability so i hope they can fit you in somewhere. Lucky thing with the housekeeper though...how cool.
Hun, Sands and support groups are not for everyone hey. You did well to give it a go. I guess it is just like you say on forums...takes a while to find what fits I agree BB is most positive and loving for sure. I hope you found support and love in other ways.
Chez- Hey hun, I have been thinking of you lately and know that your TWW is ending around this time. I hope you have good news hun and you are sitting on it for a while. I can't wait to hear how you are doing. Either way i can definitely recommend dark choc kitkat for comfort or celebration. It rocks.. I do get headaches at different times of month...but not every month anymore so hopefully that is a good sign of balance in my hormones. I do have some estrogen issues. I hope you are doing ok hun and a papsmear cancellation is on the cards.
Samcouger- Hope you are doing ok and enjoying the down time hun. Thinking of you.
Aries-Thinking of you and hope life is giving you some respite in between the moving and work.
Dimples- How are you feeling? Are you still getting pelvic discomfort? Been thinking of you lately as i am getting my head around writing to the Midwives that helped us through birthing DD as we are coming up to her 1st birthday. I hope you have found peace with it all.
AFM- Well i got through the catch ups....pure miracle. That was a big one. I have to go and clean the house now as i have a friend coming over for a Valentines something...have to work that out too. CD 11 and find myself thinking too much this month. Having doubt and second thoughts big time. A bit of cold feet i think. I am tired of failing every month. A bit of self preservation really. A bit sad today...mainly self pity i think. I will get there.
Been looking after my nephew lately and he is just beautiful to be around.
Had a haircut this week which was lovely. Pulled an allnigher one night which was also needed. My head had to catch up with a few things. Done some more sorting out of the garage which is cleansing. I am rambling...a bit hard to talk about myself at the moment so i will leave it there.
Anyway...better go and find some inspiration for a tortellini filling.
Best of luck this month ladies. Lets take 2010 by storm. xxxx
First, I am truly humbled that I have been nominated for RAK. Thankyou to the sneaky squirrels who nominated me, it is an honour.
Bubo- sorry for the loss of your precious little one. It's so unfair and so heartbreaking. How are you doing? Were you able to give your angel a name? Go gently, and don't be afraid to put yourself first. This is a really tough journey. I know about feeling daunted, I was too. It took me ages to actually post about my experiences, and even when I just started to reply to other posts, I was nervous. I suppose its like when you go into a new group its always a little nervous a first. And on top of that you are grieving. So that you even took the step to write something, is something you should be proud of.
cmegelles - how's that blizzard going? I hope that your visit with your friend wasn't too hard. I thought I would cry too when I met the baby of my GF who was due a month before me. I didn't, but rather was actually surprised myself by being really happy to meet her baby boy, and I even held him for two hours, and now I feel like I have a special bond with him. Of course I felt sad when I left to be leaving alone. I was surprised to find that being told of his birth was much harder than I expected it to be, but meeting him, not as tough as I expected. I just hope you managed and were not too hurt. You would be a little hurt, it is after all, really sad. Enjoy the naughties. Of all the things to want, I want the naughties - coffee, red wine, soft serve ice cream. Luckily I am tough and will not cave, but enjoy your treaties, because with luck you won't be able to enjoy them next cycle! How did your presentation go? Sounds very impressive, I bet you would have been great.
gigi1 - oh bugger about the doughnuts. Glad you found them. Next time? Bugger about the speeding tickets. Oh well, you know in your heart that you don't speed very often, and its just a bugger. Hopefully not too expensive. What sort of tortelli fillings do you normally use? I haven't made tortellini yet, but have made ravs. I need some more pratice though! I love making pasta, something quite peaceful about it. I love eating pasta. Hope yours are delectable.
Beata - good to hear from you. Guess what? It's fat tuesday this week. Enjoy. I got in early today and had "wholemeal" pancakes. Yum, and trying to boost that fibre intake.
Blessedatlast - You can conquer TAFE, even if it appears hard. You can do it! You also know whether you are up for counselling or not. Thanks for telling me about how you felt after your first SANDS meeting. The group support meeting just don't seem to be for me, but individual counselling is. I actually feel really lucky to have found such a good counsellor, because I had been to two before and not felt any real or useful connection. I just felt so safe with my counsellor, and after every session an amazing sense of validation of me as a mother and as a person and of my grief and a beautiful sense of peace.
AFM - well no more scares! But I had a reality check this week. I have not been sleeping very well - waking between 1-2 and not being able to get to sleep again until between 4-6. I was going to work and a couple of days had to be away from the office all day. I was just exhausted. Even though I had been seriously contemplating giving up work, I had expected last week to be a bit of a breeze. Well it wasn't. On Thursday I made the decision to stop work and my last day is tomorrow. It's exciting, but I am nervous. It sounds weird, but if things go well, I won't be back to work for 2 1/2 years! It's also weird because I have never had a planned exit from work for pg related reasons, usually I have left work on Friday with all well, and then been in hospital the Sunday and not at work the Monday and not for a couple of months after that either. It's weird too, when I have been working all of my adult life, and to suddenly stop. But it's the right decision, so much so i actually didn't have insomnia last night. First time since I can't remember when. So I guess I will be posting more regularly, searching for companionship. I have to take it easy, but not strict bed rest.
Oh my ob is a man and is in Brisbane.. Gentle soul that he is. That he is my ob is serendipitous. I had been seeing another gyn/ob but he stopped ob, so I had to hunt for someone else. I didn't really do too much research or caling around. I called a GF who'd just had a bub and used her ob. Even though another closer GF of mine had also just had a bub. Didn't get a sense about her ob ( although he is very popular). She got the recommendation from her SIL. My GF didn't really say too much about her ob during her pg or after, but I just got a sense about him and I am so glad, the dear man just seems to have the right demeanour for me. Guess you can tell from my posts about connections, it is very important for me to have a sense of connection with people. I suppose what strikes me the most is just how understanding of m/c he is, and how sensitive to his patients feelings he is. And it's a complete package - his staff are the same, they have never mistepped and put their fot in it, and have always know about my m/c and genuinely ask how I am. I read in another forum when I was searching for comments, that someone thought his reception staff were a bit gruff and unfriendly. Guess I have never found that. I suppose though I have had the chance to get to know them over the past 20 months or so. So to repeat myself, I honestly feel so blessed to have found an ob that suits me. I probably have a good old case of hero worship?
Dory,
yep $400 and 6 demerit points...ouch. Anyway it was an accident and i hope it won't happen again. Simply can't afford it.
I love that you looovvee your ob. That is wonderful and it gives me hope that there is someone that special in Brisbane that may relate to my needs oneday. I need my emotional needs met too. I need to connect with the person to ensure the best out of me. My ob for DD only takes on special cases and i am not sure i would want her again. She stopped caring as soon as dd was born and that made me uneasy. I would love midwifery care as my first choice for DD was meant t o be a home birth until it all went pear shape.
One of my fav tort/rav fillings would be beetroot and goatscheese. We had a gorgeous combo tonight...fennel, beetroot, pine nuts and ricotta. Delicious. Those go really well with roast salmon too.
Good for you hun to take things in your own hands re the job. How empowering and this feels good for taking it easier too. Great news hun. I bet you feel fab...and a lot lighter too.
Gigi1 - ouch indeed. Just what you didn't need. I do love my ob, for lots of reasons. I think it is ultimately because he actually seems to care about me as a person and not just as a patient? He is pretty quiet and reserved until you get to know him. He is a thinker, but is ultimately also just a decent human being doing a job he seems to love.
I have never really thought about it before, but he does consider and meet my emotional needs, well as much as he can in his role. I don't expect miracles.
If you can, get a hold of the book by Anne & Michael Murray - called "When the dream is shattered". They give a really good chapter on advice to caregivers and in my mind my ob meets all of the "wish list". Possible only one further addtion would be "not to take holidays!" - but that's just selfish of me. As books go, it is the book that out of all the books I have read that helped me the most. It is very hard to come by, but is referred to a lot. I would try the SANDS library. The Bris City Council library doesn't have it and I haven't been able to source my own copy...... yet. Oh he also has an impeccable sense of confidentiality. My GF's mother's friend sees the same Dr for gynae reasons and when my GF was due, the woman was asking about my GF and the Dr just smiled and disclosed nothing. Reassuring to know. I suppose I just also feel welcome? Nothing is too much trouble. Even just the way he prepares me for things that are likely to happen or decisions I will need to make. Always does so in a way that gives me time to think and ask questions. I could go on ad nauseum. I suppose I just feel so blessed, I can imagine how hard this would be if I felt unsupported by my ob. But it's like everything, it's a personal relationship and will depend on personalities. But for me, it works magic.
I thought about not going back after Amelia, not because I was disatisfied, but a vague thought that the Dr wouldn't want me as a patient anymore, and maybe a change would be good? I decided on balance, apart from being happy with the "package", that it was amazingly helpful to have someone who knew my experiences and who had guided me through them with such sensitivity. I didn't have to retell my experiences over and over. It's almost like a shared knowledge. After having had the experience of having to repeat my experiences over and over, it is such a relief not to have to do it with the ob. That in itself helps.
If you ware thinking of a change, I suppose there is no harm in making an appointment to see if you like the "package". Sort of like window shopping?
Today was honestly the best. After DH went to work? I went back to bed and slept for 2 hours. The end result is I am tired, but not exhausted and not tired to the bone, nor has the M/S been as intense today, and I reckon that is a direct result of not being so tired. I can't believe I went back to work for a week!!! I told DH that I have a new job now, to grow and nuture the baby. I reckon that is a pretty important job.
Thankyou for letting me rave on again. Any opprotunity. Take care.
I wish I had good news to post here, but unfortunately AF arrived last Saturday night to coincide with the Chinese and lunar new year. So I am taking that as a sign of new beginnings.
This week work has been very busy. I have already decided that I am working way too hard and too long for someone who is supposed to be looking after herself while TTC. I haven't been to the gym for a few weeks now so that is my goal this week - to get to the gym at least 2 or 3 times. My hip/back is slowly recovering so now I need to start back gently. That is the tricky part for me - I tend to throw myself completely into everything. Maybe this is a lesson I need to learn?
Anyway, I am way behind on my washing and ironing and other chores for the weekend, so just a quick post today.
Bubo - welcome to our little support group. I am in the ACT also - we lost our little boy in March last year at 18 weeks. It took me many months to have the courage to post in this forum, so well done to you to have the strength to do that. The ladies here have been an enormous source of support for me. I hope you find the support network you need for you and DH. Be gentle with yourselves.
Dory - I am pleased that you have finished work. What a great new job you have! I wish I had that job too! Look after yourself and try not to become a domestic goddess now that you are at home full-time!
Blessedatlast - I hope the naturopath can help with extending the length of your cycles. It all sounds very promising. The vits sound very similar to what I am on as well. Although my TCM has me taking oestrogen during the first half of my cycle, and CoQ10 every day as well.
Gigi1 - your tortellini fillings sound fab! I let DH do most of the cooking as he is much quicker than me at chopping etc. but he does make a bigger mess! He makes pasta but usually only in winter and he has made some yummy ravioli but I think he needs to make some again sooner than that!
Hi to cmeglles, Beata, samcougar and everyone else. Hope you are all doing well.
oxo
Dory,
Thanks hun, i will look that book up. By emotional needs i mean- just to feel supported and considered. It sounds like he does that for you. That makes me happy for you babe. Enjoy your time at home sweety and i hope it is restful.
Chez,
I am sorry to hear that this was not your month. It is amazing what an affect the moon has on one's cycle. I am in awe of our positive outlook, you are so right- New Beginnings. What a wonderful thing to take note of. Thinking of you.
AFM,
Well i have, it appears contracted a virus. I found out nearly a week ago...thankfully before ovulation, that I have CMV in my system and it is active. Really not good for pregnancy so i have been told not to TTC for now. I was gutted to say the least and really concerned for a while there. Now i am just trying to focus on getting better. It has hit me a little with tiredness, dizzy moments, diarrhea, poor appetite and achy muscles. A lot of the time you don't know you have it as it can be symptom free.
I was feeling funny and totally amiss for TTC, just couldn't get in the mood and almost avoiding dtd this month...no libido, so tired. Went and got tested and this came up...thank god my body was telling me it was a no go. Anyway so i am quarantined from the kids and preg ladies in my life for a couple of weeks at least and i will get tested again. Taking homeopathics and resting.
I have also found that i have not ovulated like clockwork this month and until yesterday (today cd18) i thought either i didn't at all or it was back with my AF. I had EWCM with AF this time but didn't use OPK at that time of the cycle to know for sure as i was away. Anyway CM16 i had small amount of EWCM and then i have tested + for Ov yesterday and today. Very late for me. I am usually CD14 -16 at the absolute latest and on very rare occasion.
So there is something not quite right with my body atm which unnerves me. I am so bloated and with all the other symptoms i was feeling i did a POAS and it came up neg thank goodness. Never thought i would say that.
Just trying to keep my head on straight this month, a bit more to deal with than the usually.
Gigi - so sorry sweetie that you are feeling so poorly. What is CMV ?- it sounds like you are just physically miserable. The one good thing about your BB buddies is that you can't be quarrantined from us, no matter what virus you have.
I am sorry that it meant no TCC this cycle, but right now, better to focus on healing yourself.
Chez - Take it easy on yourself at work and with the housework. I was pushing myself too hard, and I realise that only now I have stopped. It's sad in a way that it took a scare for me to wake up to myself. But in reality all of my life, I have pushed myself, whether it be at work or at sports, and I just solider on, so not to do that takes a big mental adjustment. I struggle with it - I feel like I am not contributing or being lazy, but thats when I give myself a shake and say I am doing a very important job right now and that's my priority. So sadly despite my fantasties, I am not a domestic godess at the moment.
I do like your idea of a fresh beginning for chinese new year. year of the tiger - I hope its your year.
AFM? It sounds so stupid to say this aloud, but here goes. I just realised that on this date last year, my contractions started which heralded the most amazing moments and most heartbreaking moments of my life. I had been concentrating so much on Amelia's birth anniversary - 23 Feb - that I had completely forgotten about the events leading up to her birth. If I think about the day its self, which is easy to do on first anniversaries, I was in hospital. It's pretty sobering and I think now I have thought about the entireity ( can't spell this word today) of the events, I am pretty sad. I don't have anything in mind for 23rd Feb, I had a whole bunch of ideas, but nothing has come to fruition. But I am ok with that. It just kind of hit me, and I feel a bit shocked and numb now. Here comes my year of "firsts".
I just wanted to add - this is my favourite thread. I am in a couple of others, but I think I like the intimacy we have in this thread. Thankyou, for that.
And I am sorry, feeling all mixed up, forgot to say hello to Blessed, Bubo and Cmegelles. Hope to hear from you soon.
Dory, I had Amelia's anniversary in my diary for Tuesday and will light a candle for her, you and your family. I have been thinking about you approaching this day and understanding that the lead up is often the worst. Whatever you decide to do and whenever you do it, will be perfect. I have decided with me to lay of on the deadlines...it takes some pressure off and i can do things in my own time.
Dory, i will think of Amelia with you on that day. It will be 2 days before the anniversary of when we found out DD was sick and dying. I feel the date of her birth approaching too and the pressure to have something planned. I know i will do something early, late or on time. I will do something.
CMV is Cytomeglovirus...or something to that effect. Similar to glandular and from the same family as your herpes time viruses like chicken pox and shingles. The word herpes makes me cringe. Not good but i will get through it.
I'll keep everything crossed for you for the next cycle 
. I personally found the OPKs very useful as it really did take the guess work out of when to DTD. I came to realise this as one month I O'd on day 14 and then on another cycle it was day 17 
When I had my FET in July last year, they told me to use the OPK from day 14, and lucky I had a hunch and started testing on day 12 as I O'd on day 13. If I tested when they wanted me to test, I would have missed my window of opportunity and would have had to wait out a whole cycle.
, big 
and 
for all my lovely girls in here
14 day cycles with no ovulation. I did OPK's every second day from day 8 (all negative)then day 14 BANG - Hello AF!! Even though I am not pregnant or ovulating, I am still relieved to have some sort of cycle! I see the natropath TOMORROW 
so maybe it will just be a matter of stimulating ovulation with herbs which may in turn lengthen my cycle.. Who knows?? Sounds too easy though doesn't it! TAFE is HARD!! I am only into my 2nd week and I am terrified! I need to be so self disciplined to study.. Unlike Cert 3, if I don't work study hard there is no way I will get through.. One day at a time!!!
to everyone 
Good luck in your TTC journey, I hope it's a short one.. Take care and I hope to see you around 
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