TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

Chez67

I totally understand. Be as self absorbed and obsessed as you need to be. Hang in there. Did you test this morning? Big hugs. Am thinking of you and wishing I could help you through.

Hi ladies

Well AF arrived this morning just as I was about to leave for the airport - had to go to Melbourne for the day for work. So I have had cramping and bloating all day :( But at least this cycle was 25 days which is so much better than previously so I am again trying to focus on the positive and think that this is a good sign that my body is getting back on track.

Despite this disappointment, I was very proud of myself today. I attended a meeting at which there was an old work colleague who I keep in touch with on a social level on FB. As we were sitting down for the meeting she was asking about married life, told me she saw the wedding photos, etc etc. And then she asked: "didn't you have a bub?" It was such a totally innocent and appropriate question to ask in this reasonably relaxed setting but it caught me off guard completely. I quickly answered that I couldn't really talk about it at the meeting. She looked awful - like I had slapped her in the face. Afterwards I caught up with her and we spoke briefly - didn't go into too much detail, but I surprised myself about how I was able to deal with the question and how I felt about telling her, and how I didn't end up in a ball of tears as I would have usually. It still brought a lump to my throat and a pause to my heart, but I got through it.

Anyway, I am rambling again, sorry.

Some quick persies before I go and collapse on the couch with a heat pack.

Dory - thanks for you kind words and support. I hope you are doing well and not puking too much!

Gigi - I have my fingers crossed for you this month. I understand what you mean about DTD at your parents - that is one of the reasons we probably won't stay with my mum when we visit her later this year. It just seems strange. But we stay with the in-laws all of the time, and happily DTD. Maybe because our bedroom is at the opposite end of the house from theirs. Anyway, hope you enjoy your break and make the most of O! :hug:

blessedatlast - I have my fingers crossed for you for both being UTD and your cycle being sorted out, by being pg! :hug:

cmeglles - good luck with your OPKs and TTC - it is just another piece of information to hopefully increase your chances, but try not to obsess about the results too much and have some fun too!

Hi to everyone else - Aries, Samcougar, dimples, Beata70 and Teagz. Has anyone seen a BA for Teagz? I must go and check.

Take care and babydust to all
oxo

Hi :)

Chez - I am so sorry AF came and you are feeling yucky.. But you are similar to me and just trying to look at ANY positive you can find which is hopefully your cycle is getting back on track.. It's awful when you get caught off guard with questions about your bubbas. Glad you handled it well, you should be proud :)

Dory - Bring on the puking I say :)

Gigi - Goold luck with OV coming up.. Just pretend you are a naughty teenager and DTD at you parents house!! You never know, thats how many babies are conceived ;)

AFM I am still not bleeding Woo Hoo!!!!!!!! Though over the last 3 days DP and I have been arguing about stupid stuff :rolleyes: I just hope I haven't missed O if I hadn't caught it already.. Well I am off to mop the floors and make myself scarce as we have a house inspection today..

ETA: I have also made an appointment with a well known natropath who specialises in fertility.. I am not sure if I can say the name on here but she has been on a Current Affair and apparently has a 90% success rate. Couldn't get in til 17th of March, but thats ok gives me time to save up.. :)

Hello ladies,

Aries, I'm very sorry to hear about your close friend :hug: On a brighter note, I hope the clomid did it's job!

Dimples, :crossfingers: for your test!

Cmeglles, wishing you all the very best in your current/next cycle hun :pray:

Gigi, I'll be thinking of you when you go to your SIL's baby shower, I went to one when I was TTC and it wasn't easy with half a dozed preggy bellies! I can't believe the conversation that took place about what not to name the baby. OMG :o

Dory, woohoo for all your test coming back OK!! Very happy for your hun :D And officially now, CONGRATS on your positive BT test!!!!! And what a clever girl you are with the Spotlight voucher, lol!

Cheryl, I'm sorry for your BFN. On the positive though, your cycles are looking good hun! Keep the faith and keep on going sweetie, I'm always keeping my fingers crossed for you and praying very hard :pray: I've seen a BA from Teagz's friend, Teagz had her little boy Jackson Reily on Monday 18/01. Don't know much else though......

Blessedatlast, excellent that you're not bleeding anymore hun!! And GL with the naturopath sweetie, hope she works her magic on you!

Hello to everyone else I missed!

B xxx

Hi Ladies
I really wanted to do some personals to you all but just not in the right headspace today.
Im two days overdue but no postive? Can you be pregnant but it still have a negitive test, i think my cycle still must not be regular.
The hospital where i had sienna rang me two days ago to talk about her death,they have admited to me that they were not monitering her heartbeat, it was mine most of the time. They also have said they should of looked more into the fact i had blood in my waters. I just feel so let down. Has anyone had anything like this happen to them or anyone they know? I dont know if im going to take any action agains the hospital i just cant stand the thought that this could happen to someone else.
Any thoughts?
Sorry for being so selfish
I also have another question, im still having stabbing pains down around my uterus on either sides, its been over 2 and half months now since the birth. My G.P took swabs and said all is fine. Do you think this is normal?
You are all such strong beautiful women
x

Sweety, Dimples,
Only you can decide what to do babe, you will know what feels right for you. Trust yourself and it will be perfect. Siena will love you regardless. It must be a relief in a way to have your feelings confirmed and for the hospital to have taken some ownership. I am so sorry that this happened to you.
As for neg test...totally possible. My cousin didn't test +ve until a week late. Depends when you implanted hun among other things. I have my fingers crossed for you and hope with my heart it is a BFP!
Your uterus is no doubt still adjusting and going back to shape. Try feeling on top of and just above your pubic bone. Press gently and move smooth and slowly in clockwise direction...small circles. I might help relax the pelvic muscles a bit and allow the uterus to go back into place. No doubt there is still tension. It might feel very tender in spots.
Good luck hun.

Everyone, thank you for you support and comments. I will be back later to reply
Love Hmxoxo

Dimples - that the hospital called and said those things is just amazing. Really it takes courage of them to do that, rather than just hide behind denials. I hope it helps you heal a little.

I agree with Gigi - only you can know what to do, and you will know. You don't have to decide right this minute. Sit with the new information for a while and just let it filter through and really think about how it makes you feel. Consider getting some legal advice. Any legal action is really hard and it will take its toll on you and your precious memories of Sienna become part of a legal proceeding. Being involved in litigation is not like on TV.

If you decide not to commence proceedings, maybe you can meet with the hospital to discuss with them to talk about their policies and procedures and how they didn't meet your needs and maybe generate some discussion about what new procedures might help to avoid others having to experience what you did. I suppose what I am suggesting is that you become an advocate for change, but in a different way from litigation.

Good luck with that decision, it must be so hard.

hEY GUYS, I hear you re: dtd like teenagers. We used to be the same. I think if the relationships were still in that space with the family it wouldn't be a prob but we are never quite relaxed anymore. Always a little tense and never our true selves in a way. So it is one more thing to worry about. When you get this far down the track you kind of need as little challenge as possible.
I hear you though and god it may me laugh. LOL Thank you all so so much for the moral support...much needed.

CD 14 is down...whoot! So we are on the count down now. I have a good feelings. Some pretty vivid visions/dreams and hope is at it's highest. Our little girl is close but there is definitely another energy close by too. We have spent a lot of time meditating and chanting...welcoming our new little one into our lives.
Looked after my nephew today...so i am knackered...off to bed i go.
Love to you all
Many thanks and sorry for no personals. xoxo HM

Hello lovely ladies,
I hope everyone is well. I just popped in to say hello and see how you all are. I am still lurking around. I'm just over TTC at the moment, all the waiting, wanting and lastly not getting. It's getting quiet depressing. anyway don't mind me, sorry to be such a stick in the mud.
I'll do some persies later when i'm in a better frame of mind.
Sorry again.
My love to all.
Bec

Bec- I hear you ...hang in there hun. Take a break and spoil yourself. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. xoxo

Samcougar - Good for you! Have a break from the TCC merrygoaround for a while....it will do you the world of good. It tkaes a lot of courage to have a break. I'll be thinking of you and looking forward to hearing from you again when you're feeling liek taking the plunge again.

Good evening ladies!

Sorry I have been MIA lately - just really tired and emotionally drained. We are moving house atm too & have just started a course for work. A lot going on - leaving not much time to TTC. Which is actually giving me time to think and try to see where my cycles are up to.

So on that note, I am stepping out of the thread for a while....... I wish you all the best with TTC in 2010. I hope to read some pg announcements in the very near future!!!

My love to all xoxo

Hi ladies

Dimples - I'm sorry I really can't help you with your decision making as we had totally different circumstances. I think Dory's idea is a great one, about becoming an advocate for change. To me that sounds like such a positive thing to do in memory of Sienna, and to try to help future mum and dads as well. I think litigation can be such a draining and negative experience, and I really don't think anyone wins from it all - just the lawyers! Re your pains - you might consider asking your GP for an ultrasound. I had similar problems 5 weeks after the birth of our son, and a swab didn't reveal anything. My ob wan't surprised but a scan showed some tissue still inside my uterus at the top that my body was trying to expel, hence the pains which felt like contractions. I had to have a D&C to get rid of it, as well as 2 lots of anti-biotics to clear up the infection. I really hope that is not what you are going through but if it is worrying you then it might be best to do some more tests. I hope you get it sorted out soon.

Dory - you sound so calm and confident. Well done! I have my fingers crossed for you that your ob appointment goes well :hug:

Gigi1 - you are sounding so confident and optimistic as well. That must be a good sign. I have tried to do meditation, especially when I am have AP done. I find it does help me relax. I have also started doing a fertility massage from a DVD I bought and I do some meditation before that. Here's hoping it pays off for both of us! Have my fingers crossed for your TWW :hug:

Hi Aries and Samcougar - I understand completely where you are at - sometimes having a break is the most important thing we can do for ourselves. I agree that stepping away can often be very hard, so well done for having the courage to do that. We will be here waiting to offer you support when you are ready to come back.

AFM, we are just on our way back from a 4 day mini-break in Melbourne. Went shopping, caught up with a friend, had some amazing meals, enjoyed walking about in the beautiful sunshine. Fantastic! It was definitely what we needed. And so happy about a 3 day working week left - yay!

Anyway, must go. Take care all.
love Cheryl oxo

Hey Cheryl,
That fertility massage is awesome. I found it great for breaking down scar tissue...lots of that with the endo I've got. I hope it does wonderful things for you this month hun. Ohhhh i have a good feeling this month. I really do.
Glad you enjoyed your much needed break. It is ever so good for the soul. Good luck sweety.

Aries- Good luck babe and we will be here when you get back. It is a brave thing to have a break. Hope you can figure some things out for you and you come back with bells on. xoxo enjoy your rest.

AFM- CD18 and thankfully time is going quite quickly. SANDS meeting tomorrow night which i am looking forward to and then we go the beach again for a couple of days. I really enjoyed (apart from being dumps) swimming for the first time at the beach the other day. It has been years! that i have dipped a toe. So lovely and sandy!
I am doing well, no symptoms but totally cool with that. I have a dear friend in other thread that has given me real inner peace this month. So I have taken a leaf from her book and embraced what will be either way. Everything is perfect the way it will be. Very hopeful and peaceful in HM camp!
Love and baby dust to all.

Dory, how are you going hun ?

Aries - I am so proud of you. Stepping away for a while is a hard decision to make. I am so proud that you can put you first. Hope the house move isn't too arduous, but setting up anew can be pretty exciting. Good luck with your course.

Gigi - I have a fair bit of peace and zen at the moment. It feels like for days, but perhaps its only been today. Who knows? Like you I have decided to try and be happy in the moment. And you know, this moment for me, is pretty exciting, and really is full of hope. Sure something sad might happen, but I don't think that I should worry about what might happen, good or sad and just be thankful for now. And today, I can be.

I went to a bbq this afternoon with DH and it was so good. I felt normal, maybe not quite as socially active as the group but I didn't feel apart from them. Up until now, in groups I have felt separate and apart from people - usually defined by my sense of grief and bereavement. So it's a sign of the progress of my healing I think to feel normal. Well done me. DH is pretty happy about it all. Including that I wanted to go and stayed for over 4 hours, chatting and laughing.

I don't think I will always be able to find this level of zen, but it will be nice to remember that I could find it.

Sorry Chez and Beata or not saying too much more today. I am really tired after being such a social butterfly today. Thinking of you.

Hi ladies,

Just popped in quickly to give you all big hugs and to let you know you are all often on my mind. I would love nothing more than to see some more BFPs in here soon, but I do understand how sometimes it's just nice to take a break from TTC.
So GL to everyone, and I'm still lurking around (hope you don't mind!!) lost of :bluedust: to everyone in their 2WW.

Beata xxx

Hi Everyone,

I will catch up on some personals :)

Beata - I don't think anyone would mind you lurking in here, Pass on your pregnancy germs ;)

Dory - Glad you are feeling good, although tired.. I hope you keep feeling peaceful :)

Gigi - Have you been to a SANDS meeting before? I haven't been to SANDS as they are in Brisbane, but I was subscribed to their newsletter. I go to my Bonnie Babes meeting tonight, I haven't been since November as they didn't hold one over xmas.. I feel like I need it to de brief a bit..

Chez - Glad you had a nice break in Melbourne

Aries - Try to relax on your break from TTC.. Hope to see you back here when you feel ready :)

Samcougar - I get how depressing it can be.. Thanks for popping in, take it easy :)

Dimples - Have you decided to take action against the hospital? Good luck with whatever you decide.. It must be very hard to know the right thing to do.. Has AF arrived?

AFM - Bleeding again :( Started bleeding on Sunday.. I know I write this almost every time but I AM SOOO FRUSTRATED!!! I start my nursing diploma on Monday, so I am hoping it gives me a nice distraction.. I am terrified I am going to struggle with the work but I know they have great support. Anyway that's about it for me.. I am tired and feel like crap today.. It is so damn hot.. I shouldn't complain I love the heat but I just have no motivation and the heat makes it worse!! I keep dreaming of pregnancy.. It's weird. I have dreamt about me being pregnant a couple of times then last night I dreamt I was upset because I found out Mum was pregnant and she had just had a little baby.. Weird!!

Hi to anyone I may have forgotton :) I would REALLY like a fresh 2010 thread??? Please Mods???? :lol:

Beata 70 - Good to hear from you! Lurking is a good thing to do sometimes. Although I find it impossible not to contribute. It's like when I try to "punish" DH by giving him the silent treatment. I end up trying to restrain myself from saying something, and DH doesn't even notice. Luckily I don't use it very often as it an an abject failure. Other times I try to keep silent whist DH is listening to something, OMG the words almost burst out of me. DH just laughs and tells me he loves watching me try, but totally understands I can't be silent. What a sweetie.

Hi to everyone else - thinking of you and missing hearing from you.... is all ok? Big hugs.

Hi everyone!

Sorry it has taken me so long to write back. Things have been really crazy with my thesis work...I would spend all day at work (and then some) and then go home and get the excitement up with DH (now on CD19 and waiting for results....), and then head into work one or two times in the middle of the night. It has been an exhausting week and a half, but really great! I have lots of good results for my thesis and I with all the BBT and OPK results I think my body is on track (BBT spike and LH surge). I am just counting the small victories right now. :p Boy those results can be confusing! Haha so I guess dory was right---too busy shagging to write! I have been reading though. You all are never far from my thoughts.

I know the liklihood is pretty low,and am trying not to think that we may have been successful... but I have been thinking if I do find out we were successful to wait a few days and let my DH know on Valentine's day. I can at least be hopeful right?

On another random note- I have been watching little bits of the Australian Open and thinking about all of you.



Dory- How are you feeling? You have an apt Mon right? How are your nerves? I totally laughed at your last post. That is EXACTLY what I try to do to my DH when I am mad...he totally doesn't get it.

blessedatlast- So sorry hun! Stupid AF. I feel like they are already hard enough, but my hormones get all out of whack and it can make it even harder. I am really hoping next time for you! Best of luck at school on Monday! Let us know how the fertility naturapath apt goes in March. I don't know if anyone like that is here, but I am definitely interested.

Beata70- Hello. Feel free to lurk! Maybe having you around will spread the babydust!

Gigi1- I have a good feeling for you too! Keep us updated. My fingers and toes and legs are crossed for you. A little older but since I haven't posted in so long--I am so sorry that you are surrounded by so many insensitive people. Fertility massage? Hmm maybe I should try that. Send some zen my way!

Aries- We will see you when you come back! Best of luck on the move and work.

Samcougar- Nice to know that you are lurking too! I hope things go well for you during your break and you have some real peace.

Chez 67- I had a similar incident the other day. Great job at keeping your composure! How are you doing? Sounds like you are really getting back on track. Babydust to you for this cycle!

Dimples- What a tough decision. At least the hospital recognized their mistake. Might be worth talking to them about it or even offer to do something like a grand rounds or talk to medical students (something that is done at a weekly basis in US hospitals in each department) and share your story to all of the people there so that it doesn't happen again. I also had some pains for about 1 month afterwards, but they went away (I was not as far along as you). At this point I feel like my whole pelvis feels different. I have never felt ovulation before, and for my past 2 cycles I have been feeling it. I think I am just hyper-aware. Perhaps you should have a scan done like Chez suggested. Keep us posted.

Long post. All my love from the US downwards (and sending a little cold your way)

CD22- Half way there....of course nothing is showing up on a stick yet...but we still have lots of time.

Blessatlast- Yeah hun, been to a few SANDS meetings, most have been really helpful. Just meeting people going through a similar thing. I was never for support groups before. Thought it was a bit of a group for being a victim and staying in your black hole. But i have found it wonderful. I used to go twice a month, now just once a month when i can. I would get quite upset if i missed one. It was somewhere i felt safe to just talk about DD. It is great. I have heard Bonny Babies are really good too.
I hope your dreams mean it is not far away hun. Good luck with your studies and a distraction. I am so sorry you have AF again. I hope good news is just around the corner ...very very close, I really really hope.

Beata...i second the pregnancy germs hun...spread 'em. Lurk until your heart is content.

Dory, how are you doing hun...I can't believe how controlled you are. You sound so calm and content. I hope you are feeling this way too. You handled the party like a star. I totally understand that these moments can sometimes be short lived but you are doing tremendously. Hope you are well.x

Cmegles- Sending you some Zen sweety. You can have as much as you like. i can recommend deep pelvic massage for breaking down scar tissue...definitely. Sounds like you have been busy! I hope this is the month for you. All my fingers are crossed for you too.
Sending you some heat!

Chez, Samcougar, Dimples, aries and anone else i have missed...so sorry if i missed you...best wishes and much hope for you all. xoox

AFM- Going well, a house day today. About to clean house and do grocery shopping. Feeling ok, very hard to wake up this morning. Spent the last couple of days with dear friends. Went for a magical swim at the beach. We were at Caloundra and the beach was so calm, it was perfect. I storm was coming over too so we have this spectacular lighting show while we swam in this huge natural swimming pool. It was gorgeous. I could float on my back like i was in the Mediterranean. I didn't want to get out.
Better go and do a few things.
Love to you all xoxo

Gigi1 - that sounds just divine! I can feel your tranquility in your post. AFM - I Am feeling quite good. I am not sure it's a positive exercise of will or just my personality style. But as you said, it's good to enjoy the moment.

cmcegelles - good to hear that you have been busy both with your thesis and geting jiggy with it! I try to be thankful for the small things. I find it helps enjoy the journey. What channels are showing the Aus Open in your area of the US? Some friends of mine came out from the US to go the Aus Open and see fam and friends in Aus. It has been an awesome tournament. Over the years I have tried a lot of strategies on DH. Still not perfect strategy but at least I know what doesn't work! So I am with you on that one.

AFM - my appointment is Friday 5th Feb, which also happens to be DH birthday.

Take care, sorry not many personals tonight. I was hoping for an early night and its almost 10.30pm so I had better get snoozing. Take care.

Hi ladies

Wow - what a busy week it has been and I have so much to catch up on!

There is such a positive vibe in here at the moment, I am sure it is a sign of great things to come for 2010! :pray:

After our lovely long weekend last weekend, this has been a weekend of domestic catch-up, so sorry no time for personals today. But I will catch up soon I promise. I am having a big house de-clutter session today so I need to get stuck into it. I have just finished reading an article about how clutter in our houses can be very bad for us psychologically, and recently I have been getting frustrated about not being able to find things. So it's time. I used to do one every 2 years or so as a result of moving with my old job, so it's about time I did another one as we have been here for about 2.5 years now.

Just a quick update - I expected no O this cycle but still I went to my AP session on Friday morning. And then a miracle happened yesterday morning - I went from low fertility all last week, BANG to peak fertility on Saturday morning. I am not sure whether the AP has stimulated O, or maybe it's a combination of that and the fertility massage I have been doing. But anyway, we were both so pleased yesterday morning - even walking around the farmer's markets we were laughing and joking with each other. I sometimes forget how much my cycles impact on DH and his mental outlook. So in between domestic chores, we have been DTD. Fingers and toes crossed for a BFP this cycle, which would make the baby due around my DH's birthday in October. That would be the best birthday present I could ever give him!

Anyway, must go. Take care all, you are in my thoughts each day :pink-babydust::bluedust:
oxo

Cheryl,
That is fab news on all fronts. Clean house, clean womb i say! Ha...and dtd in between chores, i think we would do the housework more often! This month sounds really promising for you. How fantastic that ovulation decided to make an entrance the way it did. So exciting and reassuring that you are doing all you can to help it along. I hope it is a wonderful month for you too. My Dh's birthday is in October too and that is exactly what i thought...what a perfect birthday gift. When we found out we were preg with DD it was 3 days after his birthday so i got extra points that year too! LOL
Good luck sweety.

Dory, My nephews birthday is on the 5th too. I will be thinking of you. I will be in Byron but i will have the computer with me. I hope it will be a mega exciting day for you all round. Have you told anyone yet?

AFM, Yes i am on here rather frequently atm. Probably procrastinating more than anything. There is plenty i should be doing. Our computer and internet are on all day regardless. I should try turning it off at least oneday a week! LOL
CD23 and counting. trying not to count but counting anyway. Had a good day yesterday but a bit of a downer. I find it hard after a weekend with Dh and he goes back to work....miss the pants off him. His tooth is still playing up after a new filling. Poor bugger is in agony.

Anyway fingers crossed in here for a ripper month. xoxo

Chez - that sounds fabulous. glad you had an unexpected O and that you are making the most of it! It's nice to hear you an DH happy.

Gigi - I know what you mean about missing DH after a weekend. Now I am back working outside home its not so bad, but I used to feel really lonely monday mornings! Sorry to hear about his tooth ache. They are unpleasant. I know what you mean about being on BB a lot. I tend to be on weekends but not so much on weekdays..... hmm I love Byron. Have you ever had the organic doughnuts? That's not the only reason I love Byron, I actually love the natural beauty - Mt Warning and the scenic rim in the distance, beautiful beach to walk along and swim at and even some decent surfing areas.

Yeah i just hope that the Blue Bottles make new direction as they are heading that way i heard today. Not happy Jan! I have not tried organic donuts....but now i will...where do i get them from. I love a good donut! I have no idea how to spell it...

Just had a day looking after my kids friends....whoops, my friends kids. It has been a long day. I will look after them in Byron too which will be a fun time. We went to the Princess and the Frog and that was cool. Then my nephews birthday party. The friend was there that had the baby on DD's due date. So she is the age DD should have been. Wow it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I just couldn't stop tears from welling up. I had to keep my back to them most of the afternoon and luckily my SIL noticed and talked to me about random rubbish which helped. Luckily also i had the kids to pull me away and distract me off and on. What a day. i am early to bed tonight....although it might be alone as DH is home and the tennis is on! xoxo

Love to you all xoox

Just a short note to say hi!

Tennis- What a great Australia Open? (although I was really going for Henin) We watched on ESPN. They would show the matches live late at night/early in morn and then show it again during the day. Lots of fun

Chez- that is great that you O in such an unexpected way. Hooray all the best to you.

Gigi1- What are Blue Bottles? I am unfamiliar with this. Sorry to hear about your DH's tooth. How is it doing? I know what you mean--I hate Mondays because not only do I have to go to work, but I miss my DH. Guess it is a good sign in a way.

Dory- Thinking about you. Glad to hear you are doing well!

AFM:So I am in the 2ww period.I am trying to keep distracted all I can think about is babies (DH is of a pretty similar mindset).

Lots of happy thoughts in here, fingers crossed for all of us!

Cmegles- Good luck for the TWW hun...welcome to madness territory!
Blue bottles are jelly fish hun. Not nice, won't kill you but hurt like hell. Not good.
Anyway sending you baby dust gorgeous. xoo oh and some heat.

Hi ladies

Just popping in to see how everyone is travelling. I had a cr@p day yesterday - DH left very early in the morning for an interstate trip and is back tomorrow night. I miss my DH when he is away. It seems like we are all going through this at the moment (sigh).

Anyway, time for some quick personals before bed - I am soooo tired.

Dimples - hi hun. How are you going? I have been thinking of you. I really hope you are able to find some peace after the hospital contacted you with what must have been very hard information to hear. I hope you are doing ok :hug:

Dory - glad to hear you are doing well. Not long until your ob visit. Won't a nice strong heart beat be a great birthday present for your DH? I am feeling really good about this and you are sounding so strong and serene. :hug:

cmeglles - hope you get through the 2WW without going crazy. Some months I feel like that too - all I can think of is babies and what if I am pg, etc. That was last month. This month not so much - maybe because I wasn't expecting O. Anyway, sending lots of :bluedust: :pink-babydust:

Gigi1 - thank goodness for distractions in your SIL and the kids to keep your mind off things at the birthday party. Have you considered talking to your friend about seeing her and her baby? I only say that because she might be able to help you to cope better in these situations in the future. One of the things that my psych got me to do was to try to not let those types of situations feel like a threat, which is often why we get upset and try to remove ourselves. If you approach the situation differently for example and try to think not about what you have lost but about the joy of the life that is right there it may help. I know it is easier said than done, but I have found it has helped me enormously. Please feel free to ignore me - I don't want to offend you in anyway. :hug: Byron sounds wonderful - I hope you get to spend lots of time with DH.

Hi to Samcougar, Aries, Beata and Blessedatlast.

AFM, in the 2WW but not counting on anything too much. I have a GP appointment for a pap smear in 2 weeks which I might have to move depending on when AF shows up, or IF she shows up? Ok, so a part of me is always hopeful. Have been feeling pretty good except for a cracker of a headache yesterday. Does anyone get headaches after ovulation or during AF? I used to have them sometimes when I was on the pill, usually on CD2 or CD3. My GP told me it was oestrogen withdrawal.

Anyway, just been out for dinner with a friend - I don't like cooking for just one. So I am off to bed.

Take care all
oxo

G'morning lovely ladies,

Just a very very quick pop in from me to say a big hello to everyone and spreading lost of preggy baby dust and sticky vibes to all in the current 2WW!! GL ladies and I'm keeping everything crossed for you :crossfingers: I've been feeling lots of positive vibes in here lately!!

Also, blessedatlast I love your new avvy hun! Just gorgeous.

OK, I'm going now but thinking of you all :grouphug:

B xxx

Hi All,

I am back for my weekly update :)

Gigi - How was your SANDS meeting? I was a bit worried about going to my Bonnie Babes meeting as one of the couples that have been going since the month after me have found out they are having another baby. I wasn't really sure if it would be spoken about. As it turned out as there were no new additions to the group this month everyone there knew but it was an unspoken thing. Just a quiet whisper of congratulations not a group discussion thank goodness.. I didn't want this new pregnancy to take away from why we were there. It didn't.. Good Luck in your 2WW lots of :bluedust::

Dory - Good luck for your appointment tomorrow and Happy Birthday to your DH

Chez and Cmeggles - Good luck for you girls in the 2WW lots of :bluedust: for you

Teagz - A big CONGRATULATIONS on the birth of you Bubba boy.. Hope all is going well :)

Hi to anyone else I have missed.. Beata, Samcougar, Dimples.... Hope you are all going well

AFM - WELL I have had a big week with TAFE starting.. I have found that the beginning of any new chapter in my life since the twins is hard. I shouldn't be doing this, I should have my 15 month old twin boys!!! Also with DSS starting prep, thats very exciting too!! Anyway on the TTC front: My body is playing tricks on me.. I only bled for 4 days :dance: so I have had a regular cycle for the last 2.. Ok so it is only 14days but better than constant bleeding right?? If It had been longer since I started bleeding I would have suspected pregnancy.. Sore boobs, extremely moody, emotional. You name it, I've got it :(.. I have started temping which I have never done before. I started temping CD8 as well as an OPK.. Both OPK's negative but I have seen a 2 degree rise over 2 days and then it fell today.. Man I'm confused!!!! Anyway, I am going to keep doing it as I think it will be good to take to the natropath which is NEXT FRIDAY!!! :dance: I got a call yesterday and they were able to move my appointment. Yay.. I also bought some pre seed lube as well.. It arrived yesterday. We haven't used it yet though ;) Hopefully tonight Lol..

Well I think thats enough for me! I am hoping that taking all these measures I will be UTD in no time!

ETA: I hadn't noticed my new Avvy til just then and I read Beata's post!!!! I am SO EXCITED!!!

Cheryl, thanks hun. Do most of that, Spoke to her twice and we are not that close. I was there for my nephew and not her. I have no warm and fuzzies for her and i handle it best i can. All is good hun. Just will always be hard...no ones fault. She knows that too and is thoughtful enough to not be in my face which i am grateful for. I am doing well with this, just like to vent in here. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there when we can all be so different. I was happy with how it panned out despite my post being a little melancholy. I hope you don' t get challenged with this stuff too often either hun. It sounds like you have a few things worked of for you though which is awesome. You have huge strength. Enjoy your TWW hun! Good luck and plenty of baby dust your way.

Blessedatlast- Sweet, i went and it was good. SANDS are setting up a Subsequent Pregnancy group for that very reason hun. People that are trying again or have children might feel more comfortable there. It is uncomfortable for both parties and it is good to have somewhere for each to go. Sub Preg have a huge need for support too and often enough they seem to drop off (apparently) even though they need continued support. I tend to go to the evening ones more now for the reason that sometimes kids come to the morning tea ones. I have nothing against kids, but when i am in the middle of talking about something, expressing something...and then the person i am talking to just get up mid sentence because their child is about to pull the entire tea and coffee collection off the table. I have ben guilty of taking my nephew there once and never again. I felt too guilty trying to control him and not be 100% that DH and i took turns and playing with him outside. We go there for us, for us both to talk and be heard i guess. We have found the same with some very dear friends. We very intentionally didn't go to some friends for support because we knew they wouldn't be able to be 100% there for us at a time that we needed it. I guess that was just where we were at the time. SO, for m the sub preg evenings will be somewhere i can go to ask about the experience without the conversation being sensitive. We took a lot longer to be comfortable to try again, longer than other we had met. That was just us. Man i am confused for for your cycles too!! Good luck hun and hope you get some answers.

I have gone on enough. Sorry guys...a little log winded.

AFM- Well i am in my room, Byron Bay. Big day just gone and it went well. My friend is starting to see her DS might be ADD or along those lines. There is definitely something going on there which is why I am always commenting on how exhausted i am looking after them. I love them to bits but it is not so confidence building for being a mother when you are stripped of patience, energy and creativity by the second at rapid speed. I usually have a lot of me to give. So we went to the beach today after some great one on one games and puzzles this morning. DH ran him up and down the beach which was cute. He had no idea we were trying to run him ragged!

AND...AF arrived today one day early. I have not stopped much to think about it. But the very thought in the back of my mind is enough to eat at me and make me a little shorter than normal. I kind of knew...actually i knew...so much so i bought a block of Family...dark kitkat and ate 3/4 of the whole thing with out batting an eyelid. I had dragging feeling going on and very bloated (prior to the kitkat that is)
Anyway not pregnant...better be next month as those dreams were unreal!
I just feel myself losing grip sometimes of the dream i clutch onto so tight. So many, too many years have past. I am gutted.
Love and luck to you all. xoxo

Have to be short because I only have a few minutes.

Gigi-ARggh I was really really hoping it would be your month.

blessedatlast-congrats on the Avvy! I find all the testing a little confusing too. I wish it was simpler sometimes, but oh well I guess thats what we get for being women---complex.

beata and chez- lets keep our fingers crossed.

Hi Dimples, Dory, Teagz, anyone I missed

For me- still waiting, no pregnancy sx (hopefully that is a yet) so I am not counting on it. AF should arrive Monday

Goota run!

Wow - its been an eventful week for me, but seems ok now and its so nice to come back in here to check in with my friends.

Gigi1 - the organic doughnuts ( I can't spell it either). They are on the main street, in a little alcove near where Earth and Sea used to be and not to far from subway. I think there is a couple of clothes boutiques on the footpath and then maybe a jewellery store and then the organic doughnuts right at the apex of the alcove. I hope I got back to you in time. I haven't been to Byron since Earth and Sea reopened and I would love to go. Sorry about AF, but god to know you sensed her coming.

Chez, Beata - thinking about you. Chez sorry you had such a crap day.

Blessed - I LOVE your new avatar. What another beautiful way to remember Seth and Tait. I know how you feel about "new steps" in your life. I reckon it's natural to feel like that. The first game of sport I played after Amelia was born, I cried before hand, I cried during and I balled afterwards. It was so good to play and I enjoyed it, but I should have still been pregnant. But it was worth it, as just before the time I fell pg with Amelia, I was representing Qld in that sport, and to play again, it gave me such a sense of satisfaction to do something for me, even though it was hard emotionally, and I dedicated that game to Amelia, and I played like a star. She gave me that strength. I still have those feelings from time time, that I shouldn't be at work because I should be at home with a baby. It gets complicated for me, if I hadn't had a blighted ovum then I wouldn't have been pg with Amelia, if Amelia hadn't died, I wouldn't have been pg with the twins. If the twins hadn't died I wouldn't be pg now. There is no way I can sort through all of that, and try to understand where I would have been. I am where I am, is the best I can do, otherwise it does my head in.

Well AFM I ended up having an emergency appointment with my ob on Tuesday 2 Feb as when I was at work I discovered some bleeding and passed a clot. So it was a quick call to the ob at 2.30pm who said come in at 4.15pm. I went home and rested in between. I was so frightened, and certain I was having a m/c. Anyway, glad I went, got some news I didn't expect - all looks good, bub was where bub should be, dates are spot on, bubs is the right size, the egg yoke is a good size, cervix long and closed, bubs heartbeat very strong and regular, and nothing untoward obvious on ultrasound. I think it made it real for DH that there is really a bub and not just a figment of the imagination of his queasy, tired, hungry, moody and scared wife. We have a little momento picture from the ultrasound. Its the world to me. Ob was fantastic as usual. But he's pretty worried about this pg, and wants to see me weekly from 12 weeks. Luckily we live quite close to his rooms, but that's just by chance. Ob wants me to consider giving up work.

Big decisions ahead for me. It's hard because my brain still works so I can still think and read, so I can do that part of my job, but the other parts of my job perhaps not. I will think about it, talk to HR at work and come up with a plan. I guess not working would give me a lot more time to spend with the cats! And depending on how I am going, visiting friends. No housework though, so for the first time in my life I think I might have to get a maid. They are the things I missed going back to work, the cats, my friends, and having heaps of time for the housework and having a clean house. Weird huh for all my liberation and education, having a clean house is something that gives me a sense pride.

So DH still had the day off today for his birthday but no scan. We snuggled and then had pancakes for breakky. I then read and snoozed - excitement plus, and DH read. He's now on the computer I think. Just like me. Big nerds!

I won't be seeing my ob again for a scheduled appointment until 16 March, also the nuchal translucency scan day, but as always his door is always open for a reassurance scan/appointment. I am so glad I managed to find such a caring ob. Makes a world of difference to have your anxieties validated and patiently listened to and not mocked or brushed away. I certainly didn't think to ask about how the ob dealt with recurrent m/c patients when I first made an appointment, but certainly hit the jackpot.

Take care girls. I think of you a lot, and you are always in my heart.

Hi lovely ladies!

Wow - what a week! Whew, I am so looking forward to the weekend!

Dory - how exciting for you to have your scan a day earlier than planned, but I am so glad that there was nothing bad after your scare with the bleed. It sounds like you took the absolutely perfect and sensible approach - well done for taking the time to rest. It sounds like you have found a wonderful ob. I hope you manage to find a happy compromise about your work. I understand what you mean when you say your mind still works. And getting a cleaner sounds like a great idea. We have had one for a couple of months now and she is fantastic. Comes on a Friday - it is so nice to come home to a clean house. I find it so much easier to relax into my weekend when the house is clean. It is a bit of a luxury really and I wish I had the time to do it myself but between study and work it is very hard. Your day this morning sounds lovely - snuggling and pancakes - heaven! Hope you get lots of rest over the weekend and no more scares! :hug:

Hi Gigi - thanks for your lovely words hun. And sorry that AF has arrived. It sounds like you enjoyed your kitkat though. I have never had a dark kitkat - now you have me thinking... might pick one up tomorrow while doing the groceries ;-) I hope you enjoy your time in Byron. I have had experience with an ADHD child - her mother put her on ritalin which upset me greatly - she was only 3 when she first went on it. I know how hard it can be to cope with these children, but running him ragged on the beach is an excellent idea, and the puzzles are great too. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things. Also we found that yellow food colouring in food like cheezels (her favourite) and some breakfast cereals really set her off. But I am sure you are on top of all of this. Take care hun. I think of you often :hug: I am sure you will be in the sub preg group very soon.

Blessedatlast - I love your new avatar. It is a wonderful memorial of your beautiful twins. Glad to hear you have started your TAFE course. I hope you are enjoying it. And great news on your cycle. Things took a long time to settle for me too. Testing and temping is a great idea. It made me feel so much more knowledgeable about my body when talking to Drs. I hope your naturopath appointment goes well next Friday. Bring on the good things in our lives!

Cmeglles - hope AF stays away for you this cycle hun!

:hello: to beata, teagz, aries, samcougar and everyone else.

AFM, it's been a crazy busy week but in some ways I actually feel happy because I think I am starting to make headway in my new job and starting to see the impact of having me in the office and taking some of the heat off my boss, consequently things are getting achieved which is rewarding. And great news - my boss has agreed to pay for 100% of my uni fees, which is a great relief. I still have to pay upfront but when I pass they will refund the money - yay! Anyway, its pizza and tv night tonight as it's pouring outside so not worth going to the markets that we were thinking about.

Take care all and lots of babydust to all!
oxo

Chez - one of the many things I am thankful for is a genuinely caring ob. He has yet to say or do anything that has upset me - oh except at our first appointment when he told me I was miscarrying and what to expect. Not a lot of love during that consult, but hey it was my first experience with m/c.

It's good to hear about your success at work. It is so good to get a sense of satisfaction from work.

I am nervous about getting a cleaner - but the ob has suggested that I not take on too much, and this is one thing. But the idea of coming home on Fridays to a clean house, or waking up Saturday's to a clean house, is just perfect. DH would do it if I asked, but I don't want to. I will talk to HR tomorrow about my options at work. In essence what will happen is that I will go on unpaid medical leave. The job I do can't really be done part time, so it would mean a total shift in what I do. Not sure if the organisation can facilitate that for me. I have been so tired since Tuesday that not working has been welcome! Not looking forward to having to go to work tomorrow.

Gigi - any developments? Hoping you made it to the organic donought shop! Hope your stay in Byron has been blissfull.

I am glad that you get something out of your SANDS meetings. I didn't. It actually upset me and I felt out of place. My DH asked me not to go back because I was so agitated and upset after the meeting. DH normally doesn't bat an eyelid at what I decide to do and is usually "positively supportive". I think part of it was me, I don't talk in groups. But in that first meeting there was a couple there who were talking about their very recent loss. It was very raw for them and I wasn't ready to take on their pain. Also during the meeting another couple broke down and left the room. The facilitator went after them and because it's in my nature, I took over the role of facilitator because the first couple needed to keep talking and needed help to keep talking. So I suppose in a way I thought that I might have been able to contribute to the session more, but I didn't, and ended up taking on others pain. I just don't think it was a good fit for me. I got much more from one on one counseling and coming in here to BB.

I have lurked in other forums and I just don't get the same positive vibes that I get here in BB. Has anyone else found that?

Blessed - I tell you I love looking at that av. Everytime I see it I am reminded of just how beautiful Seth and Tait are, and how much they love you and guide you. Glad to hear that TAFE has started and is going ok. You must be so busy.

cmegelles - are you getting some of that wicked snow? I hoping both that AF arrives and doesn't come either.

Beata, if you're lurking. Still thinking of you. Shrove Tuesday is coming up.:)

Aries, Samcougar, Dimples - thinking of you all too :) With lots of love.

AFM - one day closer to my dream. I have got to go and do something about dinner. The m/s has given away to a real hunger. Better go satiate it. Take care.

Hi everyone,

I got my AF today, Booo. But it really wasn’t unexpected. I have had NO signs of pregnancy and with our previous I knew pretty early. I decided that am going to enjoy a glass of wine and some coffee this week as a treat.

I have decided for the next cycle not to do an OPK (a little too confusing and a little too much for me) but I will do BBTs, because I am a little worried about having an anovulatory cycle, and I want to know—and because they don’t really dictate when to have intercourse….which puts less stress on me and DH. With all of the reports of people who worry too much about it and don’t get pregnant until they just let it happen whenever I am trying not to worry and stress too, but I sometimes find it difficult to not be obsessive (I definitely have a type A personality).

A good friend of mine who was pregnant with me had her baby on Friday. We are going to bring them dinner tonight and I am a little nervous I will cry when I meet the baby. I guess we will see.

I hope everyone is doing well, and hopefully my next cycle I will have good news.

Again I am running around like crazy (I have a big presenation tomorrow to the whole department-including faculty I don't really know) so no time for personals, but I will check back soon.

babydust babydust babydust

cmeglles, I'm sorry the ugly witch has arived hun :hug: I'll keep everything crossed for you for the next cycle :crossfingers:. I personally found the OPKs very useful as it really did take the guess work out of when to DTD. I came to realise this as one month I O'd on day 14 and then on another cycle it was day 17 :o When I had my FET in July last year, they told me to use the OPK from day 14, and lucky I had a hunch and started testing on day 12 as I O'd on day 13. If I tested when they wanted me to test, I would have missed my window of opportunity and would have had to wait out a whole cycle.
GL sweetie x

Big :hello:, big :hug: and lots of :bluedust: and :stickyvibesboy: for all my lovely girls in here

B xxx

Hi All,

Yes it's that time for my weekly update lol..

Gigi - Sorry you got AF.. That is good SANDS are setting up a sub pg support group.. Bonnie Babes on the Gold coast isn't really big enough for that.. Generally there are only a couple of us that go regularly and then another couple of us that pop in from time to time.. When I started trying again I spoke to Deb (who runs it) what wouold happen and she said that pregnant women are welcome to our group, but maybe if she new about a new lady/couple that wanted to come she would warn them that there would be a pregnant lady there. At this stage in my grief, if I was pregnant and knew it would make someone uncomfortable I probably wouldn't go, as I would feel they would need the support more than me IYKWIM.. We will cross that bridge when we come to it..

Chez - Thats great you are having your uni fees paid for.. I wish someone would pay for my course lol

Dory - Glad all looked good in your scan.. That's great the morning sickness has given way to hunger.. I was starving in my early pregnancy. Before I knew I was pregnant I thought it could have been worms lol! I found it really interesting what you said about feeling upset and agitated after going to a support meeting. I agree, I remember the day after my first Bonnie Babes support meeting I got a phone call from Deb (who runs it) to see how I was.. She explained that coming to a meeting and speaking about the bubs can sometimes feel like a pimple being popped.. You have all this build up underneath the surface, then it is released and although it is crucial to the healing, it is sometimes a bit raw after. I found this analogy really helpful. It's amazing how some people deal different ways. I think I took on other peoples pain in the beginning because I didn't want to deal with my own (if that makes sense). DP can't understand for the life of him why "A group of women want to get together and upset each other". I explain its not about upsetting each other, it's about sharing stories. I don't know why, but for me it has been a crucial part of my healing.. Anyway I'm rambling :) I hope that made sense!

cmeglles - Bummer you got AF.. I have been using OPK's and temping and it just confuses me more I think! Sometimes its nice to try and relax and just DTD because you want to not because it's 'time'. How did you go meeting your friends baby? I hope you were ok.. It's a hard time. Especially if you were pregnant together. Does your friend know how difficult this may be for you? Hopefully she is understanding and you will be able to take things at your own pace without her being offended.

AFM - Well my cycle definitely is regular.. I got AF on sunday :( 14 day cycles with no ovulation. I did OPK's every second day from day 8 (all negative)then day 14 BANG - Hello AF!! Even though I am not pregnant or ovulating, I am still relieved to have some sort of cycle! I see the natropath TOMORROW :dance: so maybe it will just be a matter of stimulating ovulation with herbs which may in turn lengthen my cycle.. Who knows?? Sounds too easy though doesn't it! TAFE is HARD!! I am only into my 2nd week and I am terrified! I need to be so self disciplined to study.. Unlike Cert 3, if I don't work study hard there is no way I will get through.. One day at a time!!!

Hi to Beata and anyone else I missed.. :bluedust::pink-babydust: to everyone :)

I am back for an update..

I went to the natropath yesterday and she put me on multi vitamins, fish oil, iron tabs, fibre all from health shop, as well as the formula she gave me. I asked her what was in the formula and she said she could give me a print out but I am getting it e mailed to me instead.. It cost me a fortune, and I was thinking it's a lot of money to spend if it doesn't work, but hey if it doesn't work at least I will be healthier! (Plus I figure it's cheaper than fertilty specialists/IVF and they aren't guaranteed to work either!)

She didn't cut anything out of my diet just yet, but I have to keep a food diary for 10 days. Mainly because she wants me to eat regularly, as when I am not at TAFE, I can get a bit slack and not eat properly. She advised me to see a counsellor, as she thinks I may have emotions and issues from my past blocking some energy. I am not going to though, because in all honesty, I am comfortable with where I am. I have seen many counsellors over the years and have never really found anyone helpful.. Apart from that I just have to keep temping and I see her again in 4 weeks.. I really hope this works :pray:

Hi Ladies,

This is my first post here... a little daunting... :redface:

I live in the ACT with my husband 2.5 years and lost our first baby in December at 19 Weeks, 6 Days. :(

We hope to TTC again soon, i came accross this thread while searching for some info and support.