I just wanted to add - this is my favourite thread. I am in a couple of others, but I think I like the intimacy we have in this thread. Thankyou, for that.
And I am sorry, feeling all mixed up, forgot to say hello to Blessed, Bubo and Cmegelles. Hope to hear from you soon.
Dory, I had Amelia's anniversary in my diary for Tuesday and will light a candle for her, you and your family. I have been thinking about you approaching this day and understanding that the lead up is often the worst. Whatever you decide to do and whenever you do it, will be perfect. I have decided with me to lay of on the deadlines...it takes some pressure off and i can do things in my own time.
Dory, i will think of Amelia with you on that day. It will be 2 days before the anniversary of when we found out DD was sick and dying. I feel the date of her birth approaching too and the pressure to have something planned. I know i will do something early, late or on time. I will do something.
CMV is Cytomeglovirus...or something to that effect. Similar to glandular and from the same family as your herpes time viruses like chicken pox and shingles. The word herpes makes me cringe. Not good but i will get through it.
Gigi1 - I am so truly humbled and touched that you would remember and light a candle for my Amelia. Thankyou. I will be thinking of you too, and your DD will be close to my heart. It must have been heartbreaking to receieve that news, and the pain, and fear and numbess that soon set in. It's like your world just stops, and never really gets back to being the same, at least that's what I imagine.
I know you'll do what is right for you at the time.
That virus sounds yukkie. ( I know pull out the big words). Hope you are managing. Hopefully your recovery will be speedy. I suppose with all of those symptoms, you probably just feel like resting anyway? I know what you mean about the word herpes, it just conjures up.... well unpalatable images, where is chicken pox sounds much more benign ( even though its misery when ou have it).
Good idea to take some of the pressure off. You need to heal, and I want you to be better real quick.
Dory - Thinking of you and Amelia. The firsts are hard. I found that sometimes the anticipation was worse than the actually day, but then I had an experience last year, around Easter time which I didn't see as majorly significant yet around the time these overwhelming emotions hit me like a ton of bricks and I truly wasn't prepared for it.. Kind of like maybe how you feel with the events leading up to Amelia's birth. You focussed so much on the actual day, not the events leading up to it.. I hope I make sense. I find it hard to interperet words into text sometimes!
Gigi1 - I am so sorry you are sick. Doesn't sound nice at all. Just concentrate on resting and getting yourself better. I like what Dory said; At least you can't be quarantined from us!
Chez - Sorry you got AF.. I find it amusing when all of you ladies comment on doing too much, working too hard etc.. I NEVER have that problem LOl.. I do as little as possible! Anyway, take things gently!! Thats an order! Lol. Hopefully the timing of AF is a sign of new beginnings.. I really hope its your time soon.. It's so hard everytime AF shows up..
Hi to Everyone else cmeglles, Bubo, Beata, Aries.... Hope you are all doing ok..
AFM - I have been on my herbs for 10 days.. I am on CD15 and NO AF YET!!! Nothing to get too excited about pg wise but obviously there has been some sort of change (even if it is a small change) in my hormones considering I was a 14 day cycle..
I have been doing OPK's but sometimes they are hard to decipher. On CD 9 I got 2 lines, but I was sure 1 was lighter than the other so not too sure whether it was positive or not.. I did another test on CD 12 and there was only 1 line, so definitely negative.. I have decided not to use them anymore (Didn't I say this last time???) because I just get too confused and I figure if we DTD anyway then I have nothing to worry about!
Apart from that excitement, we have to move soon, so I am trying to house hunt which is never fun and I am studying lots. A group of us from TAFE that I was also in the Aged Care course with get together and study. It's good because we quiz each other. I feel I learn more from that than just reading over notes or writing notes. Well Monday is my cleaning day, so I better get my butt moving!
Gigi - I am so sorry that you are sick. Good on you for listening to your body and going to get some tests done. So often I think we just soldier on when we have non-descript symptoms and put them down to the stresses of everyday life. It is good that you found out before O time. Take care of yourself hun and rest up to recover real soon so you can jump back on the merry-go-round with the rest of us
Blessedatlast - what great news to find that you seem to have responded so well to the herbs and vitamins already! That's excellent. I hope you have lots of luck with the house hunting - I know it can be a tough job sometimes, particularly while studying.
Dory - I will think of you and Amelia and your family tomorrow. I know what you mean about thinking about events leading up to the angel-versary. I have been doing that recently and ended up in tears just again last night. I didn't expect to feel this way so early - I thought it would be much closer to the date in March. I really hope I can pull myself together for our 1st wedding anniversary dinner on Saturday night. I would like to celebrate the good things and not let the ghost of grief hang over us.
to everyone else. I hope your Monday has been kind to you.
AFM, I have decided to cancel my pap smear appointment for tomorrow. I just don't want to risk an irritated cervix just before ovulation which is due Wednesday or Thursday. DH is away for work from tomorrow morning until Friday afternoon so I have booked a flight to see him tomorrow night in Melbourne, and then I go back to work again the next morning. It seems crazy but I just don't want another cycle to slip by without having given it a shot. Now I just hope that my body co-operates and Os on CD11 or CD12 as I have done for the last few cycles! Cross your toes and fingers for me please!
Chez - thankyou I like your sneaky plan. Pap smear can wait! It's funny about smear timing. I was due for mine this year, but when I was feeling up to it, and wasn't TCC , in one of my m/c appointments with the ob I demanded a smear. Seems it worked out for the best. No way I would consent to one now. Hopefully it works out for you with a BFP.
AFM - well today was my darling Amelia's first anniversary. 23 Feb 2009; 14:28; 455grams; 27 cms; 21 weeks on the cusp of 22 weeks gest, our brown haired girl. I can't and don't think of it as her birthday. That just doesn't work for me.
Today, wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. I was more affected leading up to today than on today. DH took the day off work and I am not working( one week of no work for me as of today!), so we slept in and snuggled ( no BD for me, way too scared) and then went for brunch and then a walk in the park and along the river. In the arvo we snuggled again, looked through our photos, shared some precious memories and listened to the songs we had played for the funeral service. In the end as sad as I am, the most significant memory for me today is just how much our precious girl was loved and how much she gave to us in those fleeting joyous but heartbreaking moments. I am so blessed to have been given such a precious gift. So today? DH and I honoured our baby girl by living, and remembering her. I had day reams of doing something more symbolic, but in the end, for me, it felt contrived and we did what felt right for us. Weird sometimes how the right thing just sneaks up on you.
Thankyou so much for all the love and support you've each given me. Thanks for reading about my day, it was important for me to share. It's weird, no one else ( family or friends) seems to have remembered, or if they did, they didn't say anything. It means a lot to me that you have each remembered and your words and support have really helped me through, every day, not just today. Take care.
_
Don't have a lot of time now, but I want to say hello everyone!
Dory-what a beautiful way to remember Amelia. Happy Birthday to her....(we are on a pretty big time delay here). It is nice to remember the love and joy along with the sadness.
Thinking of all of you.
I'll write more after I teach dance this afternoon!
Dory - what a beautiful description of what sounded like a peaceful and honest way to remember Amelia. You have made me cry (again) but it is crying in recognition of how strong all of us in here are and what we have all been through. To be able to look back on this recent event and describe it as a precious gift is wonderful. I only hope that one day I will be able to look back and see the past the way you do.
AFM - we had our BD rendezvous in Melbourne last night. I woke up this morning and did the POAS thing for the my fertility monitor and would you believe that both sticks I took with me were faulty - so no test. But judging by my CM I would say that I am ovulating right on schedule - today or tomorrow. This is the first time we have been using pre-seed, and I had AP yesterday before the flight, so I am feeling somewhat hopeful, but not overly so. It would be nice if DH was around tonight just to boost our chances, but I figure we fell pg last time with only one BD on CD12 so maybe this time?
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Lol. Hopefully the timing of AF is a sign of new beginnings.. I really hope its your time soon.. It's so hard everytime AF shows up..
to all
to everyone else. I hope your Monday has been kind to you.
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